They do not speak in the right accents. They do not have the right beards. They do not use the right weapons. They look like garish, feeble, limp-wristed faggots more in common with elves than dwarfs.
These are not dwarfs. These are not dwarfs. These are not dwarfs.
Fuck you, WotC. Fuck you, MaRo. Fuck you, Tumblr.
These are not dwarfs.
Camden Wilson
and the woman doesnt even have a beard
Jordan Watson
turns out dwarves arent real and can be depicted in any fashion
Betting anything that OP's conception of "real dwarfs" would exclude Tolkien as well.
Eli Powell
Fucking Deep Downers. Gap take the lot of you.
Jaxson Garcia
Oh shit, I didn't realize the King Under the Mountain posts on Veeky Forums! The ultimate authority on what is, and what isn't a dwarf is here! Quick, everybody post your homebrew setting dwarves so he can tell us how we're wrong and stupid!
Jayden Gutierrez
>Which are what exactly The immutable rules that Tolkien decreed.
>Which are what exactly? The immutable rules that Tolkien decreed.
>Which are what exactly? The immutable rules that Tolkien decreed.
Angel Morales
He's a Deep Down Grag, you can't reason with them.
Jaxon Perez
Dwarves in my setting are 9 feet tall and wield sabers
Robert King
Words have meaning in the english language. That meaning is derived from a common definition. People who deviate from that meaning are miscommunicating and not using the word correctly.
THAT SAID
OP needs to get down off of Tolkien's unbelievably detailed description of his dick. There is a variance allowed for a words meaning, and every dwarf doesn't have to be copy/paste Tolkien.
Hudson Johnson
So then why aren't you out complaining about the LoTR movies, or Warhammer Fantasy, or World of Warcraft, or Forgotten Realms, or really anything, since I've never seen "Tolkien" dwarves (which, by the way, is how he pluralized it in the books after much agonizing) outside of Tolkien.
Jonathan Jones
Bah, I do not believe he has even laid eyes on the Scone of Stone. And I wouldn't go listening to a b'zugda-hiara who, quite frankly, can just shove his ideas where the sun shines too much.
Dylan Walker
Dwarves in my setting are tall atheist Babylonian elves
Luke Price
This is now a septuple thread.
Mason Lee
Call them gnomes. Call them halflings. Call them furry midgets for all I care.
These are not dwarfs.
I bet they don't even drink ale.
Gabriel Perry
In my setting, dwarves drink fine wine imported from Elvish territory, because the elves don't like it.
Owen Gomez
How do you know what accent they speak in?
Leo Moore
There's threads all around Veeky Forums on "How are your Elves different then other settings elves" and shit. Whole threads dedicated to making each race different. WotC releases a different type of dwarf for their setting and people like you get butthurt about that shit. It's stupid. Why have the same thing done a million times the same way? It's boring. Let them have their fancy dwarves for this setting. A bunch of faggots running around caves looking for "muh rocks 'nd muh beard hair" was cute the first time LotR did it. It's not quite the same when it's done over and over. Besides, WotC did "Your Dwarves" right. Go play D&D if you want rock-humpers. Stop complaining.
Jose Butler
>I bet they don't even drink ale.
Tolkien Dwarves don't seem to especially like ale. The "Unexpected party" has one mention, as far as I know unique to Tolkien, calling for ale, in the midst of them drinking tea, beer, coffee, wine, and porter.
Eli Lee
Fantasy races are curious when it comes to names, yeah. You can make it something that only barely resembles a half-assed copy of the original thing, and as long as you name them "elves" or "trolls no one can argue with you.
This is how I dorf now
Logan Campbell
Scottish. Color coded. Three stock, mattocks only, Final Destination.
Josiah Long
troll OP, but MtG has had weird ass Dwarves before, in Shadowmoor, and other fantasy races like Elves have had their own 'local' (plane-wise) interpretations, like Llanowar's ugly punk-elves to their artifact-punk cousins on Mirrodin, the servins from Lorwyn and the tribal elves from Alara's Naya, all of which are not Tolkienesque not even gonna bother with goblins, those motherfuckers are a diverse bunch
Jordan Bell
>dwarfs
Brayden Ortiz
>This is how I dorf now
That would actually be pretty fuckin' cool. Dorfs that make centuar-inspired suits of mech-armor. All the better to carry huge loads or weapons.
Landon Gomez
Will these cards be standard legal?
Tyler Gomez
I fucking love Jund's goblins. I never new how much I wanted a race of hairy little rat-dog-shark-men until they came along.
Parker Morris
i like their revised appearance in mirrodin 2.0 (new phyrexia), but dislike the akkis who remind me of spiky meatballs
Chase Stewart
The instant dwarves become equal to or greater in height than normal humans, the setting has fucked up.
Daniel Morgan
Akki are great, fit perfectly in Kamigawa.
Elijah Adams
pretty disappointed with her proportions desu
its problematic wizards doesn't want to portrait dwarf women with realistic proportions like cute baby hands and fat asses
Landon Green
I never liked Takir's weird little Yetis, personally. Akki bother me too.
Ravnica's are my favorite, but maybe because they're just what I think of when I think of classic goblins.
Jayden Carter
What if they are called Dwarfs because Giants are/were the dominate race and all other races are judged by those standards? Humans are known as "The Little Folk" for this reason.
Christian Morales
Just look at this guy. He's amazing.
Jonathan Perez
Ravnica, Zendikar, and Dominaria have the mostg 'standard' goblins
Daniel Taylor
Eh, I guess that might work. Still not really a fan.
Jayden Kelly
Goblins are solid in every plane. Dominaria, alara, tarkir, zendikar or lorwyn. It doesnt matter.
Well, except for mercadian goblins. Bunch of cunts, they were
Samuel Parker
i just dislike their physical appearance
Jose Wood
Pretty sure he was being sarcastic.
Matthew Harris
Fair enough , it's always a matter of personal preferences I suposse
Owen Wood
>That white vampire nighthawk-ish
Bentley Lopez
To Veeky Forums, REAL DWARVES look like Tolkien parodies, and act like Dwarf Fortress.
The problem here is that people use "words have meaning!" as an excuse to shit on anything that doesn't fit their preconceived notions of what a fantasy race should be. The original things that the would have been called Dwarves in actual Norse myth are barely recognizable as the big bearded Jewish miners. Hell, Tolkien Dwarves weren't that similar to the shit you see in Warcraft or Dwarf Fortress, where they've practically become a parody of themselves. Almost every setting with Dwarves treats them as a joke, giving them dumb names like Beardhammer Hammerbeard.
I like these MtG dwarf designs so far. What I don't like is dwarves and the fucking dwarf obsessed fa/tg/uys that bitch about dwarves and can't shut up about them.
>WotC releases a different type of dwarf for their setting and people like you get butthurt about that shit. Veeky Forums is obsessed with and overprotective of Dwarves as gross dumb neckbeards who are complete idiots.
Tyler Richardson
>Will these cards from the upcoming set be standard legal? M/tg/ threads are truly the worst
Gavin Hughes
Thanks for giving me a new fetish Veeky Forums
Jaxon Howard
Calm down buddy. I was honestly just taking a chance to talk about how the name of a fantasy race does not mean much these days. After all, I like Kal dwarves too.
Seems to me like the most butthurt person on this thread is you desu
Andrew Morris
I hate dwarfes and i was afraid Khaladesh would be ruined bu them. But i like those gnome/halfling fellows so it's alright. I am only afraid that by lettin dwarf jinny out of the bottle that in some other sets we would see actual dwarfes, that would suck.
Evan Bennett
Some depictions are good. Some depictions are bad. Some depictions are awful horse-shit.
Don't pretend you didn't already know that, or which one this qualifies as.
>i'm an enfranchised player who's spent too much money on mtg so to feel good about my life choices i now have to bend over backwards to find excuses for all the awful cards they shit out
Daniel Powell
They don't even look like halflings or gnomes or anything. THEY LOOK LIKE COMPLETELY NORMAL HUMANS. There's no physically that seperates them nothing unique. You can't say height, cause everything in art look normal.
Asher Gray
>muh elitist opinion
Opinion discarded
Blake Anderson
vampire whitehawk
Jose Bennett
I'm not disagreeing with you. Also, no, the most butthurt people in the thread is the OP. Or at least the people OP is trying to bait into agreeing.
I just fucking hate Veeky Forums's obsession with dwarves.
Thomas Lopez
Don't worry, when SJWs are done complaining about how evil, opressive, sexist, homophobic, ableist and racist the concept of dwarves itself is, WotC will not be inclined to use them on anything ever again.
Easton Flores
>Depala will never milk your cock with her muscular dwarven puss :(
Nathaniel Smith
True enough. I get how you feel since I hate Veeky Forums's obsession with kobolds.
Maybe the true lesson in all of this is sometimes tg can be pretty retarded, which I belive is something that everyone can agree on.
Jace Evans
>These are not dwarfs. That's right. They're actually dwarves. Literally the first line in Depala's rule box, dumbass.
James Johnson
>poo plane dwarves pretending to be gnomish artificers disgusting
Sebastian Evans
It's what we do here
Andrew Clark
Are we witnessing actual non-mythic power creep?
Glint Sleeve is a splashable common 3/3 for 3 at common in white with the potential to spawn an extra body.
How much smaller is the hill giant going to get?
Isaac Thomas
pardon the extra common.
Kevin Williams
Porcelain Legionnaire would like to have a world with you
Jace Butler
Then why do the Elves make it? Is it that lucrative?
Ayden Martinez
Viking Dwarves in longships or riot
Dominic Bennett
they make money mostly to buy beer from dwarves
Jayden Allen
Implying the viking plane will not be all niggers invading native-americans because their evil white god will destroy the world if they don't.
Jonathan Mitchell
implying wotc would pass up an opportunity to use and demonize real white raiders
Jaxon Perry
It's been a while since I read the hobbit or lotr (just reading the silmarillion and holy shit is this book better than i remember) and that's the impression I got. It's not that dwarves racially like ale, that one dwarf just happens to like it because that's what he likes to drink and having a dozen odd drinks helps get Bilbo flustered.
Anthony Clark
Wizards knows that pauper is one of the big draws of MTGO. In fact, it's probably the biggest draw. It should come as no surprise that there's power creep. Peregrine Drake getting knocked down to common should show that
Kevin Long
Where are the axes, the braided beards, the head-sized tankards and the heavy accents?
These aren't the dwarfs I know.
Justin Phillips
What the fuck that aerial responder is better than most angels.
Jackson Smith
These ones are more inclusive though
David Davis
I love that the first time dwarves were printed in magic no one gave a shit
The second time all three we're barely recognizable as dwarves because Wizards have obscene PTSD about people not giving a shit
And now that we get dwarves for the third time it's suddenly obscenely important that they ascribe to an arbitrary definition of a race whose most recognizable trait and whose name literally means "short"
Owen Long
>dwarfs
Henry Powell
Don't know about your blind ass, but those dwarves looks pretty stout. I'm sure a dorf wouldn't give a shit what weapon they use as long as it works, and I'm sure they'd use said weapons on you if you call into question their beard fashion sense.
Xavier Cooper
Things that only autists care about, the Thread.
Cameron Wright
They don't look stout enough to me, but bar that, you're a faggot.