ITT we trigger DMs

>I know it's an Oriental Fantasy setting, but can I play a Conquistador from across the sea that was shipwrecked and met up with the party?

Fucking this, I fucking hate this. Don't play some shit snowflake that will outclass all the official material, just play something out of the core book or supplemental shit, nothing more.
The same thing can be applied to classes and spell too, and I fucking hate it. And then there are the fucks who have the audacity to ask why, and I have to waste 50 fucking minutes before the game explaining to everyone why homebrew shit on the internet is shit, and its like the 5th time I've had to tell them. And most of the players are my freinds so I am ok with literally screaming my ass off, because we'll just laugh it off later, but when the fucks bring their fraternity "Brothers" or their fucking GF's I have to hold back, and those fucks always want to front super hard so they go online and look up stupid shit, but when I send them the PDFs of the rulebook and supplemental books, they refuse to download it because "It might have a virus".
Motherfucker, I've checked, stop being such a stupid shit and fucking look at the right material instead of some fuck garbage you found on leddit because you want to try desperately impress everyone at the table with how "In the know" you are. I wish I could y'ell at you, but your literally a stranger in my house who is fucking my friend, or in a weird school related cult with them, so I have to be calm and let you waste everyone's fucking time!

Only if you are, in fact, John Cleese.

>Thread successful

>Shit, where are my dice? Can I borrow yours?
>I don't have a pencil.
>What's my attack modifier again? I forgot.

I mean, from a month or two break from playing the game this sounds understandable, but if it happens \every week then its kind of dickish

>I hold hands with the lord's wife

To be honest, if a player doesn't know where to find his attack modifier after 2 sessions I get pretty fucking triggered.

I just realized that Cloud was carrying around a giant eel knife the entire time.

>Is it the d20?

>Do I add anything to that?

Everything is the d20.

There is no unmodified d20 roll ever.

>I roll to seduce!

>ITT we trigger DMs

Doesn't show up, isn't sorry and gives no explanation next time you see them.

Drops off the face of the earth and you never see or hear from them again

Especially after they talk about how much they also hate it when people do that and would totally never do that to a group

Just make it dndwiki to rub it in.

No my character is not going to fuck your DMPC, she's creepy.

I thought that was implied desu

I would not be averse to this.

Look I know you want me to specialize but my character concept does 't support the kind of build you are suggesting.

No.
I'll take a look, but if I say no, it's final.
I've played with completely new players, so I can poker face this one out.
>Not a cavalry sword
lol
Depends on the table. It might not.
Are you sure you want to do that?
This is the first item in the thread that truly triggered me. Kudos.

*doesn't take their meds on game day because "it's the only day I can be my real self".*

I wish any of my players were inventive enough to come up with a shipwrecked foreigner far from home instead of "vaguely european everyman who decided to swing a sword one day".

My character leaves town.
I'll rejoin as soon as I've rolled up a new one, go on without me.

I, personally, have to take meds for anxiety.
Going off meds for gameday is idiotic at best and malicious at worst.

>Why? I'm chaotic neutral!

...

I offer the villain a place at my side.

...

This is dumb. I take meds because my real self sucks.

fun, of course

let me check first in case its broken

*pic related*

lol, no

ha ha ha, no drink for you

no

pic

fun

I had this happen with a ranger in my party and she always asked what profiency did every session too. Drove me insane.

>Not understanding the core concept of the most basic D&D system ever
NOW I'm triggered

What kind of fucked-up meds have such a short effective period.

>I have to be calm and let you waste everyone's fucking time!
You can save a lot of time by not turning the sentence "My rule is no non basic races" into a 50 minute rant.

"I attack [other pc]"
"why?"
"He looted something I want"

The fact that you think it's a good idea to skip out on your regular medical dosage deliberately is a terrible, terrible sign for your mental health.
If it has no immediate effect, it will have a long-term one. And I assume there's at least one anxiety medication which will have an immediate effect, even if it's not noticeable except retrospectively.

...

I can miss my setraline for a day if I forget (shit keeps me up at night if I take it in the pm).

Is it weird that the biggest question I have is where they got a paper towel from in D&D-land?

Hell yes to both.

Oriental doesn't imply any specific date and therefore the conquistador fits perfectly. A samurai doesn't fit a medieval fantasy setting, if we understand that user meant european medieval.

Now, in an early modern european fantasy setting I would have no complain for the shipwrecked samurai. In fact, I would be very happy.

>Party splits searching rooms
>Fighter finds treasure by himself
>Wizard suddenly wants to check the same room as him
>"It's gonna take you a minute, let me finish telling him what he's found"
>"It really takes me this long to go over there? I roll athletics to run over there"
>gets triggered that I won't let him instantly be there and denies he's not meta gaming to get dibs on loot
Swear to god this happened multiple times before I quit

a player thinks the game is a competition against the GM

...

>Deliberately
This is the important part. And I shouldn't have used 'you', but we do what we do.

>Shit, where are my dice? Can I borrow yours?
>I don't have a pencil.

There's literally nothing wrong with this. What are you, an autist who doesn't like to share?

fucking meta, I swear to God

"Here's a picture of my character!"

>Hand not to Player1
>Player1 writes note back
>Hand another note to player1
>Player2 "My character eyes player1's character suspiciously"
>Player3 "I stop what I was doing and return to the in with the rest of the party."

>I join the villain

I'll say more

>I try to join the villain
>What do you mean he doesn't want me in his team?

>I join the villain
>What the fuck DM, why did he kill me?

>"I know I play the same character in every campaign and system, but it's all i know how to play, haha!"

What do you want to do?
>Hide in the bushes, fuck the party. CN out for myself lelelel
Okay, be shitty if you want. Roll hide check
>rolls a 2, ffails check
You are not hidden.
>but I feel like as a rogue I shouldn't have to roll a check to hide
>I mean it's what I do
>having to toll every time is stupid
You are still visible
>well don't I have coverage or something? Im in the bushes FFS
You failed to hide in them
>yeah but think about it. Like are they REALLY gonna be able to see me
Mfw special pleading
Mfw rules lawyering this hard
Mfw he wasn't imvited back

>It's what my character would do!

hey can I invite my girlfriend? she won't acknowledge the rules and will bring her OC that she's used for at least four other sessions, but she makes cute animal noises and is a waste of oxygen otherwise!

We only do this because player 1 is a fucktard who will probably do something to ruin the game for everyone else at the table.

Fucking this. I've been playing with one group for 20+ years. We've been playing the same characters in the last campaign for 5+.

Every fucking game at least one of them has to re-calculate all of their to hit bonuses before making an attack.

How I somehow triggered the DM
>Playing Pathfinder.
>DM running the Wrath of the Righteous.
>I decide to make a commoner with a spear as a joke.
>Pisses off DM for some reason and demands to know why a commoner would be joining a holy crusade against the demons within the World Wound.
>My response: A) Drunken Bet, B) There is a cute cleric girl (one of the party members) that he wants to impress and C) Because he lives in this world too and demon shit is wack yo.
>DM slams shut a book he was holding dramatically and goes "Fine, play him then. Don't complain to me if he dies in the first session."
>pic related is DMs reaction when it turns out my character ends up being the most competent person in the group.
>pic related is DMs reaction every time I took another level in commoner.

I remember one time two of the players had a breakup and didn't come to the session, and it ended up making me cancel the session because nobody wanted to play with just two PCs.

this happened

Bonus points if it's day of or just shows up with her, the latters happened to me before.

>she
There's your issue.

exactly. Remember these are things that trigger DMs

Funnily enough, that's actually how thief hiding works pre-3e. If you fail the roll, you're still hiding, just not in the super-undetectable way that rogues can.

>some asshole necromancer in my group like this only with an extra dash of LELSORANDOM XD

I get the feeling the DM wanted more serious characters, and just the way you described your character's motivations is annoying. Mostly because it sounds like the character has 0 actual thought put into it and will get old real quick

but if it works then it works

Thankfully all my players who joined the bad guy and died for it accepted it, with better or worst mood.

It still triggers me because it completely destroys the balance of the challenge that I had planned. And depending on the system you use it's not easy or even posible to make new stats for the villain while you're DMing, it can easily mean more players will die thanks to that guy's "master plan".

>Making a joke character
>Surprised DM hates you
user, I hate to tell you this, but you're an asshat. Congratulations for fulfilling the thread's purpose, though.

So this is my character, and her half-sister.

Tha same happened to me, but the broken couple was the DM and a player.

It was a quick summarization, but that was essentially the core of the character's motivation.

And besides, if a bunch of paladins and clerics and shit are trying to organize a crusade against the demon horde, are they really going to tell a guy, who brought his own weapon and wants to help keep demons from fucking up the world, to fuck off and that he can't help?

in his defense, the guy is a really great player

he just, I don't know how, chocked really fucking hard that session and kept digging himself deeper

so, how does a level in commoner work?

what do you get?

You know what actually triggers me harder than nearly any shitty player behavior? People who try to discuss GMing when it's clear they've never GMed before. People who whine about phantom ogres and the like make it really, really obvious they have no idea what's actually going on the scenes.

No, but they're going to make him a footsoldier instead of a PC-tier commando.

Literally the worst possible stats - 1d4 hp, no good saves, low BAB, 2 skill points/level, very few class skills, no features whatsoever.

>Entering a game
>Seven applicants
>Four of the applicants are Chaotic Neutral, one is Chaotic Good, one has no alignment listed.
>MFW Lawful Neutral

>Start a new campaign for some newbies
>Have a party of 3
>One of them just shows up to the session with a friend
>Don't want to be a dick to this guy so let him play
>"Don't worry he's played before"
>Proceeds to ignore my way to shoehorn him into the group for a lolsorandumb way
>Says how much effort he puts into his characters then literally has no backstory at all or connection to the party
>stops coming after 2 sessions and won't tell us he's leaving instead pretending his internet keeps cutting out

Had he known enough to cite that I woulf have explained that this edition is different. This was his fourth session ever, first time with us. He would fo this on almost every check. It was like
>you failed your roll
and he was like
>yeah but does it make sense though. I'm a trained/skilled/outstanding rogue.
>What is he a commoner/militia/grunt?
>Yeah I'd totally smoke/kill/hide from/sneak up on/steal from him
Every fucking failed roll with the special pleading

More of these please. Lost all of mine when my SSD died.

Assuming you mean quantum ogres, I agree. I literally straight-up told my players I was engaging in some quantum ogring when I do worldbuilding. Didn't seem to ruin anyone's experience.

Any example?

How was your character the most competent?

wow sounds like a shit game. not balanced whatsoever. what game is it?

I once played a LG character trying to herd a party of chaotics into doing the right thing, and it was pretty great.
The character was also an awakened duck wizard but that's not relevant here. Unless it triggers some DMs.

You know what game it is.

Unless it's a death save.

When the AP literally starts with "Huge Ass demon and Huge Ass silver dragon start fighting in the middle of the camp and the shock waves of their attacks are literally sundering the ground, the entire group fall in a crevasse, regaining consciousness some time later." It's not like that have that much of a choice on who's in the commando squad.

I was essentially going for "Normal guy in over his head, but still trying to do what he can to keep the world from ending."

I've always kinda wanted to sit one of these people down, and run a few 1-on-1 sessions with them.

I'd start by trying to dig down past all the nonsense backstory, and figure out what their stupid character wants ~right now~. No bumbling around doing nothing, as these vacuous idiots are wont to do; I'm talking solid, quantifiable goals, that they could start chasing *now*.

Then, once I'd ascertained their goals, I would arrange scenarios in which their goals could be achieved somehow. If their goal is proactive ("I want to save my homeland" sorta thing) then I'd give them an opportunity to do that (go here and defeat this dude), then throw obstacles in their way (but first, fight your way through his lieutenants). If their goal is reactive ("I must preserve the balance of light and dark" sorta thing) then I'd invent a scenario which they must react to (the light is growing too strong, what do), if they wish to achieve their goals.

Once the character has their goal and scenario, I'd just spend all the rest of my time and effort reacting to the ways they pursue those goals, as naturally and realistically as possible. Make it clear that their actions have consequences, and bullshit like being rude to powerful people will cause more problems than it solves, and hey maybe your character isn't the paragon of wisdom and virtue you think they are?

They'd probably get annoyed and quit halfway through "deciding goals", but god damnit I wanna try.

No, my character doesn't speak common.

I really dont, dude

>but I feel like as a rogue I shouldn't have to roll a check to hide
Well that is what ranks in the skill or proficiency are for, depending on edition. Sometimes you have to accept you ate shit on a roll.

>When the AP literally starts with "Huge Ass demon and Huge Ass silver dragon start fighting in the middle of the camp and the shock waves of their attacks are literally sundering the ground, the entire group fall in a crevasse, regaining consciousness some time later."
WHAT
That there's some DBZ shit, let me tell you hwat.