Meanwhile on dragon Veeky Forums

Hey. Whitey.

Solve this.

4(4x) + 2x = 72

I can confirm I do not like it cold. At all.

And I bet my actual kobolds are better than you.

X=4

It takes time fledgling. Listen, first you enact a breeding program and select for the traits you desire (I recommend size. Selecting for emotional or mental traits is difficult, and half the time it doesn't seem to work, but selecting for size is easy). Then, you pick a representative to act as your prophet and set yourself up as their God. Teach the prophet some magic so they can force them into line so you don't have to bother every time yourself. If they really fuck up and your prophet is having troubles, then you come down and torch the unbelievers. Reward good behavior .Give it three or four generations of this, and bam. Perfectly loyal subjects, who will do anything for their 'God'.

Huh, a White that can do basic math.

Carry on, then.

Its all the rage nowadays with the fledlings to collect barbarians. I actually tried it myself, and it's been pretty profitable. See once you have them trained properly your horde can be sent to collect more gold and valuables for your hoard. And you don't have to excert yourself, or risk your existing hoard by leaving it. You should try it old wurm.

>the joke
>your white draconic head

You can't blame a fledgling for what color they hatched. Blame their parents for breeding, or more properly accept responsibility for your failure to stop it.

Dragonborn here, you guys all suck. I'm glad my ancestors cucked you guys.

Hey chromatics. Have you ever though about....you know....not being a bunch of dickweedles who murder everything and steal everything? Just start a bank and you get to sit on piles of gold all day and people will pay you to do it.

>Nomadic horde-ruling dragon
Yes... YES!

joke
~wezoooow~
your heads

FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU

NOTHING SYMBOLISES THE PROMISE OF IMPENDING VIOLENCE LIKE A GLORIOUS RED. THE COLOUR OF A SUN SETTING ON AN OBSTINATE EMPIRE FOR THE LAST TIME, OR A MAGMA FLOW POISED TO SWEEP THROUGH A CROWDED STREET. THE COLOUR OF FIRE, OF BLOOD, OF WONDERFUL -POWER-, THE ONLY THINGS THAT MATTER IN LIFE.

OTHER COLOURS GO HOME, YOU'RE SHIT. WHAT DOES BLUE SYMBOLISE? WATER? OH MAN I'M QUAKING IN MY ELEGANT YET FUNCTIONAL GOLDEN CLAWGUARDS. WHAT DOES IT STAND FOR? INTELLIGENCE? PLEASE - IF YOU NEED TO MAKE A PLAN TO OBTAIN WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY YOURS, THEN YOU'VE ALREADY FAILED AT STEP ONE OF BEING A DRAGON. MIGHT AS WELL JUST FUCKING KILL YOURSELF THEN AND THERE, DO THE REST OF THE SPECIES A FAVOUR.

WHEN PEOPLE THINK OF DRAGONS, THEY THINK OF RED DRAGONS. CONSIDER THAT THERE IS A REASON FOR THAT AND CRAWL BACK TO YOUR DESERT TO CONSIDER THE MISFORTUNE YOU SUFFERED AT BIRTH WHEN YOU EMERGED BLUE INSTEAD OF RED, YOU OVERGROWN SAND GECKO.

AND YOU'RE JUST STRAIGHT UP RETARDED, SON. I DON'T BELIEVE INTELLIGENCE IS REQUIRED TO FIND GLORY AND POWER IN LIFE, BUT DAMN, THERE'S A LIMIT, YOU KNOW? THAT LIMIT IS BEING ABLE TO PERFORM BASIC MATHEMATICS WITHOUT DROOLING ALL OVER YOURSELF, MAYBE READ A FUCKING BOOK ONCE IN A WHILE AND YOU'D BE MORE WISE THAN YOUR AVERAGE HUMAN PEASANT.

IGNORE WHITE POSTS, DON'T RESPOND TO WHITE POSTERS.

FUCKING DEGENERATES.

>powerful black dragon
>black
>dragon

This is why nobody invites you to parties, Red.

Go away ND.

I'm thinking of giving up on WarFare.
I've been a Kobold player since second edition, and things were pretty good back in fourth, but now...
Plus keeping all my swarm in line is a pain, and they keep dying of old age. I was looking at collecting Goblins, but I hear they live 20 years at most.

Warlords Shopee any better to Elf players?

What's wrong with that, asshat? What are you, silver?

Any of you fucks knows of a good area to shack up and stash my gold without being disturbed by pesky adventurers? This mortals are popping up like mushrooms.

Normal goblins can get up to 60 years, though good luck finding any that got so far without getting offed by another or being some sort of cleric, sorcerer or whatever. Stick to kobolds ir get your hands dirty in demonic and starts collecting gnolls.

Nice try sir knight.

Hey, you try starting a bank in the middle of the fucking desert.

>just assuming my color

It's a joke meng. Go back to tumblr and hate the evil silver dragons that are ruining dargonkind.

>dargonkind
Oh you are white I see.

Tried it.

Didn't like it.

>cucked

Your deluding yourself if you think you were born of a union initiated by those hairless apes. Hummies don't cuck dragons, dragons make use of humans as cock sleeves. You are the shameful byproduct of some degenerate fledglings lust.

>White

I'm serious brethren. Its not like i swore an oath to a petty lord or something.

YOUR RESISTANCE ONLY MAKES MY PRESENCE HARDER

fucking chromatics stay out of my lair
REEEEEEEEEEE

Humans farm lesser creatures and no one complains about it. I farm lesser creatures and suddenly everyone complains about it.

>He unironically consorts with lower races.
Not a real hoard.

So I screwed a human out of curiousity and apparently I have a daughter now. The human I bred with is a gigantic faggot who keeps going on about status and establishing a noble lineage. Lulziest way of dealing with him?

Kidnap your daughter, teach her how to use her draconic magic, then have the kid rampage through the faggot's town.

Afterwards, you'll be her only parent, and then she can go out and murderhobo to get you loot to expand your hoard with.

this
half-breeds can put in some decent work, and aren't as unruly as wymrlings

Have you tried making a.... sandbank?

So, uhm fellow dragonites! I sure hate humans, but when fighting those pesky knights and their honourable squires and footfolk...
What location should I really defend, y'know, what spot should I really not get hit at?

maw
make sure you never open your maw when dealing with mortals
they taste like dung, and aren't worth wasting breath

............tell you what. Come around and see me in person and I'll show you. I've taken up residence in the Mountains of Spyrta by the ivory coast. Just make your way to the mountain range and announce yourself to my cultists, they will lead you to me and we can talk this over "fellow dragon"

Thank you my fine fellow lizard! So besides the maw, that's pretty easy to defend.

Do I have any other weak-spots? Or maybe ways to easily trick me? Y'know, big wooden female dragons, scrolls with naked sleek wyrms depicted on it?

Screw more humans, watch them establish enough noble houses that they start fighting over power.
Plus as said, half-breeds are apparently good minions.

I'm personally partial to an offering of naked nubile maidens myself. Local towns offer up their fairest every few years and In exchange I don't torch them all. I suppose this could be construed as a way to lute me into an ambush.

...all these knights on /dragons/ i swear...
Let him! When he dies, you are suddenly in complete control of a bloodline of noble half dragons, and all the territories they rightfully possess.

It's a little known fact that we're ridiculously vulnerable when we're using breath, like if someone shot an arrow down your throat at that exact moment, you'd pretty much just explode.

Seriously, if I were a knight, I'd stand in the middle of a wide open area and just wait for the dragon to breathe on me.

>Gnolls
I don't really want the reputation associated with collecting gnolls.
I'll look into Demons, a rival used to play Demons. Pretty strong, cool guy too. Up until he mysteriously disappeared.

How do they stand up against Dwarves? There's this Gold who plays them, real cocky bastard. I want to wreck his shit.
I mean, I'm not racist, I just hate Dwarves.

The local king recently hired a new financial advisor, and they've decided to introduce a "fee-yacht" currency.

At first I thought it had something to do with boats, but apparently it involves the government issuing slips of paper that are legal tender, and then managing them by some kind of rules that the financial advisor sets?

This happened about a hundred years ago and it still hasn't flopped. In fact, now all the local kingdoms are using it, and there's this huge, complicated system of trading and loaning and these things called "bonds" and it's starting to make my head hurt. Somehow it's actually going well, though, which is really strange to me.

Should I trade some of my gold for these "treasury bills" the financial office (which I think is actually independent from the king, it seems quite complicated) is offering? They are apparently quite stable, and actually gain in value by a small percentage every year via some sort of magical mechanism I don't understand. They won't be as comfy as gold, but I'll still increase my hoard via their use, right?

What kind of idiot tries to use dwarves. Gold hungry little buggers are just after his hoard, I guarantee it. Look up above. Kidnap a lot of maidens, knock em up and breed an army of dragonborn. It's a bit of an investment, but you'll get great returns in the long run.

That sounds like mortal bullshit to me
Polymorph yourself and ask why paper is suddenly better than gold
If none of them give a reasonable answer, burn their paper

>Gold playing dwarves
Haha, the flight-ist jokes make themselves.

Nubile maidens? Got'cha, m'lord will sure be gl- I mean... I uh... I sure love them maidens, yes. Taste real delish.

Thank you very much other dragon! I'll make sure to remember not to fight knights out in the open where they'll be quick to tear my filthy maw apart piece by piece like the stinking lizard oversized lizard I am.

This guy gets it... the start atleast. Playing dwarves, kobolds, it's all outdated. You got to play Imperial humans, your start-up is terrible but our cu... I uh.. I mean THEIR curve is great, they can rek all minor races late-game. Even dragons!

You may try dark elves for them sweet hate bonuses against dorfs, but beware because keeping them in line and happy with both you and their demon spider queen thingie is hard as nine hells.

Good to know about half-breeds. Anything else I should know about them?
That sounds like the funniest option, but how do I ensure they're loyal to me? The first man was obnoxious enough, I've seen what happens when stupidity infects wyrmlings...
How do I make sure my daughter doesn't inherit his level of fucktardedness?

Human-fuckers go home.

That's depraved.

Raise her yourself, encourage your "darling" to go fuck shit up in the meanwhile. I am doing it right now, and the only real issue is that keeping this human form so long is really bothersome. It all pays off in the end though.

I already tried this, actually. It apparently has something to do with controlling a rate of "inflation," which is bad, and preventing "deflation", which is the opposite thing but somehow worse, which seems paradoxical to me. It also gives kings a lot of control over their currency supply, and somehow prevents wars because a war means that your paper will be less valued, because they actually loan papers to each other and...

I'll be honest, that's the point where I stopped paying attention.

I wanted to burn the paper but I think the actual papers are sort of a formality based on an agreement. Plus, the humans will probably react badly, and in my particular plane they're sort of terrifying to face in a fight. A ten-thousand-year-old Red tried to kidnap their king's daughter a while back and they killed him. They didn't fight him, or anything, they just straight-up killed him with this extremely fast weapon they have.

Yeah, that's actually a scam started by this red I know so the humans would give him all their gold for a few sheets of paper.

I told him no one would be that dumb. Boy did they prove me wrong.

what the fuck kind of mortals are you dealing with?
mine still send me cows every time a fire breaks out

Oi, post that interspecie bullshit elsewhere. Real dragons fuck dragons, not animals.
Fucking degenerates, you're the reason humans think we want to fuck them.

Indeed. The ones near my mountain still think I'm a god.

>but how do I ensure they're loyal to me?
Either make them love you or fear you, first option brings most profits, but fear is way easier to cause, just burn a village or two.

Look at these dumb fuckers still living in stone age. Being a tyrannical overgod is so last century, now it is all about ruling from the inside of human societies!

Some time ago some user asked me about the sky-cannons from a nearby kingdom. Their king said that they can sell them, for the right price. If anyone else is interested, I can mediate between the king and you.

>green opposed to creating a half-breed kingdom
what's wrong, did a big scary gold steal all your little ones?

>Being a tyrannical overgod is so last century
The fuck is wrong with you? Do you think we give a shit if something went out of fashion a century ago? Fucking humanfags need to kill themselves.

>how to spot a silver
get out of here and go back to playing house with mortals

I don't even know, dude. I slept through most of it.

One day they're all living in thatched roof cottages and churning butter for a living, I take a nice little half-millennium nap, and when I wake up there's machines everywhere, everybody lives in cities, and they have insane weapons.

They've made flying machines that move about eight times as fast as I can. They actually move faster than sound or smell, so you can't tell they're coming unless you get direct vision. That's not even mentioning their handheld hyper-crossbows (which now shoot tiny metal bolts). Worse, they've figured out how to use those weird demonic rocks that make you sick to create a horrifying device that can wipe out an entire city. I can't describe how it works, since I don't know, but it creates a fireball stronger than the breath of a thousand Reds.

Seriously, if they ever start developing that kind of shit, shut them down. Otherwise you'll be like me, hiding underground and not being worshiped by anybody.

It's kind of nice in some ways though. Food is so plentiful now it's ridiculous. I don't even need to demand tribute, one piece of gold can feed me for an entire month—feed me extremely well, at that.

No. The little fuckers tried to rebel against me. Fucking half-breed bastards, thinking they can have a portion of my hoard.

I don't know with what sort of bullshit humans you're dealing, but better start learning magic or something.

it might be time to check out some other planes of existence, man

Bitch I am as black as anyone will ever be. You don't play with humans, you hoard them. They are far more valuable than gold after all!
How is 1400 treating you, oldfag?

Are you fucking kidding me? No, no way I try to open a portal. Little fuckers have eyes everywhere. I cast that kind of spell and suddenly they'll be infecting your planes.

I'm taking one for the team here, guys.

Don't worry, my humans did that too, I was pretty worried for a while there, I was looking into moving like said, but then they blew themselves up. Not sure how they did it, but it was like the world was bathed in fire. I shielded myself and my hoard magically of course. Waited a few centuries and they were back to thatched roofs and swords. Now I'm just careful to make sure they stay that way.

oh shit
i didn't even think about that
respect to you, brother

Just do it quickly or ask for some help, if you say that live in cities and have insane technology... how about their population? Is this large? Maybe you could cook up some disease or something...

Their population is currently seven billion.

Seven fucking billion mortals.

I'm being a bit overly dramatic, honestly. It really isn't all bad. Humiliating to loose all that power, but otherwise my quality of life has actually improved a lot. They make a lot of cool shit along with the terrifying stuff.

I'm feeling weirdly conflicted about this, actually. On one hand I get all my power back, but on the other hand I'll never get to eat nearly as well ever again.

Hm. I just want both, you know?

I FOUND YOU GUYS, FINALLY
DO ANY OF YOU NEED A MORTAL MINION?
I COULD FOUND A CULT FOR YOU, I COULD BURN A CITY YOU HATE, I'M A REALLY GOOD SORCERER I PROMISE
PLEASE I JUST REALLY LOOK UP TO DRAGONS

Shield some of them when their world goes to shit and raise their descendance to respect you as their benevolent savior while keeping all their cool toys and using them to your advantage.

>Just realized that one of the Dothraki is actually a polymorphed Red Dragon
...The whole series finally makes sense.

I have the exact same problem on my plane! Must've been...oh, about 400ish years ago when a bunch of humans wandered onto my mountain started...doing whatever it is they do.

At first, I just ignored them. Well, I tried not to step on them, but really I didn't expect them to get very far. I may have been the biggest, but I wasn't the only thing that could eat them.

Color me shocked when I checked on them after a decade or two, and they were STILL THERE! It tickled me so much that the next time something came around to eat them, I stepped on it on a whim.

Not a week later, one of them came to find me on my favorite mountain, and thanked me for helping them! The tiny little fleshling walked all that way, just to thank me! I must confess, I was so flattered that I made something of a habit out of it.

Skip to today, and now they worship me as their patron deity! Well, it's not like I haven't eaten a god or two, but that doesn't mean I AM a god! I tried to set them straight, but they're almost as stubborn as I am!

Really, the humans have made a lot of themselves. They've even taught ME a few tricks, like how to turn small and squishy like them! It's a bit nerve wracking, I must confess, but seeing things from such a puny perspective is infinitely amusing!

Well, even though being small is a novel experience, it;s quite bizarre seeing the humans up close! Their pudgy little faces move in the most bizarre ways, and most of the time when they realize who I am, they start trying to hand me gifts or pray to me!

Being a "god" is quite the experience, but it's also quite tiring. Does anyone have any advice for me?

git gud

Sigh. Here we go again. At least poise a curriculum vitae or something like that if you want to be taken seriously. Being a dragon is a serious business.

NO.

How's 100 treating you, double nigger.

>seven billion
>seven
>billion
Oh the fuck

I fucking know.

It's too late for me. I'll just try to make like a silver and integrate, or something. At this point I can't do anything else.

You think that shit will work? Sure, I can take out one boat, but then they turn me into swiss cheese.

This is a very good plan.

God you're pathetic, if you were in my kingdom I'd slay you on the spot.
Actually... I might fulfill my tasks as a knight-errant partially by slaying you!

Meet me at the fields Bernieff tomorrow at dawn, and I will show you your maker!

AH SHIT I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS
I SPENT ALL MY TIME PRACTICING MAGIC
I'M STILL NOT WORTHY GOD DAMNIT
I'LL BE BACK LATER, IF I LOOK LIKE A SKELETON DON'T WORRY I JUST NEED MORE TIME THAN STUPID MORTAL BODIES CAN GIVE

Bring me bitches and we'll talk.

The knight has ousted himself brothers, and now we may burn him. The sorcerer proves himself useful.

How many times do I have to tell you Thulsa Doom? YOU. ARE. NOT. A. DRAGON! Serpent people get the fuck out of our thread.

It works if you get good.

>It's too late for me.
Weeeell... if you managed to get ahold of some necromantic magic and found big enough cemetery, maybe you could get the ball rolling.

Or just go play tabletop through net with us and wait them out, like did.

HOW MANY BITCHES
I CAN BRING YOU SOME READY-TO-GO BUT IF YOU WANT A LOT I CAN SET UP A BREEDING PROGRAM SO THAT YOU GET FRESH BITCHES WHENEVER YOU LIKE