Stat me Veeky Forums

The meme isn't as funny if you don't post the whole stablock.

This I'm surprised actually caught on.

>by the time you're done reading this he died from all the missiles he swallowed
Astonishingly accurate. Kraid wasn't hard at all.

Size/Type: Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 5d10+25 (52 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (-1 size, +1 Dex, +5 natural), touch 10, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+14
Attack: Claw +9 melee (1d6+5)
Full Attack: 2 claws +9 melee (1d6+5) and bite +4 melee (1d8+2)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved grab
Special Qualities: Scent
Saves: Fort +9, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities: Str 21, Dex 12, Con 21, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills: Listen +8, Spot +8
Feats: Alertness, Track
Environment: Temperate forests
Organization: Solitary, pair, or pack (3-8)
Challenge Rating: 4
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always neutral
Advancement: 6-8 HD (Large); 9-15 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: —

Damn, beat me to it.

The meme isn't funny at all, it's solely designed to be annoying to people who post stupid ass stat me threads.

Stat me Veeky Forums

>This I'm surprised actually caught on.

The user who first made it must have the biggest erection whenever he sees it.

10/10 qt3.14. Would take on a romantic date

But user, that has at least 5 kids.

-10 hp

Stat me

-10 HP

Impossible. D&D doesn't support fighting truly gigantic creatures like Kraid and other kaijus.

That depends on your run really. If you've sequence broke the game enough to have Super Missiles by the time you face him then he's dead in literal seconds, but if your playing for the first time and you haven't been searching suspicious walls for missile ups and health tanks he can be bastard.

Then use system other than D&D you numbskull.

If the lore is to be taken seriously, pretty damn smart, though lethargic and prideful to a point.

Stats though? Eh give him 20 str, 21 hp and when they do an impressive amount of damage, say he looks almost dead.

What is this meme? Is this a /v/ thing?

Kraid isn't really any bigger than dragons and giants. Because of the way size categories work, you can just compare his sprite to Samus (medium size) to get his size. Large would twice as tall as Samus, huge 4 times, and colossal 8 times as tall or taller. Kraid should fall into colossal size.
The bigger issue is that he's invulnerable unless you hit his weak spot (in which case he goes down like a bitch). Give him huge DR for attacks than don't specifically target his weak spot, or something.

Did they ever give Kraid proper character? Ridley has gotten characterization, particularly in the manga, but I can't think of anything for Kraid aside from confirmation that he is a sapient creature and a Space Pirate commander/enforcer.
Where'd he come from, anyway? In the manga, Ridley was already leading the Pirates when they attacked the colony Samus lived in as a child, but Kraid has had no chronological appearance before Metroid 1/Zero Mission.

No, it started in a "stat me"-thread not too long ago.

>Did they ever give Kraid proper character?
Theres some obscure tidbits, mostly doubtful. Like how he's the head researcher and that mini kraig is his younger brother.

>but Kraid has had no chronological appearance before Metroid 1/Zero Mission.

Maybe he never leaves Zebes then? Perhaps he's simply too big to ever really leave his underground area without badly damamging the base?
I mean, the mini-kraid tells us he used to be smaller and was probably able to get around previously, but once he reached that size I'd imagine he was basically confined to his area.

Perhaps the only reason he IS that size is because they first performed the Beta Radiation experiments that gave the Metroid it's huge size on him first.

Like Phantoon, but less so.

Was Phantoon explicitly a Space Pirate lieutenant? I always thought he was just some kind of space ghost that haunted the crashed ship.

>I always thought he was just some kind of space ghost
He's an ethereal giant, you only fight his head.
>that haunted the crashed ship.
He eats ghosts, so he always hangs out near wrecks.

>Was Phantoon explicitly a Space Pirate lieutenant?
Yup.

Kraid's penis

>Impressive and fearsome looking but effortlessly killed with 1 weird trick/10

Be fair. That you can kill the guy with esoteric space-bird kung-fu isn't REALLY a massive weakness.

It's not like Kraids inability to stop opening his vulnerable mouth all the time. Or the Metroids vulnerability to cold (Which I suspect was a deliberate design choice to stop them from just flying off into space) or Ridley's occaisional habit of fighting Samus in a small enclosed area all the time.

>Was Phantoon explicitly a Space Pirate lieutenant?
I think so considering the statue.

Holy shit, I can't believe I forgot about that goddamn statue. It's literally been long enough that I didn't remember it even existed.

I don't even remember what all the little dudes are. Kraid, Ridley, Phantoon (only because of the thread) and....?

Crogus

The one no one cares about

>wanting alone time in a cosy area with Samus
>weakness
Not even aliens can resist her it seems.

Draygon.

>esoteric space-bird kung-fu
I think that user was referring to the trick where you destroying the turrets in the area, let Draygon grab you, and then fire the grapple beam into the sparking remains of a turret. Ends up electrocuting the fuck out of Draygon while merely damaging Samus, and ends the fight in seconds.

As far as I can tell it started here.

archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/49136515

This somehow became a meme exclusive to Veeky Forums Metroid "stat me" threads. It's such an absurdly specific thing to happen.

>(Which I suspect was a deliberate design choice to stop them from just flying off into space)
Temperature is a property of substances. Vacuum doesn't have temperature.

It's "cold" insofar as there isn't heat, but there's nothing to perform heat exchange on so it's like you would cool down.
In a vacuum, your crotch and lungs would flash freeze as your piss and blood evaporate out. But the rest of you would start boiling.
That's all got more to do with pressure than temperature, but uh... partially relevant?

You radiate heat away, but the speed at witch you do that is related to your heat.
Bare metal evens out heat gain/loss at around 260°C, not sure where flesh stops.

Like a meme but less so.

Oh, I thought you were referring to the Speedrunner techniques involving X-Cross and Shinespark that they always use to kill him.
Would you believe that at this point I've literally never seen him killed any other way?

Wouldn't you technically freeze once you got high enough in the Atmosphere though?

I find it hard to forget the suicidal fight with Draygon, where you can electrocute both you and him to death.

Fucking annoying boss that frustrated me as a kid.

That boss fight probably stops more speedruns dead than any other part of the game. Super Metroid is fucking hard for speedruns. Last year AGDQ or SGDQ (I forget which) had a 4 way Super Metroid speedrun race with the 4 best runners of the game including the current world record holder and only one of the players actually even finished.

Which is a shame as one guy was literally three shots on Mother Brain away from a world record AND the Kill/Save bidding war had chosen kill the animals in the end for the first time in years.

>Wouldn't you technically freeze once you got high enough in the Atmosphere though?
Depends on the temperature. Broadly speaking, lowering pressure lowers the temperature where a material turns to gas.

The only reason your crotch/lungs would freeze is evaporative cooling.
Essentially, changes of state require energy. And that energy has to come from somewhere. So it comes from the surroundings.
Some really shitty air conditioning units work by having unwanted heat disperse by boiling water, for instance.

>the Kill/Save bidding war had chosen kill the animals in the end for the first time in years.

Fuck that.

>had a 4 way Super Metroid speedrun race with
>one guy was literally three shots on Mother Brain away from a world record
What route were they running?

Straight through, I assume.

youtu.be/jU0fEc2PeSI

>He's an ethereal giant, you only fight his head.
Other M is non-canon.

Fair enough.

English translation says Phantoon is the ghost of the Wrecked Ship (not it's crew, the ship).
Original Japanese manual says Phantoon is something like an astral projection of Mother Brain.
In both cases, Phantoon is explicitly a Space Pirate Lieutenant.

Is it? I thought it was one of those things that people considered "non-canon" because it sucked.

That's essentially correct, but replace "people" with >90% of the fanbase.

It warms my cold dead heart that so much of the fanbase hates Other M. It also makes me happy that so many don't consider it canon just to spite Sakamoto, who treated the Prime series -- arguably the best thing to happen to Metroid, ever -- as non-canon.

It's actually a bit more than that, for other M to be cannon, other games have to not be cannon, people decided that they'd rather believe that the other games were cannon, instead of other M.

To be fair, the "Prime is non-canon" thing was a myth. What Sakamoto really said was more along the lines of "Prime is a gaiden series," meaning he thought of it as a side story rather than the main plot of Metroid. Which is basically true, as the Phazon incident was a sidequest, a huge fucking sidequest mind you, but it was self contained and had limited influence on the plot of the main series.

The man is Japanese George Lucas and has said plenty of crazy retarded things, but luckily that wasn't one of them.

Oh, that's good to know. I hate Sakamoto a tiny bit less now.

I suddenly desire to read a shitload of Metroid comics.

Where can I find a good collection?

Despite the controversy, much of the fan base doesn't care about Other M, positive or negatively. It's a bitchy minority who can't stop bothering others by mentioning it in order to complain about it. If it weren't for them, it'd be completely forgotten by now.

>Cannon
Fuck off. It's people like you who keep another Metroid game from being released. Most of the fanbase has gotten over that game by now.

What's with this "cannon" shit? Metroid contradicts and retcon itself left and right and even Fusion was a bigger bastardization of the story. Seriously, Fusion ruined Samus hard.

metroid-database.com/manga/listing.php

This has basically everything. Captain N, the official Manga, minor Nintendo comics, and the ridiculously campy Samus and Joey, which is where that reaction image came from.

I'd disagree. Fusion was fine with Samus' character; it was just retroactively ruined by Adam's depiction in Other M. Back when their relationship was vague and Samus regularly said "fuck orders" everything was okay.

>Fusion was fine with Samus' character
>Samus regularly said "fuck orders"
>Fusion
You mean the world's biggest Adam worshiper, praising his "perfect mind" when the Adam AI talked badly about her she came do his defense? The one who stopped at Navigation Rooms every minute to ask what to do? It sucked then & sucks now. You ever wonder why Zero Mission was more Super Metroid than Fusion?

> bite
I just now realised that I have no idea what's the equivalent of a bite for critters with beaks. Pecking? And yes, some of them do bite, but many don't.

Birds have the creepiest fucking mouths.

No.

Yes.

She stopped at navigation rooms because the AI locked the doors until she did. It was an issue with the game, not Samus' characterization. And yes, until we saw the "real" Adam in action, Samus' description could have been accurate and he was a real stand up guy. AI Adam turned out to be pretty bro in the end once he stopped following orders, too.

Also, Samus deliberately ignored her orders several times in Fusion. The player is railroaded into it because there's nowhere else to go, but it is very much part of the plot that Samus said "fuck orders" and did her own thing, because the first time she did so it pissed the AI the fuck off, and the last time she convinced the AI to start ignoring orders with her.

In terms of game, yes, Fusion was linear and railroading and that's why Zero Mission didn't follow it. In terms of plot and characterization, though, Samus stopped giving a shit about what the Federation told her to do a little over halfway in.

Are these threads just for creating monsters or do you do PCs? Im looking to play a Zangief in pathfinder

>She stopped at navigation rooms because the AI locked the doors until she did.
Should I assume that it's canon that Zero Suit Samus has just as many Energy Tanks as regular Samus in Zero Mission? No. She could have disobeyed far more orders. She could have taken detours. She didn't.
>And yes, until we saw the "real" Adam in action, Samus' description could have been accurate and he was a real stand up guy.
No. Even the AI knew Samus was exaggerating Adam's abilities. You are how skeptical it was? He initially talked shit about himself before Samus defended him. Even then he never showered himself with praise. When I finished Fusion, I was thinking Samus was about to fuck her computer. I knew she must be exaggerating.
>Also, Samus deliberately ignored her orders several times in Fusion.
90% of the time she did as she was told. Even in the end it was Adam's order to drop the colony on the planet and escape rather than stupidly Allah Ackbar the ship with her in it. The restricted lab was one case & she did get told a few times her actions allowed the SA-X to spread. Normally she listened like an obedient servant & went exactly where she was told a did exactly as the AI said.
>n terms of game, yes, Fusion was linear and railroadin
Story wise it was just as crap. Before Other M, we at the fanbase thought of Fusion as the black sheep.
>Samus stopped giving a shit about what the Federation told her to do a little over halfway in.
I remember the restricted lab as amongst the later parts & after the second security robot boss battle. I guess I remembered wrong. She still listened to orders. Hell, even in Other M Samus eventually stopped listening to Adam & unlocked equipment without anyone's permission a few times. Samus was still going with the AI's idea at the end of Fusion. It's a good thing because hers, as it pointed out, was extremely retarded.

I take it back. There are worse things then birds.

>She could have disobeyed far more orders.
Did she have any reason to?
>She could have taken detours.
Did she have nay reason to?

>Should I assume that it's canon that Zero Suit Samus has just as many Energy Tanks as regular Samus in Zero Mission? No.

I don't see why not, since Samus kept all of her other upgrades while they were nonfunctional. The Legendary suit didn't just have everything from the start, it unlocked the unidentified upgrades Samus acquired earlier in the game but couldn't use in the standard suit. That, and the AI locking down the station is specifically brought up as a plot point what with Samus screaming at it to open the doors by the end.

>She could have disobeyed far more orders. She could have taken detours. She didn't.

Was there reason to until the end? Samus also follows orders in Prime 2 and 3, as well as 90% of Metroid 2, plus Metroid/Zero Mission was assigned by the GF. Samus obviously will follow orders she agrees with, it was only when the GF tipped their hand too hard in Fusion that Samus stopped giving them the time of day.

>I knew she must be exaggerating.

Sure? She had respect for him and may have exaggerated, but Adam in Fusion was still a pretty cool guy at the end.

>90% of the time she did as she was told.

90% of the time she agreed or it was the best course of action. The AI had the power to lock her in a room until the GF showed up or she blasted her way into another locked room; disobeying for no reason wasn't in her best interest.

>Story wise it was just as crap. Before Other M, we at the fanbase thought of Fusion as the black sheep.

Black sheep, yes. Shit sheep, no.

>Samus was still going with the AI's idea at the end of Fusion. It's a good thing because hers, as it pointed out, was extremely retarded.

I always thought Samus was going to set off a timed self-destruct, because that's how Metroid works, while Adam's suggestion included the planet in the blast. Apparently the BSL's self-destruct is instant? I never thought Samus intended to kill herself, but okay.

Are you an Other M apologist or a Fusion one? It's like you're defending Samus listening to Adam's orders in Other M.

Samus could have decided against her orders prior to the last few minutes of the game. Then again, considering how Fusion established she was dumb enough to even consider sacrificing herself, the single greatest threat to the X, whom the X spent the entire game with all the SA-X, attempted main boiler explosions & other shit with a method that wouldn't eliminate all the X, blowing up the space station with her & lots of X in it which the X even attempted before, heck. Maybe she'd decided to masturbate to a picture of Adam all day.

>why not
Judging by how her armor works, bursting upon death, I disagree.

She chooses to return to them. She chooses to listen and never question until the endgame. For all we know, she's story wise capable of wrecking doors like the SA-X with Super missiles or power bomb.
>Was there reason to until the end?
Yes. How much progress has she actually done to destroy the X? Due to how they multiply, I doubt she did much given the 10+ SA-X. I wouldn't be shocked if Samus questioned if she should do something besides survive the next thing the X throws at her & actually deal some serious damage. She's done entire missions with only her intuition on what to do next.
>Adam
True. I thought he was a decent bloke but I knew Samus' description was far too rosy eyed to take at face value.
>best choice
Sounds like Other M apologist shit. She could have decided to stop spending so much time in Prime cutscenes only staring around for all we know.
>shit sheep
Aside from 2, not many Metroid games had serious complaints pre-Fusion
>intended to kill self
It's been a while since I played Fusion but I got the transcript
metroid.retropixel.net/games/metroid4/transcript.php

>The X must not leave here. I must destroy them all before the Federation arrives. This station has a self-destruct mechanism. I must use it to destroy the X here and on the planet. I must send them to oblivion. Them, the station, and myself, if I have to.
>if I have to

What I got from this is that Samus didn't intend to kill herself outright, but was willing to risk the possibility of her death. Also, kind of odd that she plans on destroying the planet, but is surprised when Adam suggests destroying the planet.

The AI & I ( sounds like something sci Fi sitcom) thought she meant so.
>SC: You know that detonating this station in high orbit would not guarantee the complete extinction of the X parasites, even though the station would be utterly destroyed... You would only succeed in removing the one obstacle to the galaxy's ruin...yourself. You would ignore this simple fact and choose death. When Adam decided who would live, he chose incorrectly.
Overall, I agreed completely & was surprised Samus don't realize it herself. From the Metroid DNA to all the attempts to kill her, she's their greatest enemy, kinda says a lot about the X that they're such a threat to their greatest predator.

I presume her shock is from Adam's approval.

Stat this glorious behind Veeky Forums

>SC: You know that detonating this station in high orbit would not guarantee the complete extinction of the X parasites

From her monologue, it would seem she actually doesn't know that. She says that she'd use the self-destruct to destroy the X on the planet. The problem seems to be that despite the fact that the space station's "vaporization field" is big enough to destroy a planet somehow, doing it in high orbit isn't close enough and Samus isn't aware of that part. Though really, a planet sized explosion in the orbit of another planet at space station distance is going to be far above a total extinction event, there was nothing wrong with this plan.

And again, I assumed she'd set a timer on the self-destruct and get out because it's Metroid, while Adam seems to be saying timers don't exist and this would kill her instantly, which is the only case where his argument makes sense.

Judging from Samus' reaction, she did have some clue.

Their conversation did have the self sacrificing. It's heavily implied.
SC: And what would this...friend advise you to do now?

Samus: He would know that the only way to end this is to start the self-destruct cycle. He'd know how important it is...

SC: Did this "Adam" care for you? Would he sit in a safe Command Room and order you to die?

Samus: He would understand that some must live and some must die... He knew what it meant. He made that sacrifice once.

irish-type