This is just a reminder, Veeky Forums. Hobbits actually existed. Neanderthals were dwarves. And so did elves... they're us.
>Super jogging endurance
>Super ranged skills
>Mostly hairless and skinny
>Weak and easily damaged
>Obsessed with art and culture
>Breeds slowly and had a low population density for most of history
No Veeky Forums, you are the Savannah elf.
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Also check this list. Most primate species live about 20 years, maybe 30.
pin.primate.wisc.edu
Compared to them humans are weird super ancient creatures. We typically live to about 80, about four times as long as they live. Four times longer than us would be about 320. That's about how old we'd feel to them.
>Jogging Endurance
Literally every bipedal of the Genus Homo had this.
>Ranged Skill
Ours is basically dogshit, as it requires weeks/months of practice to implement to effectiveness.
>Hairless and Skinny
3rd verse, same as the 1st.
>Weak and easily damaged
Are you high? Everyone was easily damaged, and in that regard weak; yes, Neanderthals had a, at the time, decent capacity to operate while injured, but basically every animal can do that sorta shit for a while.
>Obsessed with Art/Culture
In all likelihood, so was every other intelligent, Sapient, species.
>Breeds Slowly and had a low population density.
No, stupid. Actually, we had/have a pretty decent breeding rate, and our so-called 'low population' was because we were at, or close to, 'optimal density' for our species at the time.
>No Veeky Forums, you are the Savannah elf.
No, OP, it is you who is the faggot; we're the Savannah human, because we literally don't fit into ANY categorization like that so neatly.
>Literally every bipedal of the Genus Homo had this.
We've got the best endurance of any genus homo species, hands down. We could literally run circles around Neanderthals and Hobbits. The only ones that might have matched us were our direct ancestors. We outdo all of our cousin species.
>Ours is basically dogshit, as it requires weeks/months of practice to implement to effectiveness.
With our long lifespan that's not much of an issue, but it's important to remember that we've got shoulders that allow us to easily throw stones. While other primates can throw they have massive issues aiming. We're naturally awesome at ranged combat. Most of our cousins had huge issues with it and couldn't have used, say, and atlatl, one of our earliest ranged weapons.
>3rd verse, same as the 1st.
We're easily one of the weakest primate species out there. Primates are strong as fuck, man. And our hairlessness is also unusual, a product of developing on the Savannah and using persistence hunting to jog prey to death. We deal with endurance under the sun better than basically any other primate.
>Are you high? Everyone was easily damaged, and in that regard weak; yes, Neanderthals had a, at the time, decent capacity to operate while injured, but basically every animal can do that sorta shit for a while.
We're not physically strong, and while every species can deal with damage for a while most of our cousins were better at it than we are. It's a relative measure.
>In all likelihood, so was every other intelligent, Sapient, species.
Neanderthals weren't nearly as obsessed as we are, and no other humanoid species that displayed things like burial really went as far as we did at the time with the decoration.
>No, OP, it is you who is the faggot; we're the Savannah human, because we literally don't fit into ANY categorization like that so neatly.
Relative to our cousins, we do. We don't exist in a vacuum and can be compared to our cousin species.
I dunno, OP, I'm pretty sure I'm some kind of half-ogre.
>Smell 10 minutes after showering, no matter how hard I scrub everything
>Intelligent enough to speak and type (from the human half) but neither wise nor clever enough to get anything done right(from the ogre half)
>Easily amused, but lazy
>Always hungry even with access to food, have to fill to bursting before feeling sated
>Easily distracted
This is probably blogging, but there you go.
>Half Ogre
Nah, Ogres were Gigantopithecus.
Also I just realized the dude in the pic I posted is Christopher Walken
>I've seen you go ape and... you're not monkeying around.
I don't think I really appreciated just how terrifying dire animals were until this point.
Dire apes are scary as shit, man. I don't blame you. They're the size of TALL Space Marines. The tallest human ever to live would be a manlet next to them and they'd still have that crazy ape strength on top of it.
Just wait until you find out that ancient dire eagles used to eat humans by picking them up and carrying them through the air before dropping them. Of course they could also just peck straight through the skull.
There's a reason we hunted them to extinction. When we started as a species we were NOT at the top of the food chain.
Also now extinct: A very clear reminder that birds were once dinosaurs. The Terror Bird. Yes, that was actually their name. They used to be apex predators in South America all the way up to Texas. Just imagine these guys hunting cowboys.
It's not entirely certain when they went extinct, but a lot of people think they went extinct around the time of the arrival of humans. There's little doubt that if they did coexist with humans they probably ate us, and that's most likely why they went extinct.
JESUS CHRIST
At least it's not Carboniferous Dire Centipedes.
Well, we were also prey to predatory birds. Our primate ancestors suffered it, and even early human children were at the mercy of predatory birds as well.
Of course, these weren't terror birds, just large hawks. Skeletons of early hominid children occasionally show distinctive marks on their skulls, especially around the eyes. These markings are found on contemporary primate prey of these hawks, as evidenced from bones collected from under their nests.
You don't even need to look far back to find man eating animals. Behold, Two Toed Tom:
>This huge male American alligator was said to roam the swamps in the border of Alabama and Florida during the 20s. He had lost all but two of the toes in his left “hand”, and left very recognizable tracks on the mud, so he was nicknamed “Two Toed Tom” by the local people. He was said to have lost his toes in an iron trap. He measured four and a half meters long, and people claimed he was no normal gator, but a demon sent from Hell to terrorize them. Tom made himself infamous by devouring scores of cows, mules and, of course, humans, particularly women (snatched as they washed clothes in the water). Due to his frequent attacks, many farmers tried to kill Tom, but bullets were said to have little effect on him and all attempts on his life failed. One farmer even tried to kill him using dynamite; the farmer had been chasing Tom for twenty years, unsuccessfully, so he decided to throw fifteen dynamite-filled buckets into the pond were Tom was supposed to live, and finally get rid of the problem once and for all. The explosion killed everything in the pond, but not Tom. Moments after the explosion, the farmer and his son heard a horrible scream and splashing sounds coming from a nearby pond.
What stand is this?
>They rushed to the place and saw Tom’s bright eyes for a moment before he disappeared under the surface. The screams were later explained when the half eaten remains of the farmer’s young daughter appeared in the shore. It is impossible to know whether this particular story was true or simply a folk tale, but everything seems to indicate that Two Toed Tom was real, and that he continued to roam the swamps of Florida for many years. People would constantly report seeing a huge male gator basking in lake shores, and hearing his roars every morning. They identified him as Tom by the two toed tracks he left in the sand and the mud. The most amazing part of the story is that, although he was most famous during the 20s, Tom was seemingly still alive during the 80s, when a huge gator lacking two of his toes was reported in the same swamps where he had roamed his entire life. Many hunts for the living legend were organized, but Two Toed Tom was never captured.
A giant man-eating gator was around as recently as the 80's. And it survived bullets AND Dynamite.
So basically the world used to be Warhammer Fantasy Battles and now it's Diplomacy
Neat, could be worse
Gustave is still alive.
I'm never going south of Virginia ever again. This is getting into /x/ territory. Immortal man-eating monster gators? I'm out.
There's another good story. He's eaten over 300 people, lives on the Nile, and has survived everything thrown at him. Modern scientists have found him but can't catch him; the bastard is too smart. He has a gunshot wound in his head, too - nothing has been able to kill him. He's still very much alive and free.
Earth has never been a particularly nice place. The only reason it seems like it is because humans are a species like Honey Badgers; a grudge species. When something eats one of us we tell all of our friends and neighbors and then get mad and go on killing sprees. Hell, remember Steve Irwin, the conservation guy who went to the ends of the earth to protect every species? When he did, although it was against EVERYTHING he stood for people were out spree killing Sting Rays in retaliation. It died down, but that's the sort of species we are.
Every once in a while we run across something like a pride of lions with a taste for human flesh or man eating alligators and we chase it down as a mob and murder them. The remarkable ones in modern times are the ones that can survive guns and dynamite. But what about before guns and dynamite? Those are recent.
Well, the answer is that before guns and dynamite there were certain species that ate humans all the time and got away with it. They're rare now, much less so as short as a few generations ago. Even today cougars will ambush and carry off human children and joggers and get away with it.
For instance, a 35 year old guy in California died in 2004: "Attacked and killed while mountain biking at Whiting Ranch Wilderness Park in southern Orange County, California. It is believed his chain fell off and the cougar attacked when he bent down to repair his bicycle."
Cougar stole my bike.
Underrated post.
/x/ Territory, eh? You'll like this one then.
In 1898, the British started the construction of a railway bridge over the Tsavo river in Kenya. Over the next nine months, the unfortunate railway workers became the target of two man-eating lions (now known to have been brothers). These lions were huge, measuring over three meters long, and, as is usual among lions from the Tsavo region, they were maneless. At first, the two lions snatched the men from their tents, dragging them to the bush and devouring them at night. But soon they became so fearless, that they wouldn’t even drag their victims away and would start feeding on their flesh just a few yards from the tents. Their size, ferocity and cunning were so extraordinary that many natives thought that they were not actually lions, but rather demons, or perhaps the reincarnation of ancient local kings trying to repel the British invaders (the belief of dead kings being reborn as lions was once very common in Eastern Africa). The two man-eaters were nicknamed The Ghost and The Darkness, and workers were so afraid of them that they fled by the hundreds out of Tsavo. The railway construction was halted; no one wanted to be the next victim of the “devil lions”.
Eventually, the Chief Engineer in charge of the railway project, John Henry Patterson, decided that the only solution was to kill the man eaters. He was very close to being killed by the lions but, eventually, he managed to shoot the first one in December of 1989, and two weeks later, he managed to shot the second one. By this time, the lions had killed 140 people. Patterson also found the man-eaters’ lair; a cave near the Tsavo river bank, which contained the remains of many human victims, as well as pieces of clothes and ornaments. This cave still exists today and, although many bones have been exhumed, it is said that many still remain inside. Some experts have recently claimed that the lions only ate about 35 of their human victims. But this doesn’t mean they didn’t kill many others; like other man eaters, they were often said to kill even when not hungry. Today, the Tsavo man-eaters (or rather, their stuffed pelts) can be seen in the Field Museum of Chicago, although Kenyan authorities have expressed interest in building a museum completely dedicated to them, in which case the Ghost and the Darkness could return to Tsavo once again.
>Demon lions
If demonic lions aren't /x/ territory I don't know what is.
There's a pretty gud movie based on that whole thing
>demonic lions
pish-posh, they're not very daemonic if a british dandy can see them off
Those apes are fuckin' pissed.
Well now that OP is done spewing retardation, would anyone be interested in a game of FATAL?
dwarf master race
>long lived
>swole as fuck
Um, you know that we're the end product of all those different hominids fucking each other, right? That Neanderthal DNA can still be found in some populations of modern humans?
One word for you nigger:
Vinegar, if possible from the strong variety. Bathe and scrub, apply liberally on soles, armpits, between fat rolls or muscles, behind ears, and wherever you feel sweat hits you the most, wait for it to be slightly dry, then use cologne, talc, deodorant and or parfume as normal. Try for three days, it works like magic.
STRONG VINEGAR PLZ, not your pussy cheap store variety (that also works but diminished greatly, which may be good if you're man enough to apply to genital area [not recommended but possible])
This guy isn't trolling. That shit even works for dandruff.
Veeky Forums is not either of those things.
We are stunted and hairy though, and we carry grudges for way longer than needed, as well as having a fixation on what to drink during our most favorite hobbies/games/time of the day.
The movie about this is really good. If highly dramatized
I'm going ta sort it out *BLAM*. I'M GOING. TO SORT IT OUT. *BLAM*
It's actually not impossible that our stories about giants and ogres and the like are in some way derived from Gigantopithecus or some other closely related member of the great ape family.
my god, we're half-dwarfs
>The most amazing part of the story is that [...] Tom was seemingly still alive during the 80s
This is not at all as amazing as it sounds. Gators and crocs can't die of old age as their bodies never mature fully, they just keep growing. As long as they can find sufficient food to sustain their ever increasingly demanding bodies they can theoretically live forever.
Clearly you are a blank, the "stench" is a form of synethsisia as the brain tries to justify the aura of wrong on your existance as you lack a soul
Basically we got all the lame parts of dorfs
Daily reminder that you know fuck all about developmental human genetics.
The Ghost and the Darkness
My 2nd favorite movie.
Humans probably out-competed neanderthals through superior numbers and chance- neanderthals were dying out and inbred by the time humans migrated to the Europe area from richer areas.
We're like steppe orcs or something to their dwarves- similar physical strength, but quicker and more numerous.
Don't forget how the Aboriginals of Australia set the whole thing on fucking fire to make the big bag scary lizards go away.
No, gators and crocs don't grow their teeth back. They don't die of old age, but starvation. Eventually they lose all their teeth and simply shrivel up and die.
Some people believe that Yeti's are Gigantopithecus .
Four and a half metre long. HA what a little bitch.
>They don't die of old age, but starvation
That's exactly what I said.
Seriously thank fuck for that. You think Oz is a death world now? We had the Demon Duck of Doom (2.5 metre bird might have been a vegetarian), Quinkana (3m long land croc), Megalania (either 4.5 metre to 7metre long komodo dragon), Marsupial lions (the real fucking drop bears) and tons of other shit.
Bloody subhumans, their race must have high CON to withstand all that petrol they inhale/drink.
OP is more on the mark than you are.
This reply says all
Gigantopithecus were herbivores though. We weren't below them in the food chain. They quite probably didn't eat meat at all, according to what we can glean from their skulls.
And where exactly did you get all that data on neanderthals from? I can imagine it with the sources, but physical capabilities? What are you basing all that on?
[citation needed].
>with the sources
Was supposed to say "with the culture".
Stormbirds were unable to compete with sabretooth tigers.
The country does burn real easy. Gumtrees are full of a flammable oil and in fact some species require intense forest fires to breed. It's suspected that some species will even spontaneously catch on fire if the weather is dry and hot enough.
>only four and a half metres
Alligators are just shitty crocodiles.
>Ours is basically dogshit
We're the best fucking ranged fighters on the planet, user. It's probably what won us our victory of the hominids, more than anything else, given recent research seeming to suggest we weren't really all that much smarter than neanderthals. Even when it was just sticks and stones, we were not just the best, but the only, ranged combatants, not counting some silly insects, or archerfish, or whatever.
You seem to have no idea what you're talking about.
So ... if one were to feed an Alligator or Croc, it would just continue to grow and live as long as that is kept up?
Holy shit. I knew about Hydras, and that they don't die to old age, and figured there may be a few more species that do the same. But I never thought anything as big as Gators or Crocs would be impervious to aging.
Eh, no. That's just brits being brits. Pic related.
"I wanna be like you."
The Great White Hunter was a real thing you could call some of them back in the day, not just a dismissive insult for the dentists and Trump children of today.
Do you live in a swamp? What is your stance on onions?
I think you could be a particularly large hobgoblin
[DONKEY KONG RAP]
Destructive Power: A->Infinite
Speed: C->Infinite
Range: B
Durability: A
Precision: D
Development Potential: C
Bigger, Stronger, Faster Too: When fighting another enemy Stand user the Stand's speed, destructive power and size scale to be one rank higher than the opposing Stand's. It's weakness is it can only surpass one Stand at a time and the user must concentrate to use this technique
Coconut Gun: The Stand can withdraw a wooden firearm from anywhere to fire in bursts
Finally Back To Kick Some Tail: The true power of this Stand is the ability to reverse causality for travel when the user is unobserved, instantaneously teleporting behind an opponent within the Stand's range so long as the opponent cannot directly observe him.
They have to be sutaining themselves off fear alone at this point.
>And so did elves... they're us.
Now I'm scared