Ravnica Guild Lifestyles

And the guild-sanctioned pool parties.

Selesnya parties are nice if a bunch of elves playing grab ass with trees is uour thing, and you're in a Dimir party right now.

Azorius parties are the classiest, if you have all the right permits and paperwork to attend....

Gruul throws the wildest parties obviously, ba dum tsh.

Orzhov have all the money so their parties are probably lavish as fuck.

Selesnya also has the benefit of "celebrating life." Or more specifically the creation of life. With sexy elves. Who dress like this. And specialize in tapping lots of creatures.

> tap four untapped creatures
What a slut.

And some of those might be centaurs. Or elementals. Or moa. Or WURMS.

fpbp

its canon

/thread

Handcuffs for everyone.

I get the feeling Simic would have deceptively low-key parties - just unwinding from the wacky science and playing cards.

They just would play mutating games instead of drinking ones - lose a hand of cards, get tentacle hands. Get scored on in fantasy ping-pong, and take a swig of Leonin mutagen. The punch changes your gender, and you have no curiosity if you don't try some.

Isn't a simic party just a furry convention, except that those aren't costumes?

I think slimey would be more appropriate for the Simic.

Azorius parties look exactly like Azorius arrests, except handcuffs are pink and fuzzy.

Would Dimir and Golgari even have parties?

Golgari probably have pretty tight knit social groups, and they have small, friendly parties to celebrate birthdays.

Dimir send members to scope out every other party. That guy who brought the chips? Dimir agent.

What I want to see are some wacky Izzet parties. What do you think those are like?

Dimir parties are actually secretly death/survival games where there's always at the very least one casualty. Lots of backstabbing and spying fun involved.

Golgari parties usually happen in graveyards or during the aftermath of Rakdos parties.

Izzet parties are probably invention/science contests? Except without themes, or tools I guess. Whoever manages to fly ten or more feet high wins a prize, free drinks, and a ride to the nearest healer's place.

If that's not phallic artwork, I don't know what is.

Dimir parties are the most hipster thing imaginable.

You've probably never heard of them.

The Dimir can't have parties, since obviously the Dimir don't exist.

>tfw put them and other wurms in Kynaios and Tiro EDH deck, alongside other phallic-looking and sounding cards

it's immature as fuck, but i love it

>Azorius
Run the spectrum from elegant to unbearably stuffy. High quality drinks, clothes, music, and ballrooms, but most people are trying to politic and network. Just try not to get dragged into someone else's power struggle.

>Orzhov
Wealthy invitees are engaging in gambling on a scale no one else has even heard of. The actual guild members are having fun talking so much shit about everyone there that their eyes have turned brown. Just try not to get sucked into someone else's power struggle.

>Dimir
This is what a Vampire: the Masquerade LARP is trying to be. The only reason anyone came is to try to sniff out hints of the next big coup and to size up the new members.

>Izzet
They've got pneumatic beer delivery systems, fireworks, and thumping sound systems, all combined into one, and the results will be both fantastic and horrible. People get three shots in them and lose what little restraint they had. Fights are common and deadly.

>Rakdos
I don't need to describe them because the cards do that.

>Golgari
An underground barnyard party. Don't forgot that most of the Golgari are actually farmers with an unusual perspective. The liquor is freakishly strong and the food is tasty, if bizarre. Farm life, even Golgari farm life, is boring, so people here are really going to let loose. Plenty of chances for getting laid.

>Gruul
A biker gang patchover party on steroids.

>Boros
This is a party populated entirely by United States police and armed forces. Fights are inevitable, but everyone makes up in the end, or else. Gossip spreads at the speed of sound here. Just don't try hitting on one of the angels unless you're MTG's version of Casanova or a planeswalker.

>Selesnya
Like the Golgari party, just with less rot, less open hostility, and more gossip. Seriously. Farmers are farmers.

>Simic
Everyone is trying out craft beers and sometimes designer drugs. Egotistical arguments centering around pet hypotheses are common.

>Azorius
Low-budget affairs held at the highest ranking participant's home or at the guild hall. Cheap wine and cheaper music. Rather stodgy, informal and awkward. The fantasy equivalent of office Christmas parties.
>Orzhov
Glitz and glamour, with the finest and most expensive everything. Every servant is beautiful and absolutely willing to do anything if the tip's good enough. Fine wine and ballroom dancing at the front, cocaine and orgies at the back.
>Dimir
Masquerade. Very gothic and chic, with every participant bringing their greatest magic and techniques to conceal their identities and find out those of other participants. It's a grand game that tests the skills of everyone involved.
>Izzet
Science affair for adults and without strict safety regulations. Musical tesla coils, state of the art pyrotechnics, the head chemister's best moonshine and so on. It's wild and wonderful but absolutely everything is dangerous.
>Rakdos
We already know this.
>Golgari
Surprisingly hardcore funerals and baby showers. Every new life and death is celebrated with primal music, dancing and lots of drinking. Without a doubt, the Golgari are probably the hardest drinkers around.
>Gruul
As above but with much more fire, much more fervor and to celebrate violence rather than life or death. Warriors of the guild probably use this opportunity to clash with each other, both to resolve any feuds and whip themselves into a frenzy.
>Boros
It's less of a party, more of a military rally. Put on your ceremonial uniform, polish your weapon and armor until you can see your stubble in them and parade your heart out. This is probably followed by more casual partying in the barracks.
>Selesnya
Big communal hippy parties. Mostly just sitting in circles, enjoying a toke before passing it on and taking part in chanting and singing. It's very peaceful, monotonous and boring but by the end, everyone's too stoned to really care.
>Simic
I'm stumped.

>I'm stumped
I said in that it'd be a regular (nerdy) party, but people get transformed instead of drunk.

This. This is also canon.

Holy Shit this...how dumb can people be.

And for all the "But I want to live" bullshit, its expressed commonly by wizards that not EVERY group of Rakdos members that throw parties do blood orgies, in fact as the Entertainment Guild they are experts at ANY type of social gathering and have many, many sane and reasonable people. The cards for Rakdos just show the wild and crazy side because its fun but also because during the blocks both times Rakdos wakes and the guild goes nuts due to his influence. They are actually fine when he slumbers except for the crazies in their direct territories.

This guild runs the restaurants, the catering, the shows and performances, and even the music of Ravnica. They are every aspect of "the party" imaginable. Its literally their job.

The guests all wake up with a headache and no idea what happened

Azorius party:
youtube.com/watch?v=OJA632dbTGo

>Cop Party
>Azorius

Pick one. The city's main police force, more like real police forces, is the League of Wojek in the Boros Legion.

I imagine that some very special shrooms get brought out during the Golgari parties

Top:

Rakdos > Gruul > Izzet

Mid:

Boros > Orzhov > Golgari

Low:

Simic > Selsenya > Dimir > Azorious

Best posts

Naw man izzet parties involve trying out all the new crazy drugs some whacked out guild member just made. You are now test subjects for his magic acid.

I'm going to agree with... most of this, I think? Let me try to rework this:

Top:
>Rakdos
>Gruul
>Izzet

Mid:
>Orzhov
These are really high scale parties, but they aren't particularly wild otherwise. If you want the REALLY indulgent stuff, you do it even further behind more closed doors.

>Golgari
Probably a bit on the strange side, but certainly some kind of party. The Sisters of Stone Death seemed to be able to revel a bit back in the day.

>Selesnya
Life-churchers that like to sing songs and enjoy nature? They like to look tame, but they've got all of that "life is great" stuff pumping up their moods.

Low:
>Boros
The Wojeks probably more than the rest of the Legion, but still has R in it. This is to say, everything is more or less serious business, until everyone is off-duty.

>Simic
Bunch of weird scientists sucked up into their own experiments. The party is probably not too hard here, but is maybe very strange.

>Azorius
Law-abiding citizens: Have a nice, quiet party that doesn't disturb anyone or break regulations.

>Dimir
There is no party, they're trying to stay hidden. If anything, you might see them at a few of these other parties, if the Guildless are allowed into them.