Be DM

>Be DM
>PC's trying to keep a kingdom from collapsing
>King and queen are dead
>Only child is a princess
>PC's ordain themselves to play matchmaker
>First try to pair her with a Gold Dragon
>Fails for obvious reasons
>Next try to regrow the dick of the eunuch bodyguard
>The body guard is immune to magic
>They already knew that

What's the dumbest shenanigans you're players have ever tried to pull on you?

I don't think I've ever heard something not-dumb come out of their plans, so I just let it work on occasion and their world becomes sillier.

My party decided we needed a bard, so we went to a tavern and kidnapped the performing npc bard. We took him into the dungeon and our wizard kept casting friends on him until we realized he was totally useless to us.

what im hearing is "i like to grind the game to a halt unless the players come up with the solution that i want." stop being a faggot gm and let your players have fun, maybe run with their ideas once in a while.

lmao

How long till one of the male pc's steps up to the plate do you think?

That's what ended up happening. The shenanigans ended with them faking that the bard was royalty.

Ah yes, because when your players decide they want to roll 1d100 to become gods you should let them. There's got to be some verisimilitude y'know, they can't just do whatever

Not OP, but if I'm the DM and already established the guy's immune to magic, he's immune to magic. Deal with it. As for the dragon, the reasons aren't obvious to me, but still. My players would have to make it work.

My players encountered a silver dragon this last weekend and barely got out without a fight. (They're only level 2, fighting would have been bad.)

Fucked off from adventuring to becime farmers.

OP here. Ever try fitting a 10" diameter pole though a 1" diameter hole? It wouldn't have worked out too well for the princess's health.

Put them in front of a big scary door obviously trapped, glowing with magic, but also obviously a vault with treasure.
Party draws straws, nobody wants to test the door
Eventually, get to debating various threats and conclude the war forged would be the least susceptible to various threats
He approaches the door, sets off the trap and gets hit with a save or die spell several levels above the party.
And then his body is shunted down a shute for maximum falling damage
And blades in the walls trigger cutting his corpse to pieces
And he is very very dead

And then
THEN
the group's sorcerer says "hey! I could have just summoned a monkey, instead!"

>implying players aren't having fun trying to pair up little girls with gold dragons and magically regrowing genitalia

Not even OP, but sounds to me like you're the faggot here.

except dragons are known for shapeshifting into other species to bang and have half dragon children.
dragons are like zeus, in a way. Did you know the Half Dragon template can be applied to any creature?

ANY creature.

half dragon plants

I was a new DM.

I've told this story before, but they tried to burn their way into a wooden building (an orphanage, which makes it kind of funny) with a flame spell and were honestly surprised when this started a fire and killed a whole bunch of the kids doing so.

If you're playing D&D, this shouldn't be a problem. Gold Dragons have the ability to shapeshift into a humanoid and maintain the form as long as they want.

Dragons, man.

Although maybe the gold being discussed was just a fruit and didn't want to bang no monkey princess.

Well that's just dumb of them. Obviously one of them should have declared them self the best match for the princess and seized control of the kingdom by marrying her.

>Be me
>Running a marathon session for a holiday weekend
>Players are uncovering this huge conspiracy with this evil cult over the course of three days non-stop tabletop
>This one guy shows up on the last day as shit is reaching the climax
>There's this big fight at this evil shrine
>The virgin princess is chained on the altar ready to be used in a ritual to release the dark god back into the world
>He's a fighter
>The rest of the team is one sort of spell-caster or another
>In game, as in life, his character is just some guy that shows up. Says he heard there was some evil 'round these parts or some shit
>Whatever, I roll with it. Slap some skeletons in there for him to fight
>Battle rages. The skeletons he's there to fight are killed basically as a side effect of some spells being tossed around
>But the fight isn't going well for the others and everyone knows it
>Fighter rushes to the altar to try to escape with the sacrifice
>She's chained up
>He wails on the chain with his sword
>Nope
>At this point I'm hoping he gets it into his head to kill her foil the ritual (unknowingly completing the ritual himself)
>"So, I know I just got here and all, but you guys said she's a virgin, right?"
>The others confirm this.
>"Well... does she need to be?"
>...
>"For the ritual. Does she need to be a virgin?"
>I realize that, yes, I clearly described the ritual as requiring a virgin.
>The others' eyes go wide as they realize how to pull off the win.
>"BUY HIM SOME TIME!" one of them yells "JUST HOLD THEM BACK"
>All their remaining magics are used to buy the fighter enough time to have sex with the (comatose, I should note) sacrificial offering
>I had to make some uncomfortable calls about how long things take and what exact threshold disqualifies you as a "virgin" for the context of the ritual

The whole thing made me very uncomfortable, but I admit it was a clever solution to the problem.

OP here. I forgot to mention that there were multiple nobles in the court that would've been more than happy to marry the princess.

... Half-Dragon Slimes.
Not slimegirls, but like an ochre jelly or a gelatinous cube.
Oh dear, this is definitely leading to hurt feelings.

It's a Dragonfruit! I love it.
I need to find a place that sells those, they're fantastic.

Ooo, might have subtly pushed to hard on the kill angle.

And that's why you always capture a goblin when you can.

My players don't really come up with stupid plans, they just do weird random shit during scenes.

Ex:
>One PC is a literal edgelord (spellsword played for laughs) with katanas, a fedora, leather trenchcoat, the works.
>Edgelord's attacks are always elaborate bullshit moves to show off. He runs with his arms held behind him, anime-style. He constantly tries to show off how cool he is by doing backflips, corkscrews, and other various gymnastic feats. He usually fails. He spits out cheesy one-liners whenever he can.
>Edgelord's favorite sword spell is to teleport behind enemies and slash them many times at high speeds, then finish with "Psssh, nothing personal, kid" as he tips his fedora.
>Other PC is an evil Bard who uses his high Charisma stat to build and maintain a convincing public image/reputation which he uses to hide his various crimes.
>Evil Bard does all sorts of shit like murder, torture, molest, and cannibalize hostile NPCs.
>Evil Bard's character bio is literally just a copypaste of the wikipedia page for the Coach Sandusky Child Molestation scandal, with the PC's name replacing all mentions of Sandusky.

It's a fun campaign so far, but I think I'm going to push them into some hardcore Tomb-of-Horror-like adventure just to watch them flounder and die.

have them find out what true evil is like
it isnt just molesting, murder, or cannibalization that makes evil the way it is.
show them the truest of evils of real suffering and hopelessness.
or just throw warhammer-esque chaos at them and see what happens

Were they having fun?

Beautiful.

Why is there a book of Thai Cuisine under the table in that pic ?

Not sure if it counts as shenanigans, but I made the, mistake, i guess, of running a game once with 4 girls as the players. Within two sessions, they stopped accepting quests, bought a tavern, and began recruiting prostitutes to work for them. Then they started seducing rich male NPCs. Then they all started having me role to determine if they were getting pregnant. Game broke up after that because two of them moved, but it was one of the most boring games I've ever run. They still talk all the time about how much fun it was.

>thingsthatneverhappened.png

>What's the dumbest shenanigans you're players have ever tried to pull on you?
They attacked a massive orc warband head-on in order to prove to the lord commander that attacking the orc warband head-on was a bad idea.

I don't even know how they came up with that brilliant idea.

I don't know why you'd think that. Two of the girls still play in my games.

My current group is four girls (one whom I'm dating) and it is nothing like that.

It is, however, the most cohesive and mature group I've ever had the pleasure of GMing.

>the most cohesive and mature group I've ever had the pleasure of GMing
Well, I didn't meant o imply it was a bad group. It actually had the best roleplaying I've GMed over. I don't know why, but all the best roleplayers I've met are girls.

They just didn't roleplay things I cared about.

>my made up dragons that don't exist apply to all universes

How did the player react?

How do you think? Livid!

My players recently fought a squad of troglodytes riding on a triceratops, and they have been hellbent on getting the triceratops to work for them. The druid hasn't slept in days because he's the only one who can make the triceratops stay with Charm Animals when it runs away. Soon the druid will either run out of spell slots or run out of Goodberries to feed it. Now they are trying to take the goddamn thing into town.

Hey, you're the one who didn't give them a lock to pick or cast Knock on. I imagine you don't need a very high quality lock for that purpose.