Hello, I'm John Gamesworkshop and we here got envious of Blizzard and their Warcraft movie.
So, we decided to make our own movie. So we pick you, user Anonson, to pick a story out of one of our setting, write a sorta-script, suggest actors and composer, etc.
Just mind you, we'll hire Peter Jackson to direct it, so expect deliberate contempt to original fluff and commissar+female tau love story somewhere.
No... For directing something such as this, we need the forbidden one...
Bring on... Michael Bay.
Easy. Titanicus by Abnett. You get to have huge battles, a ragtag group going against all odds and another ragtag-ier group going against MORE odds.
Uwe Boll would be the best bet for GW.
Hire the people who did set design on Event Horizon
Make the main characters Tau because they're the ones moviegoers will relate to.
Make the imperium a horrifying mechametropolis with gigeresque touches.
> A Tau infiltration team is launched onto an imperial world to spread propaganda.
>They go around infiltrating, making deals and getting into relationshops with important officisls
>An inquisitor shows up the Tau are scared and try to avoid him even though the inquisitor seems really distracted
>Inquisitor catches a Tau out, offhandadly kill him
>Tau brothers swear revenge
>Kill Inquisitor, Inquisitor is all like No xenos you don't understand.
>Everything seems good, deals finalised Tau fleet comes to take posession of planet
>Oh shit son it was Chaos all along
>Oh shit Bloodletters and Keepers of Secrets
>Oh shit everythings going full Event Horizon around them, Walls are speaking, blood is gushing out the gutters, the rain is made of screaming Teeth.
> Tau are getting fucked, Infiltration team are like fuck this we're out.
>They mostly die horror movie fashion.
>Get to the chopper while the Hero character holds off a Chaos Space Marine only to get his face crushed in.
>Convince Admiral to abandon planet, escape as Warp storms fully encircle the planet
>Roll Credits
>After credits survivors are being tortured for information by their own leadership.
>Are scapegoated and Executed
tau torture and scapegoat their own people?!
ITT: Blizzardfag has never heard of Ultramarines The Movie.
don't we try not remember that... thing
>so expect deliberate contempt to original fluff and commissar+female tau love story somewhere.
Take a tip from Transformers.
Let the bad movie happen, the company will get a sudden influx of more people and more cash to to make bigger and better things. After only a year or less of putting up with merchandising the bad hack movie you can drop it like dirt and roll in the wonderful parade of shit you actually want.
Every additionally hack movie afterwards allow 3x as much stuff you've been begging for.
wait, are you talking about movies or - dun-Dun-DUN - Age of Sigmar? is it an expendable game that simply exists to fund future and better things?
Buh, buh, but wasn't it awesome? It had ULTRAMARINES and everything.
Know No Fear: The Movie. Martin O'Donnell as composer. No idea what actors would be good, but the team could probably save some money by lifting audio assets wholesale from Dawn of War and Space Marine.
Alternately, start from the very beginning with Horus Rising.
>"TEH EMPRAH IS MUH SHIELD!"
>"Dude, you're in open space with no helmet!"
>"TEH EMPRAH IS MUH HELMET!"
>"You'll suffocate with no air!"
>"TEH EMPRAH IS MUH AIR!"
he's also looks like shouting... IN SPACE!
Primarchs, man. Even the smurfs in the book have no fucking clue how Rob managed it. My guess is that the idea of punching Word Bearers up and down Macragge's Honour was too fucking cool for even the gods to cock-block.
ah, makes sense then
I even guess his shouting in vacuum is. still. heard. by those around
WAIT IS HE IN SPAAAACE WITHOU HIS HELMET?!
I would much more prefered a story from a commoner's standpoint. 15 hours-esque would be perfect for showing how the life is for humanity in the far future. Main hero is IG average farmer Joe who gets thrown into a meatgrinder. Show awe inspiring space marines, fucktons of orks and dickish eldar and you got a good Warcraft the Movie competitor. Same composers as in DoW1, DoW2
so it would basically be Gods of Egypt IN SPAAACE, just 40k times more gritty?
>WAIT IS HE IN SPAAAACE WITHOU HIS HELMET?!
Yep. He was bareheaded in his flagship's comm center, then a daemon showed up and blasted him out of it. It's assumed that he spent the next few chapters body-slamming reds up and down the side of his flagship.
I don't think audibility is actually ever brought up. The POV character was too focused on shooting Word Bearers to make note of it. Rob shows up, punches some dudes, then goes back inside after turning all of the Word Bearers into paste.
I haven't watched that movie, but judging from a trailer it stands as far away as possible from what I meant. 15 hours was pretty much like a 40k take on All Quiet on the Western Front - which is an ingenius book by Remarque. It tells a story of how unnatural and hellish meatgrinding war is, no mater how much propaganda and patriotism you cover it with. It is a description of life of a common human who goes through hell. Throw in 40k stuff and you get yourserlf a gritty, depressing blockbuster.
If Games Derpshop will ever make 40k movie right, it'll be about IG, mark my words. (Lord Inquisitor does not count since it is fan made project, albeit awesome one)
Seems like you'd need a miniseries to properly capture Guard life.
This. Admittedly, a Band of Brothers-esque miniseries about your pick of Guard regiment would be fucking dope, but the issue with the Guard is you'd NEED it to be a miniseries to make it work.
there's a russian one on youtube (with horrendous english subtitles)
google "commissar and leftovers"
The All Guardsmen Party, obviously!
Russian Generation 40kill is a thing? Huh.
you do realize Red Army was basically Imperial Guard in WW2? With germans being Tau.
I think they are from Kiev, Ukraine. Also "My girlfriend was crushed by Spacemarine" is a kickass song, at least in original language. I never bothered checking out subtitles if they were any good.
Story?
Literally anything but the Horus Heresy or anything that focuses on only Marines.
Actors?
Young Talent
Let's just try to hit that cult classic crowd
I was more referring to the idea that the Slavs had a military documentary as fun and goofy as Generation Kill.
>Red Army
>Imperial Guard
If you're talking Valhallans, sure. Other Guard regiments are less Slav-flavored.
let's settle on Former Soviet Union
Since we're ripping off Warcraft, the whole thing will take place during an Orkish WAAAAAAUGH!
The basic premise is that they need IG in there, bad, but the general, Jim Sworkshop, is a greedy, corrupt asshole and won't field troops without a bribe bigger than the locals can afford.
What's worse, he raises the price at the last minute, and then when they finally are able to pay his bribe, he gives them a single smallish squad of soldiers who are already mangled and full of holes.
As he's airlifted out, he laughs heartily and says "Yes, that's a fine cast of soldiers."
FIN!
Ciaphas Cain is the only answer.
Literally two hours of Karl Franz smashing heads like pumpkins with the hammer alongside his men, and giving gallant speeches.
This.
HERO OF THE IMPERIUM
Came in to post this.
It would be amazing
who would you have to star as CC then?
and, more importantly, who would play Amberly?
More more importantly - Who plays Jurgen?
Rowan Atkinson plays somebody, probably Jurgen because he's a bit old to play Cain now but he's done Blackadder and Cain is heavily modelled off of that character.
Travis Fimmel as Ciaphas Cain THE HERO OF THE IMPERIUM
Eva Green as Amberley
Ron Pearlman as Jurgen
Sophie Turner as Colonel Kasteen
also have Howard Shore write the score to counterpoint Cain's self-deprecating thought train with music befitting his actual heroic actions.