Things male wizards say about female wizards behind their backs

Things male wizards say about female wizards behind their backs.

I would abracabanger

She hasn't got the wand for magic!

I really like Izzy but my years of solitude spent in singular study and estrangement from society and the mundane world, as well as the generally frowned upon nature of my delvings, has made it all but impossible to interact with anyone else beyond a superficial level. I thought going into personal study away from the heavy restrictions of the academies would grant me ultimate power, but after a decade spent locked away in a dark tower of secrets losing myself to perversion, once again coming out into the world, one thing I desire above all else is a meaningful relationship with another human being who doesn't look at me like a terror of ages past.

>tfw no gf

Witch.

She really turns my Flesh To Stone

Shes been practicing her engorgement charms

Sleep spells.

She really gets my wand stiff

*Cast's Bigby's Molesting Hand*

Turn around, please, I'm talking to you.

>I bet she fucks that familiar.
>Harlot

...

>stuff the party does when the Paladin isn't around

Taxes.

Each other

Oh, Merra? Yeah, she has huuuuuuuuuuuuge "mana reserves," alright.

Drugs.

Bully the locals

Pray in comfort

Play D&D

Spend time with their ara~ ara~ therapists.

The only time they're actually in town is when the Paladin isn't around.

Sodomy

>Finally! Break out that leavened bread, Bob. We're gonna make this thing a party.

No good, making trouble in the neighbourhood.

Take the sticks out of their asses

Nothing he wouldn't want to know about, isn't that right fellas?

Pillage a village also raping the locals

>Things you shouldn't say on Veeky Forums unless you want a shitstorm

The elf was right

I like Kender

Replying to Carnac.

>So [Insert System Here] is clearly superior. Why does anyone bother to play anything else?

Flour is banned from my games

Longbows can't penetrate plate armor

Dungeon World

I miss Jim Profit.

Warhammer is sexist.

About what?
It's right for this to create a shitstorm.
Who?
Mixing it up is good.
I don't get this one.
Can they IRL?
Never understood this one. It's a fine game, neither bad nor great.
No, you don't.
If you think it's sexist, I don't care. If you think that's its ONLY problem, holy shit.

I think this guy wins.

I can't believe they managed to make something as good as Age of Sigmar out of something as bad as Warhammer Fantasy.

There should be female Space Marines.

Carnac is an user who likes to interpret his headcanon as actual canon and will argue with any and everyone who replies to him for the entire thread. He no longer namefags, which makes it harder for people to ignore him and his bait.

Dude, chill, mana weaving is fine as long as you shuffle afterward.

>Big booty witch who lives in the forest near your village

Sure she's kind of a slut, but that ass man, that ass will not quit.

>headcanon
Regarding what franchise?

Katanas are the superior sword. That's why my viking uses one.

>I'm making a game. It's kind of like Dark Souls.

40k.

TRIGGERED

It's cool if I have my DMPC steal away the love interest of one of the PCs, right?

Too obvious.
Too overdone but I have no problem with it.
That sounds hilarious.
If you shuffle thoroughly it was a waste of time, and if you don't, you cheated.
What if you took it the other way? "My samurai uses a European longsword."
So... called the "hardest game ever" by a lot of people when harder games came out every month in the late 80s/early 90s?

DELETE THIS and make a thread with this premise, while "accidentally" making it obvious that you have a thing for the player's girlfriend IRL

Matt Ward is a good writer.

...

/pol/ and Veeky Forums are natural allies because orcs with INT penalties perfectly represent real life niggers.

Coasters are overrated.

Maybe he would be if he weren't writing about things people already like as they are.
That seems like it's true sometimes though.
I can see how this would create a shitstorm.
I like coasters. I just don't like waiting in line for them.

I'm glad that RPGs are starting to include rules sidebars about transgender people.

That's pretty much all of the negative reviews of FATAL.

FATAL is worth playing.

Anything at all.

Only liberals have a problem with Humanity, Fuck Yeah.

Why do they have to be in the sidebars instead of the actual text?
No, it isn't.
"Anything at all" is a weird post to make in most contexts. Maybe people are just confused?
It's boring 99% of the time.

I always thought the hardest game was our Kobold Camp mod for DF, with the settings leaving you absolutely fucked.

> The first thing your character does upon becoming king

kill all lesser races

Bone that one smoking hot countess who has been teasing him forever.

It's good to be the king.

Hail to the King, baby.

Changing the name of the capital with the name of his horse.

...

Get on good relations with all of the local Dragons so I don't have to offer up half my kingdom and my Daughter's hand in marriage to the idiot farmboy turned knight that rescues her.

>So... called the "hardest game ever" by a lot of people when harder games came out every month in the late 80s/early 90s?
Different kind of hard. DS2 aside. The difficulty is fairer than the reason a lot of 80's/90's games were hard.

Uhh, you know why she's got a great ass, right?

I mean she's a witch, that ass isn't for your enjoyment.

Replace my deity for being a pansy

Wizards should be overpowered in quite a few systems/settings there is no reason for them not to be. When you're a fighter, ranger, etc. you're just like that one soldier in that army; these martial classes have always represented actual medieval units. When you're a rogue/thief you're just that some guy who steals shit just a criminal of those times. But a Wizard? They are true representations of the utterly fantastical, the arcane, the supernatural; superstition itself of all sorts comes alive with them. These guys are the crazy sorcerers who did insane shit in the Bible, the witches that scared the world at one point, weird rituals/traditions of the old come to life. If a martial character is Thor, a thief/rogue Loki, then the caster is big daddy Odin himself.

The martial classes in the Fellowship Of The Ring are fighting shitty footsoldiers. The thief/rogue guys are trying to drop a ring into a volcano. The wizard is fighting almost god-like angelic/demonic beings far more powerful than any of those footsoldiers, a giant spider, or a ring obsessed weirdo.

Legalize gay marriage and state-owned holy water factories.

...

Rob the royal treasury blind.

This is why leveling up a magic class should take a lot more exp.

Underrated.

It's hard to tell if he's being autistic or if that's his response to

gas all the dwarves

...

> Phrases that you never want to hear from a party member

>So how much XP would I get from killing a PC?

"I borrowed all of your gold to buy it. That's cool right?"

There are only a few hundred of them, I leap out of cover to attack.

I took NPC classes

>I roll to seduce the gelatin cube

What's wrong with raping the king's daughter?

>It's what my character would do!!! LOL!

>50 Gold in the chest. I roll for bluff.

"But why should my character care?"

>Chase the paladin to stop him from getting himself killed saving orphans

My character is the chosen one, it says so in my backstory, so I should get to decide how the loot is divided.

>Checked
EGADS!
>ancap paladin of capitalism

> I pick [other PC]'s pocket.

I meant that they would just straight-up lie on them, but that works too.

>You can't just steal things!
>How much does it cost to open the gate into town?
>How much would you pay me not to kill the orc baby?