Things that piss off DMs/GMs

rolls a 3*
That roll doesn't count my dice touched his arm
>Yes it does
But you let user roll again
>His rolled off the table
Your playing favorites

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>player rolls for no reason
>it lands on a 20
>he sits and waits for the DM to tell him to roll for something
>SEVERAL MINUTES PASS
>he points at the 20 and says he's using that
>DM tells him no, roll a new die, you rolled that one too long ago
>[crying, farting]
It astounds me that there are actual grown-ass adults who pull shit like this. Nobody above the age of 12 should ever act like this.

>that faggot who rolls off the table constantly, like every fucking time

How hard is to roll like a normal person?

>That guy who optimizes their character not for combat with enemies, but specifically so they can kill someone else's character build.

>playing D&D with smelly goth chick back in 2002
>rolls the d20 toward herself, rolls right off the table
>she quickly picks it up and rolls it again in the exact same way
>is somehow surprised that it falls off again
>picks it up and rolls it in the exact same way AGAIN
>gets frustrated
>I suggest that she roll toward the center of the table, away from herself
>she tells me to shut up
Alright, cunt, have fun with that.

>That Guy who makes their character Like Another Player's Character, But Better

>That guy who makes their character Like Another Player's Character, But Better
I had this once. Me and my friend were both playing elves. Before the session started, I asked what his character looked like. He hadn't filled the descriptive section of the sheet yet. Since mine was
>Eyes: Green
>Skin: Pale
>Hair: Black
He made his
>Eyes: Greener
>Skin: Paler
>Hair: Darker than Black
He also made his character 1 inch taller than mine and 1 pound heavier.
Good times were had.

Dex user finds a wand while off by himself
>Wizard user says hes just going to cange his mind mid way from searching a room to go to the Dex anons room
>why?
I wanna have that wand
>you dont know about it till he says something to you
But you just said he found it
>YOU AREN'T IN THE SAME ROOM AS HE IS AND YOUR CHARACTER WOULDN'T KNOW IF HE FOUND A WOND OR NOT IF NOTING WAS SAID TO HIM
>I use detect magic
I hate that guy
visible headache starts to consume me

He also had the bigger dick.

>playing with newfags
>one lands a hit
>it does however much damagge
>"but cmon that had to be at least (however much more) damage"

To be fair, a die hitting something can affect it's outcome. My group has a policy of "if your roll touched anything, reroll all dice involved," just to take the subjectivity out of it (and a die going off the table counts too).

Had a player who argued he couldn't have been knocked out because his half elf barbarian doesn't sleep but meditates and would wake up immediately.

It went on for 10 minutes.

>Player makes a gimmick character
>Gets bored of playing it 2 sessions later
>Begs and pleads for a new character
>Even if I say no he'll just find a sword to fall on
>And the cycle begins anew

> i meant to have that skill instead

best way to handle this: if it falls off the table, it's a zero

I can understand when it rolls off the table
But this fucker only wanted to reroll because he got a shitty roll
It just barely nicked his arm

How gimmicked are we talking here

The character is based upon the player's latest pun. Because that is a solid foundation on which to build a character, and he certainly won't get bored this time after the joke gets overplayed!!!

Dude that sucks, i feel for you

if it makes you feel any better My cousin plays chaotic evil edgelords who try and kill everything

he's 44

>Can I have this, but not mechanically? Just as a fluff thing?
>"Sure."
>He has it mechanically
>"Sorry mate but you're burning this next edge to pay for that."
>*drops trou and starts pissing and shitting on the table*

I've taken to just never involving his characters in any plot points. He's effectively a cycling NPC. At least he doesn't also minmax his builds for the party's incoming challenge.

Op back with a story
(call it gay if you wish)
I made a charictar while my friend GMed a Naruto themed game
>a year ago he had the idea
I made this stupid joke about being a Goose Sage that was 12
>we had stupid puns about how if I was lit on fire id be a roasted goose dinner and stupid shit like that
the idea died out untill about a few weeks ago
>FF to present time
he got with one of his friends to help him make it so it wouldn't be shit
Push came to shove and I didn't have a good idea for a charictar that either would have been to needy for the DM to bend rules around to make or it would have been a stump
>I made my character based off that pun
Kasi Gusu was his name being Fire Goose in gook speak
Later on down the line while thinking of it my stupid 12 yo accidentally started a war at home and could have cause another great world war to occur but this time on a human vs beast scale.
Honestly it was the best charictar I came up with because I made him to be like me
Says stupid shit because hes 12 and nobody acts like he was a member on the team till I droped some of the secrets of being a Sage
>naru fags know what I mean
>im not 12 but my shitty humor is of a 12 yo
>image is of Kasi

Once made a gnome monk who insisted on introducing himself alongside his pet rock, Lee.

docs.google.com/document/d/1rcE79oTVf8dWTxHe-p0npScC1Fb5Vxv5177aAaw7D4A/edit
>not joking
I got into it and started making a fucking mini book about what happend but never got around to finish it by the time one guy when back to school so we dont play anymore

>Guy makes intentionally crippled character that's nothing but a burden on the group
>Claims it's for "muh roleplaying"
>Bitches and moans when he can't do anything

>"The GM should build the game around my character!"
>is a wizard with weapon focus: dagger, because his dagger is an heirloom weapon with six pages of backstory

Wizards don't need their feats to be OP, though.

I mean, if it were a fighter or something retarded like that gimping themselves there's an issue, but wizards can blow all their feats on Skill Focus (Craft (Taiwanese Basket Pornography)) and be fine.

>One player always makes over-optimized throwaway glass-cannons
>Actually work out a cool backstory for his character in the new campaign
>Seems really on board with the idea, comes up with most of the details himself, paints a really interesting picture, ends up making someone who would get along with the rest of the party pretty well
Then the campaign actually started
>Just sits on his phone looking at memes
>When I asked him if he was going to particpate, said he was "waiting for combat"
>We're going for political intrigue this time around, he knew that, as did everyone else
What do you know when after three sessions with no combat, all of a sudden he isn't "in the mood to play D&D" anymore

I don't know why I allowed myself to think that people could change Veeky Forums

because they can
have him roll something else up and make something which is more relevant to the current style or try to give him some spotlight outside of outright combat

Always put points in Lore (potato)

Heh.

>you don't detect anything because the rogue has already pocketed it and you can't pinpoint it.

We didn't roll for dick size for these characters, that was my campaign, and he did end up with the biggest dick, but I was the DM, I didn't even have a dick.

>back of her knee

>Player that can never be serious, regardless of the situation
>Today they finally beat an incredibly difficult mid-level boss and progress the story in a direction I didn't think possible
>The badassery and pride towards my players lived for only a second as the dying words of the shocked enemy was met with
>"lol (literally said it out), what's next? "Rosebud"? FINISH HIM!"

They are always such massive faggots anytime they are able to do anything outside the box.

>be gay
>unattractive chubby goth anime girl joins group
>everyone of the no date losers fall in love with her
>I am not bewitched by the siren's (read sea cow) call.
>soon get pissed as the DM lets her take back any role for her marry sue character he build the campaign around.

The sad this is that this has happened to me multiple times with multiple different groups.

>naruto themed game
absolutely disgusting

>you enter a dungeon.
>what kind of stone are the walls made of?
>the bandit readies his weapon
>what kind of shortsword is it?
>you enter the tavern
>what was the door made out of?

not even for anything mechanics wise, just random questions for no reason.

Some what similar we had a girl join and everyone would just give her their loot.
>fighter: Oh, wow this sword is much better than mine.
>girl ranger: I don't have an off hand weapon.
>fighter: well you should take it.

Sits in her bag the whole time along with tons of other stuff she wanted and they gave her.

>The players want you to actually paint a mental picture
Horror of horrors. God forbid you have to imagine anything.

Holy fuck is this guy actually complaining about narrating stuff?????

>half the players take a dislike to one specific player and proceed to block everything they do and try to kill their character

Try DMing through that mess

This is the tool I use to correct such situations.

I'd just ask the guy they don't like to leave, why are you keeping someone around that everyone else hates?

complicated online circlejerk issues

I had to ask an actual friend of mine to leave because he was an obnoxious rules lawyer and munchkin, I'm sure you can deal with the fallout from an online relationship.

Honestly if it were just up to me I'd tell people to just fucking try to roll a consistent 20 by planning the roll to hit an object, but for some reason people still insist it's possible so what the hell, even high rolls that touch something get rerolled.

I am this guy and I apologize.

I just get new memey ideas from time to time!

this guy hadn't done anything wrong though so nothing doing, he just wasn't part of their circle and they decided he needed to go

which also shits me

>munchkin

I will not assume this of you but in my experience, any one that has used the word munchkin to refer to another player has been an insufferable jerk.

It's only full Elves that do the meditation thing. Half-Elves sleep like people do.

And even so, sleeping and being knocked unconscious from trauma/blood-loss is different from sleeping. Even Elves can get cold-cocked and knocked out.

Next time this shit happens, just say that his body was forced into trance because of the trauma. That'll shut him up.

That time my 5 players all named their characters each other's real names. It was cute the first sessions, but by the time fourth session rolled around some random witch placed a curse on them that made it impossible for them to say it other's names, so they all had to come up with nicknames for each other. Two of them picked the same nickname

>Elf Dick
>Big

Ah, Dimitri, you tell joke! Is very funny.

I had a moderately experienced roleplayer do this to a noob once just because he was jealous of noob's character.

>Player trying to turn an inherently multiplayer only game into his personal singleplayer show
Pisses me both as a DM a player, really.

>Player makes a character somewhat unsuited to the campaign
>Weeks later, right when the party is bonding and about to undertake something vital
>"user, I want to swap characters. I know I've gotta work them into the story but I don't want to waste this next reward"

>Character has a good character, but in character they drift apart from the party as their goals misalign and choose to depart in order to play a new character
>They begin to play the new character, really getting into it more
>Party needs to do an investigation that their old character might know 1% more about than them
>"Let's track him down and bring him along! S, you don't mind leaving your new character behind and playing the old one again, right?"

It doesn't have to be big, just bigger than the other guys'.

> Player doesn't like his character
> Player commits suicide
> Player makes a new character
> Player doesn't like his character

and the cycle of of life and death continues

>Player
BRB rerolling.

This fucking shit right here.

I used to play with this guy who literally rolled continuously while it wasn't his turn until he got a 20. The worst part is it seems like I was the only person who noticed. I was just a player in this game, so I didn't want to be that guy to single somebody else out.

>player wants to play the same character in every game, no matter how out of place it is
>player facebooks during rp, munchkins during combat
>players wanting to cut secret deals to be way more powerful then the other players in every game

Druid player levels up, asks whats a good cantrip.

Tell him "Oh, guidance is great. basically a free d4 on any ability check out of combat whenever you need it and can reasonably cast it"
Doesn't see use of it immediately as he thinks mostly in combat, but quickly starts getting the fact its literally a free d4 on any non-instant skill check
Starts using it on instant things he wouldn't have time to cast, don't mind it too much though since its just skills. Actually proud someone is using spells for once.
Starts using it mid combats/in initiatives, give friendly reminder 'it is still a spell, costs your action if you're using it'
'oh.jpg'
Hasn't used it since.

I didn't want him to stop using it completely! Just to be more reasonable with it.
Spells aren't that hard to remember, are they?

>That Guy who makes their character Like Another Player's Character, But Better
Had one of those in my group for a while. He eventually pissed everyone off so much I had to kick him.

Tell him that he remains conscious, in too much pain to move, and because of that, his hit points fall into the negatives faster, because of the agonizing state of his body and his inability to escape it.

>"but cmon that had to be at least (however much more) damage"
Dying

Awwwwwww
>tfw you'll never have a waifu that remembers everything for you
feels bad man

I always roll on my character sheet. If it leaves the paper, it doesn't count.

Oh I played with one of these. Played someone with no arm, no arm or tongue, one leg, robot body with weak legs tipped with wheels and no arms, and a blind guy.

I'm sure there's more, but the just of it is he couldn't make any characters interesting so he made them non-humans or cripples.

He wants to be a writer.

So you're basically gently placing the dice on the table. How hasn't anyone called you out for cheating?

In earlier versions of Dungeons and Dragons, Barbarians also had the meditation/no sleep rule.

Arguing with me when I decide to nerf something. Game balance is my job and only my job.

what are you nerfing and why?

>Game balance is my job and only my job.
He's trying to tell you you're shit at it.

>in a group of 4 friends
>one of them insists that we should play a rpg together
>nobody wants to be the GM so I have to do it
>spend a lot of time learning the rules, crafting the characters and the scenario and making maps on roll20
>that guy ends up being extremely disruptive, doesn't bother to learn the rules, doesn't even try to understand what's going on, always goes for le epic fun xD actions, interrupts me with a shitty joke every time I explain him stuff for the nth time
>bitches because he takes a lot of damage, damage he could avoid if he didn't attack every NPC on sight or if he used his whole skillset instead of just basic attacks
>he hasn't even spent most of his xp and the mage is now beefier than his barbarian
>start calling out on that at the end of the session
>"Come on it's just a game xD"
>Yeah but you're ruining the fun for 3 people
>"Alright..."
>next session goes smoothly, that guy doesn't shit the game and actually puts a little effort in
>everyone is having fun except for that guy who is is obviously annoyed
>later, he tells everyone that he won't play rpgs anymore because "it's boring"
>the two other guys have to stop as well because of it

Just reducing the HP if the giant robot she stole early on her career. I'm rebalancing the HP values of the monsters in the Bestiary. Giant robot has too high HP compared to the other giant enemies.

>the giant robot I gave my player is too powerful
You fucking faggot. Maybe you shouldn't have given her a goddamn robot in the first place if it was going to be too strong?

And the worst part is, this kind of thought process encourages the players to roll play. If you're ever thinking about numbers as a GM, then you're WRONG. GMing is about STORY you dumb sack of shit, not a bunch of meaningless numbers.

How about instead of randomly adjusting all the mosnters HP upward (which hurts the other players, and punishes them FOR LITERELLY NO REASON) you come up with an in universe explenation? Maybe robots ARE MAD EOF MEDAL so they're tought than other things? Why don't you try adding a little bit of creativity instead of just fucking over your players?
tl;dr you suck flaming cock and are a dumb sack of shit

>How hasn't anyone called you out for cheating?
Because I never cheat?

K

Yeah that sounds like a dick move. If the robot is too strong (and how they got it being something you should have addressed earlier, largely through monetary (seriously what are the logistics on this thing, especially on repairs and maintenance) and visibility means), why not have enemies address it as being too strong.

Give them horribly inaccurate powerful weapons that are only useful against the thing they've known was coming weeks in advance that nobody would consider using against players (but they don't always need to know that).

Just saying hey that thing you have is now worse because I said so is a pretty shit way to balance things.

Ok

I did this only once, and it was because I overheard the other players saying they were just going to kill my character shortly after I joined.
When they tried I tricked one into killing the other, then killed him.

Sometimes a rose is a rose, mang.

>any one that has used the word munchkin to refer to another player has been an insufferable jerk.
Even in the context of making jokes about someone's lack of height?

People interrupting the DM
Phones out at the table
Not paying attention
Building characters you know are OP and will be disallowed.
Being chaotic randumb.

If everything is coming down, user, then the only loss is the big numbers the player is in love with, not actual use.
Fuck players like that.

My DM hates me because of the way I play
>Build decent ranged character in Dark Heresy
>Always run at enemy
>Use lasgun as a club constantly
>Somehow manage to always kill enemy
>start using some of my range skill so I can throw things
>Have two frags
>Throw boot
>Instakill
DM: "Why do you fucking do this?"

So you have good rolls/RFs?
Is Your GM forgetting about fix bayonets?

Probably, I think most of the time he just gets baffled by my assery.
>tfw at some point I lost both my hands
>get the medic to duct tape bayonets to my nubs
>I am Affix Bayonets Incarnate.

>Encounter a female npc
>That guy tries to chat her up out of no where because he has no female contact irl

*badassery

No, he had it right the first time.

>Taiwanese Basket Pornography

Wait user, this is a chance! Try to use female NPC to socialize That Guy! Reward normal behavior and punish deviant behavior. You'll Pavlov him into a functional member of society in no time.

Yeah that happened to me, once. The guy everyone hated was my best friend, and a better roleplayer than any of them. It was a difficult situation.

Just roll into a box.

I do the same. I don't care if it lands halfway on a fucking sheet of paper, if it's anything less than even flat surface you reroll, otherwise I wouldn't hear the end of "but it's flat enough!"

>join game
>DM tells me "it's 50-50 combat and social"
>cool, tell DM i'm making a Diviniation wizard
>make character with low CON score due to childhood sickness
>DM likes the character
>first session
>rest of the party is min-maxed powergaming faggots who just want to KILL KILL KILL
>tell DM my PC isn't built for combat
>DM shrugs
>first three sessions turn out to be 95% combat 5% social interaction
>tell DM my character isn't built for constantly fighting
>DM shrugs
>mfw

I'm so glad I got out of that game.

Well then stop playing favorites OP.

All dice that roll off the table is a 1.

That's retarded and game breaking. I roll while we're out of combat just for something to do with my hands, but I'd never pretend anything I rolled counted during that time. Fuck that guy.

Not doubting that is was a bad game. A bad game is a bad game.

Whenever a DM points out that it's "50-50" or split evenly between combat and social I hear an alarm go off. Even if they are sincere, it usually means that you'll have a social encounter for every combat encounter. Social encounters in most games consist of either pure roleplay and speaking, or they have a few rolls at most. Either way, they tend to be over after two to fifteen minutes, tops. Combat encounters, however, tend to last between thirty minutes to a couple hours, depending on the DM, group, and system. They also tend to have rolls and actions much more frequently. In the end, even if the campaign is split "evenly" between combat and social, the main form of engagement in that game will be the combat.

Depending on the level, system, and edition, you could probably turn a social divination wizard around into a good combatant. Focus on save or lose spells, stay out of melee, and be wary of archers. If you're starting out at level one, then you're still going to go through the standard wizard infancy of one to three spells per day until you hit lvl5 wizard puberty.

But do you at least use a mat or a dish towel or something so it's not so noisy?

>that faggot who plays with his dice when it's not his turn and constantly rolls it off the table, forcing us to stop game as he frantically searches for it.
>then once he finds it, he gets bored and plays with his dice, causing them to roll off the table again.
>Repeat

I love the guy but fucking hell, it gets annoying when you're loaning someone dice and they keep rolling it off the table whenever they're bored.

He's probably trying to subtly get you to narrate more, paint a prettier picture. He's clearly failing at the subtle part, and most likely at the getting you to narrate more part, but it's probably a noble goal given what you wrote.

I get the impression you don't really narrate anything other than "X does Y" type stuff, and some people (apparently him included) like a little bit of description to help set the scene. You should consider trying to add a little more of that sort of thing to your descriptions.

Try describing the next tavern door as a "sturdy oak door" or the walls of the next dungeon as "blocks of various sizes and types of stone mortared together" or some shit. You may find you like it.