Be King of Moria

>be King of Moria
>sitting on my throne.
>suddenly one of my soldiers enters the room with a prisoner
>It's a dwarf
>*ohhellno.palantir*
>He was sneaking around in my armory
>probably a thief
>proceed to interrogate him
>turns out there's another one of those shit hiding just outside of my gate
>tell prisoner he shouldn't sneak into someone elses property.
>"Oy vey, this land belongs to muh durinsfolk!"
>decide to cut his head of for thieving.
>throw his head out of the citygate and tell his accomplice to fuck off.
>wake up next morning
>look out the window
>big host of dorfs at my front gate
>tell them to fuck off
>"MUH DURINSFOLK! Thrór dindu nuffin he a good dorf!"
>turns out that thief was their king or some shit
>have to fight off a horde of midgetjews now

How's your day /orc/?

>raiding east
>encounter easterlings
>want their badass shinies
>they scary as fuck

What do /orc/?

>spend days doing nothing but run
>fucking chad orcs everywhere
>sick of nothing but maggoty bread for three stinking days
>have to carry useless fat hobbitses everywhere
>all I wanted was their legs
>mfw

Out tech them

>encountered Dorf Host
>smashed them then ate their Dorf flesh
>mrw

t'was a good day

Fucking Uruk-Hai are such a myth, when I was a little orc I thought they were all really buff but no, you just look really good in their armour.

I wish Morgoth would give us some cool armour too for once, my rags chafe.

>bitching about uruks and Morgoth doing anything when the two are seperated by thousands and thousands of years

Are you actually that stupid or is Gondor baiting again?

>implying there's any point in remembering which dark lord is which
They just start blending together over the millennia

So I got the name wrong... not like saying it right is going to give me a shiny cool armour.

I just want to be a chad orc too.

>actually enjoy maggoty bread
>no orcs relate to me
>have to pretend to hate it so chad orcs dont clobber me

wow orcnon you're such a fucking snaga morgoth shit

Bretty good. Been pulled from the mudpits recently. Finally got my white-hand mark. Me and my bros was just about to track down some halflings. This would be an easy trip.

>White-hand mark.
Who the fuck uses a White-hand mark? No Warlord I've ever heard of, and not Sauron, his mark is the lidless eye. The only white mark I know if is those shits from Gondor and their damn tree.

>trying to have a conversation the other day with my ork friend
>all of a sudden we get interupted by some faggot beserker
>he runs into the room screaming and howling and then shits himself before leaving again
>fucking uruk hai

>Really need to shit
>enter room, try and ask for toilet
>sub-orc retard shitters just stare as if they dont understand
>Cant hold it in
>Run away, embarrased

Why they gotta be like this

>wander around like a fucktard with raiding party
>searching for settlement to raid
>find one
>first one in days, fuck y-
>some other raiders razed the place before us
>mfw

>allowing midgetjews to get into your stuff
>not sticking him on a pike to ward off all midgetjews.
you deserve this.

Ma orc, good luck on your hunt! Hobbits are barely worth the time, should be a breeze.

>not serving Saruman
I bet you aren't even based Uruk-Hai either, shorty.

>Uruk-Hai
A myth, the only Uruks are the Black Uruks of Mordor. We're the best damn Orcs in the world. Get off of /orc/ snaga, or human, doesn't matter which.

>serving some dumbass human with a magic stick
>he probably doesn't even have demons under his control
you sir are a dumbass.
i can't wait till your "lord" gets completely embarassed and destroyed by tree people or midgets or some extremely hippy shit, go serve sauron like a real orc you half assed fuck.

Hell does Saruman even have Trolls under his command? He's a pretender to Sauron's throne, and will die like the rest.

>I'm a myth
Stay delusional, weakling.

Saruman is going to be twice as powerful as that old eye Sauron, just you watch. I'll be sure to mount your head on a pike when we're done with the human armies.

Try not to get wrecked by fags on horses

you worship a useless old ass man with a stick, that should say alot there, not even going by the laws of tribes and following a warchief, you literally follow and worship a human.
that should say a lot in how pathetic you and your ilk are.
we at least follow the dark lord, who is actually full out an actual god you dumb shit.

Oh, here we go. Just because Saruman is a human, doesn't make him weak. That 'stick' he uses can wipe out a whole platoon of you Black Uruks!

Leave it to the Black Uruks to deny the strength of a leader just because they aren't an orc. Pathetic.

your a sad excuse of an orc, holy hell, you follow a human, you can't even make this up, you are pathetic. you may as well go to gondor, dress up in slave clothes and say yes massah at all the human cock you must enjoy on a regular basis you sad excuse of a race traitor.

>Sauron
>An Orc
Are you completely fucking retarded Snaga?

Moreover he STILL has no Trolls under his command. Hell the only beasts he can provide you shits with is Wargs. That's not how you run an army for the genocide of Man.

You runts can scream about Saruman being a human and the Uruk-Hai being weak all you want, but it's a fact that one of us alone is worth ten of you.

We were created to be better than you, and we are. Been to Helm's Deep lately? The Hornburg ain't so full of humans as it used to be, and that's because we killed them all. What have you done lately, other than get killed by spiders?

i heard about that, didn't humans kick your collective asses all the way to dawn and massacre'd you asses for being fuck useless?

>/orc/
>instantly becomes /or9k/

The fact that we're actually going out and fighting makes us better than you cowards.

You lost to the Horse-fuckers.
We took land from Gondor and are moving in for the killing blow

>Saruman is a human
I'm gonna bleed you like a stuck pig, maggot fucking snaga.

Found the Halfling fuckers that don't know the Black Speech.

Oh, good luck with that. I'm sure nothing is going to go wrong there. It's not like those "horse-fuckers" are coming for you or anything.

Meanwhile, we fighting Uruk-hai are going to do the smart thing and go to ground.

Well, what is he then? He looks like man, and he talks their language. Unless he's some rare magical race nobody knows about, he's a man.

Do you think Sauron is a man too, maggot?

That doesn't answer the question! If he is not man, what is he?

Aren't Maiar really, really rare? I'm assuming a random orc wouldn't know what Saruman is.

They're both maiar, right?

Wizards are no men.

Sauron is a God, Saurman is just a man with magic.

Super fucking rare, the only ones active in Middle Earth for millennia were the 5 Wizards.

Yes, of the same rank even. Hell both used to work for the Valar Aule

A wizard? I guess that would explain some things. I'm just a pikeman, I've never really thought about it.

wizards are men who can shit magic, that simply makes them slightly harder to stab to death.
a human is a human is a human you stupid fool.
The dark lord however, is a god, a full blown straight up god.

They'd know he can do magic shit. Nobody but them can do magic shit, except maybe some elves

Well, that's sort of how I've been acting. Aware that he can do weird, powerful shit, but not sure why.

Shrinkat Uruk Mordor-ob throquat bûb-hosh.

>it's an rp thread

I swear to God you orcs are pathetic, me and my buddies have just been sucked off by Gondorian maidens grateful for saving their lives from some pathetic warg riders. I am 10x the man any of you ever will be, it says so in my race alone. I am an actual man, and what are you mudcrawling snaga calling yourself these days?

Anyways, meet me on the Pelenor fields if you want to get your ass kicked, we'll be waiting.

>rp thread
>on the rpg board
Who woulda fuckin guessed?

Thrak Olog.

poetry

>wanting to stick your dick in a she-tark

terribad taste desu

There's no escape.

>Born too runty to fight
>Born too crippled to archery
>Gotta work the farmlands all day

a-am i a real orc?

H-he's not real, right?

We go a problem in the war camp. Wargs have grown aggressive against each other, even when well fed. One tore out another's fucking throat. Ant ideas what could cause this and how to solve ut ?

Piss on 'em lad. Establish dominance. Gotta wiggle yer cock around their faces too.

>tfw you see an urcuck-hai talking shit

I raided a human caravan, and I found something that looks like a really tall human with pointy ears. It was tied up, so I'm assuming it was going to be sold as a slave. Any ideas about what to do with it?

Use it as a cocksleave

Glad you fellow greenskins are on, get a load of this
>be me, good orc shaman
>sitting in my tent
>grinding up fellfern, help war cheif woman get pregnant quick
>pray to momma Luthic, this be good batch
>go to sleep very happy
>sun comes up
>shit my eyes, another day of bone readings
>wait
>where dat batch?
>where da FUCK is that FELLFERN BATCH
>dis not good, chief been asking all week
>lemme check, maybe one of the wardogs got it
>shouldn't have left it out, gonna get clunked good
>wait what dat?
>spot Gorguk, The Stupid snorting someting
>is dat my? no can't be... is that my fellfern powder!
>I beat that fucking grog head so hard he can barely walk
>he still horny,and that was five moons ago
>war chief beat me real bad for not having his powder
fuckin' Gorguk

>Not knowing what an Elf is
Are you completely fucking retarded? The greatest enemies our kind have ever fought, and you don't know what they are.

>greenskins
The fuck is a greenskin? Last I checked my skin is pink, cept in the places where I got sores

What tribe you from, my skin green, all I see is green green green orcs.

I got another story
>Two moon cycles ago
>rolling bones n shit
>Gruumsh says many days of shitty rain ahead
>fuckin bones
>he right (as always)
>stuck in tent for two moons
>sorting out good good herbs, nothing else to do, maybe I secretly smoke black leaf…
>orc bitch Smira barges in, keep tryna get that shaman seed
>keep telling her Florg fuckin busy n shit
>try later hoe
>Smira get mad, as always, fuck why orc women so mad shit
>she stomp off crying
>bones before hoes
>oh shit wait
>her dad Glorrg
>fuck wait no no no no please
>Glorrg comes in tent with trust bone club
>ass gets beat
>gotta lay with Smira
>fuck Glorrg

I'm an Uruk from Mordor you fucking freak!

>Uruk-hai the best!
Veeky Forums plz go.

Where da fuck is Mordor? Goddamn cave orc?
Who you pray to, better be gruumsh you pale skin...

Sauron is the only lord of Orcs, Snaga

Grrr...

White hand or get out pale ass ballsack looking snaga.

Oi, pale-skins! Dis place belongz ta da Orkz!

>Gains Goblin detected.

WAAAAAAAGHHHH!

>perfectly nice race created by the Valar.
>literal spawn of satan mutated abominations possibly beyond any redemption

I don't see the problem. The only good Orc is a dead Orc. We should cleanse Middle Earth of all Orcish kind, for they are an abomination and an affront to Eru.