Which D&D 5e class makes the WORST waifu?

I dont know man, paladins have pretty good charisma.. plus if you like muscles, the adventurer in plate and a greatsword is likely to have them.

Just be prepared for DEUS VULT in the bedroom, and for their "Holy Avenger" to emit a divine light.

Not the best, but there's definitely worse.

How else would she take Orc dick?

Great a pushy muscle girl that would sacrifice you to further her anti-goblin crusade with even a flimsy excuse.

No thanks, I'll take the ideal 5e waifu (lore bard) any day.

But warlocks have high charisma.

stretchy butt

>implying you won't be her troubled prince that she rescues every other session

Do you just hate being truly loved by a woman?

>pushy
What?
>sacrifices innocents
Is this bait?
>anti-goblin crusade
You're just fucking with me now.

>How else would she take Orc dick?

Orcs? Why is it always Orcs?

A proper Paladin will try and tame the beast within the tortured soul of a man infected with lycanthropy, and when the full moon rises and he turns into a beast with a need to breed, she's got the motivation and the body to accommodate his bestial lust.

Mechanically, an aura against fear and immunity to disease would work really well for this scenario.

Drawing humans with a green texture requires a lot less work than any other creature.

Werewolves man. They do things to me.

Please, talk about those feelings.

Because every time my guy gets bitten by a werewolf there's always at least one female PC who tries to get buddy-buddy.

Most orcs aren't drawn just as 'green people' though, they've got specific features.

It's also not less work to draw things that look like humans anyway, what gave you that idea?

>most important thing in her life is her oath
>puts oath before others (especially vengeance)
>oath of vengeance against goblins (and others)

I want to play the Paladin in that scenario, getting a wary outcast hunk as a boyfriend that once a month turns into my personal killing machine sounds like my kind of fun.

>immunity to disease

Wait, does this mean if her lover gets bitey during the act, she won't catch lycanthropy?

As a side note: the idea of sexual paladins doesn't sound too far fetched given history.

In fact the whole scenario reminds me of "The Taming of Enkidu" straight out of The Epic of Gilgamesh.

Yeah, but guess what, that's just how they convince you to stay in the relationship even though you're second string to some horrible demon, a tree-raping prettyboy, or a space mollusk.

Now, let us post warrior-fus.

>Wait, does this mean if her lover gets bitey during the act, she won't catch lycanthropy

That's exactly what it means, a Paladin is totally immune to all forms of disease.

Though that could change if you argue it's a curse, but most would consider it a disease that turns into a curse.

Paladins

>No, user, anal sex is HARAM!!

One of my first fantasies was a werewolf girl. Personally I blame cartoons for making me like furry porn.
There's just something about the whole, primal unrestrained bestial side, y'know?

Never been in a situation to play a werewolf or in a lycanthrope heavy setting, but now I think about it I probably shouldn't.

Just so we're clear: it's caused by salivaborne bacteria which basically need to infect cells which then draw in the dark, primal, thaumetergic energies which cause the transformartion?

Or do we assume the lycanthropy pathogens are the tiniest sorcerers in the setting?

Magic, man.

DnD is very weird about lycanthropy; it's treated as a disease for the first couple days (with fort saves and everything) but after your first full moon it becomes a curse.

So I'd argue a Paladin getting her neck nipped by her werewolf lover while mounted wouldn't get lycanthropy. It's the same thing with vampirism.

Special features as in they are ugly fat guys with green skin?

Orcs drawn for something other than porn usually have interesting designs. But orcs were brought up in this thread because they are always the go to monster for the monster raping PCs fetish. In those cases they are always drawn as fat, green men.

I don't understand it myself because why not just draw normal humans and call them bandits? It's the same effect.

The Japanese have a thing for seeing pretty girls get broken on filthy old men.

You mean "Does the relevant handbook use "Disease" or "Curse" as a keyword?"

but what he's asking is "why not just use filthy old men"?

I guess they reeeeeeeeaaaally feel a few mouth tusks make them that much uglier.

Well, as long as we're all understanding.

just find people you're okay with that sort of thing and accept an ERP game.

I'd totally join a game with you nerds, though I'd prefer to play the infected guy.

You're thinking about this wrong. If you start a relationship with a warlock, you get to cuck Satan/Cthulhu, which is beyond alpha. You just need to get creative and use the situation to your advantage.

>not wanting an antisocial, tiny, constantly frowning warlock for your waifu

In either case, if you took a person and color shifted them green and called them an orc most people would agree it looks weird, tusks at least, sometimes a weird nose, the nips like pig faces from what I can tell.

And even if we go with "they're just green humans" how does it follow that it's easier to draw humans than anything else? Humans are difficult to draw. If you wanted an easy monster you'd draw a special snowflake creature that doesn't have anatomical rules you need to abide by for it to not look god awful. Or slimes. Or a myriad of other things.

I know knight (female) is the BEST waifu.

>Wait, does this mean if her lover gets bitey during the act, she won't catch lycanthropy?
Lycanthropy is a curse, not a disease.

I've seen it described as both, but it's a pretty common trope for it to be infectious.

refer to

Warlocks can be good or bad.
Clerics, Paladins, and Druids can fall. (Or at least used to be able to, even though in 5e only Pallys do) so if THEY don't follow their god's wishes, they lose their powers, since they're getting spells and power by praying "father may I" when they need it.
Warlocks, however, are taught secrets by their patrons. A patron could refuse to help them further if they didn't do as asked, but losing their powers is never involved. The issues with warlocks arise when they're more devoted to their patron than you, or the patron is a devil lord who owns their soul, or a great old one driving them insane, or a fey lord/lady that will smear you into the ground for messing with their goods...

Monks are the worst waifus. They achieve physical perfection and enlightenment, which is nice, but then they're never going to want to involve themselves in unnecessary excitement or carnal pleasures. Just eat dew from eucalyptus leaves, do yoga, and talk about balance and farming rocks all day.

I assume any artist that takes their craft seriously would regularly practice drawing humans. Drawing in general is a challenging skill to learn, so easy in this case means the most practiced.

Drawing a werewolf I would think would be harder than drawing a human for most artist since there are many features they wouldn't have practiced. That's why many werewolves don't actually look like wolves. In my experiences many have normal hands and feet, but with long and sharp fingernails. Fur that looks more like skin. A normal spine so they don't have to make up entirely new poses and so on.

It does depend on the individual artist, but nearly all that I have seen can effectively draw a person without too much issue. A werewolf however, would likely be outside their comfort zone of the average artist without cheating and sneaking mostly human features into the design.

I prefer economist (female)

With wolf ears and a fluffy tail?

No, with horns and useless flesh. I mean Horo is fine too I guess

With the half-dragon template, surely?

Cleric. Warlocks treat their dealings as a slightly distasteful business transaction, Clerics have to bring their fucking special best friend into everything. Yeah, I'm sure He cares about you, you and a million other robed assholes.

Bard is worst waifu.
Barbarian is best waifu.

Bards. Bastards (and bitches) are busy boning everybody in sight. Not exactly the most loyal waifus/husbandos.

Such loving characteristics are not found an any woman outside of the underdark.
Each and every one is a treasure.
Nice doesn't begin to cover it.
Definitely go for a Drow Cleric as your wife.

Her majesty will captivate you.
Earning her affection isn't easy, but is deeply rewarding.
Learn to appreciate all her little eccentricities, because she must trust you to show them to you.
Pleasing her is a joy.

How come I cant find A nice cleric girl like this?
I walk on the right side of the road,
I always offer them my fullplate to wear when it gets cold out and Every time I free a fair maiden from a tyrannical lord or beast they just gently shake my hand and i never see the again!
Should I add more plumes to my helmet?

>The Taming of Enkidu

Welp. I'm sold now.

That design is god damn garbage

I don't know, it fit the pseudo-1500s look of the anime, especially when her hair was up.

Bards are notorious sluts. so they'd make shit waifus.

>Realistically, they are probably older tan you by a lot.
Are you saying you don't like older women, user?

Older women are gross.

They know how to hold a relationship, they know all the right things to do in the bedroom (and aren't bashful about doing them) and they probably have stable careers.

What a nightmare.

Paladins never put out, and are married to their job, constantly nags you about your non-good aligned friends.

What class is the MOST LIKELY to be thicc?

Older women are all taken

Probably one whose job it is to march in full plate armor for hours or even days.

do you mean thick as in "flabby", "soft" or "hard"?

Paladin girls are THE most likely to get addicted to monstercock, only slightly above Rangers because Rangers are typically mentally unbalanced lesbians.

Explain your memery and you shall get an answer

>Posting in a 5e specific thread talking about other editions shit.
Stick your dick in a sausage grinder.

>Monks are the worst waifus.
Learn 2 Tantra and Sybarite, pleb.
There are countless ecstatic enlightenment paths.

okay seriously, who is this character and why is she everywhere?!

>Male Paladin of the Ancients
>Female Fey Pact Warlock

Best pairing, without doubt.

Daily reminder that drow civilization is a fundamentally worthless, unsustainable mess and that, somehow, someway the drow have managed to make being an illithid's thrall seem less of an annoyance than being enslaved by their sorry asses. At least the mind flayers have the courtesy to turn off your brain; the drow will just bitch and whine about stupid things into your ear and continue backstabbing her peers until she inevitably gets backstabbed herself, and drow society is so slipshod it's easy to escape in the ensuing tumult as her estate gets shuffled around. The only actual trouble is getting out of the Underdark afterward, given you'll have to go through its actually dangerous inhabitants who aren't a bunch of complete morons. Like the fucking illithids.

Mah nigga

Not all of them at least not in my Indonesian shadow puppet theater

>Not wanting soft, milfy priestess to tend your wounds

Gay as shit tbqh. Clerics worship a god, that doesn't mean Pelor is literally spooning up with you every time you share a bedroll. Warlocks have that fucker actively interfering all the time, there's no escaping it.

Her name is Tyra, she is a barbarian from someone's DnD campaign who was commissioned more times than most fursonas, which is quite incredible.

She was commissioned so many times that some artists draw her simply because all their contacts have drawn her.

>soft, milfy priestess
But they're celibate. Quite literally 2pure.

>They know how to hold a relationship

Which is why they let go of all the last ones, right?

>they know all the right things to do in the bedroom (and aren't bashful about doing them)

And know them because they're used goods with tired vaginas that may've popped out a kid already. But hey, if you want to be the guy whose girlfriend has experiential knowledge of other men's dicks, more power to you.

Even if you surpass them, you won't be able to fuck their memory away.

>and they probably have stable careers.

Well, I suppose there's things to be said about marrying upwards.

Not all of them.

Have an archetype for Blood Hunter.

Is she? This is the first time I see her.

What's wrong with experienced women? It's not like she's going to be loose from taking dick.

Plus, the memory of past lovers thing is irrelevant when I've got memories of past lovers too.

>Plus, the memory of past lovers thing is irrelevant when I've got memories of past lovers too.
You seem to forget where you are

>They are learned spellcasters, the prerequisite for that is multiple years of study.
Or kill a dozen goblins in two days and then multiclass into wizard.

10/10
made me chuckle

Was debating whether to take this in the "men have game, women are sluts" direction or the "well you're a whore too" one, but I'm busy now, so I'll just admit I was just trying to get a rise out of you with your fetish.

Does that apply to all paladins?

>so I'll just admit I was just trying to get a rise out of you with your fetish.

NO KINKSHAMING PLS.

>kinkshaming

this meme needs to die

>SEND HELP

You're slipping Veeky Forums.

Why hasn't anyone brought up Witches as the best waifu class?

Not everyone is into the quirky goth girl scene.

we call those people fools

Depends on the witch

>5e

Goddamn these...witches...have gigantic...reserves of mana.

Witches are meant to have very attractive bodies but trashy faces.

Ara ara~, you're not getting this flustered over an old crone like me, are you?

Which is the worst waifu out of sorceress, wizardess, and bard? Bard seems like a slut.

Which sounds worse, being cheated on, or waking up to find that your dick is now a shark.

Actually that sounds fucking awesome.

gladiator

healthy amount of body fat for protection and also stronk

THICC

This is different from normal women how?

Obviously not the warlock or sorcerer, given that they have charisma as their primary stat.
Things that stand out as being awful would include the cleric, monk and paladin as they are all probably practising abstinence.
The barbarian is probably also terrible, given that their whole thing is rage, are probably abusive as fuck.