Things only barbarians can do

Anything a barbarian can do a Paladin can do better and holier

Survive being robbed of everything but their loin cloths and wander the wilds for a week or so.

>main antagonist is Dragons
>Barb only gets real action with a magic javelin
>Spellcasters never remember to memorize anything that might help ground the dragons
>Barb crit misses with the javelin while fighting in a tower
>Lose the javelin out a window
>Barb is now basically useless when fighting the Dragons

>supports completely fail to do their jobs
>that means you can't do yours either

Only barbarians can get my dick hard.

> Extended stone skin
> Force shield
> Shape shifting: Bronze dragon
Try again NPC-tier scrub.

Barbarians have an odd trait of converting their anger into Things, if you go by the D&D perspective. They can turn it into Strength, Agility, and Resilience by default. They might turn it into harm, healing, or magic in a few others. They do not wield mere weapons, but rather through their blades and bludgeons channel emotions and fervor into the world in order to create a better one (for themselves anyway.)

Wizards learn and practice magic, making changes in the world through it. Barbarians get so frustrated with reality that it is likewise forced to change, so long as their rage is powerful enough.

Wizards can enchant to manipulate emotions, but they do not, and usually cannot draw power from raw emotions the way a Barbarian, or Berserker can.)

.....
Are you a poet?

Your mom

And now which one to concentrate on?

You know it.

Crude, but accurate

Should have tied a rope too it, made your javelin a harpoon

Funny thing, that: My campaign's current 'main villain' is basically this. He's a delusional, deliberately unlikeable manchild living a revenge fantasy because despite his incredible intellect, he has no common sense or self-control.
He pretty much only functions as a walking reserve of spells and mad scientist for his superior's use, and believes he's much more important to the overall plan than he is due to an aggrandized sense of self.
Also as an admittedly lowbrow stick it to the 'high Cha/Int, low Wis' character archetype on my part, he has a canonical Wisdom of 6.

But barbarians are constantly drenched in thicc bitches and the blood of weaker men.

Barbarians are dope AF fambalamadingdong

Pass Athletic checks.

Our party was captured by ogres, the Barbarian challenged them to a feat of strength

Deadlifting rocks

Bard couldn't do it
Wizard couldn't do it
Barbarian did it

Now the Barbarian is King of Ogres.

In 5e rogues and bards can easily be better than barbs at athletics

I was going to say rage, but then I remembered there's a spell that gives you a rage better than barb's rage

Be governor

Disregard magic through sheer strength.

March right in and kill another wizard. Wizards like to play mind-games with each other, their conflicts last ages with neither willing to risk their hide in a straight-up fight. A barbarian will.

A wizard cannot answer the riddle of steel.

...

In my next non-D&D setting, I plan on having one of the Laws of Sorcery be that you cannot directly harm someone with Sorcery.
You could, say, turn their sword into a snake, but not curse them with a disease. You could trick their sense of directions by using illusions, but not slay them.

A lot of the meat got picked away from AD&D when they decided that the 1-20 campaign focusing on a small group of players was more important than building up player's political influences.

Fighters used to get a keep, a ton of loyal followers, a noble title and after a few years taxes and income from villagers who build their town outside his keep and within his city walls.

While wizards got the near infinite power of magic, beyond spellcasting abilities they got a tower and a few apprentices to stir the cauldron.

Barbarians however didn't get keeps or titles. But when a cause worthy enough arose, a high level barbarian could summon a massive army of his fellow barbarians to form a horde bigger than the Fighter's men-at-arms.

This thread has been made 1000x

Martials are only able to stand up to Dragons and shit when they have superpowers. They ARE magic, past the first couple levels anyways.

Hercules, Thor, Gilgamesh, King Arthur, Beowulf

Endurance and strength more than any mortal man.

Of true. HD are an abstraction.

Pure Fighter gets only a few extra basic attacks in the good editions, some bonus against fear and naturally tough against poisons.

>Paladins were Fighter+ with alignment restrictions and higher stat requirements
Man, part of me wishes Prestige Classes were given more focus.
You have Fighter, Mage, Thief turn into Paladin, Wizard, Ninja in Final Fantasy. Why not introduce more Class+es with power beyond the mundane no matter where they started from?

4e did that

lift

S A V A G E

best flavor text

>4e
Deal crazy and uncontrollable burst damage.

Melis is a dumbass.

>assuming 5e

What I'm concentrating on is succubus I'm fucking while watching my Simulacrum punch the Barbarian to death while the Barbarian feebly attempts to hit it, or even damage him through my scrying orb.

Jump.

>The Barbarian finally reaches the Wizard's tower
>Sure it took 7 months, much travelling and tracking, and the aide of another Wizard to reach the hidden demiplane the tower was in
>But finally the Barbarian will have his revenge
>He raises the pointy metal stick to the sky and shouts his Barbarian shout, kicking in the door and charging in to kill the Wizard
>He gets triggers about 12 Save-or-Die/Suck traps while getting punched to death by the 6 Adamantine Golems standing in the foyer and dies before making it to the first flight of stairs.
>The Wizard, on the 100th floor of his tower, all armed with traps and monsters that get increasingly more dangerous, sighs and teleports down, inspects the Barbarian, and either raises him as a zombie, uses him as raw material for some experiment, or has his corpse tossed with the others to rot.

Not in D&D (once you reach a decent level at least). Casters can transform and/or buff themselves to the point of being tankier than melee classes AND keep shooting mass damage spells, debuffs, save-or-dies or baleful polymorphs, clearing enemies more effectively than melee classes. They also have spells to do what other classes do with skills, only better, and spells that do things only they can do.

Even if he can't do any lethal damage to the dragons...he can still grapple.

Well, if you're playing some shit system where magic is easy to acquire and has no drawbacks whatsoever then your barbarian is simply useless.

If the wizard has real limitations then you get to shine in your chosen role which in this case would be breaking stuff.

I wish we could put all casters into concentration camps.

That's a fabulous idea, it would help their focus and build character

fitting, they usually max it anyways

Well yeah,
but it's more because my friend plays him like that.

Yeah, but I wouldn't let a Bard or Rogue take their Bonus for Deadlifting rocks.

It'll be strength check Based.

>The Barbarian, expecting foul tricks from a wily Sorcerer, topples the tower by striking down load bearing walls.

"I roll to shout at the spell!"
"T-that's not how magic works.."
"DO IT"
"Your warcry awakens the fireball and it cowers in fear."
"I throw down my weapons and beat the living flame into a waifu fit for a king!"
"Dear lord..."
This is how I imagine it.

>A seventh level spell.

Yeah sure showed him.

>Spellcasters never remember to memorize anything that might help ground the dragons

Or even worse

>Spellcasters *know* they have spells that could ground the dragons but don't memorize them because, "They'll just escape or something"

>Are there things only meat-brain barbarians can/should do?

Get the girl.

The barbarian can have satisfaction. The wizard spends his entire life trying to push farther, know more, outdo and go beyond. This is great. Honestly this is admirable. But the wizard will probably also spend his entire life unhappy and always seeking more. Plus all that wand measuring with the other wizards to keep them discontent. A barbarian conquers a tribe or two. Sets themselves up as a warlord, and gets himself a harem. He loves life. He lives in the moment and he enjoys what he's doing. Fighting, Fucking, and Feasting. It is a simple existance, but there is a certain satisfaction in it the wizard will never know. Furthermore the Barbarian gets to not worry about social conventions, the wizard has to worry bout them.

Eh. Only if they took Expertise (Athletics), and that's competing with some other really good Skills that they probably have a decent Ability for, like Persuasion or Perception or Survival or most of Dexterity.

A level 20 Barbarian is going to have a +7 Strength bonus to Athletics checks, even if he's not proficient. +13 if he is.

A level 20 Rogue or Bard will have a +5 if they've sunk all their points into Strength (this is a really dumb decision, especially for a Rogue, whose primary damage output comes from using Dex weapons). A +11 if they've also decided to be proficient in it, and a +17 if they've also decided to sink Expertise into it.

So yeah, the Rogue/Bard can beat the Barbarian in an armwrestling contest, but only by investing heavily in an Ability they don't get much out of, becoming proficient in a Skill for that Ability, and sinking a class feature into that Skill.

Unless the Barbarian is a Bear Totem, at which point he has advantage and you're fucked.

Make every maiden in town slip on her own vaginal juices.

The barbarian equivalent of a wizard with a 100 story tower full of adamantine golems would probably be able to negate most of that by simply hiring people to help him.

The cost to create a single adamantine golem would be enough to raise a sizable army and hire a decent rogue and wizard.

This probably isn't the time to tell you that you could have just used the javelin as a melee weapon.

Uh, all Barbarians get advantage on all Strength rolls via Rage don't they?

>Only Barbarians can fuck

Wizards can look like anyone, smell, taste and feel like anything, understand and speak to anyone, transform into any creature, grow a horse cock, change to opposite genders, fly, go invisible, become a spirit basically, travel to anywhere in the universe and survive, and look (and behave) exactly like a meathead retard if they want.

Powerful Wizards can make ANY fetish come true for their lovers and go forever, transform their dicks or pussies into magical artifacts of mind shattering orgasms.

If you want to fuck a flying chocolate cock that ejaculates money go magic.

Martials get one animalistic rough fuck off and fall asleep.

If that's all they want a magic man can literally turn into a monster for a monster fuck.

>you have to be a high-level wizard to fuck
>meanwhile barb noobs get pussy everyday

>tfw cleric
>wizard keeps thinking he's tough shit
>i'm sitting here being bff's with a god

Wizard gets uncaring shit-tier demon sluts that he can never really enjoy because he knows they'll dickstab him if he doesn't remain magically vigilant.

you on the other hand, will likely get a qt angel wife who will scream your name with each of her seven heads before lying down to cuddle you to sleep in her fluffy wings.

Magic men use this thing called self reliance

No Gods, only Men (unless it's a faggot setting with a god of magic which basically makes all wizs clerics because writers are ghey)

...

sperg more

Depends on the setting, really.
I mean, if you're talking about a nerd power fantasy where magic does everythan and you don't have to answer to nobody and I can make all those mean jocks go away with a wave of my hand, I guess not.

>Self reliance
>On magic
>Implying magic works like science and that even if it did it would be you in control rather than a meek fleshling riding the tailcoats of cosmic power
Oh, you.

>I wouldn't let a Bard or Rogue use their relevant skill so that the barb could feel relevant

so are you playing with a "No Child Left Behind" variant ruleset or what

The party encounters the mayor of a village, whose aid they require to pass through to the tower of the Dark Lord.

> Wizard casts a spell to bend the mayor's will to his, which the mayor will realize once the spell wears off, and earns the party the village's ire
> The barbarian declares that he alone can stop the Dark Lord, and flexes his muscles until he convinces people that his mighty thews can defeat anything

The party encounters a locked wooden door.

> Wizard sits and stares at the door, puzzling through the spells he needs to unlock its secrets, before expending a precious spell slot to open it
> Barbarian knocks on the door until the goblin opens it, then punches it in the face

And the classical example:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gordian_Knot

> Wizard spends an hour trying to unravel it with his fingers
> Barbarian cuts it in half with his sword, annoyed at the diversion

Wizardry is Intelligence and study being converted into problem solving, with the caveat that when all you have is a riddle solver, everything looks like a riddle. They overthink. They get arrogant. They think before leaping, when sometimes there isn't time to think.

Barbarism is Strength and anger being converted into problem solving, with the caveat that when all you have is a hammer-wielding barbarian, everything looks like a nail/goblin/wench. They trust their strength to get them through obstacles, when sometimes you need a scalpel, not a hammer. They're the ones who get impatient and blunder into danger looking for monsters to slay. They're the bull in the china shop.

There are some things that only either of them can do. But to have a good adventuring party, you need both, working in harmony.

This is why you failed.

>wizard builds a tower 100 stories tall
>fills it with traps and golems and things
>sleeps in his ivory tower
>dies in sleep before he has his spells prepped because he didnt calculate someone dumb enough to climb up the side 100 stories and not get tired and fall to death

>this level of autism

>stranglehold
>"enchantment"

MtG's flavor has really taken a dive. Since when does it require mana (and 4 mana, at that!) to wrap your fingers around someone's neck?

whatchu gonna do when u run out of spells? wait a day?
when barbarians run out of "spells" they chug a gatorade and keep plowing away until neither member is enjoying the process, and then they keep going

Barbarians get XP for destroying magic items.

Since the commander products apparently.

I assume it's more of a magical hold preventing the other planeswalker from thinking hard enough to cast spells with those effects. The Barbarian's just there because he's cool.

>How much does the tower weigh?

>me and Barbarian horde lift the tower, and throw it TO THE GROUND.

You can imagine you're spending the mana to summon a barbarian to strangle to other guy for you. Remember, you as a player are a wizard, and we established that Wizards are bad at strangling. But you can find someone who isn't!

When Barbarians were first introduced they did have unique abilities. Back then lots of classes and subclasses had unique abilities that were often niche and often odd.

An example: if you look at the Rules Cyclopedia when a Fighter hits 9th level he chooses to either become a landowning Fighter (in which case he gets given rule of a province or founds his own country) or a traveling Fighter, in which case depending on alignment he becomes a Paladin/Knight/Avenger. The first and last are religious knights with some Cleric spells/powers. The Knight can claim sanctuary from people, like this:

>A knight may visit any castle, of any territory, and request sanctuary. The castle owner must, by the customs of the land, give the knight a place to stay for up to three days, along with food and drink. He does not have to be friendly to the knight, but, according to this custom, may not challenge, attack, or refuse sanctuary to the knight. (Note that the knight cannot challenge or attack his host or members of his host's court or family, either. Should he do so, his sanctuary is at an end, and his host is now free to punish him.) In campaigns modeled after medieval Europe, this custom is nearly universal, but the DM is free to indicate that the custom is not present if his nations are not similar to Europe's.

You can probably immediately see the potential for investigation and infiltration here. But then even better the Avenger also gets this ability, except:

>An avenger may visit any castle, ruin, or dungeon known to be ruled by an intelligent Chaotic monster or character and, using his alignment tongue, demand Sanctuary (see knight, above). An avenger may pretend to be a knight and request Sanctuary of other rulers; if he deceives the ruler (and is not tripped up by some alignment-revealing magic), the ruler will provide him with normal Sanctuary.

So you can knock at the door of the Lich's or Dragon's lair and be like, "I am also a servant of Chaos, let me in"

The Avenger also can't employ human hirelings, but can hire/persuade Chaotic monsters to be his hirelings. He's easily the most fun of the traveling Fighters presented, with the downside that he pays out the ass for Cleric spells whereas the Paladin gets them for free.

Bonus Mockman thing because I couldn't fit that all in one post.

MOAR OF THESE

Dead lift 400

The artist is Jason Thompson/Mockman. I think this is the last of the class ones, you can find his dungeons ones, dragon ones and D&D 4e webcomic easily enough.

Bonus: joeskythedungeonbrawler.wordpress.com/2012/04/09/hears-your-stinkning-barbarian/

>Yeah, but I came up with this rule that goes against the main rule
Bards and Rogues have more athletics, and therefore can do more strenuous physically related stuff than Barbs because they know how to get the best of their body, deal with it.

Well, assuming they want to do it, of course, they might not want to have prof in Athletics neither expertise.

Statistically speaking advantage (which only works on rage and has the problem that if you aren't attacking or getting attack lasts only one turn) is a +3.125on average which makes +16.125 for the Barb which is still lower than the +17 for the Bard/Rogue, so I don't see why I'm fucked.

Sorry, if you aren't Attacking or getting HURT, big difference.

Being a whimp HURTS my barbarian pride.

Bards add 1/2 their bonus to ANY ability check, so 5+3 = 8 > 7 a Barb gets. Bards still win.

And if the Bard has that spell that last for hours that gives him advantage to one stat checks, for example Str, he gets advantage just like a Barb while raging.

We're talking 20th level chars, at that level rage lasts 1 minute or till you're unconscious.