MtG: Kaladesh Spoilers Thread

Tezzeret
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa

yeah, it counts as artifact creature after it has been crewed up until the end of turn

Why thus memes?

I guess Kiran was the good part of the duo.

I have the best idea
>Play this
>Blink with a Restoration Angel
>Next turn pay in 4 energy counters and swing with it for 5.

Awwwwwww shit son

And he's the judge of the science fair.

>When Pia Nalaar enters the battlefield, create a 1/1 colorless Thopter artifact creature token with flying for earch Colorless mana spent casting it.

Here, I made her an amazing EDH card with one small change.

Also, is "can't block" a red thing?

... A 2/2 and 1/1 flyer isn't terrible for 2R mana, and her activated abilities aren't quite as good. (Fire breathing is eh)

>laughing_planeswalkers.jpg

I really want for him to not even be up to any shenanigans on Kaladesh, it's just like, his vacation plane that he visits when he needs to get away from it all for a while and relax.

... Why are you making her a Kozi Eldrazi card?

They're here....
>reprint of No Mercy when?

I just checked. It is, but it's sometimes replaced by Menace or Intimidate, which where the keywords I was thinking.

Firebreathing spread across any artifact creatures is notably better, all your artifact creatures count as power X + however many 1R you can pay, and you just dump mana into whichever one they don't block

In the story he cast a spell to steal an artifact, and he's head judge at the fair for impressively powerful artifacts

There isn't going to be a UR artificer legend, is there?

She's an artifact creator, and artifacts identify themselves as colorless as well. It's not like you're only allowed to use the new evergreen colorless mana symbol outside of eldrazi. And that would make her an awesome commander instead of some shitty one no one will ever use.

So Crew a Sky Skiff with the Speedway Fanatic, then use the Sky Skiff to crew an Ovalchase Dragster, and then use THAT to Crew the Demolition Stomper, then use Larger Than Life to make the Stomper 'kin huge then you swing with it for 14.

How quickly could you get this combo out?

I

>Laughing_sluts.jpg

I think you misunderstand the point of all colorless artifacts only having generic mana costs.

The new moot is gonna be board reviewing every six months to see what new meme each board has made, the least meme performing boards will run slower due to less server attention and less moderation attention. this anons are just trying their best to make new dank memes to please nagasaki

If it were straight firebreathing (or just mana in = damage out) I would super agree.

Still, being able to threaten trading up with any of your artifact creature tokens seems good for going all out aggro

>laughing sluts.jpg

Right here familia

>Pia Nalaar
>Tezzeret
This set is getting better and better. I just wonder how the mother daughter reunion will end up.

>Huh, we don't look very much alike. Did you adopt me or something?

>Uhhh Chandra, why is your mom squatting down in the middle of the st-
>>MOM, NO, NOT NOW

Tezzeret confirmed for cucking chandra from her mom.
>chandra wants to kiss her mothers soft sensual lips again and have her mother take care of her like she used to
>tezzeret is too busy fucking her face all day causing pia to have cracked and bleeding chapped lips

>meet your new father

>Don't worry Nissa, she's just beefslabbing the pavement. It's a Kaladeshian custom.

>Tezzeret on Kaladesh
ABORT
ABORT
ABANDON PLANE
THE FUCKING OIL IS HERE

Um did the planar portal in the first lore story not clue you in?

That was the second, the first one was Chandra realizing she may have a thing for Nissa.

>Second favorite walker returns
>After he was last seen contemplating being the Father of Machines
>Bolas probably back in play
HERE
WE
GO

We have Bolas confirmed for next block, so I'm guessing Tezz will be our lead in for that.

Infecting this plane... WITH NO SURVIVORS

>tezzeret wants to be the new father of machines
>a sparkless completed urza is alive
>karn cucked him out on new phyrexia anyways
Wew I feel so bad for the best black planeswalker. Can he just get a win?

>She's not RR.

Oh shit nigger it's happening!
Time to see how they fuck it up since the intro story to this block was the worst fiction I've seen come out of WotC in a decade.

>tfw after this shitty poo in loo machine world we get a Tyrant dragon ruled Egypt plane

Can't wait honestly. I hope they don't tone down Bolas like they did with Emrakul when she returned.

She takes after her father, Fox.

I really need to start reading the stories.

What's the theme/setting?

how do you infect a plane were people shit in the streets?

The next block is supposed to be Egypt themed.

Her dad was.

>tezzeret back
>portals are a thing too soon in this plane
Oh boy I can see where this is going.

>It's a trojan horse

He'll just get his privilege checked by the jactice league and by the power of friendship and lesbians, but Jace won't do anything for once because he's a fucking white male.
Then with bolas completed and sealed inside a pyramid, the true kangz and queenz of mtgypt will take their rightful place.
then garruk shows up and culls the league

so, this is it, isn't it, this is how Phyrexia rises up and starts invading.

all because some Elf and some Vedelken invented a little ring-portal device.

and the best part, a planeswalker let it happen because some kid showed her a qoute she said once about not hampering progress.

the entire multiverse will be getting ass-reamed .

Tezzeret will see the device, bring it to New Phyrexia, and thats that, its over.

Go ahead, the new one already hit the net a few minutes ago. Already started to read that one.

Garruk has shown incapable of beatin Liliana, let alone the rest of them.

gg
no re

>Reading any of them after that tumblr/ fanfiction.net tier dribble they vomited out the last time

>Tezzeret is back
>In a plane choking with artefacts and shit
>He's the chief judge in the Inventor's Fair
>This Rashmi gal and her portal machine
>She will present it to Tezz

herewegoagain.gif

Kaladesh's going to Hell,Phyrexia style; the Jacetice League will get Bolas' current whereabouts from Tezzeret,then try kill him; that's what will lead Magic lorewise into Amonkhet.

ALL WILL BE ONE

The stories are pretty hit and miss.

>wotc is jerking the sjw dick all the spoilers talking about how their sets so progressive
>all the actual magic fans get thrown a bone when best black planeswalker shows up and shits all over poo in loo land
I swear to god if they go back to SJWing this up....

Maybe Garruk sould team up with Bolas and Tezzeret to form their own evil group

Well, I like to suffer.

The last paragraph was fun. Pia "Renegade Prime" swears to stop whatever plans Head Judge Tezzeret has, while Liliana and Chandar look on confused.

>Tezz gives up Bolas, rest of walkers oblivious to the Phyrexia situation as far as I know
>They all rush after the great kotaku dragon
>Yezz slunks away back to Phyrexia with portal ring
>Phyrexia invades part 2
>WotC displays its incompetency again and has Chandra channel fireball into a portal
>Phyrexia melts
>They all win again
>After maybe 2 blocks of them invading

>Tezzeret steals the portal
>tries to point it at New Phyrexia
>gets the co-ordinates wrong
>pulls Elspeth out of the underworld

Imagine for a second the Jacetice League gets to Amonkhet, do the trials, then get FUCKING MURDERED by Grand Daddy Bolas because they all suck so much and we get some new interesting Planeswalkers to defeat the Phyrexian/Bolas alliance

I mean I know we're stuck with there boring as shit same Planeswalkers for the next 5 years SJWing the multiverse, but it's nice to imagine them all just being fed to snakes or something

>"Memey-meme-meme meme-meme~!"
This is you right now.

Why are people from /pol/ so obnoxious?

...

>this act just kills her dead, tezzeret throws up

Oh you know godamn well they will
They've been pushing a little here and there. This time they'll go full tilt complete with a KANGZ block next up.
We are not the core audience any more.

Still al this forced agenda trash aside the cards and set seem interesting otherwise.

magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/torch-defiance-2016-09-05
Well, doubly confirmed now. At least now we know why they revealed it.

Tezzeret lost out on the Phyrexia game and Bolas recalled him. This isn't a Phyrexia invasion, it's just pregame for Amonkhet. Think of it this way:

>Bolas has been gone for a while
>Newer players won't recognize him
>Make a cheerful, bright, and beautiful plane
>Have Tezzeret fuck it up in Bolas' name
>"What the fuck now I hate Bolas"
>Easy Amonkhet hype buildup

With the two-set blocks, they need to be able to go into the first set with people being aware of the threat Bolas represents so it doesn't have the same kind of problems as Kozilek and Emrakul's treatment in Oath and Eldritch Moon.

Would be nice.

Played a bit of that free magic duels game. And my god, Jace is such a fucking faggots.

Yes, he is such a colossal homo that he self-pluralizes.

Also, the review saying they were terrible precon decks was right... you don't win so much as your opponent doesn't. Lillianna's first damn fight is against a deck with 5 highway robbers, and more than enough other life-drain to kill you without direct damage. Her deck barely has kill spells, and has no life-drain of it's own.
Though the final one against the demons was fun. Though suffering from the same issue of shitty deck versus mediocre deck.

So every fucking planeswalker in this set will be blue ?

The characters themselves look interesting to me; is the SJW things that get me. Like Gideon putting a hand on Nissa's shoulder and turning into a ball of "sorry I didn't respect your personal space" the next second. But meh,with all those tumblrinas and pseudo-nerd bloggers watching over WotC like hawks of course they're going to comply; otherwise would mean losing MONEY!

Anyways,there are some rocking 'walkers out there; Koth was fucking cool,and Garruk is like Wolverine but buffed on black mana.

Daba-di, daba-die?

>no it was me! Bolas!
>To Amonkhet

It's a very blue plane tbf

...

Bolas has probably been orchestrating the Inventor's Faire on Kaladesh for years and had Tezz install himself as Head Judge to find and steal the best artifacts. Bolas probably has a juicing chamber set up in a pyramid on Amonkhet that he's using to amass power to get back to his pre-Mending days.

At least Tezz has his Etherium arm again. Wonder if they'll acknowledge that.

Think they'll let Tezz be UGB instead of just U or UB? That would fit pretty well with his lust for power and the way green behaves in relation to artifacts on Kaladesh.

>ywn ride the Great Rollercoaster of Ghirapur

The BFZ story is the worst.

Gatewatch and so on get better, because the decks get distinct, and you get to play as villains.

and Nahiri, Garruk is their Solomon Grundy "I want PANTS TOO" type.

>Joseph: Gideon
>Jotaro: Jace
>Kak: Nissa
>Avdol: Chandra
>Polpol: Lilli
>Iggy: set specific Legendary character who gets killed by a named planeswalker.

I really hopes Garruk returnes soon and just straight up murders one or two members of the gatewatch.

>what is that?

We'll probably get 2 Jace's in each block as well, a human and a mecha Jace, because cmon JACE guys it's BLUE MANA SO JACE GOTTA HAVE MORE JACES

Garruk and Liliana won't be a thing anymore since the complaining about Triumph of Ferocity looking to much like Garruk raping Liliana. I mean she cursed Garruk to the point he's a transdimensional Space Marine with endless deathlust, but then she's just chilling on Innistrad, not a care in the world. If they were gonna bring him back storywise it would have been in the return to Innistrad. Hippy nature loving elf girl is what we have for green now.

Trinket Mastercraft
2W
Creature - Dwarf Artificer
Servo and thopter creatures you control get +1/+1.

3W: Create a 1/1 colorless Servo artifact creature token.

Weird I actually liked that one. Although I feel like that would be said about it regardless of its quality cause it's just Planeswalker doing mundane shit

Meh. Just happy I got another dwarf for my Vehicle/Dwarf EDH...

And all your servo pilots can now Crew one level higher!

They gushed about how progressive their nongendered nonbinary new race is, they would have gushed about kaya but everyone hated her. I just want wotc to open their eyes and see everything they're trying to attempt lately has already been done correctly in characters like koth and tezzeret. I dont need you to tell me how cool the newest blackwalker is, I need acts to merit those sentiments.
Koth is cool because he can kill planeswalker hunters, hes a mirran geomancer who doesnt give a shit and wants to fuck a QT white girl. He even was willing to sacrifice himself for her. Meanwhile kaya looks like a bad wow transmog and nothing personals' brago and disappears from her own story. How the fuck am I supposed to be attached to kaya or care about her? How am I supposed to care about saheeli, a name that is almost a racial slur in and of itself, when her first action is to make the biggest fuck up a planeswalker has made in 25 years of magic? Its not /pol/ bullshit, I just hate this batch of undercooked bullshit theyre trying to feed me.

Why are servo and thopters two different things?

Why not just make it all thopters?