Meanwhile, on elven Veeky Forums

Big Human Cock, obviously.

How do we stop our men from falling for the BHC myth too?

Daily reminder all drow "women" have penises

BHC really IS a myth, right?

Corps and Cubicles is shit. Prove me wrong.

This stupid subelven roundear walked by me today. He said something in his unintelligible caveman-babble. I lost it and called him what he was, a worthless monkey. I told that fornicator. I hate roundears so much.

No.

I joined a lower-races adventuring one time.

It was very educational.

Yeah, I never got why they've got a spider-goddess. Hyena would make so much more sense.

Stop being a manlet elf and the myth is a myth again.

There aren't many hyenas living underground.

>hurr durr I live on an island letting dragons fuck my anus all day and that makes me manly

Och, we dinnae have penises ye crazy bastard. 'Ow would that even work, then?

I'm here 'cause me da said I need to get in touch with me inner elf. But I'll make one thing clear form the git-go, the armor ain't commin' off, ye nancy ponces, save Moradin 'imself sayin' so.

U-um when I went to the market one time to observe the lowly human filth in their natural habitat I noticed many men had much more substantial girth in their loins than I. So as any inquisitive elf would do I demanded the filthy ape drop his clothes and show me the illusion he was using.

The filthy human complied, and it was revealed to be a most powerful illusion! I was compelled to do things a normal elf would never do, like my body had a mind of its own! Filthy humans!!!!!

PS does anyone know where I can find elf sorceress clothing, it erm, can uhhh, help me protect against their spells!

Fucking dwarfaboos get out, and take your "thousand times folded" replica waraxes with you.

>being this mad

>mfw a dwarf walked past me today

Yeah, but drow always go on about how they "didn't originate underground" and "were the original dwellers of the lands above" and "other breeds of elf were jealous and forced them into the caves". You'd think if that was true they'd have some damn hyenas.

When will they learn?

I ain't no dwarfaboo! I was raised in a delve, is all! An' no real dwarf blade needs a thousand folds! Shows how shite ye are with metal. Ye fold to remove impurities, but that be a waist o' time when yer workin' with the purest metal of the deep earth already, as any true dwarf would!

Ah, bugger all this for a lark. I've things t' be doin', by Moradin.

>DMing office setting
>"And this is my character portrait!"

What do you do?

>Elves

Oh my god, these dumb SJWs insisting that they should get to play a female character in an office setting. Look, I know you want to shove your waifu into everything, but it's not historically accurate. Back in the office period that those settings are based on, women were only allowed to work in bakeries. God, read a damn book for once.

beardlets please go

Let me guess, you didn't spend twenty years vetting the candidates for your campaign through a series of elaborate trials of skill and character, and now your entire group is paying the price for you rushing into things.

Just because the mayflies don't take proper care with these things doesn't mean we should get lazy.

Human slave, wut do?

She seems poorly optimised for this setting. Having the Bad Eyesight flaw will only make it harder to read small print, which as we all know is an important skill if you don't accidentally want to screw over your entire party. And what did he spend those extra points on? Excessive mammaries! Just because humans enjoy those unsightly sacks of lard doesn't mean you have to tack them onto everything human-related! What purpose do they even serve in the standard office setting? It's not like you're going to make a lot of balance checks!

Get rid of her. They're not worth it in my opinion.

Turn your back for 5 minutes and they've died of old age.

Let her sing and dance, laugh at her clumsiness.

Yeah, Jobfinder is so much better

I'm angry, angry about dwarves!

Reminder

Calm down. It's not worth it.

Set her free.

What's the point? They're too dumb to be trained in any useful tasks, too unrefined to be amusing as companions, and for physical tasks I'd rather have a well-trained orc. Especially a young, muscular one, obedient and loyal, but retaining some of that wild, bestial edge. Just the scent of their sweat after a hard day's work is enought to...

Ahem. Excuse me. What I meant to say is, humans suck and I wouldn't want one in my house.

...

Urgh, Big Tree Thing, I hate being an elf SOOO much. It's just flimsy and girly and SOFT and for pansies. By the big tree thing or whatever we worship, I wish I was a dwarf. Ah, too swing my pickaxe-axe and swig ale like a NORMAL PERSON, that'd be the life...

The monster dong is a great perk, I bet.

So, how're you doing, my fellow elven friends?

Get out, you dwarfs were never good at these kinds of underhanded tactics.

Go away thorgrim, I can smell your disgusting beard from a plane away

youtu.be/KjHclWPVij0

Oi! I'm not a bleedin' dwarf! I'm an orc! I'm just pretending to be a dwarf to ruse you! Oh, bugger me in the mine-shaft, I've gone and revealed myself as an orc, as we orcs are like to do, haven't I?

But Big Bashy Thing, I sure would like to be a dwarf...

Human here, you're a bunch of haughty, prissy gits who somehow are on the same level of technological development as us despite being a lot longer-lived.

This website is for elves only, friend.

Friend? Oh, you've died.

> Fall for the human friendship meme
> Find a group of humans and join them on an adventure
> They all die just thirty years later

Did they at least give you some good poundings from behind before they died?

This could be a fun thread, if you would be able to make a different joke than just "lel dicks"

This could be a fun website, if you would be able to make a different joke than just "lel dicks"
ftfy

>unironically being a JFag

It's literally the same thing as C&C 3rd edition

What else would elves talk about? All their other topics other than both men and women whoring themselves out for human and dwarf dick isn't interesting.

t. Karl Franz

throw it in the trash
by the time you train it it'll die of old age

I can't stand how over-fast this site has become. Why, a thread I put out went off the back of the board after only a week without bumps. It's intolerable. We're overrun by all those damned avari, stinking up the board with their meaningless blather about nonsense.

This is a place of elegance and refinement, where people think out their posts before writing them.

Shut up, I know you are just some dirty dwarf trying to divide elfen families and couples.

The old "wait 30 years for them to die" technique, eh? Nice try, you knife-eared ponce, but I'm too stubborn for that to work.

>loan deck to wood elves
>all the cards are now sticky with sap
I DONT CARE HOW NATURAL IT IS, WASH YOUR FILTHY HANDS

I blame human influence. They HAVE to live fast and loose because you blink and they're old and withered, and that's starting to spread to elvish youngsters through all the damn human adventurers drifting around in search of sex, plunder, and creatures to hack to pieces.

...

Oh, stop it, Marcille. Stop denying yourself and your nature. We're not a proud and noble race; we're all filthy, cock-hungry, lewd bitches.

Oh, just imagine wat horrible things the humans would do to us if we were their slaves! I'm getting wet just thinking about it!

Japan deserves another nuke.

>Mootriel has now hired human mods due to much faster reaction-times
Fuck

He should have hired wood elves. They have famously fast reaction times.

GAS THE HUMANS
RACE WAR NOW

I want to fuck Nahiri

FUCKING FUNGUS NIGGERS RAPING OUR WOMEN.

WE NEED TO GAS THE ORCS RIGHT NOW.

Sound slike a plan, those dayflies are stepping on our turf for too long.

Why do you hate humans, Veeky Forums?

user you must be baiting no elf has spoken like that sense 100 years ago also why do you need sorceress robes if you have a penis?

They try to be elves but end up being orcs all the time.

>anecdotal evidence
And to think that you consider yourself an enlightened elf. Shame on you!

Drow females.

The way the spoke about the situation means they aren't a drow probably some human baiting

Or a cross dressing elf male :3

Sometimes I'm just very happy that I don't live with you lower kinds of elves above ground. If that's what's going on I'll take my mistress's torture Tuesdays for granted. And the torture Wednesdays, Thursda- you get the gist.

I'd summon your eldritch horror anyday, Nahiri.

I think you misunderstand. It was the nuke that made them this way. If you drop another on them, they'll just mutate into something far worse.

What they need is a good rad scrubbing.

Naw, we just have to nuke 'em better. Nuke 'em so good even the Turkish population has to give in despite their natural resilience to nukes.

I'm ANGRY, ANGRY ABOUT DWARVES!

FUCKING DIGGERS THE LOT OF EM!

A FUCKING MEN, BROTHER.

BUNCH OF DRUNKARD DIGGERS NEED TO BE WIPED OUT.

I hate Dwarves.

>you'll never sit and talk about necromancy with a qt 3.14 like Marcille.

I like how you're all complaining about those stupid diggers, but look at yourself. Sitting infront of your dwarf technology, on a human moderated imageboard dedicated to goblin fishnet stockings and how to make them.

You surfacers are all idiots.

That wasn't necromancy, just "forbidden" magic. It worked, don't worry.

What are you doing here then?

Well, he is an elf.
He just hates his kind enough to be the king of dorfship.

I'm researching elves so the Illithids can begin their climb to po-

I mean... Uh... Drow stuff... Yeah, that's it.

The last time we tried that, it turned out to be an aphrodisiac. They multiplied like mad, the half elf population exploded and my asshole still burns.

Hello, fellow pointy eared friends! Could you remind me those incantations you... Er... We use for growing trees? I forgot them! Ha ha my memory is so bad from all these centuries of... huh.. being an elf!
So... How about you teach me about these incantations?

Can you please stop with your dwarf-propaganda? It's getting lame.

Oh they're quite simple my fellow-long ear! All you have to do is grab a piece of paper and write down ( I know, writing is hard, if you have trouble with it just ask your nearest matriarch to do it for you.) and write down; "I prepared explosive runes this morning."

B-but sir, that's not the incantation, the incantation for growing trees! I've seen-I mean, We can grow trees with our hands! What are these "explosives" you're talking about?

Half elf here Yes, other half is human. When is it not?
Hey, can I crash with you guys for a little while? I'm trying to work out how to play some elven songs for my routine and I can't get it to sound write from just the sheet music.

...grandpa?

Come now my dearest above ground cousin, don't you speak the old elven tongue anymore? "explosive" Is just the word for tree or crops. Now don't fear that it's not an incantation, my very own mistress taught me this spell. Or well... gave me a hands on lesson.

Nontheless, it's all just in ancient Elven tongues that you ofcourse speak... so nothing to worry about, right?

>Murmuring
I told you, don't come here with me!
Goddamnit I should never have nailed that elf, what did I do to deserve this faggot of a son

Oh come on, are you saying we all look the same? Seriously? What year is this?