Player keeps his dice in a dirty glass jar

>player keeps her dice in a parcel of rolled-up toilet paper she kept in her bra
We did not invite her back to a second session.

Everyone ever does this.

>player creates quicksilver dice from their own blood

>Not using a TSR bag instead.

I question your loyalty.

>player telekinetically rolls your dice rather than bringing his own

>Pass the d20 bro

>player uses an RNG website on their phone

I have considered having dice made out of my wisdom teeth (that were getting extracted for medical reasons anyway). Unfortunately, one shattered, one was rotten through and the remaining two would only make dice with a side of ~8mm (assuming I can get someone to process them without asking too many questions).

>"Only blindfolded women are allowed to roll my dice"

>My dice are made from the fingerbones of virginal nuns who died of heartbreak

>Player refuses to roll dice except using the preserved skeletal hand of a saint

>player has mismatched dice in different colors and styles

>hey man let me borrow that d12
>it's that guy who always has sweaty hands

Clearly the only solution is community-enforced euthenasia.

>player keeps dirt in dice jar
>says it helps cushion them

>Kira

>Krishna reaches for your dice with left hand

>Playeress blows new glass dice before every gaming session

>Player keeps dice in empty coke can and shakes the shit out of it before rolling because the noise increases his luck

One of my first DMs once told me: Better to blow before the game than during the game.

I can't help but feel that this isn't exactly what she was talking about though.

>player communes with souls residing within living crystalline gemstones

>player needs to "roll out all the bad dice" and then rolls a 20 and claims it was the "official roll" then gets mad when he's forced to take the next roll of 4

>player crushes dice into a fine powder with his bare hands, snorts it then vomits up his guts in the shape of a number

>player has to keep swallowing and regurgitating vomit until a legible number is produced

>Player refuses to roll blue dice with white pips because of an ancient blood-feud

>player keeps dice made out of whale ivory in a hidden hollowed out space in his wooden leg

>player rolls dice once before immolating them in hellfire

That sounds cool as fuck. Too bad it didn't work out.

>buy dremel and vice
>make die

>player rolls each die individually to better calculate the toss necessary to get a success

>player burns a chunk of 1000 year old red oak before every session
>carves several sets of dice from the cinders
>keeps them in an ashtray suspended over a candle so that the numbers continue to glow a soft redorange

>player keeps dice in freshly severed head of his own mother

>Player performs 4th dimensional math to change the spin of electrons to affect the outcome of the dice roll

>player exists in infinite realities simultaneously where every possible result is rolled every attempt making each roll pointless and futile

>player licks intended die facet when kissing dice
>flies into an autistic rage when it's suggested this might be considered loading

>player isolates 'unlucky' dice by placing them in stockades.

>new player confuses 'dice' with 'dies' and kills himself at the table the first time he's asked to roll

>player devours unlucky dice whole as punishment

Who the fuck steals a c-pap mask?

>player choose pact of the dice
>draws dice out of dimensional portal when asked to roll
>sacrifices party to the elder one if he rolls a nat 1

How many mothers does he have?

>DM insists that players guess the number he is thinking of

>The player calls upon and a being not bound by casuality and the rules of reality and collapses all alternate universes with unfavorable dice rolls.

>player's dice are carved with unintelligible runes instead of numbers

>player records himself prerolling all rolls and then uploads the video to YouTube and plays the video when asked to make a roll

>player refuses to roll any dice that aren't numbered only with prime numbers

>Player uses high-tech polishing and refrigeration techniques to create a near-friction-less surface out of freshly hewn polar ice on which to roll. Insists the roll is botched if it leaves the surface.

>player attempts to reverse the flow of time to reroll but inadvertently creates a temporal bubble and freezes the group in stasis for three centuries

>player only ever rolls two dice at a time and collects them with a long L shaped stick.

>player only rolls glass dice filled with the menstrual blood of virgins afflicted with sickle cell anemia

You guys crack me up

>player mines gold ore before each session and refines it and forges it into a set of solid gold dice but refuses to use them because they aren't pure enough and buries them back in the ground

>player rolls around his dice in his mouth for a second before spitting it out on the table

>player's six hundred pound dice tower is built into a box trailer he hauls to sessions and takes several minutes to roll

>Player only has a handful of d6's he got out of his old Yahtzee box

>The player has erected a great tower several stories high filled with various contraptions that activate as the dice rolls down it.

>player constructs massive 200 story dice tower

>player fires steel dice out of a blackpowder rifle into ballistics gelatin

>roll d20
>player says 4 d6's will be fine

Oh man I actually want to do this one

>player lovingly restores a vintage blackpowder revolver
>engraves "6d6" in ivory grip panels

That would be a range of 4-24, so counting 4 as 1 and 24 as 20... might work. ish.

>Player has so many dice they're scattered across his house

>They're all D4's

>Player shuffles a deck of cards with the numbers written on them

>along with forgotten lego pieces that blend in with the floor

Also
>player stores dice in large 10 gallon bin filled to the brim with legos

Bag was in my hotel room when I got there so just chunked it in my bag.

Only right answer.

Ballistics gel probably won't work as its too soft (mimics flesh), but a clay bullet trap might if the load was sufficiently small. Bullet traps at ranges are designed like pic related, directing the bullet to ricochet within a barrel and eventually slowing it. A die fired into one would literally roll around until coming to a stop. It could work.

One, but it mysteriously never rots.

>player refuses to roll dice because gravity isn't real and spends the whole session trying to convince other players that the earth is flat

I do this,

It grants me luck

>player's frustration at their poor roll awakens their latent psychic abilities causing their dice to violently explode and maim several group members

Ha.

Player fails to realizes he keeps digging up the same gold.

...

I've read too much hentai if just looking at pictures of stocks is enough to wake the trouser snake.

>group quiets for an important roll
>hear a muffled but audible fart

>player does not roll dice but instead whispers incantations and begs the aether demons to carve a random number of holes into our reality

Get's a really nice side quest going where players have to physically close the holes and stop the flow of hellish devil beasts from escaping the ethereal realm trying bring about total human extinction.

>player keeps dice in their distended jowls like a chipmunk

I GM a group that has a player that does this and it fucking stomps all over my stories. I had to kick him out but I'm pretty sure he cursed me. My only dreams are of my soul being physically wrenched from my body by huge skeletal hands with a thousand fingers, and my BMs produce tiny demons that rake their claws against my anus. My dumpster is getting full of their corpses.

You too? An ex-group member used to do this and I'd wake up for weeks covered in bloodworms. It was awful. Eventually he must have screwed up the incantation because he collapsed in his chair, his mind burned to cinder, his body left an empty husk.

>GM recquires payment in blood for rerolls, which he drinks at the table

All rolls can be rerolled, but each reroll costs 100ml of fresh blood

>players only uses a set of dice he personally carved out of his parents bones using his ten million fold katana. Player stores them in his fedora.

But user, that's a pillory.

>the player utilizes quantum entanglement to roll a die in a distant galaxy while claiming to be a Starseed

Fucking Pleiadians

>player always rolls above average
>when someone else uses his dice they roll like shit

RAW it doesn't have to be the player's blood, right?

>player's character rolls dice for player in game

lol