Do not trust wild sorcerers. Shun them, mock them

>> The figher covers the dog's ears.

I chortled

> Fighting style in question is known as "corpse tanking".
> Every single turn the goblins dropped him into zeroes and stabbed him while he's down to finish him off
> While he's at zeroes, he needed to fail the death saving throw three times in order to actually die.
> Each sucessful attack on goblin's part automatically failed one saving throw.
> However, every round the paladin healed him with lay on hands for one hit point, bringing him back from the brink...
> ...just so he can drop on the ground and become a pin cushion again.
> The fact that no one died during this encounter was a god damn miracle, especially since we were all so close.
> After the battle is over, we barely stop to loot the place - after grabbing and chewing on some of the goblin food, we rush back outside to take a long rest.
> Since there's no way we're fighting the minotaur in our shape, obviously.
> About eight hours later we return to the cave, only to find out that we're not the only guests here.
> The Hag's grimlocks either dug to deep or are assaulting the place on purpose through their tunnels.
> In any case, this fucking kitchen is now filled with new enemies - but not as much, so we kill them all pretty easily.
> This time we go slightly deeper into the room to find some kind of a cold storage, where the goblins kept their food before slaughtering it.
> However, there's nothing inside except for a single huntsman.
> He's really, really happy to see us - especially since the goblins were going to eat him very soon.
> Oh, yeah, the huntsmen, we've heard about those. Aren't there supposed to be more?
> "Oh yes, there were more, but some were cooked a few days ago, then there was some huge battle yesterday, and goblins were hungry after it, so they ate the rest."
> Oh.
> We politely ask him what does he mean by "yesterday".
> "About eight hours ago."
> Oh.
> Well, fuck.

kek

> Okay, that... Sucked, but at least we saved one of them. It ain't THAT bad, right?
> We might want to reconsider our policy on eating strange food found on monster kitchens, though.
> After letting the hunstman go, we head further into the caverns, fighting both grimlocks and goblins. along the way, until we find a strange, suspiciously empty tunnel filled with bones.
> This is the moment where I mention that the DM rolls for the wild magic surge every time the sorcerer casts a non-cantrip spell.
> I'm mentioning this right now for no reason at all.
> The walls are decorated with torches - a luxury otherwise absent from this caves, since goblins don't need the light.
> Yeah, that isn't fucking suspicious at all.
> Come on, guys, even we aren't stupid enough to fall for that.
> "This is where they keep the cube!" - the fighter deduces.
> How observant of you.
> "He must be guarding treasures!"
> No. No, no, no, no.
> "I'm gonna find him and poke him with a torch!"
> NO, NO, NO, NO
> After nearly engulfing himself into the cube by accident, since he can't actually see it until he gets too close, the fighter rips a torch from the wall and does exactly what he said.
> Well, if he hoped to intimidate the cube with this gesture, it didn't work.
> He made in angry instead.
> Some hotheads in the party want to fight it - that is, until they look up his stats.
> We all turn and run as fast as we can - and the cube follows.
> Contrary to the popular myth, gelatinous cubes aren't actually slow.
> They simply have no reason to hurry.

>until they look up his stats.
TRIGGERED

Nah, that was /k/.

>> Some hotheads in the party want to fight it - that is, until they look up his stats.
Cheaters, you deserve the incoming tpk

> Now, normal human beings would run towards the exit from the caverns and take a long rest again, hoping that the cube will get bored and come back.
> Or, well, there will be actually somewhere to run to if we're out in the open.
> Instead, in our panic we run further into the caverns.
> We run and don't look back, because we don't want to know how close is that thing.
> We don't look back, and we don't look sideways too.
> We barely pay attention to the whole goblin warcamp that we run past.
> Shocked goblins try to throw some spears at us, but we don't give a fuck about goblins.
> We need to run.
> And we run...
> ...straight into the dead end.
> Fuck.
> Fuck.
> FUCK.
> This is the moment our DM calls for a smoking break and leaves.
> Meanwhile, we're frantically trying to come up with a plan.
> Well, not a plan, but at least SOMETHING to avert our impending deaths.
> We even remember that we bought a few sacks of salt for some reason, and we try to come up with bullshit reasons why it will totally scare the cube off.
> When the DM returns, he begins describing the horrible screams we hear from the distance.
> Many, many horrible screams that grow louder by the second, until they begin to quiet down.
> ...this THING just ate the whole warcamp, didn't it.
> You know what that means - it isn't blocking our escape anymore, and we can return safely.
> We get all the way back and head down the torch lit tunnel that was previously guarded by the cube.
> At the end of it, there are two doors, one leading to the west, another to the east.
> Our paladin is feeling particularily gung ho today, so she kicks the eastern door down with her hooves.
> Turns out, this door leads to the warcamp.
> And the cube was waiting for us right behind it.

>Our paladin is feeling particularily gung ho today, so she kicks the eastern door down with her hooves.
>with her hooves
what

Tiefling, probably.

This story is getting great, Screencapping for Storythreads later.

You have our attention, user

>> And the cube was waiting for us right behind it.
Nice trips, by the way.

>until they look up his stats.

> We hastily kick down the second door - only to find out that it leads to a bottomless pit.
> If we head to the left, we'll fall into the pit and die.
> If we don't, we'll have to fight the cube.
> Bottomless pit it is!
> When we land, it turns out that it wasn't that deep after all, we're barely hurt.
> It's pretty dark in there, however, so we light torches to see where we actually ended up.
> This cavern may be filled with rubble and trash, but it's still a pretty huge place - big enough to house a second warcamp...
> Or a gigantic magic mirror...
> And a single minotaur.
> So it turns out, when grimlocks dug a tunnel, they intended to dig their way into minotaur's chambers and assassinate him.
> However, apparently they fucked it up and collapsed his lair instead.
> Now we're stuck with a gigantic, pissed off minotaur with a warhammer the size of a grown man.
> After we finish shitting our pants, we roll for initiative, and the sorcerer goes first, finally it's his time to shine.
> He lifts his hands up and chants the magic words of the catapult spell - "Allahu akbar!".
> A single rock slowly begins levitating above the ground, and then, with a fwooshing noise, it smashes into the minotaur's head, dealing respectable damage.
> Time to roll for wild magic surge again...
> ...and it actually happens this time.
> Wonder what is he going to roll, wild magic surge table is filled with lolrandumb trash...
> He rolls an 7.
> What does 7 stand for?
> It stands for picrelated, a fireball spell centered on the sorcerer.
> Every single party member is in the fireball radius.
> We are all level three.
> We begin to laugh nervously, as the sorcerer rolls for damage.
> It's more than enough to kill us all, unless we make the dexterity save.
> Our laughter stops being nervous and becomes downright hysterical, as we roll for dexterity.
> None of us except for the sorcerer makes it.
> Fucking Lord.

WILD MOVE

Holy fuck.

Double Trips
Thank you based OP.

>> We begin to laugh nervously
Should have started back at the semi cannibalism of the hunters, but sure.

Try
For Emprah confirms best thread on Veeky Forums right now.
>"Allahu akbar!"
>Proceeds to kill everyone else around him

Now, anons, it's probably one of my best received greentexts, so I'll make an exception and be entirely honest with you - the story doesn't actually end here. So I'm presenting you with a choice.
Either we'll drop it right here and right now, and it will be a funny TPK greentext, or I can continue, but it gets significantly less funny and interesting from this moment on, and it ruins the perfect ending.

Would it be Veeky Forums if we *didn't* ruin everything?

Get on with it!

I mean, we can always just screencap the good parts but I want to know where this clusterfuck of a train ride goes.

Keep going and we'll just screencap the base story and mock you as we feel like it.

TRIPLE TRIPS.

No you magnificent bastard I want to find out what can possibly not become a TPK from this.

Dude.

Tell it like it happened.

Yes, get on with it!

> Okay, so this is the moment when I've realized that I really, really like this campaign, and I want it to continue.
> We can't just die in here, we barely started!
> And I know that DM also put a lot of time and effort into writing this adventure - he actually did it the Wizard of the Coast way, writing down an entire design document.
> He put his soul into this thing. He's laughing now, but there's no way he'll be actually okay with this kind of a stupid ending.
> It takes some effort to stop laughing, but I snap out of it eventually.
> "Hey, uh, DM, you remember that we all have Inspiration points? From roleplaying and all of this?"
> "So?"
> "Well, you know how 5e is the "Leave it up to DM" edition. And remember how we played Star Wars Saga Edition? There were destiny points there, very similiar thing, they could be used for all kinds of things. Like, avoiding damage... Could we maybe use them? To, you know, slightly lower the damage from the fireball?"
> DM is overtaken by doubt, but other players soon begin supporting me, which happens rarely, and persuading him to listen.
> Finally, he agrees - fine, you can halve the damage from the fireball, if you spend your Inspiration.
> "But only this once."
> "And sorcerer doesn't get to use it, since it's his fault."
> Well, shit.
> Campaign saved!
> We are not dead after all!
> But we're simply nearly dead.
> And minotaur was not in the radius of the fireball at all...

Triple Trips

Double Dubs

toasting in epic bread

Okay, anons, I'll be writing more of our adventures now, but since we've surpassed the TPK story and are actually going into the long term, maybe I should introduce the characters? Or should I just continue with "paladin" and "fighter", since it doesn't really matter much, and I probably still won't be describing the roleplaying sequences?

>Trump
>white

You got illusions and hate right, but he's definitely not a white card. blue red black.

It would give context for their personality. The fighter who buddied up to the guard doge amuses me as well as the monk and the pally.

Well, how far exactly are ye going, lad? If you're gonna go beyond this dungeon, I'd recommend going Namefag and also breaking it up into separate stories.

Are minotaurs stupid enough to fall for corpse tanking?

I didn't make the card. They were going with the colors of the flag and not the flavor behind the colors.

I hate the namefags and tripcode users, but I guess it's one of the cases where it's necessary. I also hate when people take politics out of designated threads.

Okay, so, the cast so far is this:
Dietrich was the party's first fighter, a human battlemaster. He's a savant and a learned man, a professor from Reichland's university, He's the one who had the bright idea of poking the gelatinous cube with a torch.
Eisen Reise was the second fighter, a human champion. He's a simple man of simple mind, he likes to get paid and doesn't like too much danger. He's the one who buddied up with a dog.
Fiona the Bastard was the party's devotion paladin. She's a tiefling and essentially the Luke Skywalker/Brienne of Tarth character, a wide eyed young hero.
Gunnar of the North was the party's hunter ranger, a quiet man and the only party member with a lick of a common sense. His player described him as androgynous, but nobody cared about what he described. Everyone imagined him like Aragorn, since Aragorn was what he was played like.
Bellheimer was the party's wild sorcerer, a dwarf, while Faust was the open hand monk. I'm describing them together, in a single line, for a reason

Any of you seen "The search for the Bard" greentext? Those are the same players, different characters.

> So, there's Barsum, the Cursed Guardian, the Big Guy, in front of us. Formerly an elf, by the way.
> However, what really matters is, he's a huge ass minotaur right now.
> If I could show you his stats right now, I would, but I can't.
> So just take my word for it - he was seriously overpowered for a low level boss.
> For example, he could Action Surge like a level 20 fighter.
> Naturally, since we've all barely escaped deaths, we all should take this new enemy seriously, given his ridiculous power.
> As you might understand by now, "must" and "will" are very different things for this party.
> Because Faust decides to spend his extremely valuable, limited time on a questionable action.
> He moves towards Bellheimer, lying on the ground and burning to death from his own fireball.
> He takes out his dick and...
> ...extinguishes his comrade.
> So, actually fighting the monster is up to Dietrich, Eisen, Fiona and Gunnar.
> Luckily, they're all well rested - despite being heavily wounded, they all have their abilities on their hands.
> Gunnar goes first thanks to his high initiative, he casts the hunter's mark on the minotaur and manages to shot him.
> The minotaur goes next - he action surges and nearly murders Eisen on the spot.
> It becomes clear that Barsum must die during this round, or the avoided TPK will be repeated again.
> Dietrich slashes the beast with his greatsword, as for Eisen, at this point he'll keep fighting well after his death - he simply won't notice actually dying.
> Minotaur falls, when Fiona smites - thanks to the crit multiplying the smite damage, the monster is finished.
> Once again proving that it doesn't matter how big and strong you are, if you're alone, action economy is not on your side.
> Fine, now what?

Bumpity

> Just to clarify, when Gwyn, the witch of the Spiderwoods, told us that she needs a magic mirror, we've thought it will be a small mirror on the wall.
> Like the one from Snow White.
> We did not expect a sixteen feet tall monstrosity in a golden frame, encrusted with gems.
> We still need to bring it to the witch, somehow.
> Which will probably involve taking it up the pit, through the tiny goblin tunnels and all the way through the woods.
> Dietrich has a genius idea, fitting his education and background - if we pry the mirror from it's frame, it will be a lot smaller.
> Eisen has enother genius idea - if we pry the gems out of the frame too, we will be a lot richer.
> Attempted vandalism ensues, and every time we touch the mirror, it begins briefly showing something horrible.
> And then someone horrible.
> I would call him devious, in fact.
> He begins hissing something very insulting at us, and Fiona seems to understand him, confirming our suspiciouns.
> The devil begs us to stop acting like chimps and breaking the priceless artifact
> It's nearly the last of it's kind, and destroying such a work of art would be pretty horrible even for the man.
> He even gives us helpful advice - we shouldn't try to bring mirror to Gwyn, just bring her to the mirror instead.
> He also notes our destructive potential - and offers us a deal.
> There's an elf of an ancient bloodline that wronged him in the past.
> The devil really, really wants him dead - and he's willing to make one of us a warlock if we agree to do it.
> The only person interested in such power is Dietrich - but even then, briefly. The rest of the group decides that making deals with the devil is a bad idea.
> The players might or might not have had experience with this in the previous campaign.
> The session ends, and some important stuff happens off session - namely, Faust's player gets called names for roleplaying a thug instead of a monk.
> Also, this is the moment where sorcerer's player disappears.

Here the party takes a long rest, and so do I. After a short sleep, I'll check on Veeky Forums - if this thread is somehow still up, I'll continue posting here. If not, I guess I'll make another one.

> This entire thread

>This is the moment where sorcerer's player disappears.
They made a deal with the devil in real life?

...

This thread is a sign. It is time Veeky Forums changes... for the better this time. Watch the threads for signs of revolution. The next time you'll see me will be at the start of the Fuck the Mods Initiative.

Kew.

I need a board skin like that. That's so sexy.

Is this a real board skin?
It looks cool.

Board Skin?

What's with all the wordfilters?

is this the greentext you mention?

Yes, it is. That's us. Also, I've decided to set my alarm clock early to come back to you, guys.

> When our next session starts, Faust's player announces how when the party wakes up, their monk is nowhere to be found - his staff is left behind, but that's all that's left from him.
> The DM says no, fuck that noise, since you're switching characters for no good reason, you're rolling this whole thing through.
> Oh, he's switching characters? Yes, that might be for the best.
> First, he rolls for stealth in order to not wake the party up when he's leaving.
> He fails spectacularily and wakes the entire party up instead.
> We gather around him and begin asking him questions he really doesn't want to answer
> Such as "Where are you going?"
> "Why are you leaving?"
> "How exactly are you going to survive by yourself?"
> Those are all the questions he really doesn't want to asnwer
> But in the end he does mumble something about "I know how you're in the right hands, and you will survive here"
> And so he climbs out of the pit and leaves, silent and graceful.
> Just kidding, the DM makes him roll for athletics for every 10 feet of the pit in order not to fall down.
> He falls down around six times, nearly killing himself, until he makes it out successfully
> And this is the end of the tale of Faust the Renegade...
> Just kidding, the DM makes him roll for survival too.
> Remember how I've told you that we never used the hiding and rotating map feature? Because we had the ranger with us?
> Well, when I was saying it, I didn't think that I'll be telling the story this far.
> Faust wanders the woods for about ten hours, lost, confused and hungry...
> ...until he bumps into Gwyn's hut, where he finds the rest of the party, comfily sleeping outside.
> He joins them, naturally.
> When the party wakes up, they're surprised to see Faust's mug again.
> Even Gwyn is amused by the situation!
> Once again, he says goodbyes and hastily leaves.
> Cue to even more failed survival checks.
> On his way out of the forest, Faust the Renegade is eaten by wolves.

Faust the Renegade. Also known as puppy chow.

What a fucking hero.

Please do continue, i am most amused right now.

> Back to the cave.
> The party decides to loot everything before leaving, and we're really saddened by the fact that we can't steal Barsum's hammer.
> In our search for riches we find some sort of diary that the minotaur has written back when he was an elf.
> It talks a lot about some mysterious threat, it name drops the priestess called Myrilith several times and most importantly, it talks about the Covenant.
> It doesn't actually say what the Covenant does, but it seems that it's a spell of some kind - and this diary contains the third known to Barsum.
> Okay, that doesn't sound important at all, it probably won't matter in the long run.
> We're here for the golden cup, remember? We're hired by a merchant to retrieve it.
> So, after we abandon our insane plans to take the mirror to the surface, we climb up the pit.
> Just kidding, the DM decides that now is the time to teach us about the importance of skills and class features.
> So we also have to make athletics checks every 10 feet to climb up. Since none of us actually has athletics leveled, we fall down again and again, nearly dying in the process.
> Eventually Eisen does successfully get up and throw a rope down.
> The DM sounds really smug - that's what we get for mocking thief's class features. Climbing is useful!
> Sure, sure it is. Once per the campaign, during a very special episode.
> We get out of the cave without any troubles.
> We don't even meet the cube on the way out, surpisingly.
> We get to Gwyn's hut without any trouble, tell her that Barsum is dead and the path to the mirror is free.
> Afterwards we take a long rest.
> For the night is dark and full of terrors.
> In the morning, we see our old friend Faust - not for long, though, since he's hasty to leave again.
> The witch is back too - she's slightly displeased with the fact that we forgot to mention a roaming homicidal cube, but is quick to forgive us.
> We're like your retarded cousin - you know it's not his fault. He can't help it.

> Good news! During the night Gwyn took a stroll to Barsum's lair and divined the cup's location.
> Bad news! The cup is in the very heart of the forest, beneath the roots of the Felucien tree, in the very heart of the corrupted woods, where the hag Myrtle and her minions reside.
> Horrible news! Gwyn's not alone, she brought a friend from somewhere.
> He's a dwarf, he's our new PC, and he's Jar Jar Binks level of annoying.
> Each and every member of the party does his best to ignore the dwarf's existance from here on.
> Now, here's what we know - Barsum is dead, his lair looted. Myrtle has the thing we want, but the road to her lies through the marshes infested with angry elven ghosts.
> But the Necromancer, he doesn't seem to be tied to the plot in any way at all.
> Perfectionists easily outvote the pragmaticists (solely represented by Eisen), and we decide that our souls simply won't rest, if we don't kill the Necromancer before doing what we've been actually hired for.
> But before that, we head to the huntsmen lodge and visit that one guy, who we didn't eat, Odrik.
> At least someone is happy to see us for a change - he wants to reward us for saving his life with some jewelry he hid in the hollow tree, but we need his help to find it.
> We take our first NPC companion with us all the way to the place.
> Along the way we have two encounters - first, we fight a couple ogres. Since we had a surprise round, we easily killed them both.
> However, as for the second one, it's spiders. About time we meet some, since the place is called Spiderwoods.
> Look at those guys in Monster Manual right now, those are some beasts, especially in large numbers we met them in.
> They tear through our defenses easily, and their poison damage is downright brutal - the fact that none of us died is a testament solely to our tactical genius.
> Wounded, we have to seek shelter - and the nearby cave becomes our haven.
> While we rest, we can't shake off the feeling of being watched.

Please continue - they may be sleeping it off in the states but we're enjoying it on the east side of the Atlantic too!

Never trust wild sorcery

S-s-s-source?

nuklearpower.com/2015/03/12/the-dreadful-298/

It's dead, Jim.

> This is a moment of respite, where our heroes are in relative safety - so they can afford to talk and find out more about each other.
> Dietrich was a learned man, well into his forties, respected by his colleagues back in Drexenfurt and admired by many, yet he was not satisfied with this life anymore. He desired excitement, danger, a real man's life. He doesn't care for being an old professor taking exams from braindead students anymore - he's here to live by the sword in a life of adventure, the one that he always secretely yearned for. When he reclaims the relic, he'll finally prove to himself that he's not living his life in vain.
> Eisen desired to live by the sword too - he was a common soldier for years before becoming a mercenary he is now. The only reason he's seeking to reclaim the relic is to make a name for himself as a fighter and a mercenary. Maybe then he can join such legendary warriors as the Panzerritters and live the good life as a knight, never without food on his plate, a coin in his pocket or a good fight before him agai.
> Fiona also desired knighthood - but for a different reason. As a child, she was left by unknown parents to be raised in the Greentown Monastery, the home of the Knights of Saint Fergus. Her entire life she was surrounded by many young men trained to become holy warriors, yet despite all her religious fervor and righteous life she could not become a knight herself. By reclaiming a holy relic, she could show the knights that she's just as righteous as they are and take her rightful place amongst her brothers.
> Gunnar did not have his brothers with him anymore - he lost them all back in the forgotten North, when he was not strong enough, not cunning enough to save them all. And now he found them, those brave fools, heading to their deaths without a care in the world like his comrades once did. He could not watch it happen again. Making sure they survive and reclaim the relic was his duty.

>I'll make you into a dryad
>Nope
>Oh yeah? Why not?
>Because eye beams

One helluva way to end a comic.

What, there are just four of you now?

The priest guy decided to change character and is now Jar Jar McUrist.

Oh yeah, they have a dwarf now. He's not in the last post for some reason, though.

I could never get into Darkest Dungeon because of the Long War-tier of lump-grade BULLSHIT the designers thought was a good idea to put into the game.

Request fourthed, it looks magnificent.

It's just a shoop of this post here.

> Oh yeah, there was a dwarf too, but we're still trying to ignore his existance as much as we can. We coined a name for him, however, the Old Fart.
> Our sorcerer is also still technically alive, but heavily burnt and totally catatonic after being caught in the middle of that explosion.
> And we still have our loyal huntsman, Odrik, who probably really hates himself for agreeing to come with us now.
> So, the only exit leads back to the Spiderwoods - the woods infested with deadly poisonous spiders, who we can hear crawl outside.
> We really don't want to use it, because we still haven't morally recovered from our last fight with them, but what choice do we have, really?
> Well, we could use the gigantic door carved in the stone wall of the cave.
> Well, we couldn't, since there seems to be no obvious way to open it.
> The solution comes to us as soon - when the light of the moon touches the walls of the cavern, a magical writing appears, which says something along the lines of...
> "The gates of the tomb will only open themselves to the song of the dawn."
> Song of the dawn, that sounds familiar. Didn't we read something like this in the minotaur's diary?
> Yes, we have - but it's something else entirely from the Covenant, so we don't actually know what that thing does.
> But the song of the dawn is written down there - so our most charismatic party members could, theoretically, sing it.
> Fiona and Dietrich have a minor squabble about which one of them sings better, until they decide that they can sing the song of the dawn in duet just fine.
> Both rolled pretty respectable Perfomance, but that's the moment when the DM says that he wants them to sing. Out loud.
> To say that it was a nightmarish experience is to say nothing at all. Neither of them had either the voice for singing, or the hearing for it, so by the end of it, the DM was begging them to stop.
> It seems the gates could not bear it either, since they slowly opened, inviting the heroes inside...

So what, were you just dragging the Sorcerer around strapped to the back of one of the fighters?

It's nothing, really. In the previous campaign I was playing as high strength cleric. During one of our adventures, I've found the body of a guy who I've wanted to resurrect really badly at the time, but I didn't have any diamonds with me.
So I've declared that I'm picking him up and, uh, "placing him into my inventory". The DM laughed. When I said that my strength is actually enough to carry a dead body with me, he stopped laughing.
And then we forgot about it entirely. About five or six levels later, I was editing my inventory, when I've suddenly found a 135 lbs dead body in it.

I'm surprised you didn't just leave them with the witch or something, were you expecting their player to come back in a couple of sessions?

>You are rummaging through your pockets while looking for your keys and notice a dead body in your pocket

> The place we ended up in turned out to be none other than a tomb of a great elven hero. Mighty was his sword arm and blessed was his blade.
> Yeah, yeah, whatever, none of us care about the knife ears that much.
> Old Fart continues cracking stupid jokes, but we don't really listen to him - occasionally Dietrich snaps back at him with a retort, but that's it.
> Suddenly, our feeling of being followed gets some closure.
> A tall armored man suddenly comes from behind the corner. In one hand he holds a warhammer, in the other - the holy symbol of the Sovereign, the one human god.
> He calls himself Ser Gregoir, a knight from the kingdom of Dulast. Fiona immediately asks him if he's looking for the relic too, but he just shakes his head - he doesn't know anything about the relic, and he can't reveal his mission - but it's of extreme importance.
> Old Fart makes the mistake of insulting the elves again - and an arrow pierces the air, landing slightly below his feet.
> His attacker is Tallendiel, an elven woman and Gregoir's companion, as he explains it. She does not take insults to her people well, so the dwarf should be watching his tongue.
> Before Old Fart manages to retort, Fiona warns him that neither she, nor anyone, really, is going to protect him, if he will continue picking fights.
> Nobody protests and Old Fart momentarily shuts up for the time being.
> Turns out, both groups want to reach Felucien, so they unite.
> The tomb is surprisingly short and ends with a dead end - there's only a well filled with water there.
> Tallendiel reveals that it's a gate to the deeper level of the tomb. It's dormant now, but it can be awakened with blood magic.
> Fiona volunteers to give her blood again, but this time she actually has to follow through. The gate answers to her sacrifice, and elven magic takes us away...
> All of us except for Tallendiel appear in a tiny round room with no exits.
> The ceiling creeks, as it begins descending on our heads.

I'm racking my brains trying to figure out who OP played as.

Because they're ignoring his bullshit, as stated when he first appeared?

>shoop
What
That doesn't make sense, why would anyone do something like this? And some words are filtered.

> Panicked, quiveiring, screaming, we look around, trying to figure out the way to escape his death trap.
> It must be a trap, right?
> Everything becomes clear, when Gunnar finally looks down, on the floor.
> Unlike the stone walls around, the bloodstained floor is metallic.
> It also has small holes in it, their purpose is probably to let the blood flow down.
> This is not a trap - it’s a sacrifical chamber!
> Gunnar yells out his discovery, and all as one we start smashing the floor with our weapons and stomping, trying to displace the metal plate. Elves probably didn’t design it to endure so many armed and armored people.
> And we succeed! The floor crashes down, and we fall down with it.
> After managing to not drown in the pool of blood, we climb out and look around. Who knows, maybe we’re trapped again?
> No, this is indeed the second level of the tomb - we’re surrounded by statues of the elven gods. The Mother, the Father, all of them false idols now.
> After recovering and catching our breath, we head deeper and soon meet with Tallendiel - she’s alive and well, naturally.
> She claims that she had no idea that the gate took elves and non-elves to different places, though she probably should have seen it coming. We pretend to believe her.
> The air becomes colder, as we venture deeper and deeper. Soon, the interior of the tomb changes.
> As we enter the final chamber, the air is filled with mist. Millions of white threads cover the floor like a carpet, like a web…
> And then we hear him - the Necromancer. Driven insane by isolation a aeons ago, he's ranting at us, seeing faces of his enemies in the intruders.
> We shiver, as he steps out of the shadows and shows himself.
> A colossal, ancient dryder with white hair so long, it falls down on the floor and covers it, filling the entire chamber.
> It's moving. It's twisting. It's grabbing us by our ankles and reaching for our necks.

user, please stop pretending to be retarded. It's a legendary /k/ screencap that was edited to make it Fallout-themed. The "filtered" words are actually Fallout slang.

How can he control a third of the forest if he's trapped in some sort of underground chamber?

This is a very good question user. The answer is, I don't know. Maybe he controlled the spirits of the marsh. Or maybe he didn't control anything - we were just misinformed by Gwyn, or we misunderstood her.

OP, stop stalling. What happened then?

Is this campaign still going on?

> The Necromancer is downright brutal. On every turn, we rolled saving throws against being grappled by his hair - if we failed, we were damaged and unable to move.
> Given the fact that over the half of our party fought in melee, it was downright crippling - he might have never moved, but we still couldn’t approach him. Fiona was the only one who had backup weapons, her javelins, but could not be used for smites, and they ran out fast.
> Gunnar and Odrik, however, carried their weight, being the best ranged damage dealers. While they were still damaged by Necromancer’s legendary actions, they weren’t affected that badly by being unable to move.
> That is, until the dryder decided that play time is over - he called forth the shades from their resting places and commanded them to attack us.
> And this was the moment when we realized how fucked are we. In Monster Manual, shades have less than 1 CR, but they are absurdly dangerous.
> Not only they resist all non-magical damage, each their successful attack reduces your strength.
> When your strength reaches zero, it’s all over for you.
> Naturally, the part of our party that did not spend their youth in the gym started sweating.
> Odrik was killed - may his soul find rest - and very soon we realized that unless a miracle happens, we will follow him really soon.
> And this is the moment when the party should have died.
> However, a rules mistake was made - and Gregoir casted the Prayer of Healing, the spell that should have taken 10 minutes of casting time, in a single action.
> Meanwhile, Fiona managed to reach the largest group of shades and turned undead.
> With his enemies unfairly restored to their full fighting capability and his servants turned, Necromancer started losing ground really, really quickly.
> When Eisen made the jump over him and landed right behind his back, flanking him with Dietrich, it was all decided.

No, user, it's all ogre now.

Did you have torches with you? Because hair burns marvelously

I'd say it's the Ranger, going by the way he describes PCs' actions and the assumed name