How do you like your cursed magical items?

How do you like your cursed magical items?

Painful and annoying, but not debilitating enough to warrant a side-quest to remove the, without derailing the game for three sessions.

Hilarious, embarrassing, but with a benefit that's good enough that players are tempted to use them anyway.

Tempting and costly.
The best cursed items should be ones that don't require any kind of roll to be tempting. They prey on the players very real temptations of power. And if overused (or even just used in some cases) they should have real consequences for the players character.

i'll need a couple good examples of that please

With massive hips

Old timey gypsy curse variety. Way back when some dude pissed off a gypsy lady and she cursed a ring he owned, then got dragged to hell. Now whoever holds the ring is accosted by demons before eventually being dragged down as well cause that gypsy was a real bitch and didn't bother to remove the curse on the item afterwards.

A PC really hates dwarves. They found a magic belt that increased their durability and made them highly resistant to poison. It made them look more dwarven. Short, stout, bearded.

They are useful and powerful but have drawbacks that will fuck you up good.

How to spot a shit DM:
> "Haha! Here's a horribly crippling/embarassing cursed item! Nevermind that you casted detect magic and identify, you were got off guard!"
> "Okay then, I cast Remove Curse/Greater Restoration."
> "Ha-ha! Did you think it will be that easy? It doesn't work!"
> It happens with every fucking cursed item
If spells specifically aimed at removing curses don't work on curses, what's the fucking point?

A couple years back, I DMed a game and gave the characters a cursed Wand of Wonder that went off without provocation once a day, and always seemed to find its way back to the party. I used the 10,000 Wand of Wonder list, and it probably caused more random shit to happen than the players did by the end of the campaign.

Played a high level campaign once were a warlock had a cursed sword. The sword was just a regular iron sword until "activated", once activated it was a murder machine dealing insane elemental damage well beyond the warlocks level. Trick was, to activate the sword, the warlock had to offer up a spell. Once offered that spell could never be cast by the warlock again (ever). At first it was easy. Dump those useless spells you never use for some big flashy mini-boss kills. But as the campaign was nearing it's end the warlock was often faced with tough choices. Take the cheap kill now to get your way with a mini-boss. But do so at the cost of maybe not having the spells needed to finish BBEG.

That is pretty shitty. Not to mention lame.

It's much more fun to have them accurately identify the cursed item and then struggle with whether or not it's worth using.

Especially if they decide to use it despite the drawbacks, only to later decide it's not worth it. That's when they find out it's harder to get rid of.

I had a book with a lesser bound demon inside of it in a game of dark heresy once. It would ask me for a small sacrifice, once given it would answer any one question I had at any time afterwards, even plot specific. Each time it was used, the sacrifice required became somewhat more serious. Eventually, it required me to murder someone. what the GM forgot was that this was 40k and we were Inquisition acolytes, so I just went out and murdered the first hobo I found guilt free.

What was the curse on the book, you ask? There wasn't actually one, but it was so good that I accidentally brought it with me to a sisters of battle covenant, which ended poorly for me.

Lewd

a lot of those items i remember seeing were stuff that would make the immediate challenge easier, but would hinder things long term.
Like a pair of "lucky dice" that would give you advantage on a dodge of your choice, but -5ac "bad luck" till you had a short rest.
Or a silver broach that would allow you once a week to auto pass (or technically a target would auto fail his save) on a charm spell casting. But after words they would see you as an absolute horror. Essentially giving you an auto-fail or extreme disadvantage on any CHA rolls involving this person.

But this also takes good DMs. Because the DM would make sure that the broach was always on our mind when talking to someone who we didn't know would be important to our quest later. We could charm the guard to get past him and into the city, but turns out he's the king's son and now hates us and wants us dead.

A nice bonus
With a penalty elsewhere

Ring of MurderHoBo
+2 to hit
-4 to social skills

that's not really a curse
that's just min/max-ing.

gender-bent

Infernal intelligences bound into servitude with genuine benefits but obvious drawbacks
Heavy on the temptation

I misread that as "Cursed Magical Realms"

This is my cursed magical realm.

>Lewd

Well, it's French, so that goes without saying honestly.

When did the French become so based?

Intelligent and more than willing to play on their holder's insecurities to their own advantage.

If that accidentally works out to the holder's advantage, it's just as well, since now the holder will have a reason to keep them besides power.

That's right, the ring doesn't even care if she's gotten you the best time of your life. All that means is she goes longer without getting de-cursed. She's using you, sure, but she'll use you whichever way works best.

If that means taking a hero and turning him to the Dark Side? That works. If it means taking a nobody and making a hero of him? That works, too - even keeps the good guys off her back for a while.

sometime in the 1800s

Like I like my women. Black and sadistically insane

>Ring of MurderHoBo

Has a fairly decent power
And a curse (usually one that requires a bit of RPing) that's ALMOST bad enough for them to ditch it

After the Revolution they traded their skill at war, and god France used to terrify most of Europe, in return for being based.

The item has hips or the curse is hips?

>YFW the curse is that the item is your perfect 10/10 waifu that tries to turn you evil

Yes

They provide a guilt-free, work-free "solution" to something else, so kind of like heroin to be honest.

I really like banal stuff like HP drain, but sometimes I like a real fucking curse.

I once gave a player's character a stone that contained a phage-spirit which would haunt her with worsening afflictions--nightmares, fevers, mood swings, paranoia, etc.--until it was released from the stone, but while it was outside of the stone it was eating her soul incrementally. It could be returned to the stone, but it required greater and greater payment to return to the stone each time it was summoned. The character spent the rest of that campaign having to manage losing more and more of her soul (represented by losing experience, permanently decreasing hit points, etc.) against slowly going insane.

Could you give an example? Not really sure how that would be a cursed item

This sounds less like a curse and more like someone chaotic neutral got sealed into something.

a neat idea regardless.

Had this one book in the game (5e starter pack that went a long ways off the rails) that was linked to some Lovecraftian horrors. Each time they read it, they took taint. Each day they had it in their possession, taint. Did not tell players this was taint. Merely told them to put a tick mark on their character sheet.

In the meantime, the main village had been plagued with nightmares and insomnia ever since the players beat a particular gang by blowing up the hideout. Strange, but not a problem, they decided to keep tabs on it.

After beating the main storyline, the players return to the village to find people sleepwalking in circles in the village square. Their constant walking has worn a groove in the ground. Very odd behavior, disconcerting, but we lack the power to fix it and a party member needs a resurrect. We leave to go find a powerful druid who can bring her back.

When the party returns (with druid, but missing most of his reagents due to plot), they find the entire village standing in the square, around their walk-worn-circle, naked and chanting. This is definitely not good. In the middle of it is a psychic monster from the aforementioned hideout that they never actually killed, but assumed was dead because explosives. When players get closer, he turns to the player with the book and says "Would you kindly hand me the Grimoire?"

I ask for a wisdom save. Target number? How many tick marks do you have? Over thirty? You hand him the book. That player is now working for the enemy during the fight. He was the one with the most potent magic. Players manage to win the day, but they crapped their pants.

>Merely told them to put a tick mark on their character sheet.
And this did not concern any of them at all?

genderbending (+ getting hotter) and extremly useful at the same time

You forgot the curse part. For instance you should alter the (+getting hotter) so it transforms the cursed person based on the creature being dealt with. Bartering in town? Sexy lady wooing the shopkeep. PC thinks it is awesome since huge discounts due to huge, well, you know. But fighting orks? Suddenly sexy ork PC, based on Ork standards. Fighting kobolds next. Well this is getting weird. Gelatinous Cube? Totally awkward.

Then you tell them that they never lose the original sexy traits. They're a sexy human ork kobold slime lady. Make them change their character sheet to reflect their new race: Cronenberg.

I've got a Book of Mis-Spelling I gave my party

After reading it, for the next 2d4+2 days, every time the afflicted casts a spell, the GM changes one letter of the spell and changes the function.

Stone flesh becomes Sconeflesh

Fireball becomes wireball

Cause Fear becomes Cause Bear

The players love it and they keep it around to read from time to time for fun.

Cute.

Does it fuck with Priest Spells? I'm sure they'll think differently if Cure Wounds becomes Cute Wounds.

All spells. And I like to make it do something different to each spell each time.
So one time it's Cute Wounds. Another time it's Cure Sounds and works as a silence field for a bit.

They like showing it to snobby wizards

In a non-magic setting, cursed items could still be a thing.

I've had a character go insane and believe that her lover's soul was trapped inside a sword, and that the sword is talking to her.

Then I've had a gun become "cursed" in that bad things tend to happen to the wielder, although these were all just coincidences.

I'd prefer the item cursing you to become an evil version of your 10/10 waifu, but both are good.

I second the yes to hips.

"You detected the Nystryl's Magic Aura, that made that Belt of Masculine Femininity read as only Belt of Mighty Strength +4."

I prefer ironic curses.

The Halfling player finds a Ring of Power. Turns out it was actually a Cursed Ring of Bigness. Halfling is now six foot tall.

The real curse? Players arguing over how you can be a Halfling when you are no longer half sized and we never actually get any playing done.

What is what who is who and why do I want to invade most of them with my penis

That, user, is your curse.

Bilbo, or is it Bilba now, Stole those dwarfs hearts and their seed

All that glitters is not gold. Sometimes it's a pearl necklace.

...

I love how he had to be pedantic and mention the string. It makes the whole thing so much more absurd.

It's all fun and games unless you know urethral ben wa balls are a thing

>urethral ben wa balls are a thing

then it gets hilarious

Yes. Yes it did. But it happened so often without consequence that they started to ignore it.

And this is why you kidnap other wizards and warlocks as sacrifices

Ran into some cursed items in my current game. We expect to run into a lot more.

The first one was a longsword that caught on fire when unsheathed. A quick check by the bard told us it was powered by a primordial fire monster that could be released at any time. The Barbarian used it until he critted with it, at which point the monster escaped and caused the evil church we were fighting in to burn down. It then flew off into space to cause trouble for someone else. When the NPC guard with us asked what it was, my rogue told him it was the result of the cult's wicked ritual and not our own fuck up.

The second item was what I thought was just a nice peridot necklace... until the wizard informed me it was an egg for a lovecraftian horror that would bore into its host and consume them. I got rid of it quickly afterwards, as I didn't want the thing on my person any longer.

The third item was an evil book. It would make you feel happy when you held it. The spirit of a paladin of Pelor gave it to our Cleric (among other neat relics), telling him to burn it on a full moon and NOT to read it. I'll get back to said book shortly.

Next item was a black shield that vaporized whatever touched it's front, another gift from the paladin hero. The cleric had it for an hour when he critfailed TWICE with it, causing him and his target to be blasted into a hell dimension for several rounds while the rest of the party bailed from the burning church. When he returned (and failed more rolls while in this horrible plane), he had several derangements and was convinced that the evil book had the answers to his many questions. Last session he tried to run with the book before we could finish destroying it.

Not all of the items we have been encountering have been bad, though. In fact, my character has been getting a bunch of good artifacts (mainly from dead PCs) and is slowly becoming Swashbuckler Rogue Batman.

The best cursed magical items are ones that still function as a good magical item but have an incredible downside to them.

Mundane example would be a +3 longsword that gives -2 AC or something.

>Mundane example would be a +3 longsword that gives -2 AC or something.
Huh, I don't think I'd actually consider that cursed

I've played games like that (old starter stuff back in the 90s). It's deceptively useful. The kind of cures you feel is good enough to put up with the handicap. But it leaves you easier to hit which can add up, fast, and suddenly hitting harder doesn't seem like such a great tradeoff when you're running low on HP and healing options are limited or non-existent.

And like all cursed items you can't just drop it, so if you find it isn't worth it or you find a better non-cursed item you're stuck with it until you can get someone to remove the curse. If you have to run to the local priest that'll mean you have to pay.

Quick, "cursed" items that take their usual intended purpose too literally.

>Belt of Giant Strength turns the user into an actual Giant
>Necklace of Fireballs is actually made of tiny balls of fire
>Pipes of the Sewers are connected to an actual sewer in a random city and spew raw sewage when played
>Pipes of Haunting summon actual ghosts to haunt the nearest building
>Horn of Goodness/Evil induces Good or Evil (depending on the user) urges in those who hear it blown
>Golem Manual is made of the same material as the intended Golem
>Druid's Vestement swaps your class levels with Druid levels
>Chime of Interruption interrupts ANYTHING said by ANYONE instead of just spells, whenever it wants to

Without dicks.

I would pay good money for those druid vestments in game, those are ridiculously exploitable

>This nigga

>Boots of Speed quicken your step without taking into consideration the rest of your body
>Pipe of Insight makes you see TOO much
>Blacksmith's Gloves turn you into Will Smith

>Cape of flight
>The cape flies, you dont, you cruise the skies hanging by your neck from that cape

I've got too many. Rings that convert life force into mana, armor that's almost unbreakable but also can't be repaired, refitted, or modifed because that would imply being able to decon/recon-struct it, life stealing swords that ruin lightbulbs and make everything cold as fuck because they suck up ambient radiant energy, and a sword that is basically just a big pointy stick unless you're fighting Hastur or something.

I really like making cursed stuff.

My party includes a character who, upon dealing the killing blow to an evil they had uncovered, was possessed by it. His armor and weapons were infused with its will when his body forced it out of him, and now if he ever removes his armor or lets his sword leave both his hand and his scabbard, the articles will animate and lash out against him. Even when he wears it properly enough to control it (which is all the time), he exudes an unsettling aura that freezes pools of unattended water, scares horses and other nonmagical animals, causes nearby children to weep even when unaware of his presence and spoils wine and beer alike.

So now the party has a dude in black armor with skeleton motifs and shit chilling with them with a paladin inside it, who usually avoids taverns like the plague for fear of causing tremendous property damage.

>Robe of Intangibility!
>You may have just paid 800g for a cloths hanger

>Forbiddon Frost Staff!
It's made of frost. Will probably melt soon. Your hand is numb. It's forbiddon because of misleading advertising.

>Werewolf's Ring!
Not magical at all, you just stole a werewolf's actual wedding ring. He's pissed.

>Forgotten Scroll of Mot
It's just an ancient Semitic grocery bill. He forgot it because he's been eating out lately.

>Rod of Burning
>You realized too late that the rod itself is actually burning. Although a potentially effective weapon, the constant jokes and annoying habit of turning your plate mail into a pressure cooker is simply not worth it.

Stealing this.

>Sconeflesh
/d/ pls

> Scone
> Not immediately identifying the prolific word-player as a britbong
Sometimes a cigar is just a cougar.

>Armor of Drizzt
>advantage to stealth
>full plate AC
>30ft darkvision
>+2 on all initiative checks
But
>cannot remove
>polymorphs you to resemble a Drow
>armor is possessed by chaotic-insane drow ghost
>said ghost always pushes for most violent, debauched, stupidly evil course of action, but also looks out for wearer's ultimate benefit

I love cursed items and traps, so I'll bump this thread.

I like the idea of forcing the player to experience whatever the cursed thing is. Like if the cursed item makes them blind actually blindfold the player and force them to play like that until said item is removed. I dunno if everyone would like that though.

A cursed item that turns you into a trap?

>wear magic ring
>become a rock trap
>mfw

A trap that turns you into a cursed item?

>How do you like your cursed magical items?

rapey

Ones that bring trouble your way instead of making your unlucky at things you attempt.

And a javlin that linked the sight of the person who picks it up to it and reduced their sight range by the distance it was from them, it also reduced their sight range, so at 80ft they were blind, the poor guy hurled it off a cliff. it had some upsides, but I cant remember what they were.

I had a pretty hilarious one a couple years ago
>wizard starts delving into dark magic
>but he's not openly casting it, only in secret
>let's our party know if we ever want to pull a sick prank on somebody he'll do a minor curse on their shit for fun
>have a good laugh of it
>near the end of the session
>wizard has been trying to find a way to make curses unbreakable
>finalizes a design of a curse that instantly uses your own blood inside your body to form a curse of silence (magical, not literal silence)
>desides to save it for the local necromancer BBEG
>the cursed magic ring falls out of our wizard's hands during the final fight
>rogue rolls a speech check to go "no, not the ring of greater magic influence!"
>passes the check and the necromancer picks it up and puts it on
>DM makes wizard roll a 50/50 check to see if the curse actually works
>passes with flying colors
>necromancer is immediately silenced, all his summoned creatures dissipate, and he's left to our mercy
>wizard walks up and casts "Greater curse removal"
>the text forming the curse is magically disentigrated (necromancer's own blood)
>necro dies of blood loss and we all celebrate

Magic zipper: toss this item onto an object and open it to giver the item with a magic mouth to talk with. may be supplemented with spells or upgraded to allow the newly speech capable object to hear you. Closing the zipper returns the magic zipper and the object it was tossed onto to their original states. (this does not mean you can undo damage to an object by removing he zipper, unless the GM says so or agrees to make that an optional upgrade for the magic zipper.)

Thanks for deleting the first 2 i typed up Veeky Forums...


Ring that gave an additional spell slot, but caused all magic cast by the wearer to have a chance to incur wild magic, which was increased.

A Hammer that played parts of space jam when swung.

I'm personally fond of benefits that are drawbacks.
the cursed mole on diarmuid ua duibne is great. yeah girls like you but do they really like you and now your queen is hot for you shame the king is the jealous type

So what happens if you unzip your dick?

It insults you for all of the fucked up shit you've put it through.