Stat me, Veeky Forums

Stat me, Veeky Forums

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Arcane trickster with skill focus in breaking and entering

+5 jollyness

he definitely has some magical beast taming skills, for the eight flying reindeer.

And he is a king of the elves.

>A Human rules over the Elves
Fitting.

He's actually a high level cleric with divine favor, summon toy, bless candy, and has a subjugated devil sidekick totally bent to his will.

He is perfectly capable of enduring cold weather without aid traveling over long distances in seconds.

Can cast Detect Naughty as an at will ability.

In eastern Europe Black Pete is a freed Ethiopian slave. But in the Netherlands he is actually the devil. Santa enslaved fucking Satan with chains.

.....that moment when you remember that Santa as we know him today was created by Coca Cola.

British Father Christmas really looks like the classical depiction of a wizard.

Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 5d10+25 (52 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (-1 size, +1 Dex, +5 natural), touch 10, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+14
Attack: Claw +9 melee (1d6+5)
Full Attack: 2 claws +9 melee (1d6+5) and bite +4 melee (1d8+2)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved grab
Special Qualities: Scent
Saves: Fort +9, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities: Str 21, Dex 12, Con 21, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills: Listen +8, Spot +8
Feats: Alertness, Track
Environment: Temperate forests
Organization: Solitary, pair, or pack (3-8)
Challenge Rating: 4
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always neutral
Advancement: 6-8 HD (Large); 9-15 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: —

What

...

He's of the Rider class and the eight reindeer are his noble phantasm. He also possesses a high rank in presence concealment as he has never been seen.

coca-colacompany.com/stories/coke-lore-santa-claus

Don't forget his clairvoyance

>through generations of selective inbreeding, Nicholas has turned the once proud and fair elven race in a diminutive, subservient caste of slave laborers

Worse.
He is spanish.

Whait, did he died?

Maurish.

I Prefer kraumps /krampus.

(1/2)
Santa Claus: Male human Drd13/Clr5/Rog2; CR 20; Medium-size humanoid (Human); HD 13d8+13,
5d8+5, 2d6+2; hp 125; Init +1; Spd 30 ft.; AC 24 (touch
11, flat-footed 23); Atk +14/ +9/ +4 melee (1d6+1,
staff ); SA sneak attack (+1d6), turn undead 6/day;
SQ a thousand faces, animal companions (see below),
evasion, nature sense, resist nature’s lure, search for
traps, trackless step, venom immunity, wild shape
(Tiny, Small, Medium-size, Large, or dire animal
4/day), woodland stride; AL NG; SV Fort +19,
Ref +13, Will +23; Str 12, Dex 12, Con 12, Int 13,
Wis 24, Cha 16.
Skills and Feats: Animal Empathy +13, Concentration
+22, Craft (toy making) +11, Diplomacy +8, Escape
Artist +6, Gather Information +8, Handle Animal +13,
Heal +22, Intuit Direction +12, Knowledge (geography)
+6, Knowledge (nature) +6, Move Silently +6, Open
Lock +6, Profession (teamster) +12, Profession (toy
maker) +12, Ride (horse) +3, Scry +11, Wilderness
Lore +17; Craft Staff, Craft Wondrous Item, Expertise,
Great Fortitude, Improved Disarm, Iron Will, Leadership,
Magical Artisan (Craft Wondrous Item) (multiply
base price of wondrous item by 75% to determine cost
to create) .
Animal Companions: All of Santa Claus’s reindeer
animal companions have been awakened with the
awaken spell and no longer count as animal companions
(they are now magical beasts instead of animals).
He may acquire other animal companions if he feels
the need.

(2/2)
Cleric Spells Prepared: (5/6/5/4; base DC = 17 +
spell level): 0—create water, detect magic, guidance, resistance,
virtue; 1st—command, comprehend languages, detect
evil, protection from evil*, remove fear, sanctuary; 2nd—calm
emotions, detect thoughts*, make whole, resist elements, shield
other; 3rd—clairaudience/clairvoyance*, magic vestment,
remove curse, water walk.
* Domain spell. Domains: Good (cast good spells at +1
caster level), Knowledge (cast divinations at +1 caster
level).
animal trance (1 charge)
calm animals (1 charge)
charm person or animal (1 charge)
dominate animal (1 charge)
invisibility to animals (1 charge)
speak with animals (1 charge)
Caster Level: 6th; Prerequisites: Craft Staff,
animal trance, calm animals, charm person or animal, dominate
animal, invisibility to animals, speak with animals;
Market Price: 28,125 gp.

What the fuck is with the kids faces on the left? They look like one of their parents was a pug.

Whoops. A little got lost there.

Druid Spells Prepared: (6/7/7/6/5/4/3/2; base DC
= 17 + spell level): 0—create water, detect poison, know
direction, light, mending, purify food and drink; 1st—
animal friendship, calm animals, detect animals or plants,
invisibility to animals, obscuring mist (2), pass without trace;
2nd—barkskin, charm person or animal, hold animal (2),
lesser restoration, speak with animals, wood shape; 3rd—cure
moderate wounds, dominate animal, neutralize poison, protection
from elements, remove disease, summon nature’s ally
III; 4th—cure serious wounds, dispel magic, freedom of
movement (2), sleet storm; 5th—awaken, control winds, tree
stride (2); 6th—find the path, healing circle, transport via
plants; 7th—heal, true seeing.
Equipment: Bag of tricks (tan), belt of control weather
(3/day), boots of spider climbing (as the slippers), bracers of
armor +8, cap of all-speaking (understand and speak all
languages), cloak of resistance +4, flying sleigh (as 6 ft. by 9
ft. carpet of flying, needs reindeer for steering),
Keoghtom’s ointment (3), Santa’s staff of animals (see
below), periapt of wisdom +6, ring of natural armor +5, sack
of holding (as bag type 4) (holds about 9,000 gp worth of
toys and minor protective, healing, or nonviolent
magic items), vest of weather resistance (provides cold and
fire resistance 5).

Santa’s Staff of Animals: This finely crafted wooden
staff is adorned with gold, detailed emerald enamelwork,
and bells; it’s crowned with a carving of a reindeer.
It allows the use of the following spells:
animal trance (1 charge)
calm animals (1 charge)
charm person or animal (1 charge)
dominate animal (1 charge)
invisibility to animals (1 charge)
speak with animals (1 charge)
Caster Level: 6th; Prerequisites: Craft Staff,
animal trance, calm animals, charm person or animal, dominate
animal, invisibility to animals, speak with animals;
Market Price: 28,125 gp.

Sleigh Reindeer (8): Awakened reindeer (as pony)
Rgr2; CR 4; Medium-size magical beast; HD 4d8+4,
2d10+2; hp 36; Init +1; Spd 40 ft.; AC 16 (touch 11, flatfooted
16); Atk +5 melee (1d3+2, 2 hooves); SQ favored
enemy (beasts, +1), scent; AL N; SV Fort +8, Ref +5,
Will +1; Str 14, Dex 13, Con 12, Int 10, Wis 11, Cha 5.
Skills and Feats: Intuit Direction +5, Jump +5,
Listen +5, Spot +5; Run.
Equipment: Harness of natural armor +5.

There we go.

...

>Santa Clause as a 5e Bard.

Well, he's got all sorts of sluts pining after him, telling him to hurry down the fucking chimney so they can suck his candy cane, so...

And here's his magical equipment

Father Christmas and the classical depiction of wizards both draw influence from Odin. Hence the elves and the HQ in Lapland.

Funny thing is, the only thing we know about the actual Nasuverse Santa is that he has to be extremely "fair" to everyone, and that he has to sacrifice his own wishes.

Epic level pedophile
>is known to spy little kids
>breaks and enters to their houses and gives them "gifts"
>tries to lure children in to have meetings with him
>regularly makes public appearances
>never caught

Is paedophile a rogue prestige class, or a bard one?

Someone is going on the naughty list.

Well, not really. They can take some credit for standardising his outfit to red.

So he's a police officer.

What corrupt 3rd world hell-hole do you live in where the cops are never seen unless they're breaking in to your home to molest your kids?

So are all those catholic priests actually following the teachings of Santa?

At no point in the list was molestation mentioned.

Also just the other week a friend of mine (A) got arrested whilst in the house of another friend of mine (B). The police declared that they were going to search B's house and threw a hissy fit when he refused to allow it until they produced a search warrant.

Not really. His look dates back a long time and that has most often been the most popular portrayal. It mostly just helped in eliminating other portrayals of him all together.

He's actually a deity in disguise.

+4 goodwill
+5 joy and laughter
+2 leadership
+1 eat on the run
+5 sneak -or- +5 disguise (with bonus +2 charisma bonus when kissing yo mama)
-2 aerial navigation skills (relies on Rudolph)
+1 perform (specialization: hand bell)

Fuck off with that pagan bullshit.

>But in the Netherlands he is actually the devil.
He was in a long-forgotten past.
He's been the jolly side-kick for decades

>tfw SJWs want to take my childhood hero away because a jolly athletic guy helping an old man spread happiness is racist