All Guardsmen Party Storytime

Hate to hear that m8, but don't worry I did a great job at posting your image and riling up the boys.

Sorry folks, but hey this time it wasn't me trolling c:

Welcome back!

>them quints of apologies
It's good to have you back Shoggy!

I think we all know this feeling.
>I was totally going to have this army finished...in Spring. Anyways, here it is half-painted in the fall but at least we can freaking play!

HELL YES!!!! Good to see you shoggy!

you sick little mon-keigh

aww shit I saw this earlier on the website and got hyped as fuck. Lets get this train rolling bois.

>Shoggy's AGP is back

Yaaaaaaay!

It's great to see you back, Shoggy, the AGP never ceases to be a delight.

Nothing like sitting down and getting this nice suprise to sit down to

SHOGGY LIVES

Aww shit, thought you were dead or something Shoggy. Welcome back.

"WHAT! Let me see that!" the dataslate was abruptly ripped from Tink's hands by Twitch, who began scanning at a far faster pace. "Oh shit shit shit shit shit shit, there's more." All three troopers bent over the dataslate. "No more than twenty kilograms of Munitorum Grade-B explosives?"

"Do you even have any Munitorum-issue 'splosives left?" asked Nubby. Twitch just shook his head and held up the cluster of lasgun power packs he'd been taping together. "Oh well, don' worry, I'm sure I can work somefin out if we can get to a depot... " Nubby paused as Tink and Twitch both pointed at the last line on the dataslate. "No items considered contraband under Administratium edict G-somefin-somefin-stroke-17e, Commissarial decree number… Cogboys… Arbites... 'Quisition... ECCLESIARCHY? What does da 'clesiarchy gotta do wif what I can or can' bring on a mission? Dis is mental! Who's making these rules?"

Tink straightened up and tried to recapture his initial indignant tone. "These are direct orders from Inquisitor Sciscitat."

"Wasn' ee da one who got squished by da bug? Ee get better or somefin?"

"No, the other Inquisitor the one from the stasis cell. He's taking command."

"What? Dat pillock? Does Sarge know about this?"

"He's in on it! They're both down in one of the conference rooms with the diplomacy Adept planning some sort of suicide mission!"

There was a pause while this sank in, followed by Nubby swearing and Twitch abruptly shouting "IT'S HAPPENING! I KNEW IT!", and sprinting out of the room.

Holy shit catching one of these live!

Pic Related

I've had to buy a new keyboard, my F5 key wore out. Shoggy, you magnificent bastard, never end this story. Legit though, it's fine that this semi-chapter took a while. Writing is hard, I get it.

...

SHOGGY I GOTTA GO TO BED AND NOW I HAVE TO STAY UP FOR THIS

>Twitch doesn't have any standard-issue explosives left

It really is happening.

He was buying a house, and then lost his job, and then his grandpa died and he had to deal with that. iirc

YEAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

youtube.com/watch?v=HJNz2QgSNsk

Do what any red blooded guardsman would do in this situation. Call in dead to whatever obligations would require you to go sleep, put a pot of recaff on the field stove and bask in the story time.

Nubby watched the demolitions trooper go, then turned to Tink and asked "So, uh, ou' of curiosity, 'ow exactly did you get dis 'ere list?"

Tink brushed the question aside. "That's not important, what is important is that we get together and make it clear to Sarge that we're not going to have any part in this. We've got to stand up and say NO, we're not going to go off on a mission without proper equipment." Nubby, his self preservation instincts kicking in, took a step backwards, Tink failed to notice. "We're not going to get ourselves killed on some horrible backwater just because of some Inquisitor's ridiculous prejudices.

"Uhhhh, we're not?" Nubby took another step backwards.

"No, we're going to march in there and tell Sarge that either he gets rid of these ridiculous rules, or he goes on his mission alo-URK!" Tink let out a strangled little yelp as a large hand landed on his collar and yanked him backwards.

Somewhere behind Tink, a very deep and angry voice growled, "Guardsman, a word please."

Nubby Sarge drag Tink out of room, and let out a sigh of relief as the door slid shut. After a few seconds of standing around, listening to muffled shouting and thumping sounds coming through the door, he decided it was probably a good idea to figure out where Twitch went, and possibly join him.

You're alive! This makes my shitty day so much better!

*Nubby watched Sarge drag Tink out of the room

Keep going Shoggy, the context'll sort itself out!

I'd follow Sarge into the Eye of Terror, probably turn around before arriving, but still

>Sarge's Rules About What You Can and Can't Bring on a "Stealth" Mission With Inquisitor Asshat

No Pulse Weapons
Because people notice when lasguns fire little blue balls of plasma, that's why
No Tink's techno-heretical plasma monstrosity
No Spot
Not even if you make him a REALLY GOOD DISGUISE
Nothing, no matter how small, easy to hide, or "awesome", which could be described with the prefix XENO
No, we are NOT bringing Fio. Why would you even ask that?
No more than 20 kg of Munitorum-issue explosives
No piles of ammunition for weapons we don't use
Nothing that is almost but not-quite an explosive
Nothing that came out of Sergeant Gravis
NO CHEMICAL, BIOLOGICAL, OR WARP-BASED WEAPONS PERIOD
No contraband
If you have to ask, it's contraband
Your bags will be checked Nubby
No Fumbles or Aimy
Just because Fumbles can turn invisible sometimes does not mean he's stealthy
Medical patients regrowing their entire scalp are not stealthy either
No Jim, Hannah, or Sister Valerie
Because they're staying on the Occurrence Border
No Occurrence Border
BECAUSE A SPACE HULK IS THE OPPOSITE OF STEALTHY, THAT'S WHY
No detailed plans to kill the Inquisitor, desert, and enlist in the Kulthian Foreign Legion
Because the Emperor hates you, that's why

>The All Guardsmen Party and Inquisitor Asshat's Stupid "Stealth" Mission

hold up, I'm lost, isn't Aimy a player?

well there goes fun... how thye fuck are you supposed to conquer the enemies of man if you dont have specialist gear anymore, how are you supposed to even do it

I've been laughing for the past three minutes straight! Emperor bless you, Shoggy, and thanks for bringing us another spectacular episode.

The whole point of the Occurance Border was to get a ship nobody would expect belonged to the inquisition. As such about a quarter of this list is once again all Nubby's fault.

She's an NPC who was commandeered by the players. Same with fumbles and at one point Jim.

Yessss I did it

>Nothing, no matter how small, easy to hide, or "awesome", which could be described with the prefix XENO

My sides

Shoggy, I love you are still doing this. I have so much to catch up on. Good night!

Fuck yes, finally caught it live!! Praise be to the Emperor!!!!

>Because the Emperor hates you

You know you're pushing the envelope when even a radical will tell you you make god cry.

holy fuck i caught this live. praise be to the emperor and shoggy

that ENTIRE LIST

absolutely priceless

Well I guess this is the rest of my night now

Excellent! Here's hoping your problems don't plague you for much longer, mate.

So it occurred to me after rereading the last thread, the AGP has to be developing a reputation among space marines by this point. There has been one (1) space marine they have encountered that didn't end up dead/maimed/stranded in the ass end of the galaxy for months on end, and that one went back to his Deathwatch fortress and told his brothers that they killed a chaos marine. Being assigned to assist Interrogator Sargent will soon be a form of punishment, I can feel it.

>Okay, that's out of the way, completely re-writing on the fly doesn't suit me. Unfortunately I'm going to have to do that a few more times tonight, though hopefully they won't take as long. I wasn't kidding when I said that I left this chapter an utter mess back when I was drinking.

Anyway, thanks for the kind words guys, it's great to be posting again. Hopefully this'll get me back on a roll again.

Glad you liked that series, it was a major inspiration for all of us over the years.

You is mean

Yeah... god save me from painting. I have about 80 pages of discards for what is currently a 30 page chapter, I'd be broke if paper cost as much as minis.

Not quite, but I tend to hide from the world when under a lot of pressure, which just wound up making things worse.

Yep, ran completely dry, but we do get a minor resupply before too long.

Yeah, it was a shitshow, nothing world ending, but it just kept building up...

Aimy is like 95% Doc's player. She was brought in as his replacement character and but none of us wanted to give her up when his character recovered, so he just started playing both of them.

It's pretty much all back to normal by this point, it's just a matter of getting back into writing.

>NO CHEMICAL, BIOLOGICAL, OR WARP-BASED WEAPONS PERIOD
It's back

Speaking of Fumbles, how old is the little guy?

...

So, no shit, we'd finally delivered the requested Zoanthrope. It'd taken the crippling, marooning, and deaths of two squads of Space Marines, gratuitous use of heretical xenotech, an assault on a technically-friendly civilian space station, the second worst worst warp voyage in the history of the Imperium, our arrest on trumped up charges by a traitorous Inquisitor, yet another pitched battle when said Inquisitor tried to steal the Zoanthrope for his private collection, and the general maiming of yet another squad of Marines, but we'd FINALLY delivered it.

Admittedly the bug had suffered some wear and tear during transit; what with the theoretically-impossible Daemonic position, and the way it'd been beaten to the very edge of death by a tau drone and a humorously shaped piece of wraithbone wielded by enraged Space Marine. But nowhere in our orders did it say that the thing had to be in good condition. It was Zoanthrope, it was alive (if only barely), and only the most ungrateful, pedantic, asshole would dare complain about the quality of the package after the sheer hell we'd been through to deliver it…

Of course "ungrateful", "pedantic", and "asshole" were just about the perfect words to describe Inquisitor Scisicitat, and if you added "bat-shit insane" it'd cover the Magos that ran the research facility as well.

The first thing the two of them did after the Inquisitor had been released from stasis was hold a meeting with us, the Diplomacy Adept, and a few their own minions. Supposedly, it was to catch everyone up on the overall situation and plan the next move, but it was really just several hours of people yelling, lecturing, and just generally blaming us.

I HEARD THERE WAS AGP
AND GOT HERE AS QUICK AS I COULD

I don't even care that these are likely wholecloth stories at this point, they're still hilariously amazing stories.

>but it was really just several hours of people yelling, lecturing, and just generally blaming us.
The more things change, the more they stay the same

>Sarge.jpg

>impossible Daemonic possession
I'll be sad at the end of this lovely adventure

Not sure honestly, I'll have to ask our DM. I think his initial sheet said something a little older, but we treated him like a kid and it just sort of became canon. I think of him as a small 16ish.

Cool, thanks

First worst warp voyage being when they bought the Occurrence Border, right?

now I'm glad I sent that mail to you Shoggy, I really wish you the best of fortunes for the rest of the year, for what it's worth

yes. it was the discount spaceship arc.

...

Seriously, EVERYTHING was our fault.

It was our fault that several members of Sciscitat's team had died during the battle in the evidence warehouse.

It was our fault that the traitorous Inquisitor had died before he could be questioned.

It was our fault that several extremely rare and valuable xenobiological specimens had escaped, died, or been turned into squigs.

It was even our fault that a several light-year wide shadow had fallen across the warp, disrupting Astropathic communication, causing sub-sector wide political turmoil, and prompting the redeployment of several Imperial fleets to protect against a supposed hive-fleet incursion. (Okay, in retrospect putting the Daemonthrope in an Astropathic Sanctum might not have been the best idea, but how the hell were we supposed to know that? The closest things we had to experts on psi were Fio and Fumbles.)

Oh, and finally, it had apparently been our "inexcusably reckless" actions which finally gave Oak's enemies the ammunition they needed to bring charges of treason against him. So the whole entire current mess: the arrest orders issued for all of Oak's teams, the attacks on his allies under the cover of official investigations, the seizure of the research facility and Sciscitat's own imprisonment, and even Oak being forced to take his battleship into hiding; it was all OUR fault.

Or at least that's what Inquisitor Sciscitat and his minions thought. Personally, we blamed a combination of bad luck, everyone else being stupid, Orks, and the perverse nature of universe itself for at least eighty percent of all that. As for the others, the Magos didn't seem to care about anything other than his specimens, and for all his complaining, he actually seemed very interested in the Daemonthrope. And the Diplomacy adept, who'd inexplicably wound up in charge of the discussion, claimed it didn't matter either way, and encouraged everyone to focus on the next stage of their respective missions.

OH FUCK IT'S SHOGGGYYYYYY

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

What was the last story? I remember I archived the last three "conspiracy" storylines. Is this a continuation? Did I miss one?

this is technically part 2

wondering the same thing. I am afraid to start reading until i know for sure.

I think my boss has that book somewhere in her desk.

You probably missed the eight. chan exclusive.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall while the GM lectured you.

Welcome to 40k, where everything you do makes everything worse.

You're shitting me.

theallguardsmenparty.com/

You can thank me by sending your checks to [email protected].

>No Fumbles or Aimy
Oh shit
Well, at least everyone's marginally less likely to get slugged in the face
>Aimy is like 95% Doc's player
I'm still annoyed at the user who blabbed about which character you play in one of the last few threads.
>position
*posession
I'm just gonna keep pointing these out in case it helps with editing later
Seconding , Shoggy wouldn't do that to us

>havent been on Veeky Forums in months
>been busy, haven't kept up with my hobbies, you know how it is
>come back
>first thread is AGP
>mfw

The emperor is real, folks, and he's watching me

I was placing after the one where all the Space Marines caught a cold and turned evil actually. At least the Occurence Border's maiden voyage was SHORT.

I swear, I'll get around to answering the massive mail backlog soon. It got so large that it just felt easier to ignore it and tell myself that it was better to write first and worry about it later. bleh.

Yeah, continuation. The official Arc per the DM is those three, plus the one I'm going to get 1/3 through or so tonight. I was expecting to finish it close enough to tie it together in a mega-chapter, but failed. I miss the self-contained chapters.

>Fun fact, for some reason google docs gives me double light breaks instead of single when I copy and paste now. Very annoying

So has the party had any word from Oak or any of his people?

>I was placing after the one where all the Space Marines caught a cold and turned evil actually.
Fucking Death Guard.

Yes, yes he is.

Sciscitat and the magos are Oak's people.

>All Guardsmen Party Live

I stopped mid-fap, tucked my raging 7 incher into my right trouser sleeve and ran here as fast as I could.

Our role in these "missions" was that of hapless go-fers.

See, before the arrival of the traitorous Inquisitor and the Daemonthrope's astropathic jamming aura, Oak had sent orders which assigned us to Sciscitat's retinue for the duration of some vaguely-defined investigation. Since the Inquisitor thought of us as "a bunch of juvenile, tactless, indiscreet, and dangerously incompetent meatheads", and we considered him to be a socially inept cogitator weeny with delusions of genius, why we'd been paired up like this was a bit of a mystery, but the orders seemed genuine.

It belatedly occurred to us that our decision, back on our second-ever Inquisitorial assignment, to ever-so-slightly falsify then-Interrogator Scitatat's after-action report might have been a bad idea. Sure, before we'd edited it, the report had been full of accusations of incompetence and obstruction, and it had ended with a recommendation that we all be re-assigned to a penal legion… But maybe that was how all his reports were written, and the way we'd removed all mention of our antics and put our own performance down as "Nearly Adequate" had wound up looking like high praise in comparison. Or maybe, as Twitch now insisted, Oak had seen through the forgery on day one, and this was his punishment.

Anyway, whatever the reason we'd been assigned to the asshole, we had no choice but to stick to our orders. Well actually we could've told Sciscitat and Oak to stuff it and then went off to do our own thing, but there's nothing like knowing that the Inquisition has issued a warrant for your arrest to motivate a cooperative attitude.

So yeah, Inquisitor Sciscitat was our new boss, and his first orders were to "Stay out of my way, and Assist Magos Smith in any way possible." Which is why we spent the next few days fetching, carrying, and occasionally squig-wrangling for a tech-priest who, in a totally unexpected twist of fate, turned out to be completely nuts.

>a tech-priest who, in a totally unexpected twist of fate, turned out to be completely nuts.
DRINK!

Good evening Shoggy, I have a request. I have a youtube channel and was hoping that I could have your permission to record myself reading the AGP and post it to my channel.

>AGP drinking game
This should have been a thing from the start.

I think I've seen someone do the Intro and Episode 1, so it's not unheard of. Permission's good though.

Pratchett seems to have informed your writing as well as your group's characters and playstyle.

So question Shoggy, of all the adventures you've had with this party, which was your favorite?

I think that's pretty obvious, I mean look at Nubby.

It's Shoggy's work, so no way am I going to do it without his permission. I'd be surprised if there isn't already one out there.

Not that that's a bad thing. I'm already yearning for more Vimes stories, and I still have Snuff left to go!

Well, maybe not COMPLETELY nuts, but that was only because the Magos was so far around the bend that he was re-approaching sanity from the opposite direction.

First of all, it turned out that he wasn't actually the tech-priest that we'd seen walking around with the Inquisitor and Diplomacy Adept. It took a while, but after the third incredibly awkward conversation with the inexplicably unresponsive tech-priest, we finally figured out that it was actually the oversized servo-skull that was calling the shots. The tech-priest-looking body, as well as that giant man-beast we'd seen in the warehouse battle and a fair number of other freakish looking things, were something like a cross between a servitor and a full-body augmetic. He called them "Meat Puppets", which should tell you everything you need to know about the state of his mind.

At first some of us (mostly Tink) were rather curious about how a tech-priest winds up as a disembodied brain flying around controlling a horde of servitors and flesh-sculpted monstrosities. When Tink tried to press the Magos on the why and how of his servo-skulliness though, all he got was a vague comment about having done it to himself for political reasons and an assurance that: "Getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out." Then the Magos flew off cackling, only to return a few minutes later to scream at us (for about the fifteenth time) for killing his prize Eldar test-subject. Or maybe he'd been angry about the death of the lizard thing, or the group Bendies we let escape, or how his entire collection of genestealer cultists had been squigged. It all sort of ran together after a while.

One guy got up to Episode 5 but seems to have bogged down. Understandable as the eps keep getting longer, his last was an hour and a half. I've tried recording the series myself for my own interest and can't get through more than maybe fifteen minutes without cracking up and making some sort of obvious mistake.

Go nuts, there's actually a few people that might be interested in collaborating. If you drop me an email I'll try to go through my mail and point everyone at eachother this week.

>getting the brain out was the easy part. the hard part was getting the brain out!

Not just the characters, though, his style of writing has strong elements of that British wry understated humour thing. One military series that strongly inspired Pratchett (and Nobby, for that matter) is GM Fraser's McAuslan, and I've been reminded more than once of that by this series, though I don't think Shoggy's read it.