ITT: things that make you hate your players, sometimes without a clear reason

>all treasure distribution, whether coin or magic items, is a comedy of politeness as every single fucking player puts everything items in the party inventory bag instead of claiming anything themselves because "someone else might want it"

One time this happened in a Star Wars RPG Saga Edition game. There was a rifle specialist soldier in the party, and they had just found an experimental blaster rifle that had a cool secondary fire and was stronger than off-the-shelf blaster rifles, with only minor drawbacks (higher repair cost and lower ammo capacity).

Dumb fucker set it aside "just in case" and never actually got around to using it.

>playing on Roll20 or IRC and tell the players that I'll be back in 30-45 minutes and to RP among themselves
>return and find three posts, total
>nobody has done any significant roleplaying

>twelve sessions and sixteen battles into the game
>"What do I roll to attack, again?"

>Playing D&D

"Hurr you can destroy a warrior by removing his limbs, what a shitty warrior!"

That is you.

That is the level of argument you are making.

>>players rolling when not asked to and bitching when their critical result is declared null and void
I thought you said "without a clear reason" OP.

Oh well, here's mine

>player gets attached to a murderously evil NPC

>player starts romancing said NPC

>player acts shocked once the known evil backstaber NPC that kills people betrays them and blame the GM for being bad

It gets better after high school.

So you wouldn't mind if I removed your dick?

A good warrior can function at peak capacity even with the most generic weapons. Otherwise he's a shitty warrior.

*tips katana*
You lost because you brought a tool to a sword fight.

>PCs treasuring their gear like it's their private parts, to the point of giving shitty names without any logical backing

I do this. Everyone seems to enjoy it, and as a result the rest of the players have begun getting more into personalizing their own characters leading to better RP.

>players insisting on doing everything according to the RAW and bitching when RAW fucks them over

>players second-guessing every description and action
Annoying

>players rolling when not asked to and bitching when their critical result is declared null and void

>above, combined with social rolls

I agree with these. However, my group isn't shitty when I tell them that they had nothing to roll for so nothing happens. We all interrupt each other A LOT so it's usually taken well. Except from one guy who absolutely cannot stand rolling poorly or not getting his way.

Hand to hand is the basis of all combat! Only a fool trusts his life to a weapon!

Joking about one's 'Trouser Titan' is an excellent icebreaker, though. Who doesn't have a pet name for their dick used in playful moments?

You would obviously perform better with a weapon you know intimately rather than one you just just picked up, this is simple logic OP.

>honor
What's it like living in 1403?
>tips UAV control station

Dude what? Naming weapons is a time honored tradition of most civilizations on Earth.

Even Tankers name their tanks... mass produced pieces of soulless coffin machinery cranked out by a factory given affectionate names and treated as if they have 'personality' rather than manufacturing flaws.

It's part of anthropomorphism, the desire to recognize part of yourself in another, it's a fundamental part of human nature, you literally hate part of human nature.

>he can't function with any weapon he finds
Sounds like a shitty warrior.

And thats why you got killed by a giant robot, trying to h2h it.

>military
>humans

>not playing d&d
look at this fucking snowflake

What is with all this salt? You made a thread to bitch and were noted as being wrong by everyone.

>Not naming your drones

>the party wants to split up
>constantly
>in dungeons
>in towns
>while one person is talking to a quest giver NPC the rest shout "this guy is boring I want to go to the blacksmith again"
>resident CE fuckwit breaks off from group as they leave for a dungeon and tries to burn down a town at level 3
>is shocked and irate when 20 city guards and adventurer guild members respond to the report that a guild member has gone mad
>is furious that he couldn't solo them all and dies immediately
>"Well maybe if my party didn't leave to do some stupid bullshit I wouldn't have died!"
mfw

Sounds like he thought he could load his last save in case things went wrong. Sounds like maybe he should go back to playing video games.

Here's the thing. People tend to get attached to things that don't have any self awareness and attach human properties to them where they don't or shouldn't exist. People who deal a lot with a specific dog will notice its personality, even people who spend a lot of time working on or with a specific car or computer will notice its "personality" whether real or imagined.

The same is even true of simpler objects like swords or axes, they have been with you through a lot and thus you begin attaching qualities to them even when they make no sense. It is no different than having a lucky sock or a favourite shirt. Pretty much you spend a lot of time with your weapon and you rely on your weapon so you start to care about it. You might not name it (I didn't even name my dog, I just call him dog) but that doesn't mean you won't become attached to it.

Honestly players that cycle through weapons are far less human than the ones who get attached to a single one. While pragmatic people exist it is nice when a player roleplays an attachment to a weapon to the point where they will use an inferior weapon even when better alternatives exist.

Optimization, builds, and discussion of characters more in terms of mechanics than any sort of meaningful attachment to the world other than how good they are at killing it.
I just want to play something other than 3.pf for god fucking sakes.

>PCs treasuring their gear like it's their private parts, to the point of giving shitty names without any logical backing
It's part of their inventory sheet in the same in the same way their stats or eye color are. Don't be surprised if they get attached to it.

Are they new players? Do they have experience with a previous GM in a high mortality game? Are you the high mortality GM?

>everyone needs to be a psychology major to play DnD

You clearly don't have a dick.

Players who act like hot shit and that any encounter are easy because of their "super optomised character" and then get pissy when anything challenging comes along and immediately declares "yep TPK this is bullshit" when they lose half their health.

weaboo trash

hey look, a reasonable argument

Not that guy, but I am legitimately curious as to what kind of assbackwards logic lead to getting that from that post.

It is if you're a soulknife.

>weaboo trash
Excalibur, Balmung, Carnwennan, Durendal, Mjolnir, Gram.

Fuck Off and learn your European Mythology.

>players who get sulky and upset when anything is even remotely challenging or dangerous

I feel like these are the kinds of people who either only play video games on easy mode or refuse to play a game unless they can mod the shit out of it or access the developer console to turn on cheats.

Why are you so fucking mad about people naming their weapons, OP?

All named by people other than their wielders, you piece of weeaboo trash.

I don't. I just refer to him as if he's a separate entity.

Not the guy you're responding to, but yeah, my players get the shit beaten out of them by the there DM in our group. I've even been at the recieving end of his bullshit.
For example:
>Party moving through dungeon
>Peek into next room
>Room is 6x4 squares on the battlemap
>Loaded with bone devils and some wierd demon type thing from MM 267-b
>teleport into room to try and disrupt formation
>Turns out the bad guy is CR 25 or something stupid, has an aura that causes people to start killing eachother, and a touch attack that sends you directly to Hell
>TPK
>lol, u guys were supposed to bottleneck them in that 10 foot wide corridor and fight this random, no build up boss battle that way

Seriously, I've tried to step in and run games of my own but I'm a DM, not a fucking therapist. Plus, this guy has it in his head that I'm out for revenge since I've never had a character survive more than 4 sessions in one of his games, so he always leads the charge on keeping the party out of any sort of adventure.

>weaboo trash

>Equating a warriors warrior's weapon to his limbs
>Implying that stealing his sword will make him a nugget
>Implying that stealing his armour will make his skin fall off
If you puuled his mask off, would he die?

Because not everyone likes faggot weebs.

Starting to call into question OP's other complaints about his players considering his displayed autism over named weapons.

I bought a spear for larping.

I named it Pauperpoker.

My spear is awesome. Fuck you and everything you stand for.

ebin 13/10 trolling breh

I can't believe that bulllshit can be genuine

>putting mods on the same level as those other things
fuck you vanilla pleb

>D&D is the only game where you can make your own sword

The Twilight Caste Solar Exalted with Craft as his Supernal scoffs at your boorishness... he then goes and gets shanked by a Wyld Hunt because he only put one dot into Melee.

Roland didn't just name his sword, he fucking talked to it as well

I think his >Playing D&D was more about the "+1 Katana" bit.

Mods are for faggots.

Go back to your animu waifu companion mod, half-sister romance/rape storyline mod or changing a couple of numbers to give yourself infinite resources and exp.

This isn't op, it's an ebin pretending to be retarded memester.
>without any logical backing
as in calling that +1 longsword you got off a dead orc dragonbane and then promptly abandoning it for deathrazor a +2 greatclub he got from an ogre.

>Players find hole in the ground when looking for Dungeon Entrance
>Just intended as a simple way in
>All I need is " I jump in "
>Most do
>Except One who goes " I surf down the side on my axe"
>Explain to them how many levels of retarded this is
>They still want to do it because "its cool"
>Let them do it
>Player is suprised when their character fails and takes damage

Whyi s common sense an alien concept to some people?

>Playing D&D

Totally serious here- I'm sorry some people get more enjoyment out of some games than you do.

Because some of them enter the game with the mindset of "I can do the retarded shit I saw on that cartoon a decade ago!"

>le ebin mods are cheats the balance is perfect because the dev is literally god fanboyism
Heaven forbid someone take responsibility for their own fun. I bet you only play modules because homebrew scenarios are cheating.

>I only enjoy games if I can rape the game

>I can't believe that bulllshit can be genuine

didn't you get the memo? Becasue Fate/Stay Night exists, all of Europe's mythology has retroactively became weeb shit. I thought everyone knew that.

>Mods are for faggots.
>ever playing VTMB without Wesp's unofficial patch, or KotOR 2 without the TSLRCM + M4-78, or FO:NV without the restored content patches, or Thief without TFix, or Thief 2 without TafferPatcher

Wait, wouldnt the other players who just "jumped in" also take some damage? Why would him sliding down the wall change how he gets down? Seems like it would just end the same way anyways.

ex dee

The entire Fate franchise is a blight upon the world, fucking Japs.

ITT: /v/ simulator

Try jumping down the last 3 stairs and land on your feet

Now try surfing down the last three stairs and land on your face and elbows and hip

>you'll never travel back in time and murder Nasu's grandfather to stop all this from happening
Fuck

>complaining your players are roleplaying correctly.
sounds like smart play to me.

Yeah, but the sliding player made the grievous sin of trying to have fun in a way his GM didn't approve of.

Alternativly the GM probaly rulled that the jumping characters landed on their feet. but the sliding guy fell awkwardly or something like that.

>or Doom without Sgt. Mark IV Brutal Doom

Sometimes you want to run AEoD or Russian Overkill.

The fact he did it on a bladed weapon was the cause of the damage.

THEY ARE ROLEPLAYING COWARDS
THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE MADE HEROES

>agree to set aside 4 hours weekend night
>do this two weeks ahead
>two out of the four players call it quits two hours in because they have "places to be"

Okay, look, the overabundance of anime waifu companions IS obnoxious, but are you seriously going to tell me that a mod like, say, Frostfall is somehow a bad thing?

Any form of intentional plot aversion. I can GM around it usually, but it eats unnecessary time to convince my twinked-out, ambitionless, snowflake player that it's not against his character to be a semblance of part of a party.

More as follows

> the player that shows up late and has to roll a character up upon arrival due to their own unpreparedness.

>The player that purposely challenges the gamemaster by trying to creation dissention in the group, as well as trying to form plot holes to see if the gm can fill them as fast as he makes them.

>The "what do I roll for that" of a player that's not new.

>Can I try to find and purchase x magic item in this tiny fishing village?

> Above; tries to argue why it would be plausible to find said item for 20 minutes after spending an hour searching town.

> Arguing with the GM.

>Rules nazis. If a GM is overlooking a core game rule, it's typically on purpose. Don't argue unless they're just depriving you of GM-protection.

The player that creates an identical replica of an anime antihero and changes their name slightly to poorly mask their traces.

They always end up being an edgetard who Gary Oaks the main party.

>let players find cool stuff like clothes and items, both magical and mundane
>they never wear any new clothes
>they never use items
>they never use new weapons
>only switch if something is absolutely positively superior in every single way
>we've been playing for a year and they are all basically wearing and using the same stuff they started the campaign with

Hygiene

If shit goes wrong my characters will get the fuck out, they aren't suicidal.

But so is your dick.

> Journeying west
> "You hear a hydra in the distance"
> Decide to go around it at a safe distance because I'm on a very urgent quest and don't have time for monsters just chilling in the wild
> DM puts another hydra in my path
> Go around that one
> Mount's apparently faster than them so I can simply outrun them
> DM gets pissy and has a dragon come out of nowhere
> End up killing it almost immediately because of the homebrew crit rules he uses
> My friend who had been riding along and I proceed to loot the nearby hoard

>PC wanders off only giving the rest of the party a single sentence to convey this
>It's a monstrous PC who should not be left alone so the NPCs won't freak out
>Party forgets about the other PC and just starts heading out without them when it comes time to move on

And I used to wonder why so many groups would just stick together like glue during downtime.

Only a fool brings a knife to a gunfight.

Or, in your autistic case, brings nothing to a knife fight.

Why was the DM so keen about having that Hydra fight?

Because his quantum ogres are so very precious.

Your suffering empowers me.

Hell if I know, he's kinda been pulling random stuff out of his ass lately. Our other two party members decided to fight them both instead and didn't get anything besides experience. Honestly most of the session felt like "filler for while you travel from plot location A to plot location B",

>sperging, esp when the sperg corrects a history teacher about history or an economist concerning money.
>sjw and victim culture in all its forms
>interrupting the game to talk about weed and or conspiracy theories for an hour
>sabotaging the game in the hope of playing a different game next week, namely pathfinder
>for bad gms, deliberately making the game more shallow, more mechanical or less imaginative, for the sake of "accessibility" or downright admitted laziness
>furfagotry and erp. no special explanation needed here.

>players demanding a scientific explanation for everything in a soft sci-fi setting
fair enough for that one, we're humans, we wanna know how stuff works, and in a game where you more often than not end up having to fight that stuff it's pertinent info.

t. consolefag who can't into mods

>military
>humans

>channer
>subhuman

Seems about right.