Magic - Kaladesh Spoiler Thread

YOU STOLE MY ORIGINAL BANE JOKE FROM LAST THREAD I'LL SUE WHAT'S YOUR EMAIL

...

>Chandra
>not the hothead

one job

What's so funny?

TELL ME ABOUT TEZZERET! WHY DOES HE WEAR THE HOOD?

>crash the plane
Right into phyrexia.

Eh, Firebrand and Ablaze still have a niche but this is the objectively best one. I like it.

Yeah, that's why a GU deck got second in a standard open yesterday. Because it's a meme deck that isn't actually good.

This is why the term is stupid, because it doesn't actually mean anything.

If take off the arm, will you die?

so, decks you don't like.
Got it.

It would be extremely painful.

Was getting caught part of your plan?

YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP

Can you call a deck blue when there's only 3 to 5 U/other color inside it and the other 90% is green or other color?

Blue as a dominant color, as a color based on control and negations is dead.
A meme color, with meme decks.

You're a big planeswalker..

But Tezzeret gets caught at the end of today's story.

4U

4U

You posted out of sequence.

Wizards, please give me something cool as a payoff spell for pauper Tron. Now's your chance in the artifact set.

WAS FUCKING UP PART OF YOUR PLAN?

OF COURSHE

Can someone do a TLDR of the current Kaladesh plot? I just returned and I don't know what the fuck is going on

>Why part of the gatewatch is on Kaladesh
>Why are chandra and liliana going full autism and ripping shit up
>Why is chandra's mother alive
>Why is Tezzeret on Kaladesh
>Why is he a high judge
>Why the fuck they would make a judge of a complete stranger not even from that world
>Who the fuck was Tezzeret I don't even remember

Really help, what the fuck

Of courshe!

2RR

okay, first, Esper Dragons was a year ago.
Stop using 'dead' for 'weak for a brief period of time'.
Second, Clash of Wills, and Summery Dismissal mad it to the top 8 of Worlds. You are full of shit.

Third, mana is good right now, so people are playing 3 color decks. Saying blue is dead, because people are playing 3 color decks, many of which include blue, is fucking retarded.

We can all agree with Chandra is bad though, right?

tezzeret is the inventor planeswalker, he jizzes all over artifacts and is the artifact god.

He is also Nigga Balls best friend and he may bring The Farexiunz to Kalakush.

Yes, sell me all of yours so i can burn them in a bonfire. She's clearly trash.

post more

they are going to make angel support and make bruna playable holy shit it is cool.

At common though?

>I add some low cost blue cards to my deck that don't require any kind of commitment nor are part of the central part of my strategy (win)
>Blue is not dead XD
>Blue is still dominant XDD
>WORLDS RESULTS XDDD

Yes, if a color is not doing jackshit for more than a year IS DEAD.
And saying that Bant Company represents blue spirit is retarded.

Just move on when your favorite color turns into the meme color, it will hurt you less user.

>color is not doing jackshit
>just ignore all these decks using this color, they don't count

Jesus you're retarded

...

But that's as retarded as saying every other color is dead just because they're all played in multicolor decks.

Can you manage to pull the blinds out of your eyes and realize it or are you just too bullheaded to see that?

why does mtg even bother with standard/constructed

its obvious they want to just dedicate themselves to limited where most of the fun actually is

White got amazing walkers, creatures and spells.
Black got amazing walkers, creatures and spells.
Red got chandra and a lot of nice shit in this set that will make good shit from past sets finally shit.
Green literally gets everything and more.
All these 4 colors also got engines to make awesome shit happen, like delirium and company.

Blue got... Reflector, Elder Deep and a couple of subpar negation cards that are merely support to the good colors and engines,

Blue was turned into the Medical slut of the game, she is mercy, taking cocks all day and saying "thanks may I have another cumshot?"

You all as blue "devoted" players are no different now.

weren't we promised dovin baan by the end of the day?

It's only 8:20 PST, so there's time.

This card is literally too bad for everything but Standard and Commander.

please god just let the red Gundam just anger the board

>>Why part of the gatewatch is on Kaladesh
>>Why are chandra and liliana going full autism and ripping shit up
>>Why is chandra's mother alive
>>Why is Tezzeret on Kaladesh
>>Why is he a high judge
>>Why the fuck they would make a judge of a complete stranger not even from that world
>>Who the fuck was Tezzeret I don't even remember
Dovin Baan brought them to protect the fair or something.
Pia's still alive because her death wasn't explicit like chandra's father or something
Tezz gotta get dem artifacts. A planeswalker level artificer is probably the or one of the strongest on the plane so theres no reason to not make him a judge. He probably snuck in like a normal kaladesh citizen when he arrived.
He's the buddies with Bolas and was involved with the phyrexians on mirrodin.

Red one probably has haste (trample is taken) and deals damage (4?) divided among creatures and/or planeswalkers you don't control.

Black one probably has lifelink (regenerate?) and returns an artifact/creature from the graveyard to the battlefield/your hand?

Blue one.. has hexproof (how can a giant robot fly? nb4 it flies anyway) and..... draws cards for each nontoken artifact you have? That seems pretty strong even if it's like 7 mana.

this card is really good

>over push Chandra
>after WoTC goes full feminist by denouncing that all demons are male
>by regretting making male angels
>by making Chandra a lesbian
>by banned pro players for being sexist
>by supporting TransWalkers(tm)

I seriously dont understand how feminist/SJW/liberals have been able to completely and utterly hijack every and all hobbies?

Movies, Books, Video Games, Card Games, Board Games, TV....

EVERYTHING has to cater to this fucking people now.

Blue time walks. It'll be called time walker :^)

>Gatewatch uses Tamiyo to advertise, gets first deal, Vedalken Walker named Baan.
>Baan doesn't get that Gatewatch is more about "stop planeswalkers from fucking things up" than "be planeswalkers and fuck things up", hires them to run security against some renegades in Kaladesh.
>Gets told that's not their job, but Chandra sympathizes with the renegade (see origin) and, with some convincing from Liliana and a pinch of instinct, planeswalks to warn them that Baan's not f*cking around.
>Gideon and Nissa follow after Baan hears the name "Nalaar" and repeats Chandra's origin to them. Jace gets held back to babysit the guilds on Ravnica.
>Liliana and Chanda get into all kinds of shit, eventually hunt down who they think the renegade is (was actually Tezz) and in doing so found who he was hunting (Pia Nalaar, 'cause they ain't dead 'till y'eh see the body).
>To be continued.

>>by banned pro players for being sexist
wot? when/how?

black one will have deathtouch bro, it will be the spinal tap collossus of motherfucker.

I noticed some statements about jund

how is Naya looking with this?

I know it will, but BIG THINGS DO NOT NEED DEATHTOUCH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, WIZARDS.

They made one male angel, and that was planeshifted. When have they made a female demon? Was it a special case?

Also, Chandra's not Lesbian, she's just out for a night on the town with a friend, probably ending with there no longer being a town. Maybe Bi, considering she's shot remarks at Gideon before.

>how can a giant robot fly?

oh ye of little faith

Nissa and Chandra are total Lesbos dude.

>Red walker that isn't trash or only good in specific situations
HOLY FUCKING SHITBALLS STOP THE SPOILERS, WE HAVE OUR MVP

Oh no, theyre going full on pandering with the whole Chandra/Nissa thing.

>pandering to /u/
This can only mean bad things for the future.

Chandra isn't an elf though.

Also holy fuck that was the worst "professional" canon story I've ever fucking seen WotC shit out and that's saying something.

>All demons are male is SJW

That's just society. We're fine with watching the opening to Saving Private Ryan and watching a bunch of dudes get absolutely fucked up but when it happens to women we get squeamish.

This plot is surprisingly not shit. Sure, its a bit of an asspull as to why they're on Kaladesh in the first place, but everything else is looking good.

Interracial AND gay relationship. Hitting on all cylinders.

Also to be fair they've been hinting at it ever since the teamed up to change fireball Ulamog and Kozilek.

can this guy put all the counters on himself to make a 8/8 trample creature for 5 mana?

>EVERYTHING has to cater to this fucking people now.
oh how the tables have turned!

Considering that Angels are universally female and nastily snuffing angels is WoTC's primary way of showing things are going bad, I don't know what to say to that.

People are reading an agenda into the angels are women, demons are men thing that isn't there. Half the time the angels aren't even good guys, and when they ARE they're usually the ones who get violently worfed to show how bad the bad guys are.

Yes

Yes but that would be dumb and not what makes him good. This is such a simple yet sort of skill testing because of thst. Most people see an 8/8 trample for 5 when that's really not it's best mode.

>cutting off your nose to spite your face

Its like companies dont like money and/or respect that made them successful in the first place.

Yes. People in an earlier thread said it was shit, and compared it to Wolfir Silverheart of all things.

>Love the shit out of artifacts
>Can't stand the extremely obvious soulless corporate pandering to minorities

Kaladesh is going to be a mixed bag.

Yeah, I don't think the angels and demons thing has any subtext to it. It's just how we traditionally see them. I feel it's kind of pointless to hard-line it that 100% there can be no gender swaps but I don't think there's any agenda there. Aetherborn are another thing though.

>don't like money

Last time I checked, they were selling more cards than ever. I guess /pol/acks who don't play the game and just want something to be triggered over aren't a huge market.

How is Kaladesh pandering to minorities? We've been to planes that aren't based on white cultures before. This isn't any different than Tarkir or Kamigawa.

The people they're catering to don't buy the product. Same like Marvel.
They buy maybe 5 packs/ issues then piss off to whine about something else while the entrenched players/readers keep eagerly lapping it up.
It's more along the lines to stay "controversial" and relevant but it's pitifully shallow and ham handed.

These franchises will never go under but know that YOU are no longer their core demographic.

That would have made sense if the term hadn't also been prolifically used to refer to Abzan Midrange when it was the top deck of Standard. It was always just 'decks I don't like'.

Wolfir Silver heart was good in standard. This thing is mostly better than I with the main downside being is that it's not also an 8/8 when you pump something else +4 but without trample it didn't matter anyway. What the fug

Don't reply, he's a baby who has likely never heard of Jamuraa before.

>a bunch of white males literally can't want to share with females and non-whites

Jesus Christ.

Just because corporate culture requires that you sell everything, it doesn't mean that the thing made wasn't made honestly.

delete this

>Half the time the angels aren't even good guys,
Try "in maybe a couple of sets angels aren't even good guys", Selenia is the only other Angel I can think of that is evil.

Bad things rarely happen to women in Magic and in media in general. I think it's unfair to point as Magic as being unique in this regard.

Uh reading the wikia to catch up

>Eventually, Tezzeret and Jace were pitted against each other due to the manipulations of a third party. Jace and his lover, Liliana, invaded Tezzeret's sanctum. Tezzeret captured Jace and allowed his second in command Baltrice to torture Jace while Tezzeret worked on a device that would turn Jace into his puppet.

>Jace and his lover, Liliana, invaded Tezzeret's sanctum.

>Jace and his lover, Liliana

>Jace and his lover, Liliana

What? Was this confirmed? I thought it was just shippers being retarded.

It was a short fling that died out quickly.

Jace is too awkward to hold a relationship (being able to read your lovers mind at any given time makes for funny moments) and Liliana was too busy doing her own thing and couldnt stay with him (demons to kill)

>Selenia is the only other Angel I can think of that is evil
>Bad things rarely happen to women in Magic and in media in general

Could post more, but this is easier than posting the like 15 cards from the latest Conspiracy set where horrible shit happens to women in the art.

user's probably talking about "in general" rather than "in Kaladesh"

A bunch of black people on a plane literally based of africa makes sense.
a bunch of black people on a plane based on gothic europe does not make sense.
hiring a black nerd girl consultant when designing a black planeswalker is obvious pandering and fucking retarded.

>be born literally inferior
>see superior people having fun
>bitch about it
>superiors leave to another fun thing
>previous fun thing collapses because superiors were holding it up
>superiors having fun

the cycle never ends

they fugged or something, but broke up soon after because Liliana is Liliana.

Jace wanted some fuck from Emmara Brandeis too. he likes his women a little bit older. Like 100s of years of older.

Yeah women got fucked in SOI and EDM. The most horrific art in MTG is easily Brisela.

She will probably into lesbians soon if not this block because that's what's trendy.

>a bunch of black people on a plane based on gothic europe does not make sense.

I have the feeling that you're a retard who associates "gothic Europe" with the middle ages. Not that it matters, since it's a fucking fantasy world and not the actual historical places they take inspiration from.

Well, at least we had a couple spoiler threads in there without /pol/ shitting them up with nonsense that has nothing to do with the game.