Nerfhammer 40k part deux

>Implying grimdark edge is less cringey

I bet you want Veeky Forums to bring back porn threads

Mechanicus is the super modders who are psuedo religious about certian shells and systems

Nah thought we said they were rich mormons?

>the ones that look like they have a saw blade a the bottom
holy TITS user I thought you were joking but

Explain how this is cringy.

So does Pert have no concept of personal space along with not having an inside voice?

So are we having SMs as groups of people or one guy that represents each legion?

I meant one person per legion, not Dave the OmniAstartes, holy fuck

Do the White Scars get Bigwheels?

...

>Promiscuous Edgy Deldar Teens
When they capture people, they force them to listen to my chemical romance or other emo bands for hours.
There is no malice in it, they just want to share the deep and meaninful lyrics.

Probably a small band (around 4 people) per chapter.

I figured the best way to handle it would be to have a kid for each of the primary that sort of double as chapter masters, and then they have successors that team up with them a lot so you can still have marine squads in a way.

Like Dorn would be the entirety of the Imperial fists force, but would have a Black Templars kid and others following his lead.

This was said a couple of times in the last thread but I really think that the Nids should be a bunch of 6 or 7 year olds. I think that works better than pets and animals. Synapse creatures could be siblings/babysitters that are watching over them to make sure they don't get into too much trouble.

But younger kids was also supposed to be the role of the Imperial guard.

Having Nids just be a bunch of younger kids her seeking at people doesn't set them apart well. It'd basically be chaos cultists at that point.

Has anyone done anything with paintball yet?

What if Nerf Guns are flashlights and Paintballs are proper heavy bolters?

Closest thing I think was Next one being the adults using BB guns

Someone also posted some nerf mega blaster with 4 inch bullets that worked perfectly as a bolter, so foam darts or discs was the default assumption.

I always thought of the guard as like second and third graders, with officers being in fourth grade and Space Marines being fifth graders or older. An unending horde of first graders and kindergartners seems better than animals. Think the Kindergartners from the show Recces.

I just dislike the idea of animals being Nids. I understand the connection, but it feels off to me. Nids should be this unending horde not a handful of cats and dogs.

I like the idea of Space Marines just being older kids. The older you are the more powerful you become, and at the same time the older you become the less likely you are to play nerf wars so chapter sizes are limited to a small group of friends. Like the Fists are a group of five or six guys or something.

Well, that's the thing. Even if you gather up all the youngest kids to be nids and have a babysitter in charge, it won't be an unending horde. It might be a large force, but the combined total of kindergartners won't be more than the number of second and third graders.

Plus, a horde of small kids taking orders from a single bigger individual wouldn't be much different than guard or cultists. They don't actually have a mental link, so any orders they call out will still be executed with the intelligence of a kindergartner, and everything they call out can be hear by the enemy.

Conversely, animals break a lot of the rulea to give them the same feel. You can't reason with them, they completely ignore any pretend psychic powers. You can't shoot them or hit them, effectively making them tireless and unending. And whoever the pet owner is can use whistles and short commands to get them to do things, which is much more esoteric compared to a kindergarten group.

Having Nids be actual kids just makes them yet another chaos style faction made up of kids of all ages using melee weapons with abandon and covering themselves in spikes.

That makes a lot of sense, especially the psychic powers comment but it just feels weird to me I guess. I think it's a numbers game to me and having one guy and his two-three dogs doesn't seem very Nidish to me. I'm starting to get on board with the animals as Nids it just feels like it's missing something.

It's just for the sake of variety. It doesn't have to work %100. What matters is the nids keep that "animalistic" feel, and they're also an environmental hazard. Random dogs or a swarm of bees can show up at any time and crash a standard nerf fight, just like Nids. Also having them be something other than swarms of kids helps differentiate them from the Orks (Hawks), Guard, or Chaos minions.

Like said

In this case, Nids are less of a faction and more of a neutral force that disrupts fights. It can range from someone disturbing a beehive and forcing everyone to leave, to someone not making it to a battle because they had to take care of their dog.

If it's something small scale, then it's written off as a vanguard force that didn't have many casualties, such as having to call things off while the dogealker goes by.

The main thing we had for large scale bid invasions was someone from the local animal shelter, who would be bringing a couple dozen animals specifically to play with the kids.

I think it's also worth remembering that while there's a clear amount of KND-style modding and custom jobs in this world, most of it is still fueled by imagination.

A few kids in a wagon with some cardboard boxes becomes a house-sized tank in child's eyes, a group of kids firing off the top of a playground castle becomes an Imperator Titan.

Things can be interpreted a little loosely for the sake of fun.

Right. Not everything has to be strict 1 for 1. An Ork player with a smaller kid on his shoulders both swinging axes and shooting guns is basically as close as you get to a Deff dread or an Orkanaut.

You don't need a literal army of a hundred stray cats to get good numbers, especially when most fights will probably have a dozen kids on each side.

Who was The Beast?

You know that guy from Hot Fuzz who coukld only say "yarp".

That's basically dead ringer for The Beast, he probably wandered away from his carer and wound up in the middle of the Iron Cage.

Word I'm on board now.

So aren't the Assassins kids who're way to into stupid anime things?

>Callidius: Tokyo Ghoul, Parasyte, Akira.
>Culexus: Anything involving souls and spooky shit.
>Vindicare: Anime about assassins.
>Eversor: WWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYY (JJBA)

They're the older girls who were told they couldn't be space marines, so decides to do their own Mary Sue powerhouses instead.

They write tons of fanction on the internet about love blooming on the battlefield.

Either that or really f-ed up kiddos who play with pocket knives.

You know you can swear here, right?

but then he'll get grounded and we'll lose our vulcan, you wanna explain to the commissar how we lost our heavy weapons guy.

FOR THE KHAN!!!

The 4 Chaos "Gods" were just the first four kids who played Chaos in the neighborhood that everyone followed. The Emperor, after being "stuck" on the Golden Throne, now spends his time holding them back, (read, growing up and playing vidya games with them all the time.)

Maybe the Emperor just got stuck in the toilet one day, and the Chaos "gods" saw him. He's spent most of his time trying to discredit them and protect his reputation. His followers obviously don't believe it.

Perfect

Someone in the last thread mentioned greater daemons being a group of college age kids. Perhaps they used to be the original chaos players before they had to leave, the remaining players blowing them way out of proportion to the point nobody believes them when they return.

Various bolt shells could be replaced by different 'modded' nerf darts, like wasabi-covered darts being Inferno shells and such

>wasabi-covered darts
I thought we weren't going to go grimdark with this.

Big E is the dad of the marine boys, he occasionally comes out when they make enough of a fuss but he's too busy laughing at his son who wants to be a guardsman

Primarchs are all highschool kids who either "died" (gave up on playing because they found something else) or vanished into the warp (moved away to a different town or something) but they still keep in touch and occasionally roll back into "Imperial Street" to check up on how things are going

No, It was already discussed, Long ago that Horace(Horus) and Hugh. M(Big E) Had a massive fight which led to Horace being grounded forever and Hugh broke his legs being unable to fight. Check the old thread.

HH was literally Horus wanted to make up some bullshit rule that he was not only a stronger primarch because of warmaster but also now he could veto the rules because of the new Gods he just made up, half the kids thought it was kinda cool, the other half didn't Daddy Emps notices his kids don't play with their other cousins or shit like they used to, goes to talk to Horus about it. Horus rejects his bullshit and runs away from home.

My bad thanks

So...Inquisition?
They're the teachers at the local school right?

>Imperial Street

I say we canonize this.

Sounds like an actual street name too.

Let's see.. what else..

Maybe the ghetto the orkz live in is nicknamed something steryotypically Orky?
Boyz Town or Scrappaville or something?

Then the Tau get a bunch of little lanes named after their castes.

Eldar get High Street and Dark Street

Probably referees of the game who keep track of all the intricate little rules for every situation.
"Heresy" is cheating or fighting dirty

Couldn't the chapters just be different streets? So the first founding is literally the first kids on the block so on so on

Fuck
I love this too much

That would just be kids making up shit, like we all used to.

>I killed you!
>Nuh uh! I got armor!
>Well my gun shoots darts that explode into flame when they hit ya! It burns off yer armor and kills you!

Ork street is named Joe Waugh Avenue, this explains why they cry the street name when charging into battle?

Chaos warband.jpg?

Ooh! Ooh! And street names named after their Primarchs!

Thought that was because they were football hooligans, but alright :P

Idk
I'm new here but I want in

This is going to be the next Homestuck. I feel it.

>Implying it will be a barely decipherable orgy of tumblaars

Imperial street is beset on all sides by nerds, dorks, and jerks

I mean early Homestuck.

I can see Russ chugging down lemonades with his pet dog when suddenly Khan turns up on his bmx

Johnson likes writing down secrets in his diary
Dorn spends most of his time in his pillow/Lego fort
Gulliman is a perfectionist

Sagunius grew up with sisters and now he's camp AF but fuck with his hair and he'll bite you

The red thirst is his lust for Red Cordial

Sorry if I'm fucking with pre established shut here, just throwing out words to pass the time

Kharn needs to be to some degree autistic, this much is clear to me

I'd think orks would be trailer trash kids who lived nearby that would occasionally band together and run through the other neighborhoods trashing shit and having nerf fights with the other kids/factions

Forge world is just the local Kmart/big W/Target

Control of these locations are crucial to success at least for imperials

Everyone else uses eBay and the internet to custom modify shit?

What's the Warp?

Internet maybe?

I've got no idea because never saw the previous thread but now I'm thinking if it was up to me? The internet could be the warp?

...maybe?

I mean it kind of works?

The internet corrupting people sounds as good as we're gonna get for a proper explanation of why people are evil

Chaos have Wi fi
Eldar still use like plug in Internet cables for the webway
Empire still uses dial up (to the emps)

???

Why not set it back when everything was still Dial Up?

That way having Navigators makes sense because they're the only ones who actually know how to work that shit.

Webway could be a local Eldar server/darknet some whizkid whipped up before they moved out. Now nobody knows how to make another one but they keep what he built working as best they can (Golden Age and fall of Eldar)

>It is the 41st day of summer, For what seems like a hundred weeks, Hugh. M has sat immobile on the Golden wheelchair of the neighborhood. He is the master of Kid-kind by the will of his peers, and master of a million playgrounds by the might of his inexhaustible nerf armies. He is bound to his chair, writhing invisibly with internet access from the Dark Age of Christmas. He is the disabled Lord of the Neighborhood for whom a thousand batteries are sacrificed every day, so that his internet access may never truly die.

>Yet even in his disabled state, Hugh. M continues to have fun. Mighty battleSUVs cross the Summer-induced miasma of the suburbs, the only route
between distant playgrounds, their way lit by GPS and websites, the psychic manifestation of Hugh. M's will. Vast groups of children play in His name on uncounted playgrounds. Greatest amongst his friends are his special Nerf-club "Space Marines", Candy-fueled Super Nerf Players. Their comrades in arms are uncountable: The Neighborhood toddlers and countless Playground Defence Friends, the ever‐vigilant Inquisitives and the Tech-nerds of the nerf-club customizers to name only a few. But for all their multitudes, they are barely enough to hold off the ever‐present threat from Neighboring Towns, Cheaters, Special Eds — and worse.

>To be a kid in such times is to be one amongst untold hundreds. It is to play in the meanest and most fun game imaginable. These are the tales of those times. Forget the power of past christmas catalogs and instruction manuals, for so much has been forgotten, never to be re‐learned. Forget the promise of fair play and ever winning the game, for in the dark dusk of summer, there is only Nerf-war. There is no peace amongst the suburbs, only an endless summer of brusies and skinned knees, and the laughter of thirsting adults.

I did a thing...

Magnus witnessed Horace doing terrible things (bullying, cheating, etc) and kept trying to tell the Emperor (Hugh Mann? what was his name?). Emp wouldn't hear of the gossip, even when Magnus got other witnesses together.

Finally, Magnus gets ahold of a camera and takes a few pics as evidence. Horace has been keeping an eye on any mail Hugh gets (stealing and destroying anything Magnus sends).

So Magnus decides to send the pictures via email. Shouldn't be any problems there, since he's good with techy internet shit. Problem is, he ends up mistakenly attaching a virus meant for Horace/Leman's kid equivalent/Chaos kids along with it. The virus fucks up Hugh's computer.

Yiffboy readily comes to Hugh's defense since Magnus trolled him via webway a few times before and he's still pissed off about it.

So just for a vague sense of factions, timelines and events:

>Original group was Old ones, who used BB guns
>Started as kids, but continued through their teens and even into adulthood
>Got into disagreements with the Necron teenagers, a bunch of super serious paintball enthusiasts
>Kept getting in eachothers way for battles, so they ended up fighting eachother instead
>Poor and rich among the old ones even started bringing their own kids to help, these being the original Orks and Eldar
>While it was glorious, it eventually got too serious and the police were called
>Warnings were issued, and the Necrons and old ones were forced to call it quits
>The Ork and Eldar kids still got together, though they were mostly limited to pingpong ball slingshots and foam disc launchers respectively.
>Time passed, Orks and Eldar grew up and had kids of their own
>The Eldar kids were the dominant force in the neighborhood, until a massive falling out happened over some tangled web of dating. Two sides split off, and the girl at the center of it all went to stake her claim in Chaos (this being Slaanesh)
>Along with them, some other kids from the newer generation got involved, namely Mann (the emperor), a couple of his younger siblings and friends (the primarchs), and four local bullies (the chaos gods)
>The fighting was in good fun at first, but soon both sides started to drag more kids into it
>Battles were on a massive scale with as much nerf weaponry as either side could muster
>Eventually, disagreements between Mann and some of his primarchs resulted in their switching sides
>This culminated in Mann and Horace duking it out on top of the playground. Mann won handily, but was pushed off, rendering him wheelchair bound
>Things splintered off from there. Many nerf guns were confiscated, the Chaos gods wandered off and grew silent, and the remaining leaders tried to pick up the pieces
>A few years later, Mann and the Chaos gods had grown into legends, when the setting takes place.

Then from there, Chaos players and the Imperium form up. Eldar and Orks are both still around, and Tau consists of a few asian families who moved in more recently.

The original four chaos gods returned to town, though nobody recognizes them after the many years.

The Necron teenagers, now much older, have also decided to don their paintball helmets emblazoned with metallic skulls and occasionally come to participate as well.

I like the idea of using the early internet as the warp a lot

Perturabo tried using actual barbed wire. To this day, no one knows where he got it.

this would make one hell of a sunday morning cartoon

> skull-visaged paintball masks

This makes a lot of sense, but I still like the Necrons as the elderly. Bitter isolationists who are primarily concerned with retrieving their stolen property and keeping other people out of their yards, yet yearning for the youth they lost long ago.

The squats were three brothers whom no one realised were awesome until after they moved upstate.

No, that's too many streets and space. Would YOU be friendly with a kid who lives 20 blocks down from you? You'd hardly ever meet them. No, the imperium isn't that big. Or it could be, but is a stupid git idea.
No, the orks are trailer/country kids.

>The great crusade was the emperor beating up and allying all 20 primarchs
Fund it.
This also works.
Aren't skulls an imperial thing?

Sigmar is this kid who was too poor to buy a nerfgun so instead he just runs around in cardboard Armour with a novelty squeaky hammer, he mostly runs around and does his own shit that occasionally involves the chaos gods.

the spinoff that will crash the franchise

Dubs confirm excellent/10

Well, then it's simply a matter of making the necrons as old as the old ones as well

Imperials put skulls on their guns and stuff, but necrons are literally spooky skeletons.