40k

>hates his children enough to never date them, let alone fuck them
>as sexy as a millennia-old corpse
>inferior to Tomaru
That Emperor is pretty accurate

The biblical allegory happened and everyone suffers for it

I'm pretty sure that TB did a half decent lore in a minute about 40k. That could be general enough to get you started. The 1d4 chan wiki has info on each of the factions, but contains some spoilers and has a (justified) love of the imperial guard.

But basically everyone hates everyone else. Space Marines are either cool or terrible, imperial guard gets shit done.

From what I've seen, a lot of Veeky Forums's opinions on factions are based on their tabletop strength. So eldar, space Marines, and especially tau can go fuck off. Imperial guard is fine. Orks are da best, because they've got fun lore and even orks lose to Tyranids.

>TL:DR if you want to start learning about any faction, pick orks or guard, or go on YouTube for lore in a minute.

Wow, the amount of cancer in this thread is beyond all possible levels.
and we're only 13 posts in

there is no good.

Life is nothing worth.
Death is no end to your suffering.

THER IS NO INTERNET AND NO PRON!

Nigga we just getting warmed up

>red pill me on 40k
Games Workshop is a Jewish miniatures company that invented a mediocre game to trick children into spending their parents' money on plastic figurines that are ridiculously out of scale and would look retarded even if they weren't.

The rules directly favor the players who spend the most money on figures, and constant re-releases and updates encourage continued spending. Every major rules addition is aimed at convincing you to give the kikes more of your money by expanding and diversifying your army.

And for what? So that you can play a game that was dated twenty years ago about werewolf space knights fighting ninja elves. For a small Imperial Guard army's cost, you could buy the entire Witcher series, all of the DLC ever released for it, and enough shatter to actually enjoy the 250+ hours of gameplay you just bought, and you wouldn't have just given your money to the Eternal Anglo, but to good Poles.

Ahem.

Chaos spawn-WAIT OHSHI BLAARAHAS, WAAAAAGH, FER TEH EMPRAH, HERETIC *BLAM*, FYR KAOSSS, Spess muhreens!, The Rape of a Eldar, Anything Tau related, especially Riptides, Imperial Knight armies, The Taurox, Centurian Armor, Necron Decurion armies, Leave Magnus to me, Space wolves riding wolves that pull a chariot that has the wolf lord, all in a wolf shaped ship that fires wolf guns, grimderp, Warhammer High, any 40k page on 1d4chan, Tyranid Flying circus, 1000$ Warlord Titan, Formations, Excuse me Sir?, Sisters of Battle fans, anything actually related to the game, any 7th Ed codex that isnt Necrons or Eldar, the 6th edition Chaos Space Marine book, the shit tons of nerd rage and arguements, Leman Russes having less armor than modern day tanks, Newcrons, any chapter named "(Insert Descriptive verb here) Marines", the change from Imperial Guard to Astra Remillatardum, there being at least 3 warhammer threads to any non-warhammer thread, the pay to win aspect of buying new minis, also coupled with Game Workshop utterly insane pricing plan, retarded amounts of arguing fans, and so so so so much more.

Or, in other words, 40k is about 95% cancer and 5% greed.

Welcome to the 41st millennium, where shit's fucked, everyone's a murderous dick, and you have a huge variety of horrific deaths to choose from!

Just walk away

The fandom is severely autistic and spends all its time arguing over opinions on canon. If long strings of ad hominems could be called arguing.

Just walk away

So you want wall of text on all the factions? Come on thats asking for alot, there is a decent 40k wiki, or you know online search of "what is war hammer 40k "

I wish I could hug you

The fanon is more fun than the canon
1d4chan.org/wiki/Hua_Yuan_Exterminators
1d4chan.org/wiki/Order_of_the_Obsidian_Mirror
1d4chan.org/wiki/Brotherhood_of_the_Gauntlet

>Humans are the good guys
I hate the new lore so much.
3rd/4th ed gave the impression that the Imperium was a necessary evil for Mankind's survival.

Just play dawn of war 1 campaign.

>3rd/4th ed gave the impression that the Imperium was a necessary evil for Mankind's survival.

They still are.

They're "the good guys," because they're the best hope for humanity out of all other possible options. They are "good" because they are the least evil.

They still do plenty of evil shit (or at least let their members do evil shit without interfering, such as a planetary governor committing genocide on part of his population) they just often do so to prevent a greater evil from being done.

Inquisitors don't LIKE to order the Exterminatus of a world, killing billions of people. However, they do so because they know that if all other possible options have failed, and they don't wipe out every single thing on that planet, there is a chance that the Daemonic/Xenos corruption can spread, and in the process kill tens of billions more.

Many (though far from all) Imperial servants are decent people just trying to do their jobs, but the reality they live in is so shitty that they have to do terrible things to do that job.

Lost it at Al Sharpton/Vulkan

I dunno you clearly see alot of the main human characters are really fucking insane.

Take the Redeemer for instance obsessed with torture and zealous attitudes agasint anything not human and even gives his own gang a deadly drug just to increase their purging potential

Next we have this poor motherfucker Lukas Bastoone one of Cadias best tacticians and is loved by all on Cadia. Seems like an actual good guy but were still in the grimdark future he also has perfect recall of the many horrors he has seen on the battlefield, and the face and name of every Guardsman who has served and died under his command. Though he gives no outward signs of pain or suffering, it is whispered that Bastonne has every one of these names tattooed on his body beneath his uniform.

It could be argued that all the chaos gods are good. But let's be honest here, the orks are the greatest good out ofall the factions. They help eachother become happy, and self-sufficent.

Well if you think about each chaos god represents a good virtue to an extreme

this guy is somewhat right but a lot of the humans of the imperium abuse their power and do outright evil things knowing they are evil because they can, and paranoia and needless bureaucracy are hallmarks of the imperium in 40k
basically there are no good guys. no, not even the humans.
everyone is evil, everything sucks, your dick just fell off and your mom is dying

In my opinion, none of the major factions of 40k are evil.

The dark eldar are probably the closest thing to evil, but even then boredom is as deadly to them as starvation, so all their pointless dickery is really a matter of survival to them.

1d4chan friend.

Written by neckbeards, for neckbeards

Games Workshop is actually a front for a very powerful international money laundering firm that deals almost exclusively in child pornography.

Well, it is not boredom when we talk about dark eldar, but the need to survive. When they die, they do not have soulstones to save them from being omnomnomed by Slaanesh. The pain they get through the kinky stuff they do it is just a resource to them, to not be slowly consumed by Slaanesh (which might be Slaanesh just taxing them for not killing them all immediately). This is why especially when one of them dies they go full rape mode on the umies at the speed of light, since they have a window of opportunity in which they can ressurect that one dark eldar of about 1 - max 2 days, after which said one is completely lost to Slaanesh.