"BEEFSLAB" GATE - OFFICIAL MTG LORE

Stop it with the shitty meme. Remember what your parents told you when you were five - once was funny, twice is getting old, three times is enough. Shouldn't be hard to remember given your current age.

I want some BEEFSLAB action!

I can't wait for part 2 of this anime slice of life fanfic

You don't seem to understand how a soldiers mind works

This shit wasn't even funny the first time around.

Nuwalkers were a mistake.

I GET HOW IT WORKS SWEETIE

CHANDRA SNORTED LAUGHING

BEEFSLAB

NOT WEARING PANTS

ITS SO FUNNY I'M CRYING TEARS AND NOT LAUGHING AT WHAT WOTC IS

BEEFSLAB SWEETIE

At least focus on more than a single word.

Focus on several.

>Super gross
>Beefslab
>Gids
>hell no
>Come the hell on
>Jerk
>Easy, big fella. Not attacking mom.
>Sowwy
>The hell.
>punchybag
>blah blah blah
>FFFFFFFFF...
>super embarrassing
>super dog noses
>freaking idiot
>SHUT UP SHUT UP.
>WHAT IS COMING OUT OF MY FACE?
>super pi—uh, real angry,
>WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST SAY?
>...I think I'm gonna puke.
>made you feel weird
>SorryIblewupyourthingy
>Big Sis

>he gives this much of a shit about Magic lore

>put on some pants
>Super gross
>Beefslab
>Gids
>hell no
>Come the hell on
>Jerk
>Easy, big fella. Not attacking mom.
>Sowwy
>The hell.
>punchybag
>blah blah blah
>FFFFFFFFF...
>super embarrassing
>super dog noses
>freaking idiot
>SHUT UP SHUT UP.
>WHAT IS COMING OUT OF MY FACE?
>super pi—uh, real angry,
>WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST SAY?
>...I think I'm gonna puke.
>made you feel weird
>SorryIblewupyourthingy
>Big Sis
>drowsy cats
>sweetie
>snorts laughing

Jund shard confirmed for lesbian waifus

Literally worse than the pokemon fanfiction we wrote when we were 14 year olds.

Do you?

DROWSY CATS

We india now

People care about MTG lore?

one oversized, half-eaten cookie
the tinkling of bands
"They had, like...fiddles."
"No!...Yes." She yawned
" But he blew up. Boof!"
expanding cloud of yuck.
"Chunks everywhere. Super gross."

A+ WRITING
EXCELLENT LORE BUILDING

JUST GOT DONE FIGHTING ELDRAZZI NOW I HAVE PERSONALITY OF AN ANIME GIRL

Nope, it just got so horribly obnoxiously bad that it deserved a thread.

>JUST GOT DONE FIGHTING ELDRAZZI NOW I HAVE PERSONALITY OF AN ANIME GIRL
Not true, most anime girls in fighting series are more grown up than this.

Buck Plankchest?

I know that after service/times when they aren't deployed they enjoy heavy drinking, swearing and crude humor
And from what I can tell, even the lady ones

>"They had, like...fiddles."
>"They had, like...fiddles."
>"Chunks everywhere. Super gross."
>"Boof!"
>"No!...Yes." She yawned

Daily reminder that the bad guys in Aether revolt are going to be loo based

>even the lady ones

tell me more

I want to hear more from someone who says "lady ones".

>Kaladesh is technologically on par with Ravnica
>The only more technologically advanced plane needs three/fifths of it's suns dropped on it with no survivors.
Kaladesh confimred for Superpower by xx20?

He means like
Literal children

You say that like Wizards didn't always know that Chandra and Jace were anime characters.

Their dialogue is what I imagine most of those 8 year old anime girl characters talk like.

BOOF
using like constantly
Sassyness "No! Yes." etc

Creature Name - Toilet Witch
Creature Type - Spirit
Mana Cost - GB
2/1

If Toilet Witch is in play, all enemy creatures cannot poo in the loo and opposing player must select one of their lands every turn to become the designated shitting street. Discard the shitting street at the end of the turn.

I'd imagine that character pictured has more mature dialogue mannerisms than the ones in this official lore story.

You don't have to imagine, see for yourself:
mangareader.net/magic-the-gathering/1

You'd be wrong.
They're about even.

Well my sample size in that case is one person and I don't know them so I'd honestly take what I say with a grain of salt
I CAN however definitively say that the male war vets I know (or knew in my grandfather's case) did NOT act like teenage girls when they were off service
To be honest looking back, my grandpa's voice always sounded kinda cranky, and he wasn't even the family's nam vet

You think moeblobs talk like valley girls?

Nah man "DESIGNATED" is the sets main mechanic

Honestly, I enjoyed reading this particular fluffpiece more than most others.
Not having Jace around for the next set was a good surprise.

>linkedin.com/in/chrisletoile

For anyone interested, this is the writer's body of work.

This is excusable since this, although based off a western IP, is LITERALLY animu shit

plz bump bros and help "REDPILL" the world

satire obv

Wow those are black marks
Zenimax, AND bioware that's baaad

I don't watch many series with child characters, but I know that Nanoha is above that.

Sailor Moon IS that retarded though.

>linkedin.com/in/chrisletoile
>Wrote Thane and more importantly: Fucking LEGION
What the fuck, did he suffer a stroke or something since?

You need to calm the fuck down now. NEVER invite /pol/ to the fucking party.

She seems to be using normalish sentences

instead of "Like yeah!, nah" snorts, "Sowwy sweetie".

Maybe the Toilet Witch should counter enemy attempts to play a Loo then.

He probably is on the verge of jumping off the nearest bridge every day now.

From Asheron's Call development to fucking MTG online stories.

What's the name of the new walker? That's toilet witch

He was probably either always this bad or is being heavily edited

We have an entire board for it.

I'll be honest, he can become the primary writer for Nissa. He does a really fucking good Nissa.
Get him the fuck away from Chandra and give him a stern lecturing about Gideon, Jace and Liliana before he's let near them again.

really makes you think. The new plane has an interesting "symbol".

>Reaching this hard for shitposting.
Just stop, you're epik memes are completely pathetic.

"I'm so hungry I could eat an Eldrazi. Maybe even one of the gooey ones."

- official lore for mtg after all nearly dying to eldrazi

No keep him for writing Chandra but only when she's interacting with Nissa.

That way people will overblow their friendship into hardcore lesbian fucking.

>Nissa meets up with Chandra on Kaladesh
>After blumbering around they end it with a "I really want to know you better" type of line, complete with staring into eachother's eyes and pressed against each other.
>Story practically ends with a fade to black.
This guy is Nanoha-tier for writing "friendship"

iliana smiled and followed. Behind her, Gideon's voice echoed from the courtyard bricks. "Nissa, before you go. That thing I do, where I clap people on the shoulder? Does that make you uncomfortable?"

Liliana paused at the door, listening. If the elf responded, her words weren't audible.

"I'm sorry. I hadn't realized. I won't do it again." Liliana couldn't imagine his expression, but his tone dripped such brown-eyed-shaggy-dog sincerity her lips twitched with irritation.

"Thank you." Barely more than a whisper of wind on leaves.

"If anything makes you uncomfortable, let me know, all right? Especially if it's me."

Female gamers were a mistake.
Prove me wrong.

What better revenge to something that tried to eat you? It's almost poetic in a way

His name is Beefslab Mancake, show some goddamn respect, or I swear to god he will not wear a shirt so much in your general vicinity.

Gideon's made of white mana. Of course they want everyone to be comfortable around them. I bet he had that same conversation with Jace last week, and he's scheduled Liliana's zombies for next Tuesday.

----------------------------
Get her out of trouble? She was a woman grown. She could do as she pleased.

Protect her? Chandra's heart was a baloth. She needed no champion.

>"...I'll stand with her."

It felt right.

magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/homesick-2016-08-29

Obvious Hillary Clinton support thrown in at end.

>she needed no champion
>I'm with her

Literally the same as a conservative writer ending lore with "Make _____ Great again and build the wall"

SJWDEFENSEFORCE ACTIVATE

Are you saying this isn't anime slice of life fanfic shit? Because all social media posts about this by MTG fans include "Tsundere" "Cute" and "ship" in the post.

That's... totally in-character for Gideon?

Gideon's whole character is 'used to be SMITE AND CLEAVE, realized he needs to turn it down a bit'. He's a literal White Knight.

>hello miss has a vagina
>we just saved existence but.. may I touch you on the shoulder in a friendly way or should I hoverhand?

You can stop shitposting with that one

I wonder how does an Eldrazi taste like

Except that would be funny

>Gideon honestly acts like Gideon
>Getting buttmad noone likes your pathetic attempts to start an epic meme.
Wew Lad.

what's wrong user? This doesn't make you feel uncomfortable, right?

Calamari or octopus probably

BETA AS FUCK

which planeswalker "ships" do your fap your little cock to?

>slap someone on the back
>they go 'hey, could you not?'
>you agree

Yeah, what a spineless fuck, how dare he notice someone else's discomfort and offer common courtesy!

Like, this story is trash, but what a completely unnecessary nitpick.

Flavor out of space, I would imagine.

The only true ship, of course.
Bolas x His Own Ego

most of what this story was trying to get actoss was fine and well thought. most of the words this story used to do it were clumsy and unnecessary, detracting from what could have been nice characterizations.

Well, if their experience was anything like Drana's, they go on a psychadelic trip of their mind planeswalking across the entire multiverse in an instant, but they're not vampires so they don't get a power up.
This is directly the reason why the elves of Zendikar got nuked to half a tribe.

betamale detected

>lets add in a paragraph about a useless fucking "slapping" of someones back

A random fucking highschool social group has more mature dialogue than this trash

This is not what motherfuckers who summon shit and just faced impossible creatures talk about. It's fucking mundane and stupid. fucking planeswalkers do not fucking talk about slapping each other on the shoulder or not.

The writer literally turned their interactions into stereotypical anime slice of life shit between 10 year olds with SJW shit thrown in.

Weatherlight of course!