Post your adventurer's retirement home!

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My players all died in this damned place.

Yeah, shit was tough. We decided that after all that we went through that's our tower now. Then, after we beat Tiamat our DM says that the Zhentarim took over while we were gone. So we teleported in with my stolen scroll of dimension door and kicked everyone out. Our bard/necromancer turned all who we killed into zombies and stuck them in the maze

I find it kind of funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which i'm dying are the best I've ever had

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I once homebrewed a going away present for a player who had to leave the group. in the form of a loot item the character (crippled by the BBEG) found it amongst the wreckage of the lair while looking for his severed [redacted] on his last session with us.

Veeky Forums helped me build the manual so it was properly fleshed out.
The house-plant(seed)
a heart-sized piece of onyx, covered in engravings of buildings and plants of all kinds. Found under it’s stand is a small manual
Weight (30).
Value; (going rate for onyx of that weight)
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Manual reads (once translated by a side quest NPC that recognizes the writing)
>greetings loyal customer. if you are reading this then you have spent over 100,000,000GP in the Overlord Catalog and have earned this free house plant seed.
>instructions for use:
1) initially plant seed in a box or pot full of ordinary soil.
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2) water plant three times a week for 4-6 weeks (See appendix 1)
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3) transplant sapling on desired site.
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4) water plant twice a week till FRONT door opens or desired furniture size is acquired.
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>appendix 1
>Please note; to determine architectural style or useful appointment. water seed with the following.
>>(all workrooms are fully supplied with masterwork appliances and equipment)

Human blood=generic castle
sweat=brick construction
Minotaur snot=includes underground labyrinth
maple syrup=house will continue to grow under own power as tree
river water=to include a waterwheel
oil=to include a forge
urine=to include a vented tannery
seawater=to include one dock and one self sailing ship
Dragon blood=treasure vault
kobold blood=artificers workshop
squeezed juices of beholder eye=hall of mirrors
Acid=alchemist's workshop
venom=bestiary
Semen=whore house(whores not included)
BEER=tavern front+ale cellar
non-animal poison=1 secret room or passage for each poison used(must find them yourself).
Fruit juice=orchard(of type of fruit tree the juice came from)
milk=stable adjacent
Mulled cider=inn with two rooms per clove used in the cider
censer oil=monastery
holy water=cathedral
Elf blood=stone walls
Orc blood=a motif of trees; natural lighting
Dwarf blood=a tower
Halfling blood=random hatches at all levels and handholds
Spit of a politician=a courtyard with an oratory balcony
Accountant's urine=a bank vault
Ink=a library (comes with a large encyclopedia set and 2 golem manuals)
Horse blood=a cartyard
Chicken blood=a very well made kitchen (full supply of masterwork appliances and equipment)
Tomato soup=a vegetable/herb garden
Nectar=a flower garden
Mercury=root tunnel basement
bacon grease= an eternally stocked smokehouse
tears=a holding cell
saliva=a larger dining room
cologne=designates Master bedroom design as masculine(instead of gender neutral)
perfume=designates Master bedroom design as feminine(instead of geneder neutral)
shampoo=bathhouse
soap=laundry and scullery

Brine from the tank of an elder brain makes the building sentient, of the alignment of the planter, capable of communicating through small crystal spheres spread throughout the house in any and all languages the planter can speak. Its personality baseline is a bit like that of the planter, but it deviates based on what is in it in an entirely unpredictable way.

looking back on that I can see a few things that would need a re-edit for clarity, correctness, symbolic representation, or an improved level of "rule-of-cool"

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Good dog Seymour!

Good dog

make a CYOA. also, stealing this for my game.

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I might.

but I have no skills in CYOA craft...

This needs something to add house spirits/gnomes/elves who run your chores. The tears/blood of a maid, slave or servant? Water from a city/village well?

Also, can everything be freely combined with eachother?

Puppers are love. Puppers are life.

I left that implied when the seed was presented.

but yes. also more than one dwarf gives you more than one tower.

What is a pleasant village so close to a dungeon that seems ruled by a blue dragon? He is the mayor or what?

No, he's just there to tell people to stop cutting their way through the hedge maze. It's cheating and also rude.

>High level paladin dies
>Faithful dog companion mourns him
>Paladin used to be a gnome or a halfling but go reincarnated a human
>Dog mount was keep as pet all these years
>Druid friend is mourning the paladin
>Decides to awaken dog
>Dog becomes adventurer with the obsession of bring back paladin even if he died of cancer
>Awakened dog is so determined he becomes mythic tier powerful
>Defies the goddess of death
>Dog, like Gilgamesh, finally understands.
>Is elevated to doghood divinity.

This gave me idea of a blue dragon mayor which hoard are good aligned peasants and bucolic villages.

>filename
So your characters are always merchants?

I bet the whole place smells like shit

Welcome to all pre-industrial European towns, user.

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Fuck you asshole, now I'm looking through all his paintings

Are they all about sad dogs?

No, they're all great and evoke all sorts of feelings and emotions and makes you feel like an woman during her period

That being said this dog ain't sad mate, it's fucking dead

>Stealing this for use.
>But prob a copper dragon.

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Looks like your PC didn't make it beyond level 1. How sad. Pic related for non-pleb tier PCs.

level 4-5 characters are so cute when they die. Put some big boy pants on.

>With nothing else left of the reserves, the brave Captain picked up his brothers sword and charged, howling with terrible fury as the arrows reigned down upon him.
>The Last Knight denied the honorable combat he lived for.
>His defiant last stand will be condemned to the hidden scripts of the rebellion until such a time his name can be revived from oblivion and sang with honor once more.

Great views. Bit cold. Nobody ever visits. Bad food. Oh, and it's spent as an unburied corpse in the middle of nowhere because that's the only plausible ending to his lifr.

This is neat, do you have it better conpiled somewhere?

nope.
I made it up back in 2009-2010

no progress since, it never needed any...

Ah I see.

What more can you tell us about the Houseplant seed? It's absolutely fascinating

not much, I made up a story about a player leaving my group, posted the intro to the manual and like 5 options and 2 thread later I had that manual and about 40 more suggestions that got lost since then.

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He's in there somewhere

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during his path, he fights a dragon, who hints at the ending, saying that his master choose to pass on, for he had the will to come back via sheer willpower.

>lost since then
>AAAAHHHHHHHH.scroll

Thats a shame. So do I need a enough Semen and Orc Blood to water the plant, or can I just introduce a drop of each liquid into water?

He doesn't like visitors

I suspect that the more you use the better the effects

and besides an overlord can afford to drain a tribe or two, he could clearly afford to spend 100 million gold on catalog options. so watering the plant as you would water any plant may be the requirement.

Shit, forgot the picture

So I'm going to introduce this to mu players once they topple the BBEG, but what would you recommend to do for Dragon blood, elder god blood, liquid amber, aether, and tree sap?

Gotchya, gotchya

So is the "house" a plant, and all the additions made of tree or is it like, an honest to god house?

it grows like a tree, but is not a tree, unless you get the mix just right. stops growing when you stop watering the seed(when the front door opens on it's own or the furnishings reach an appropriate size.)

Orc-blood, Maple syrup, planted on a leyline, some mercury in every watering...
hurray improv homebrewing...

the entry for "accountants urine" used to be "dragon blood"

no idea about elder gods, might need a warning about watering it with outsider blood, if by liquid amber you mean tree resin, thats probably going to be a rougher form of what you get with maple syrup...no idea about aether not sure what it is, tree sap same as maple syrup

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ether
merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ether

I spelled it like the made up element. Ether= Ye Olde Tyme anesthesia
Aether= the "void" element in the classical earth, wind, fire, water, etc. elemental table. With Æther being the etc.

>Orc-blood, Maple syrup, planted on a leyline, some mercury in every watering...

Maximum comf.

Would you mind of I made a thread with this? I want to see what other options Veeky Forums can whip up and what other items could work like this.

I'd prefer some small credit to the name(there's 3 monotreemes now) at some point in the thread.

but otherwise, go for it.

lets see how far down the rabbit hole it goes!

>monotreemes

Kek is that what these things are called?

I am monotreeme(an intentional misspelling of the taxonomic order in which you find platipi and echidnas). my apprentice and my best friend both also occasionally post under this name.

but I'm the bloodbrew guy, the lost source compiler, the senior monotreeme and the BDSM practitioner.

Fucking hobbits.

there anything wrong with a hobbit-hole level of comfort in your retirement?

2smol

...then build it bigger?

>4) water plant twice a week till FRONT door opens or desired furniture size is acquired.
or water it for longer?

Hmm, lets see...
>1 part river water
>1 part maple syrup (assuming grow as a tree doesn't mean it will be a tree)
>1 part chicken blood
>2 part minotaur snot
>2 part fruit juice
>2 part holy water
>2 part ink
>2 part shampoo
>as much nectar and poison as I can aquire
my max comfy

Hobbit holes are maximum comfy.
Implied innuendo is intentional

oh don't I know, midgets are also fine btw...

...Retirement?

I like spooky. It keeps the nosy neighbors away.

oh hey house art by someone who knows how to draw elevations. neat!

/thread

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Did he piss of Tamerlane or something?

clearly not...

Put on some music, Trash is taking her clothes off again

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