Veeky Forums confessions

to make literally all of my magic items, I just look at the Path of Exile uniques list

I don't like the campaign I am currently GMing, I continue only to end it in a good way.

I play a lawful-good paladin of the god of death and play it like a nazinquisitor by killing for anykind of sin.

I keep an extensive mental record of my setting, including a lot of generally-useless trivia.
Some of that trivia includes the sexual history and desires of the NPCs, which can get pretty elaborate.

For example, there's an NPC (we'll call her A) in my not!japan game who is a lesbian, a fact she has not mentioned to any members of the party, and she was good friends with the former prince (B), and had a crush on one of the prince's female bodyguards (C). There's a male NPC (D) with a crush on her, was also good friends with the Prince and they were (and sort of still are) friends. Ironically, the prince was interested in A, while C the bodyguard had a thing for the prince and a lesser attraction to D. D also had a sort of man-crush on the prince, something C has shown interest in.

They were all good friends with each other from childhood besides, so things got really awkward when they were teenagers. Once they actually sat down and hashed out their intentions, the plan ended up being that since C and B couldn't marry, A would marry B and C would marry D. They would, ahem, arrange things from there, giving the impression that everything was super vanilla when it was hardly anything of the sort.

This would not be obvious from me DMing, is not likely to be addressed, and serves no purpose other than a backstory to characterize some of the NPCs off of. It also would severely blunt the effect of the Prince returning for revenge and his old friends supporting him when the implication is that they're going to celebrate their victory over the PCs with a 4-way.

I am a horrible person, but it's secret and I can't really renege on it because its the same sort of retarded shit that happens in real life.

It sounds good to me. I love when there are hidden easter eggs.

I actually don't even like playing as Chaos, I honestly thing its a pretty fucking retarded faction because its leaders are fucking retards with even bigger plot armor than the Eldar.

I hate beer and pretzel games personally and wish I find players who can actually role play.

I don't actually know how to play the game I'm running, nor do I even know what I am doing and have done zero planning.

Somehow, the players seem to be enjoying it and haven't caught on, so I must be doing something right.

I always put at least one man NPC in my campaign that looks like a girl.

Because it's my fetish.

I allowed a player to be a Kender.

I have two beer and pretzels players in my party, and I'm doing everything in my power to make them leave.

I feel like there are steps missing from your calculation here.

I encouraged the cutie in my group to take face skills so she would interact with me more in-game

Forgive me Veeky Forums, for I have sinned.

I have masturbated (after the session) to the thought of a fade-to-black encounter between my character and a lustful half-elf.

You know what you did wrong right?
(not masturbating during the session

I haven't killed a character in years and at this point I don't know if I could.

My group are fine but they don't really have any interest in developing the world and it bores the shit out of me to DM for them.

It's not that they don't engage with the game, but they just don't really seem to care beyond the immediate 6 seconds in front of them. I think I'd be happier with a different group and they with a different GM.

I have a big stack of notes I refer to during the game, they are mostly the instruction Manuel to a printer.

And When they walk into a room I describe it, and some items. they are then exactly as important as the party think they are.

As a DM, I often fudge dice in order to save PCs I like from death.

I have not gone to my shop to wargame in a long time because the person runs the sets up the terrain like shit and no one else can change things

I haven't gone to my local GW in ages because the staffer is an insufferable sperglord who manages to hit just about every GW stereotype you care to name.

I unironically enjoy 3.PF(with stuff like PoW/ToB and Psionics/3pp) and consider it my go to fantasy system.

I've never played a tabletop game

I'm just a holdover questfriend that fell in love with the board

One player constantly makes characters whom I find myself attracted to in both looks and personality. I keep it cool during games but I draw hardcore hentai of our characters all the time .

I never feel any DM is up to my standarts. I'm a forever DM for ten years and everytime I play as a player, the games end before session 3. Not by my fault or design. But I usually don't enjoy those 3 sessions becase the DMs suck.

I have heard from several people I'm a good DM, the best they ever had. Since I'm not identifying myself and can brag a little, I do believe I'm pretty fucking good. But the dark side of this is, I'm entitled and I'm overcritic of other people. Sometimes unfairly because I have over 8k hours of gaming on my back. They do not.

And to say I'm not just tooting my own horn: So much time as DM made me an awful player. The limited agency of my character and not being paid attention enough really makes me do stupid shit that's not fun for everyone. I'm so accutely aware of how shitty player I am that I'm refusing chances to play and take of the forever DM hat because of it often. As well as because I don't trust other DMS.

My group that plays with me for 4 years now doesn't appreciate me. They never express enjoying themselves or liking my games. But everytime they find another DM, they complain non stop because it's not as good, and eventually give up to come back to just playing with me. Yet while on the first months they treated me like a king for how good I ran games, they grew used to it and now take all this for granted and see me as 'average' and the others are just 'worse than average'.

I really wish I had a group that appreciated my efforts. Although it's a cocky and arrogant thing to say of oneself, it's the only thing in my life I can be proud of.

Amen brother.

Why the fuck is Jesus shooting that dude who has clearly surrenderd with Chesto Faia?

Find a new system child; and a new group to play with. Your problem comes from you being old and bitter, recapture that spark of youthful enjoyment that comes with discovery. You're stuck in a rut and need to advance yourself as a player to become more rounded and worldly.

Now that's just clever, good one user.

I keep playing chess. It is literally bad for me. I have a tendency to self-harm after bad play (not necessarily losing, but making moves that are bad), and lately, I've been suffering auditory hallucinations when playing.

I know it is bad for me, not in a moral "oh you should be doing something with your life" but actually mentally bad for my health. I should stop. I can't stop.

Maybe one day

Your biggest issue is hubris. If you find something with which you have little to no experience you will go back to being the noob and it should allow you to have fun again as you won't have a basis upon which to judge others so harshly.

Even if you don't want to do that you can solve your issues another way; stop being such an egotistical jackass.

I don't think you aimed this at the right user.

Secretly i despise my players for their shallow characters and attitude but their are the best i can get around.

I troll metathreads that pop up as an anti-questfag. I don't really give a shit either way, but the questfags get so butthurt over it that I can't resist poking them.

Wow, I could have written this. You took the thoughts right out of my head.

You are not alone, fellow ForeverDM.

But user, we already knew antiquestfags were trolls.

Not really much of a confession.

The only tabletop games I like are Axis and Allies, Xwing and Sheriff of Nottingham. Instead, every Friday I get roped into playing Gurps with my friends.
>Being social sucks

I once convinced another character to commit IC suicide because the new guy would have more gear than the guy who would be offing himself, due to the chargen rules and our relative poverty.

You are correct.

Whenever I play a strongly religious character I always just rip someone from Dune instead of going to the effort of creating something unique.
nobody in my group has ever read it so I've never been found out.

Nah there are true believers amongst the antiquestfags. I'm one and regret nothing.

I actually homebrewed a Kender in 5e as an experiment on trying to make them playable. The result was a subrace of halfling that got proficiency in sleight of hand, 1 to charisma, a few other features, and the Kleptomania feature. All this feature did was allow the Kender Player to roll 1d4 times on the Trinkets table whenever they stop by a village or a city. The feature explicitly states that this is part of the race, and any other attempt at theft is deliberately stealing, not "what my character would do."

>instruction Manuel
seems like that monster gig didn't work out so well

Kill yourself weakling.

I actually really like this. Is the trinkets table homebrew, or...?

My Paladin isn't Lawful Good

To give the world some flesh I take greentexts from Veeky Forums and put them in as historical events or current news.
If you made a semi-popular greentext your character(s) are or were in my world.

I assume the one in the PHB.

Have you tried asking them to leave?

kek

You are probably right. But i feel uncomfortable knowing I suck, you know?

I know what a good player is 'suppose' to be like, and when I can't be like that, I feel frustated with myself.

i love reading stories of peoples games but i have never personally played D&D or any p&p game

But why?

You and about half of this shit board

Forever DM here

I actively try to kill off the party from running neg level causing zombies at level 1 to dropping the floor out from under them with massive amounts of fall damage.

Are you playing in a system where CharGen doesn't take long?
Are your players enjoying the lethality of your game?
If both are yes then you haven't sinned

You are literally Hitler!

>master sting during the game session.

It's called multitasking.

I purposely insert romantic hijinks between NPCs in game and have my players pick one of the bunch to roleplay to buy me time to keep generating map space.

>Last one was a single father and a devoted ship worker of the last boss the party killed
>they were breaking up due to a lack of income after the boss's death as the father had to seek new employment for the child

Its probably a sin but its too entertaining to not continue

What's this about A-ko?

I'm a lazy and uncreative DM. My players still enjoy my campaigns and I constantly think about putting forth effort to build my notes, prep ahead of time but I rarely actually do it.

I keep thinking "I'll set up my shit tomorrow" and before I know it, it's the day of the session and I have to wing and do improv.

And I know my performance would be SO much better if I just updated my notes and actually write out half a plot for the next session.

I also steal plots from more obscure vidya and TV shows that my players wouldn't watch or play and retool it in D&D like 75% of the time.


And a part of me realizes that the reason why I've gotten lazy is that I'm tired of being the DM. I just want to play a full campaign as a player but my friends aren't interested in DMing and they're too afraid.

As the GM I'm plotting with one of my Dark Heresy players to help him assassinate one of the other players without anyone knowing.

Char gen does take a while, maybe an hour and a half. The players seem iffy about the lethality of it. When they manage to pull their almost dead bodies from a dungeon with no losses to the party they are juberant.

When they get hit in the face with a 10 person ambush with crossbolts and run away after they are engaged in melee they seem pissed. Even more so when it manages to kill someone.

Even even more so when they didn't flee and come back for another volley.

>Char gen does take a while, maybe an hour and a half
first strike
>When they get hit in the face with a 10 person ambush with crossbolts and run away after they are engaged in melee they seem pissed
second strike
>Even more so when it manages to kill someone.
third strike

To me it seems that your players want some challenge based on that third sentence, however dislike the lethality in a system not made for it
High lethality works when CharGen is short, so that you can make a few characters in advance and even if you lose all of them you can still make more quickly. See CoC, Paranoia and the like

I would (personally) advise you to use less lethality and try more different threats
NPCs they like get hurt, they lose funds, they have to do some missions for someone without pay, etc.

I tell my group to prepare and make another character for the inevitable, they don't seem to think about it until combat goes sour. Can't blame them, most of my group have busy lives so this is the only time of week to smoke and shoot the shit with friends.

As with the other means of fucking with the party I think I've done it all. I've stolen their shit I don't know how many times in the most are of ways and killed a lot of the NPCs they liked and did terrible things to them afterwards.

Once had a goblin jack the party bank when all but 1 character went unconscious, either run him down or leave the party to be eaten. Had their rival faction kill their contacts and friendly NPCs and fed them their remains in a soup once, then turned the rest of their remains into flesh golems. Had a quest giver who was a swamp hermit, a black dragon in disguise, ask them to retrieve a lichens spell book. Upon completion, 4 members had died, he gave them a copper coin as a reward before dissapearong into the swamp. The coin was worth a lot of gold, but they didn't ask about it or look into what it was, just tossed it back into the swamp.

I think there's been 8 party wipes so far, level 11 right now. Each time it was a bloody and gruelling affair, they've never been bitter about it for some reason. And each time I ask of someone else wants to DM and every time I get a no.

>ad their rival faction kill their contacts and friendly NPCs and fed them their remains in a soup once, then turned the rest of their remains into flesh golems.
WTF
what kind of level do your players have?
Because that seems like kinda over the top
>Upon completion, 4 members had died, he gave them a copper coin as a reward before dissapearong into the swamp
>The coin was worth a lot of gold, but they didn't ask about it or look into what it was, just tossed it back into the swamp.
What kind of game do you play where a copper coin is worth more than gold?

Do you play on sundays? Online?

I like seducing players/characters on online game to RP the lewds. I don't like doing so in lewd games because it's expected and easy. They all sleep with everyone. But everytime i seal the deal in a otherwise normal game (on a sude scene if course) i feel very excited and happy

Hey-o!

That's okay. I'm a GM, and I've masterbated to the lesbian relationship between two of my player's characters.

Twice.

They were around level 9 and fucking with a well established guild. The coin was from an ancient civilization and they had a wealthy contact that was huge into relics like that.

I cheese all of my characters and put them behind or besides everyone else's.
When I GM I make my characters way more powerful than necessary and draw undeserved attention to them.
I make unique magic items that end up derailing my own campaigns more than the players do.

Sounds like you've discovered every DM's dirty little secret.

But as for planning, plan just enough that you understand enough about the situation the party is getting themselves into so that you can be ready to improvise.

Pic related, in case you want to check it out/haven't already seen it

>lesbian
>engaging in a m/m/f/f four-way

I don't think you know what that word means.

I have an addiction to introducing new players to RPGs. The look of wonder on their faces when they realize they can do ANYTHING, when they get stupidly excited over something as simple as natural 20s, ending a simple encounter in an expected way, or discovering a Bag of Holding for the first time. They usually end up making pretty simple characters too, Elf Ranger, Human Wizard, Dwarf Fighter, etc. It makes a simple, fantasy game of D&D ridiculously fun. I feed on their enjoyment.

By contrast, I have very good experienced players, they roleplay well, have good understanding of mechanics, play off eachother well, but sometimes I want to trade them out for newer players. I have no right to complain, but I miss the euphoria of DMing for complete newbies.

I probably don't, to be honest, but she would be obviously focused on the other woman.
It's like the inverse of 'it's not gay if it's a three-way', but this was a confession for a reason.

B/C/D can work out in a three-way, but A wouldn't want any part of that as she's not interested in B's advances while C would be fine with either B or D and have reason to encourage the two to be with her at the same time to possibly get a bit of m/m action to be a voyeur to.

So basically you've made the average anime where the lesbian gets metaphorically fucked with no hope of being literally fucked by anyone female.

PoE bros!

I sort of saw C as more flexible than that, but I guess you're right and I should have mentioned it. Part of the reason A and B were planned to marry was because it would make it an easy request for her to get attention from any of the other female guards that work for B if C wasn't interested. Besides, if she HAD to have a kid for the sake of show, she'd probably feel more comfortable with B than D, much to D's chagrin. Out of everyone, C probably gets the best deal all things considered (especially if she's flexible towards A). Out of least screwed to most (metaphorically) it ends up looking like:
>CBDA
Since it's still hidden information, I've considered re-thinking it- Originally, D was supposed to be gay but that seemed a bit like forced representation since A already is. Note that B isn't actually that attracted to C, either- I can't believe I'm saying this, but I wonder if I should make A bisexual and D gay instead.

I'd advise strongly against making A bi. D being bi and B being curious or flexible enough to go with the flow of things might work out somewhat better and leaves A to seek a more willing partner while either being happy for C's happiness or being a point for the PCs to exploit and get her to turn on their friends out of jealousy.

Alright, I guess that works. It's funny, because C followed B when B got banished but they haven't actually ever had sex because B was intent on returning and working it out between the four of them. At this point, if they met back up, C would probably be onboard with anything A or D had to suggest, because she's sure not getting any from B.
Back in not!Japan, D hasn't wooed A because he knows she's not into him, and their friendship has waned slightly because B and C had to leave.
I don't think I've ever put this much work into these sort of worldbuilding details before.

Yeah i really prefer to dodge relationships triangle bullshit and issues of banging one's own sex, though banging other races and/or enemy faction members is fair game for plot stuff. And the most I'd get PCs involved with NPC romance is like "I need help wooing/eloping with X, please help me hero(es)!"

I haven't bothered to learn any new systems since ~1992. I am guaranteed to slow your game down and annoy everyone if we play anything newer than ADD2 or SR1.

That's elaborate.

The most I've done is have some nut job viking who wants to fuck or kill a specific PC, possibly both.

ONE NIGHT IN BANGKOK MAKES A HARD MAN HUMBLE

I've run two sessions on a mostly homebrew system, and have written a dirt simple homebrew for a second one (chargen phase). I also wrote background and did session zero for an Ops and Tactics game, and have written background lore for about 4 other settings. I've never even been a player in a tabletop.


I also don't do voices for my characters and probably never will. I use general narration ("you discuss the state of the town and learn the location of both inns") for general stuff that doesn't matter. I'll speak direct lines in character if it's important. Meaning if it's character development or some way of giving insight into the setting. Show don't tell.

Erraneous description of mundane shit in dialogue isn't really my thing. For emotional dialogue, "I'd rather cut my own hand off than shake yours, elf" has a lot more impact than "the paladin doesn't seem to like elves".

I will never ever pass up an opportunity to insert gynoids into a space setting.

I had a paladin that would constantly kill anything that triggered his Detect Evil radar, which made it frustrating to have any dialogue with evil characters or at least explain their motivations.

I didn't want to have the guards attack the group because I was saving that for something later (where they get set up) so the crime boss gave bracelets to his thugs to hide their alignment. Obviously however, it's something fishy if you use detect evil and nothing shows up, so he naturally assumed they were evil because they were hiding something.

Unfortunately, he ended up killing a LG undercover detective who was using those bracelets to hide among them. I actually did foreshadow this with notes earlier they found at his home (it's how they actually found out they were using bracelets).

He stopped using detect evil wantonly after I revealed he killed a innocent person.

You tread dangerous road...

You shouldn't feel bad.
Alignment systems are stupid anyway.

What game

I make up That Guy stories deliberately designed to start really angry arguments.

I steal most of my ideas from anime because my players do not watch any while I am a closet weaboo.

I insert a lot of my fetishes in the game, but I just don't describe them so I get away with it.

I don't actually know what I'm doing.

I improve nearly 90% of my games, not because I think it works better, bit because I'm so lazy. Sometimes I don't even have a monster stat block, I just have it hit or miss based on how high the number on the d20 is, abs die once I feel it's been enough of a menace to the party or someone does something cool.

When asked about DMing I usually improve a long story about where I originally came up with the idea for the monster and how much time I spent preparing the session.

You have committed no sin. Im in the same situation and this is a great way to reign in my lawful stupids, thanks fampai

That's pretty clever and a good way to fix that situation. Not sure if you need to confess that.

Could also point out the 'Lawful' part of the paladin though. Slaughtering anyone who pings as evil is more chaotic good unless your setting states otherwise. It's kind of fucked up to assume that anyone who is evil is incapable of redemption and then go full judge dredd on them regardless of their crimes, if any.

If he went to slaughter a group of 5 thugs and one of them was a newblood who pinged as neutral or even good but was in the wrong crowd for whatever reason then that could make him stop to think about his actions.

You're fucking insidious. Why fuck with your players that much? How did they get a liches spellbook at level 11?

I often steal a few of my opponent's dice during 40k pickup games

I think my siblings only play with me out of pity/worry about me. I'm basically pic related.