New Regulations for Wizard Towers

there's no reason you can't at least put a balcony round the top to break up the effect

wouldn't that just make it look like an uncircumcised penis?

Look bud, just because you wrote your thesis on it doesn't mean it's true.

It does bring odd implications to the magical potential of standing atop a carefully situated sleeping giant's morning wood.

I've done some research on this. It's not as magically useful as you might think, but it is hilarious.

After the incident with the cart and the stone with the anti-magic field runes inscribed on it, there has been a motion put forward that all buildings be at least theoretically structurally sound without magical support - we don't want another tower collapsing because "who needs to actually build when you can just make it stay up by magic?"

Also, YOU do not make a good load bearing element - we're in a gods-damned city, what if you have a heart attack or something you fat fucks?

So I just inherited a Djarweem's Instant Fortress, and I want to customise the interior. Anyone have any experience modding pre-enchanted artifacts? Ideally, I'd like to install a whole Arcane Laboratory there.

The Akichansu Corporation would like to put forward a grant for any students taking a combination of Necromantic Engineering and Chaos Statistics. We're looking for outgoing individuals who work well in a team environment. We're offering employment straight out of graduation, with all the benefits that entails.

I don't see how this is a problem?

We, the Academy's Association of Librarians, require a higher safety budget, and a lockdown on the material components used to permanently animate objects.
After the last sixteen carnivorous books, we don't want to take any risks that could lead to a repeat of the Tasty Grimoire Incident.
Additionally, a recent Jakport City Council decision in regards to Occupational Safety Standards requires us to have the following equipment for each of our twenty employees:
Protective equipment that meets Blacksmith Guild Regulatory Standard 29.C (plate and chain)
Climbing Equipment that follows OSS 10.D/2.1 (Fall Restraint)
Multi-planar compasses capable of dealing with nonstandard geometries
Standard Adventurers Kit (as defined in Adventurers Regulatory Commission EQ 1.A/V)

Thank you for your consideration.

All we need to do is put up a warning sign. It only ate some students, it's not like it's a serious problem.

Also I have long maintained that we should just replace the maintenance staff with zombies or demons or something.

It also ate 3 interns and quadrupled our insurance premiums. That is a serious problem.
And did you forget that the use of zombies is a violation of OSS 45.K/91.5 (Non exposure to Necromantic Energies Without Protection)? Also, demon servants were banned after the 12th Succubutt Incident (the one that ate three members of the City Council).

I don't know why we need students at all, filthy little creatures, I'd exterminate the lot of them if I thought I could get away with it. But I'm sure whiny do-gooders like you would be all "blub blub the poor students dey dindu nuffin" and who has time for that?

This is why I argued against you getting tenure.
I suggested giving general research grants, but no! They wanted a traditional method of attracting a research department!

My work is important, you bureaucrats wouldn't know an adjuration from an abjuration if it jumped out of a closet and murdered you.

The students are how we get money Barnabus

We wouldn't need money if we just switched over to a modern golem and demon based economy. Or just go back to the good old days and take whatever we want. What the hell are the Mundanes going to do about it? They can't even cross the planes! Oh nice nuke you have there mudbloods, too bad atomic fission doesn't work here in the eighth eschaton, you retards!

I hate mundanes so god damned much,

I might remind you, professor, that this is an institute of learning.

You can keep holding out for that government contract for as long as you want, but while you're using our facilities you must fulfil your duties as a teacher.

Or quit and find a demiplane for yourself. We're not a hostel.

I know my duties chancellor Satan, and don't get me started on governments! If there's one thing worse than a mundane, it's a mundane government, always trying to use my magic in their wars! I keep telling them, apocalyptic world-ending magics have no tactical role, you can't weaponise the end of the universe, but they keep trying!

May I remind the Faculty that the current tower is in non-compliance to the Federal Air Witches Administration (FAWA) regulations:14 CFR Part 77.9 which states that notice must be filed with the FAWA if requested by the FAWA or when anyone proposes any of the following types of construction or alteration: any construction or alteration, magical or mundane, exceeding 200 feet above ground level.

And if you want to keep those research results locked up, keep funding us Librarians.
Bureaucrats we may be, but we know the practical applications of magic better than some of the researchers. Or need I remind you of the damage caused by The Self-Casting Spell book three years ago?

Weren't we declared a flight avoidance zone due to the risks of accidental evocation targeting?

Which should grant us exemption from FAWA:14 CFR 77.9 under the regulations detailed in 77.9h

Mothingfucking griffons man holy shit I just got off a ledge there was a pair of tweezers that went missing and my scrying said anyway that's not what we're talking about Griffons! I saw five not six mind you five griffons majestically sweeping down from the buttresses haha funny word right like I put my Haste beans up my buttress haha starting to hurt now but more importantly Griffons! We apparently and I checked the math here have an absolute maximum assuming no deaths or successful reproduction cycles which I have no reason to believe of thirteen griffons on the entire campus but thirteen griffons might sound like a lot so what's the problem you might think well it's not. Calif has five hundred griffons that's as more than forty dozen griffons hot shit right but our measly thirteen maybe five I don't know exactly that's not that much in relative terms but if we could get more griffon nests mounted on the upper walls and introduce more magical beast prey I'm thinking those two legged deer fucks shit can't think straight anymore but balance out their ecosystem and our campus could easily support upward of ten dozen griffons now we're getting somew

That situation was unfortunate but there is something to be made about endevours to find sources of funding not entirely dependent upon contracts or bank loans from students because mommy and daddy think little timmy and susie can cast a presdigitation spell.

Frankly, I feel my department has made considerable strides in the area of normalized Homonculi and familiars and we could make our own brand industry out of it.

We should turn all the homeless people around the towers into flowers that scream at people who fall behind on their student loans.

We already make plenty of money, but I'll bring it up with Marketing & Accounting
Our Archival teams are sought after for the retrieval and storage of dangerous magical items, the School Store sells quite a lot of potions and scrolls, and the Artificers bring in a significant budget from the sale of magic items.

...

Johan, go back to rehab. We only have two Griffons, and they're here because they canntrade feathers for a nice nesting place.
So there's only two, unless they bred.

I want more practice space. I have to wait three weeks on a waiting list to get enough time to practice a spell I needed to have mastered a week before that! Its unfair!

This. This right here. This is how we get well meaning adventurers, witch-hunters, undead hordes, and other such nuisances. Things that interrupt both research AND lunch. We finally get the bloodstains out of the mezzanine, and somebody is right back at it