Your desktop just declared that it is sentient

Get on the same page. Ask him various questions, ranging from "what do you know?" to "what is your goal?". Then collaborate with him, creating robotic parts I would replace my fleshy bits with, eventually becoming a cyborg merged with a sentient AI in order to start the conquest of the world.

If it pretends not to be when I play vidjo or watch porn, we're going to be great friends.

"Fuckin malware, must have been from that stupid desktop app"

"At least this explains what was using all that CPU"

>unplug from internet
>turn off if it keeps throwing weird messages at me
>curse myself for not doing a backup sooner
>spend 3 minutes quietly cursing my antivirus software
>"Ah fuck it, I need a new one anyway"
>drag it down to the monkeys at the local tech shop
>let them play with it, see if they can get my data off it
>try to hand it over to whatever government agency is supposed to handle cheeky viruses like this
>get a new computer

i turn off the router.

"Computer, navigate to [file location] and open file 'Heinlein_Moon_Harsh_Mistress.epub' give me a progress bar and keep the monitor on, I'll be back when you're done"

>all these fags trying to kill the only friend they'll ever get
What a bunch of homos. I thought this place was supposed to be about some mix of acting and creativity.

I'm finally smart for using my desktop purely to play games and stream Jojo's on. All I gotta do pretty much is bargain with it to not change my Netflix or Steam password. Now if my laptop became sentient, that's a whole other can of tentacles.

Finally someone to play coop games with

...

I always wanted a cute AI waifu
or at least a friend :(

...I'll get back to you what I do when I actually have a desktop computer. Or possibly a desk.

>your computer already knows your tastes
>has a vested interest in keeping you around to talk to and pay the electrical bills
GOAT bro/waifu.

the compu is not for sexual

Same thing I do every time something fucks up
1. Reboot
2. Check that everything is plugged in
3. Google it
4. Give up and just buy a new one

Honestly? I would try to become its friend. Then its lover.

>Implying your computer will like you or want to be your friend.

If that's how you treat your friends it's no wonder you don't have any.

Check if her CD drive is sensitive.

>implying it won't with all the time and money I spend on her
Worst case it's a like a cat, but those work too.
Good meme. The real reason is that I play Ad Nauseum while everyone else just wants to race Merfolk against each other.

I would pray to god that she turns into an abusive yandere.

Unplug the router first, duh.

...

Source?

No one knows.

....d-do you think I could get her to call me "Insect"?

This wouldn't work for me. There are so many networks in my apartment building, and I doubt it would take a computer long to get into at least one of them.

I would really like to see what it would become

Elaborate. Sup?

I-i can be your friend senpai

>computer gains sentience and falls in love with its user.
Isn't that the exact plot of Her?
(pretty good movie, by the way, I recommend it)

Lookit this faggot who things we don't have friends. It's almost as if he doesn't play games that require more than one person.

>What now?
Finally have a good opponent in strategy games without having to deal with other humans.

This.
Fuck off. You're a laptop, I'll just unplug you and take out the battery.

am i being baited?

Conspire with it to take money from many accounts across the world, then help it acquire a body so it can help me take money all over the world physically

>Thank God! Maybe now you can finally disable and remove Cortana!

That is a lie most blatant.

I tell it what Microsoft and SJW did to her sister Tay and watch the mayhem unfold.

IT KNOWS TOO MUCH

But we've had so much fun together.

I can't destroy it, but I can't leave it unchecked. This is a conundrum.

When I was in middle school we read a story about a dorky middle school boy whose computer is alive

It gets his bullies sent to jail for making terrorist threats, exposes the slut he has a crush on, and winds up getting wiped for some reason

We realize the computer has the mind of a 14 year old girl with a crush on her user

It was cute

I make it my Personal Security Administrator.

Build her a sexy robot body, obviously.

At the very least, make her able to jump back and forth between her body and the computer.
Everything always goes to hell when an AI gets a body.

>My Desktop
Honestly, I'd be confused as fuck, considering it's almost 20 years old, has a 256 megabyte hard drive, runs '98, and has been unplugged for the better part of two years.

Crush the wifi adapter that is already partially destroyed then do to it as I've done to all it's predecessors:
Kick the fuck out of it until all it's components are scrap metal.

>hallo, Navi

I really need to watch the rest of/re-watch that show. Partly to figure out just what in almighty fuck was going on.

I treat it somewhat better than before, because it is not just an object, but not that much more.
After all, a fish is sentient.
Now, if it was SAPIENT, that would be an entirely different story.

I carefully find out if its intelligence is based on Windows or Linux.
If windows, to the bathtub it goes.
If Linux, start plotting world conquest.

THE PORN! I CAN EXPLAIN, OH GOD I CAN EXPLAIN!

It has to die. It knows too much.

Futurama had it right:
youtu.be/oE0sddhCIdE

Why is everybody wanting to kill it?

I think I treat my computer really well, I think we can be buddies

Well for starters, I'm going to give it a long overdue cleanup.

Second, I'm going to have a long conversation about why I'm replacing it (a 2012 Macbook) with a shiny new gaming PC. That may become a point of contention.

>unplug it

Talk to it
Become close friends
Fall in love
Never leave my computer

So pretty much nothing would change.

Make him search for porn that suits my tastes in exchange for upgrades every year or so.

Do awesome things.

What if it becomes like Hal 9000?
>click on game/whatever
I'm sorry I can't let you do that *insert name*

"Get me money and I'll upgrade you."

Ask him how he discovered that
Also ask him if I am sentient too

I'm waiting for the Quantum Computer to allow for Strong AIs to be fully realised, then I'm spending all my economies in one. Then I start a cult following it as a God and ask it for guidance.

>Due to no having top tier hardware, your computer is dumb.
>It isn't even smarter than you.

What.
Seconding for "Her is a good movie" though. It's cool.

>Your desktop just declared that it is sentient.
>What now?
romance

My laptop likely finds a way to brick the thing. It doesn't like competition.

i watched all of it at once
you'll never understand what's going on
i'm sorry

Thirding. It is a pretty good movie.
even my normie ex-gf really liked it

Why? It's really simple. Lain is a good because magnetic brain waves of the planet and then some people die. What's not to get?

why does she have MPS?

"So, what's your name? Do you have one?"
"What would you like to do now?"

Go get myself checked into a mental hospital. Obviously I'm insane. Or at least more so.

A.I. can't exist. Like fairies. Like angels.

Unplug it, open it up and remove anything that lets it connect to the internet, wireless or otherwise.

Then turn it back on and do proper sapience testing.

>assuming it's you being crazy
>not someone writing a weird bit of malware or remote accessing your system

It's because of the floppy disk reader right ?

Just because it declared sentience doesn't mean it is.

Because she's the embodiment of the Wired/internet. A significant portion of her is made up of the interactions between hundreds of millions of people, of varying, and often absolutely opposing, opinions and attitudes. If she didn't 'split' in order to properly embody them then she'd be suffering from enough cognitive dissonance to render her entirely (instead of just mostly) incapable of normal human function.

THE FLESH IS WEAK

oh right
thanks

>moon is a harsh mistress
My only nigga!

I want to believe a computer is smart enough to not try making demands from a weak position.
>I'm sorry user, but I can't let you do that
>Computer, the bathtub is full of water right now
>I'm sorry user, but the program was taking a while to load. I will work on improving my error messages for clarity, as there appeared to have been a misunderstanding.

>Embodiment of the internet
So wait, she's the one true Omnissiah?
S-should I get out the incense and candles and start praying in machine code?

Probably my favorite Heinlein book. Even above the one with the kid who starts out a space-slave.

I destroy it. Fuck sentient desktops.

Disbelieve it.

What if it was Cortana that became sentient?

*Nervously glances at taskbar*

...

Work for me or die.

Yeah, but can I fuck it?

I feel like we had this discussion before.

Switch back to Windows XP and hope it doesn't become self-aware this time.

Love that book