Meanwhile in dragon Veeky Forums

Typical fucking cishet dragonkin scum. Stop oppressing me reee

>It's okay if you're 1000 and still can't breathe fire right guys?
>>>/dragon-b/

>implying you're not still a virgin

Eww. Have you ever HAD dwarf? Super gamey. Not my thing. Admittedly good portion size, though.

I would suggest finding out WHY they've built a hold on your mountain. It might be worth having them stick around for a few generations - they've got this habit of digging up FREE LOOT!

Dwarf hold dragon here. I'll let them gather treasure for now. Then when they're rich, i'll shapeshift into the image of one of their gods and demand the crown.

Who's he going to see? All the wizards only want him for his scales and teeth, the fair maidens have a collective IQ that sits around room temperature, and us dragons would take him out faster than you can say "Free Territory".

Face it, OD, you're stuck being a smokedrag for life. Best find a party of adventurers and convince them you can do prophecies for a price or some shit, because I can't see you holding a hoard any other way.

Wyrmlets, when will they ever learn?

Huehue, who couatl here?

Guys, I think something weird's happening with my kobolds. I've had this tribe living around my lair for the past six hundred years or so and I've noticed in the past few generations that a lot of them are being born with fur.

The first few got sacrificed, but it just keeps happening and by now I'd say a solid third of my kobolds are furry. They make weird barking noises a lot too, but otherwise are still pretty good at the whole mining and trap-making business.

Is anyone else having this sort of issue or is my lair sat atop a rift to the elemental plane of dog or something?

>implying non-dragons aren't literally making dragon dildos

I just cut out the middle man.

> i'll shapeshift into the image of one of their gods and demand the crown

WHY HAVE I NEVER DONE THIS?

Not an elemental plane rift: but a time rift... Back to the Second Era.

This whole site seems to be a nexus of worlds and times. I'm posting comfortably from some offshoot of the Fifth Era, though I was born mid-way in the Third Era and travelled back to the Second Era with my father.

I think it's just a mutation that happens depending on where you set your lair.

I used to be set in a place with dogbolds but in my current setting they are the scaley shits.

might be this too.

Sure way to test: can elves and dwarves have jobs besides being elves and dwarves or does the office of adventuring occupations still discriminate and stereotype them. (not that they help their own case)

I interact with humanoid kingdoms a lot, and this often means I have to stay polymorphed into a pretty small form for extended periods of time. The king can't invite a 150-ton leviathan to a feast, now can he?

What's the most comfortable form in size category medium or smaller to just loaf around in if I have to sleep over?

chromaticfags pls go and stay go

What if they find you beforehand?

I like to take a small form, humans near my lair like to sit on lots of pillows, being small reminds me of being at home with my hoard.

Your history is borked up a bit there. A lot of Kobolds were more like dwarf goblins in the Second Era. There were some of the horned mammal variety in certain multiverses, but even then they were more like rats than dogs.

Whatever your hosts happen to be.

With how tiny mortals are you'd think all their stuff would fit one another, but I guess that relatively they aren't that close. Human chairs won't fit dwarves which won't fit elves, etc.

Your best bet if you only wanted to chose one would probably be human. I hear that some of the dwarf kings keep human sized furniture for entertaining foreign guests, but I chased all the dwarves out of my current lair so I don't really know for sure.

>implying metallicfags aren't literally fags

>Polymorphing
Just shrink yourself into a smaller dragon. And be careful about doing that, my mom says you'll get stuck if you stay polymorphed for too long.

But, to actually answer your question: best height I've found is like 5'7. Sure a lot of people WILL be taller than you, but you can adjust your height anyway, and the whole point is to be comfortable wherever you layabout.

Trust me, I've tried being a 6'10 humanoid once and for all their praise of huge people they NEVER really build their settlements or anything to accommodate you when you're that big.

I kid you not, not even orcs build for that big unless they're the rare tribe of seven or eight footers.

just go out a nab one, you autist.

But, maybe do some research first, I think to myself how lucky I was to find a princess who wasn't an annoying bitch and happened to share interests with.

You might not not be the type of dragon who breathes fire there, broski.

Do you breathe anything else? I once met a black dragon who learned, through centuries of alchemy to actually isolate the different chemicals in his acid breath and managed to do some pretty cool shit like simulate breathing fire by filling areas with flammable mists and sprays.

>this is what metalfags actually believe
Why don't you go back to jacking off the mortal like the rest of your kind? I'll be so glad when Rtrumptarak wins and we can deport you faggots and make dragonkind great again.

>>>/dragon-pol/

That's fun to do, but it's kind of cramped and awkward to stay in that form for long periods of time. May I ask what you look like in that form?

Have you ever had to take a less-comfortable-than-average human form, which then has to wear less-comfortable-than-average formal human clothing? It makes my soul stiff just thinking about it!

>Just shrink yourself into a smaller dragon.
Sometimes that isn't an option. If your hosts aren't used to interacting with dragons, taking ANY draconic form will make them nervous. It's horrible for diplomatic relations when the countess corset-faints at the sight of you. If you're not already on good terms with them, they might blame you for being too scary.

... This is why you don't go fucking about with time to begin with.

Seesh, next thing I know I'll find out that this isn't the timeline where Dark Elves used to live in the shadow of a giant volcano and worshipped a trio of demi-gods, including one who put his dick in everything.

How the hell is that going to work anyway? I mean we're not exactly all huddled up in one country or even one plane of reality.

I mean, Rtrumptarak makes some amazing promises but they don't make a lot of sense. I hear he's also a shitty caster and has an elf mistress.

Errr guys?

A group of humans wearing shitty plastic horns has just arrived at my lair. They're calling themselves dragon-kin. Wat do?

Next thing you are going to tell me is that white dragons don't have muscle fibers that give them better strength and reflexes.

I bet you don't believe that the larger frontal lobes of black dragons make them smarter either, huh?

They have any cute clerics?

He'll build a Wall of Force and make the humans pay for it.

If they are giving you stuff then take the stuff. Never hurts to have more worshipers.

If they aren't giving you stuff then get rid of them and take their stuff.

Pick them up, carry them, then drop them from up high.

>May I ask what you look like in that form?
Can't remember what they're called because I only listen to about half the things they say, but they have hairy feet, bulging stomachs and pass around the wine and dates like no ones business.

Satyrs?

I don't think those have proper feet, though. They've got... peg legs, or something.

The race with hairy feet is one of the short ones. Passing around food and being fat makes them sound like dwarves but I've never heard of any dwarves that didn't hate dates.

Gnomes maybe?

Could be a gnome I guess.

How ridiculous is their headwear?

Those the magic short humans?
It ain't those, these guys have the curly head, umm, hair was it?

Yeah hair.

Quick question, am I the only dragon with whiskers?

It's one of these things

>rainbow drag
>>>/mld/

LOW MET
O
W

M
E
T

Can I fit in if i'm a wyvern g-guys?

Nah. My brother had a full mustache for a really long time before his consort talked him into getting it cut.

I've got... kinda whiskers. I guess. They're more kind of feelers but the visual effect is mostly the same.

Curly hair could be either some humans (the ones who like those big marble temples, mostly) or halflings. If they live in hills they're probably halflings.

2 legs go home

>implying wyverns aren't draconids.

Welcome bruda, let's eat some dwarves together.

That makes me feel better. A lot of other dranons I see tend to talk about hair like its this weird thing so I started to get self-conscious.

>4 legs good, 2 legs bad!
Really user? Are you really going to stick to that simplistic line of thought?

>wyvern

A stupid differentiation made by assholes with nothing better to do than find reasons to justify eating things or otherwise kicking them around.

I've heard all kinds of definitions thrown around I'm beyond caring about the genus of the shit I eat.

Wyverns are for bullying. I bet you don't even lift with those tiny wings.

Dude, we're all dranons. Everything is for bullying.

>tfw Chinese Dragon
Mountains a shit
Rivers a best

What about uniquely evolved special snowflakes that stand on all fours and can also fly?

Sure, why the fuck not?

Seriously, people get way too fucking hung up on this bullshit.

What the fuck am I reading
Maybe you're not a proud dragon, but I do enjoy being an asshole to inferior races.
Social Justice Reptile pls go

You sound like a wyrm.

>dragon dildos
Yeah, and you know why Duke got the title, bad dragon, right? He can't breathe fire, he bruises like a bitch, can't take a real dragon in the sack, and has to whore himself out to lesser races to feel superior. He's not even a real dragon, he's a dragonborn!

Ugh, then like I said, try something around the five and a half foot range. You should be just tall enough to reach most things but small enough to fit in anywhere.

this. Also, if take the good looking and generally promising women aside and make them your broodmothers.

There are so many things weird about that sentence I don't even know where to begin.

Eh, I'm cool with it. Still gonna give you hell though.

Whiskers are fine, but I'm still gonna give you guys hell for not having proper 'beard of horns'. (it's surprisingly handy for digging)

>_ ____ __ ____ ______ Rainbow Drag

>I do enjoy being an asshole to inferior races
>Implying I'm not an asshole to inferior races
>Implying you aren't an inferior race

I bet you are a metallicfag too.

>this is what chromatics actually believe

My wife's son and I are going to have a bonding day but I think he might be retarded. What's a good way to get him to not hate me? Get him a small mound to claim? Give him a village to play with? I've never dealt with something like this before.
>captcha mountains
Pic related

>generally promising women aside and make them your broodmothers

I never understood this dichotomy. I mean, I like to have good-looking wives but how can any of us tell the difference? I mean, I like scales and shit so whenever they tell me "this is the finest maiden in our land" I just kind of roll with it.

Also why the fuck would you give a fuck about how good they look if you just want a broodmother?

I got a buddy who drives me up the wall because he keeps talking about this half-dragon army he wants but will only take broodmothers from people who are "sexy" (quotations because it's always by the standards of whoever is nearby, seriously I saw the fucker ask people "hey is she hot?"). Now all he does is complain about how long it's taking to get the whole production going.

Not everyone is a glorious red or gold. As long as you can accept that you'll always be second rate, it's fine.

Went out and kidnapped a princess a month or two back because "that's what dragons do", but now what? I'm having to feed it, water it, fight off the occasional gallant knight on some quest or something, it just seems a little pointless.

Let's just all accept we're all dragons here.

And that everyone is inferior, including other dragons, because you're not me.

>Live in a mountain Castle
>Growing horde
>Patron of some kobold tribes who live nearby
>got a qt princess in my clutches (grabbed her sister too)
>Sweetass horde which spans from ancient artifacts, gold, gems, and cutting edge technology (and the odd... collectable visual printed mediums)
>Am glorious red dragon masterrace

Say that to my face in real life and not on the maginet and see what happens. I bet you are some punk ass copper bitch. Nobody likes your fucking jokes you pussy.

That's Tiamutitus. Best thing would be to offload him on a temple of Tiamut and hope she can use him as some kind off knock-off avatar or something.

So the other day some humans came up to me and said they had been told they were allowed any one wish if they could gather my balls.
Is this some kind of sex thing?

>Also why the fuck would you give a fuck about how good they look if you just want a broodmother?
My whelps deserve to be handsome too, user. I'm not going to be using breeding stock which might lead to shit wings or other complications.

Yeah it's a pain in the ass, but if you're not careful you're going to get something like

My brother spent decades doing nothing but screwing mortals to grow an army of half-dragons with which he took over a Human kingdom. It worked, but he's still a pervert.

I usually eat them.

Some weirdo dragons fuck em.

Enjoy getting your scales pierced by a shitty lance.

Who /metalfag/ here?

Why would you eat her when having one guarantees at first a steady supply of food as the king tries to get her back and then a steady supply of gold once you ransom her back?
Just go to a village if you want food, they all taste the same anyway.

>which might lead to shit wings

You fuckin harpies? News flash, nobody else has wings. That three headed abomination came from fucking a close relative, Tiamut being a fucker, or maybe even from fucking a "hot" human.

So, been having a weird craving to eat bits of my hoard lately. Is that weird? Haven't done anything with the craving yet, just kinda sitting there.

That's...dedication...I guess...

He says it will take a century to finish doing all the woman in the kingdom, but that he has time.

Well, there's always employing that charisma bonus for diplomacy and TALKING to him. Learn what he likes (or what each head likes) if you don't already, Hydra tend to appreciate even humans who listen to them. Mostly because they know how frustrating it is to listen to themselves.

Eh, it's about "if I'm going to put my dick in something it might as well be something that my dick likes", and some of us do have that fetish.

There's also the belief that good looking humans have better blood stock for better offspring.

Well, general idea, at least mine was: you hold them for ransom so the king adds to your horde.

Unfortunately, the father of my princess was a fucking douchebag and decided "I have more children" meaning I had to kidnap my princess' sister, mother, and the enuch just to be sure.

No response yet, but my plan's changed anyway to basically taking the kingdom over through my hybrid progeny.

Still, if the king gives a shit enough to send people after you, give him a list of demands, and if he fulfills them, hand him back his daughter, and prepare for any potential retaliatory strikes.

Well I usually just eat them because they keep on begging me not to eat them.

You know, keepin things aligned with momma god and all that.

Like, unless I'm extorting the king for money. Then I'll eat em after I get the dosh.

Ew

He needs to find some good dragon cloaca.

lol do it and post pics

I wanna see a dranon shit gold

>"if I'm going to put my dick in something it might as well be something that my dick likes

Yeah and my dick likes dragon cloaca. Cuz you know, I'm a dragon. And I fucking love myself.

>good looking humans have better blood stock for better offspring

This is the dumbest fucking thing I have ever heard. Probably started by some fucking wizard who wants to scry that shit while wacking off in his tower.

your probably not a red, you try any other breath types?

Ok /dragon/ I am in an interesting situation. Nothing I can't handle, but some input on what to do would be nice.

Basically I've had issues with undead from one kingdom and adventurers from another trying to loot my horde and "Kill me". Its been amusing the first hundred times but now its agitating.

I flew into each kingdom and kidnapped their princesses. Well a princess, the other is a vampire queen. However instead of paying the ransom the little shits are sending armies at me.

Now they are stupid, I'm a black dragon and mortals always assume I breathe fire. So one one hand I could just melt them all down and show them whose boss. But on the other, both kingdoms think they "bribed" me to do the kidnapping. So i could trick them into murdering each other.

Or maybe some of you guys can swing by if your not too busy, have a kingdom burning party? So many choices to pick from...

Also side note, is it bad I've been fucking both the queen and princess?

it happens for some dragons. Not entirely sure why but I've heard of it. Depends on where you're from.

>Actually dying of old age
>Get-A-Load-Of-This-Wyrm Scry Medium

Eh, understandable. Honestly, outside of my current mate, I'm not really into humanoids either. We just have a lot of common interests and strokes my ego (and scales) just right.

>Also side note, is it bad I've been fucking both the queen and princess?
maybe? As you can see I'm not the type to judge on that.

As for what to do: I say set'em on each other. Wartime between mortal kingdoms means lots of industry where they develop cool shit which you can loot afterwards.

But be warned: they might get wise and turn that cool shit on you. So keep in contact and prepare for a burning party.

Or we can skip right to the burning party if you want to avoid any risks.

I'd like to call dibs on the contents of any scrap metals. My kobold tribes need some new armor and I don't want them mining into my cave lair.

>is it bad that I've been fucking both the queen and princess

If I remember my undead anatomy courses correctly, female vampires can't conceive unless gorged on enough blood to kickstart their body's vital processes, and fed a constant supply of it to keep them running. So, you're fine on that one.

The other, well, if you don't mind half-dragon whelps running around your lair...

Not a good idea to try and have children with a female vampire-had to sacrifice a sizeable amount of my kobolds, and the kid is almost always gloomy.

Mostly gemstones, I'm afraid, and I've got no way to take pictures, but what can it hurt?

...

Two things, in rapid succession: I have the hiccups now, and that gem may have been enchanted. And it keeps activating whenever I hiccup. Oh, bother. I'll have to call off that meeting with father this weekend.

What else do you know about it? Any particular titles to look through while I'm otherwise occupied?

>if you don't mind half-dragon whelps running around your lair...
Not him but I actually have a plan for this, make a couple half dragons with some local princess, half dragon children are now royalty, means I am royalty by blood also (as if being a dragon wasnt enough) and start a half dragon kingdom. That way I can have other people adding to my hoard.

You may want to invest in hiring - and that's actually hiring, not kidnapping - a banker or other financial sort from one of the larger kingdoms. No one of great renown, mind, you don't want to attract attention, just someone who knows how normal mortal money works.

Running a kingdom and taxing your inhabitants is tiring work, and having someone who already knows how to do that sort of thing, instead of learning it yourself as you go, will take a considerable weight off of your shoulders.

Who else /shadow/ here?

goth fag drags pls go, this aint no black parade

That sounds like a good idea, I'll let them fight it out for a bit and see if they make anything good. If they do happen to grow a brain I'll give ya a shout, and sure your minons get get the metal bits, mine are still following the iron deposit in my swamp and it doesn't look like it will end anytime soon.

I've had half whelps before, but never a vampiric one. Should be an interesting endeavour.

Not a bad idea, but I'd listen to dranon about getting an accountant, mortal banking can be a pain in the tail if you don't know every last code and word. I think its safe to say nobody wants to miss out on any amount being added to the horde because of a bullshit error.