That time your DM/Teammate fucked up

How is that thing alive?

>chaotic neutral monk buys a teenage girl
>you never know

So your evil fisticuffs Jackie Chan bought a sex slave? Is that what you are telling us?

Well I left out that he was a monkey, like he's playing a monkey race.

But yes basically, although we didn't let him be alone with her, we left her in the care of our NG Bard who also happens to have a bear animal companion.

He also paid 10x more for her since it was an auction and the CGoracle was trying to buy her too.
And then got scolded for an hour by a dimensional dervish.

A Fisticuffs Jackie Chan style monk who is also a monkey bought a sex slave for freaky underaged monkey rape.

So THAT'S what you're telling us.

>Me and a buddy are trying to get two of our friends into playing
> We know they will like it because they share basically every other interest
> We buy the ready made box with four figurines they used to sell for DnD 3
> Our friends are two of the possibly stupidest people you can think of
> First, who we call Sterile, is convinced he will be a Navy SEAL one day
> Second, we will call him Aaron, "forges" weapons in his tool shed as a hobby
> We start playing, immediately start to struggle from bad decisions
> My brofriend is the DM. He basically goes easy on the group in this introductory setting
> Basically we are hired to clear out a cave, and each of us is a stock class
> I am Paladin, Aaron is mage, and Sterile is Fighter
> Aaron insists on getting close to enemies, despite being ranged
> Sterile insists on trying to use abilities he clearly doesn't nor would have based on his class
> Brofriend is just getting upset after a while because we aren't even picking up basic clues > Being familiar with the module, I am trying to keep my mouth shut
> Finally clear the cave, and get to the other entrance
> Aaron and Sterile have 1 and 2 HP, respectively
> Chained to the ground is a unicorn
> Module pretty much leaves it up to DM on how to react to players actions
> (Modules DM notes read "If party chooses to free, grant 1d4 treasure from table.." stuff like that.
> Aaron, almost dead, moves his piece next tot he unicorn and says "I cut my hand and bleed on the unicorn's horn".
> Now, I know the DM could have something awesome happen here, but at this point we have both been exchanging looks and acknowledge we can't coach this particular player through a whole campaign.
> DM looks him right in the eye and says "In your weakened state, the loss of blood causes you to faint. Roll damage."
> Aaron rolls six. Character expired.

I have often thought back to whether we could have handled it better, but even I just couldn't take it.

>me "That guy caused all the trouble" pointing to some random dude running away.
>guards mutilate and maim him, then leave him in the streets.

Isn't it kinda shitty to rat out a teammate?

amazing.

You can't really be this retarded. Gr8 b8, here's a (you).

>He also paid 10x more for her since it was an auction and the CGoracle was trying to buy her too.

It would be, but I'm not friends or comrades with some random dude in a slaver town.

Yes indeed, that is what I am telling you

She's at least 30 in monkey years. Evil Jackie Chan did that old hag a favor.

It was a teenage human girl, and I've never heard "monkey years"

> Aaron rolls six. Character expired.
That's beautiful. Never let him live it down.

Sounds like the oracle doesn't have much more than 10 Int...

I think its 12, but I don't remember off the top.
So yea pretty much.

But you know, what good is intelligence when you have SpO0ky mysticism.

>5e
>group is travelling through a forest
>surprise surprise, we fail some perception checks and are surrounded by like, 20 elves
>they even brought some druids
>we're pretty beat up from encounters earlier, probably can't take them
>we have an elf druid though and he's all "guys i got this"
>uses that spell that opens a portal from a tree to another tree anywhere else in the world
>instant escape route acquired
>i jump through first
>come out of a tree somewhere, look around
>my party is about 150 ft. away surrounded by elves
>FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU-

We barely managed to survive that one. Our druid was captured, our barbarian was polymorphed and captured, and our dragon was killed. No one trusts our druid with portals anymore.

Well, our druid managed to convince his elven acquaintances to let our party travel through the forest.

They attacked when he left to get a new druidic focus though...

That kinda reminds me of a situation I was in recently.

>escorting locked box macguffin through hostile woods
>surrounded by elves
>rogue, who has been guarding the box in the caravan, is both stubborn and apparently born without a sense of self-preservation
>refuses to leave and all of a sudden decides to take a look inside the box
>without checking for traps
>it was very much trapped
>pic related

>Our dragon
>Dragon

What?

Its Dungeons AND Dragons not Dungeons AGAINST Dragons.
Wait that doesn't work
W/e, everybody wants to be a dragon, shh its ok.
There's even a 3pp by rite publishing for a playable dragons race/paragon class called the Taninim/Draconic Exemplar. Assuming you play pf, and you don't hate rite publishing, which most people do.

It was more so that I was wondering what kind of dragon, why a dragon was traveling with you, how your dragon failed its perception check and exactly how 20 elves killed it.

Answers?

We were rewarded with a wish for helping out a king earlier in the campaign. Our barbarian wished for a dragon. Our DM managed to spin it into a pretty decent sideplot, too. The dragon was pretty uncooperative and once it died we were hunted down by it's badass ancient red dragon mother, and we needed to basically recruit a whole team of superfriends we'd met earlier in our campaign to bring her down.

Our dragon was a young red dragon, which is why it kind of sucked.

Oh I'm not I'm just also playing a dragon and was being cheeky.
My dragon is the LE bluffer in and I just stay in human form and let the riches flow unto me as I siphon shiny things from adventurers.
Dragons don't get to roam freely, hunted too often, so hiding with the adventurers while getting lots gold without punishment seems like the easiest route.

Got you. That sucks.

Our next campaign is a brood of Greens (5) who must start from Wyrmling form, survive long enough to young adult, and overtake the entire High Forest through various means.

I like that other folks play dragons, gives us hope.

Dragons are difficult, since they we're built as monsters, not for PCs. But yea properly managed its pretty awesome. In Company of Dragons does some things well and most things terribly.
To be perfectly honest I haven't seen dragons done well ever, mechanically speaking. Rites comes close, but its real jank.

So far my adventures with my dragon have been pretty fun though.

>PF
>underwater
>that guy is a wizard
>"I cast invisibility and scout ahead"
>hear sounds behind the door
>bluntly open the door, find two alerted merfolks
>"I walk in and check the room"
>dm "they block the road"
>"I try to walk through them"
>alerted merfolk waves its spear to the front, hit wizard, bleeding, water turns red
>"its fine, I can tank that damage, can I check the room now?"
>teammate "your disguise is gone, get out first"
>"but I am invisible! I keep walking in and check the room"
>merfolk hit again
>"he cant hit me, I am invisible!"

We saved him before the merfolk stab him to death, but he still keep bitching DM "houseruled" the effect of invisibility.

Would've houseruled that he had too low INT IRL to play a wizard and forced him to make a new character.

Jk, but that guy seriously sounds retarded

>crusader dragged out to sea by water ogre
>begins to drown and has a limited amount of rounds to get to the surface since he's so far down below
>hits the ogre well enough to knock him out
>takes the time, while drowning, to rip out ogre's throat with his bare hands
>'just making sure he won't follow me up'
>drowns anyway

This is why I don't play wizards. I'm not THAT retarded, but I'm not incredibly intelligent when it comes to playing complex characters.

I like to play fighters, warblades and paladins.

Consequently, I love to play White, Green and Black in MTG.

This will always stick with me as a seminal 'oh, for fuck's sake' moment:

>Playing Dungeon World
>inb4 that was how I fucked up
>Playing a Goblin (reskinned Halfling)
>Party commandeered a ship chasing some cult with our loved ones on board (aka let's motivate the party to do some shit)
>Cultists are doing some shit over there
>KRAKEN OUTTA FUKKEN NOWHERE
>Ship's sinking. Everyone's bailing out.
>This is where I fuck up. Everyone's Defying Danger to get out safely. I don't twig that this is their only action this scene.
>Goblin was in the crow's nest using his tracking skills to follow the culists.
>GM: 'What are you going to do?'
>Me: 'I guess I try to figure out their final bearing before we go under.'
>GM: 'Fine.'
>I roll to work it out. Get a heading. Sweet.
>GM: 'Okay, now roll 1d4 for falling into the water.'
>Mother fucker.
>Roll a 4.
>That's me at 0.
>Roll on the death table.
>Must sign a pact with Death.

It gets worse.

>Death tells me he wants one of the PC's loved ones to die. He's a shit and a waste of space, so I don't feel bad about it.
>But my guy has a warped sense of decency and he doesn't want to do it personally.
>Agree for our Pirate PC to get his crew to do the deed and privately message the GM that this is what we're doing.
>GM says fine.
>Turns out Death likes to re-write the terms of the agreement.
>He tells me that Death wanted ME to kill this kid.
>I respond by pointing out he literally said 'this boy must die'. He never specified how or by whom.
>I sense a disturbance in the GM-force.
>GM hands me a note.
>To fulfil this pact, you must kill (Pirate PC) or die within 7 days.
>Fucking. Arseholes.
>Over the next few sessions I have two more near-death experiences, surviving by the skin of my teeth. Both times due to the actions of one player.
>I am highly unimpressed with DW's death system, by the way.
>Finally mortally wounded after our dipshit elementalist sank a dwarf bar in a stupid attempt to subdue a dire peacock (it's complicated).
>I have had enough.
>If I'm dying, I'm taking out this retarded elementalist who's almost killed me twice.
>Use every dose of this nasty poison from the second session. Turns you invisible and sense you mad until you die.
>I trick him into drinking by necking some myself.
>Defy danger.
>He passes.
>I die.
>Death comes for me. Finally.
>I call Death a cunt and leg it into an endless black abyss.

sounds like death had it coming

>Asks to play a race with a inherent weakness
>Weakness comes into play during a part of the campaign
>TRICKED!
I don't even know where to start with this train of thought

Jesus, the newfags from GitP and the Paizo forums can't evengeful read these days.

You mean
>ask if the race is gonna work fine in the setting the GM has in mind
>GM says sure, and that it fits >perfectlyGM decides to start the fucking campaign in the middle of Freezeland, just north of the Chilly Hills in the courtyard of Castle Coldfuck

>fits perfectly

I don't think you get it, boyo.

>Play the free Witchcraft Adventure for TDE 5
>We are already inside the Mill and heavily damaged from the earlier fights
>Cordax quickly moves through the flour storage and rips the bags open
>We follow him but Vision is obscured from the flour in the Air
>Our Guildmage sees Cordax at the end of the room and decides to cast an Ignifaxius
>Ignites the flour
>Misses Cordax
>Explosion kills party

I think you misunderstand.

This is why when my lizardfolk went north I had her grab a heat stone

>Hey if I play a Merman will I have access to the sea?
>Sure user!
>Alright, you begin in a desert, it's as dry as an old mans skin and its as hot as the sun

>Dark Heresy
>following a coup orchestrated by the Inquisitor, the party is part of an assault on a stronghold of the old government
>most of the party stays together, but the assassin is scouting ahead by crawling through the ventilation system and relaying enemy movements to the rest
>he then finds an armoury and takes inventory
>fuck tons las charge packs, promethium, explosives, and a few extra goodies that the everyone might be interested in
>assassin opts not to relay his discovery to the rest of the party
>assassin instead crawls back into the pipe he emerged from and declares his action
>he plans to throw a bunch of frag and krak grenades into the ordinance filled armoury
>GM asks "Are you sure?"
>yes
>GM asks again "Are you sure?"
>yes
>entire table asks "ARE YOU SURE?"
>fucks sake, yes
>well shit son, roll it
>assassin lands his grenades nicely in the armoury where they explode, dealing high damage
>entire armoury goes up like November 5th, July 4th, New Years, Chinese New Years and other assorted bangtastic holidays
>assassin wishes to dodge
>dodge a huge explosion
>while in a pipe
>GM says no
>assassin is stunned by the sheer concussive force of the explosion and is now trapped in a pipe attached to the one remaining wall of the armoury-come-furnace
>he comes too and manages to crawl out of pipe
>fire everywhere
>he makes a dash for it and catches fire
>manages to run for two rounds before he fails his WP check and runs around madly
>burns to death and so burns a fate point
>party find him later, horrifically burned, but somehow still alive
>assassins player is mad that he wasn't warned about the consequences of his actions
>tables face when

That was not neither simply letting a weakness come into play nor a "part" of a campaign.
It was the first adventure of the Char and the DM placed where I could not even have traveled to by myself without going into hibernation mode and eventually dying, and the whole campaign was in those mountains. I still do not know, why he told me my lizard would fot 'right in', he does not even himself, the only thing he admitted was, that it might have been a little bit dickish.

>cuts hand
>misses and slices major artery
>party just stands there as he bleeds to death on a unicorn

>I cut my hand and bleed on the unicorns horn
Is there some context were missing here? What could possibly lead anyone, knowledge of the game or otherwise, to come to that conclusion?

>Dark Heresy
>party consits of a SoB, Death Cultist (me), a conscript IG trained with a bolter, and an Arbite
>for saving a governor's pregnant wife we were invited to the birth
>no one is into it but free meals and weapons afterward
>baby is born but no one seems to be happy
>they seem worried and scared
>irl Arbite is the only one who hasn't read the lore
>SoB and Inquisitor determine the baby is a blank
>Arbite thinks the unease means demons are at work
>pulls out his shock maul and brains the infant while still in its mother's arms
>only people to make it off planet alive were me and the inquisitor
>planet rebels against the imperium and becomes our new Only War setting