So, from a mechanical viewpoint...

So, from a mechanical viewpoint, how do you go about fitting the Apparatus of Kwalisg with the homing torpedoes and Gatling guns it clearly so sorely needs?

Begin by switching to a different system.

You gonna add an FTL drive while you're at it?

Has anyone actually gotten one of these things in a game? There's never any stories about it, and I think it's kind of a shame for such a unique and iconic item.

Our gnome wizard did, over a decade ago, in another group. Used it for one adventure, but it sure did leave a weird and very cool impression.

One problem with granting the Apparatus of Kwalish more capabilities is that its ten control mechanisms (which, conveniently, fit on a d10 so you can roll at random for what button the PCs are pushing) fit the ten it already has, and figuring them out is a part of the charm. If you start adding swimming systems, torpedoes and sonar and whatnot it's going to be a cool technomagical submarine but in some senses it would no longer be the AoK.

There's also the fact that D&D doesn't have a drive/pilot skill by default (not does it really need one), and adding it to the game just to handle the operation of a single, rather obscure Wondrous Item seems like a bit of bad taste.

We got one of them in a previous campaign. We used it to go to the bottom of a lake and retrieve something, i can't remember what. Even though we had access to it we hardly ever used it because the campaign kept us away from large sources of water for the most part.

Then roll a d12 or d20 depending on how many things you add to it. Op is only asking for 2 new things so a d12 would work for that, if you add more features you'd have to use a d20.

Well, OP does have a point in that if you arm them to the teeth they become useful as general purpose battle mecha rather than just magic subs.

Of course, there's the question of whether you think D&D NEEDS a general purpose battle mecha.

How do you operate things like "torpedoes" and "a gatling gun" with a single button/lever each? The other ones on the AoK are all really specific - "extend/retract claws" or "open/close eyeholes", etc.

Yes. It was used to haul around a carriage on long journeys since it never gets tired, unlike a horse. However, since it was an all metal tub it got insanely hot so the PCs forced hirelings to drive it.

>fuck the torpedoes, add an "activate/deactivate internal temperature control" button

>fuck that, just make the peasants ride in the cursed thing

What about when you need to use it to descend into the unknowable depths of the Elemental Plane of Water to raid some marid's pearl palace?

>How do you operate things like "torpedoes" and "a gatling gun" with a single button/lever each?

11th lever fires torpedo forward. Flip the level again to reload.
12th lever turns on gatling gun. Flip the level again to turn off.

You make your servants clean it out so that you don't have to smell dirty peasant stink.

You escalated that pretty quickly

Probably wouldn't work very well since the Apparatus can't handle very high pressure. It can only dive to 900 feet before starting to take damage. Which is actually pretty impressive, as that is higher than the maximum diving depths of most modenr submarines not specifically built for deep sea diving.
It's still nothing compared to the average depth of the ocean, and since the elemental plane of water has literally infinite water depths (it's water in all directions), you'd definitely count as being below 900 feet.

How do you like that?

Well, so long as you intended for it to be so ludicrously, stupidly, retardedly powerful, I suppose that's your business.

>Actual statistics for a combat submarine
Now I want to put the Land-Nautilus in my game.

I feel like there's a missed opportunity somewhere here to involve a pair of "periscopes" shaped like the lobster's eyes. Maybe give up one of the less useful levers (like the lightshow?) and include something of that sort?

What kind of retarded as combat submarine has torpedoes that outrange its own sensors by 400 ft.? What are those last 400 supposed to be good for? Firing into the underwater darkness?

>giant metal combat submarine lobster with a bigass lightning beam in its mouth
Is that an Atlantis: The Lost Empire reference?

How close do YOU want to get to a kraken?
Honestly, there's some point at which you just don't miss a target that big.

Well, the lightning beam's good for basically nothing but. It's pretty much an artillery weapon.

I'd have personally replaced it with some kind of rapid-firing/automatic weapon to defend against smaller combatants, but I understand how cumbersome this whole deal is already without having to also make up rules for automatic weapons to go with it.

Surely, there exists a middle ground between the AoK's "moderately useful in all but a few extremely specific circumstances" and a an invisible, self-regenerating, castle vaporizing tank that pisses potions of cure disease?

It's probably more practical to add some sort of teleporting or plane shifting feature from a rules standpoint if you ask me

Always wanted a mechanical dragon. Never got one, a wagon/sailing ship/flying ship/teleportation always ended up being more practical.

I just remember them being an Order unit in HoM&M 4 which you'd never pick because they were an alternative to titans.

It's the elemental plane of water, not high pressure ice. It probably has funky gravity to prevent that.

It does, according to the DMG. Only real way you can have a whole universe of nothing but water and it's not all pitch black with literally infinite pressure.

The elemental plane of water actually has a surface and a bottom in some areas now

What's above the surface?

Elemental plane of air.

>homing torpedoes and Gatling guns
So a wand of magic missle?

Never so boring.

Magic missiles are too short range and don't explode nicely.