Seinfeld episodes in a generic fantasy setting

>George believes an assassin is after him, so he spends all of his spell slots on ever more powerful versions of mage armor
>Meanwhile Kramer is trapped inside a gelatinous cube but refuses to get out

>Jerry I bought a screaming sword
>you bought a sword
>yes I bought a Screaming sword every time I take it out of the sheath it screams
>did you know you were buying a screaming sword
>why would I intentually but a screaming sword
>well then return the sword
>I like the sword Jerry
>you like the screaming sword
>besides the screaming I am in love with this sword

For the Seinfeld bit, the DnD part is iffy.

>Elaine is having trouble determining if her latest suitor is gelatinous sponge-worthy

>jerry can't remember the command word to his wand
>only clue he has is it rhymes with a part of the female anatomy
>the magic item is intelligent and he can't let it know or it will drop attunement

george enrolls in the mage's college despite having 8 int because he saw a cute witch on campus

Those had better be metal ladders

No, that joke's a little different. That comic is about the characters interacting while playing DnD, where the joke of this thread is the Seinfeld characters interacting actually in a fantasy setting, and the kinda weird stuff that could go on.

>George thinks that Susan stole his Ring of Illusion that makes him have a full head of hair so he goes poking around in her handbag, only to find out that its actually a bag of holding and he falls inside
>Kramer and Jerry get their horses stolen at while inside an inn and have to hitch a ride with a caravan of gnomes who are constantly trying to prank them

kek

>Kramer accidentally crushes the king of a tiny warrior people and becomes their new ruler
>Jerry purchases a new robe that's slightest too bright for the wizarding guild's strict rules
>Meanwhile, George keeps getting summoned by an amateur warlock

I feel like Jerry would be more bothered by the robe being against regulations than the guild.

>George concocts a scheme to transform himself into an animal, sell the animal to dumb peasants, and then slip away during the night
>Meanwhile, Jerry dates a sorceress who he suspects is reading his mind

>I think my new girlfriend might be elvish
>elvish? elvish how? Do you mean part elvish or all the way?
>a bit elvish at least, I don't think she's all the way elvish
>so what kind of elvish? Dark elvish, wood, high, moon
>moon elves are a thing?
>moon elves are a thing, now which is she Jerry?
>what does it matter what kind of elvish she is, she's beautiful.
>oh it matters. you think you have a nice old fashioned high elf girl until boom, you get hit with her dark elf side
>her dark elf side? Should I be worried?
>oh you should be worried. I'm talking spiders and chains, Jerry, all over.
>sounds kind of kinky
>ya-ha, but you can't keep up Jerry. You can't keep up with those dark elvish girls. they'll break you in half
>I don't know if she's dark elvish, I don't even know if she's elvish at all. Frankly, this is starting to sound a little racist.
>you should just be careful Jerry, you never know
>why am I listening to you anyway. For years you thought George was dwarvish
>he is a little short
>I heard that!
>well anyway, I've got to go meet my girlfriend down at the potion store. See you later Kramer.
>if you get her into the sack, just keep an eye out
>for what?
>for the spiders.

Jerry exits, rolling his eyes.

Damnit, I can picture the whole episode

>George attempts to impress a woman by claiming that he invented the spell fireball
>Meanwhile, Elaine gets out of being invited to a birthday party by claiming her boyfriend was a famous paladin who just died

>every episode of history bites

They are actually styrofoam ladders.

>George accidentally uses all the charges on a guild issued wand and tries to break into his ex girlfriend's house to get hers
>Kramer and Newman are trapped in a sleeping troll's lair and must sneak out

>Jerry, Elaine, and George are invited to a fancy party at the king's court
>Kramar and George's dad act as the fools and attempt to steal the kings gold
>Jerry's girlfriend likes the punch and he doesn't

>George accidentally summons a swarm of imps in his Father's house and must catch all of them or be kicked out
>Elaine finds out that her hot new boyfriend hates elves just as her half elven friend from College is coming to visit

>Kramer stumbles into a demonic summoning ritual while looking for the local tavern. He managed to bluff himself away from being the next sacrifice, but now he's leading the ritual. Meanwhile, George is trying to sell off some old equipment but the guy in front of him wont stop haggling for an impossible price.

>through a series of strange coincidences, the local guard confuse Kramer for a necromancer currently at large in the kingdom

>Jerry breaks up with his sorceress girlfriend and she curses him with muteness and hes supposed to speak at a friends wedding tomorrow night!
>Kramer and Newman go down by the forest to see if they can find some treasure but get captured into slavery by Orcs

>Kramer is trying to turn his apartment into an alchemy lab and the smell is getting horrible
>Jerry and Elain take a trip to the neighboring Kingdom but are stuck in the middle of nowhere when a giant eagle swoops down and takes the horse that was pulling their carriage

>Jerry refuses to admit to the new ranger that he's lost in the forest
>Meanwhile, Kramer stumbles upon a ritual and accidentally gets marked as the new vessel

>George's new girlfriend is a member of the Awakened Animal society and invites him to a gathering but is horrified when he brings a whole roasted chicken to the event
>Jerry is deeply conflicted when his smoking hot elven girlfriend tells him that she used to be a dwarf man was was polymorphed into an elf woman years ago

Bendis?

This thread weirdly makes me want to run a Seinfeld D&D-game.

bump

>Jerry is trying to buy the perfect suit of armor for a ceremony but he thinks all of them look like "fat armor" and make him look heavy
>Elaine tries to help out Kramer when he attempts to lie to Newman that the sword they found wasn't magic by pretending to be a magic user and casting detect magic, but she unlocks her latent sorcerous ability in the process and identifies the magic sword for all to see

Brian Michael Bendis?

>Kramer and George accidentally set a rust monster loose in an armor shop and must find it before it destroys anything too valuable while also distracting the owner

The writer? Bendis?

Yes Bendis, who writes the comics.

Well, what about Bendis?

He writes those comics

So, what about those comics and Bendis?

The Comics that Bendis writes?

Yeah, those comics that Bendis writes

You mean Bendis writes those comics?

Well they don't write themselves.