The paladin calls a babysitting service while she goes out praying with the girls...

I was thinking of some practicies of Judaism actually

>"Praying"

Also Mormons, though I think they're sorta flexible on a lot of them.

Seems legit.

>B. She's evils and is doing the dumbest, most Saturday morning cartoon tier plan ever. This also isn't a problem because she's going to end up following the kiddy cartoon formula of bumbling her kidnapping attempt and being foiled by the kids, while the Paladin remains oblivious until the end of the episode.
>literally the end of The Incredibles

Cast Detect Evil.
Then give her smite or payment as appropriate.

ugh, Mormon here. as far as we are concerned prayer is between you and god. It doesn't require other people and you can do it anywhere. I pray all the time. I'm praying right now because i have a final in an hour, and i'm alone and nowhere near a church.

>"out praying with the girls"
Sure thing, evildoer.

>filename
lost

> immigrant
The word is spelled "infiltrator".

Your naivety disgusts me.

Paladin is clearly a Paladin of Slaughter. "Going out praying with the girls" - clearly means some ceremony you can't have at home, nor take kids to (sacrifice at the temple?). And "girls" is an obvious reference to the female priests - in service of the Lloth, since Paladin clearly wasn't bothered by the drow babysitter. Needless to say, drow babysitters aren't common among surface-dwellers.

The only source of confusion (light-skinned kids) is resolved, if you remember about szarkai. And this perfectly explains obviously homicidal behaviour of the kids: one is trying to strangle the babysitter, the other attempts to bring her down from behind, while the third hides itself, secretly preparing to strike at the best moment.

And you missed one important detail: babysitter's green eyes. And not just uncharacteristically green, but solid green. The babysitter is almost definitely not a drow, but a doppelganger who is losing control over it's shape in a life-and-death struggle with the kids, whose murder-instincts had just kicked in.

Intentions of the doppelganger are obvious, as long as you remember that kids are szarkai: it's a kidnapping. Moreover, due to kidnappers incompetence, mother-Paladin has a good chance of finding only mutilated corpse of the babysitter, when she comes back.

But who would send such an incompetent kidnapper? Judging by the preparations (arranging doppelganger as a babysitter), it was hardly a decision made on the spot. This means, that incompetence (and eventual demise) of the doppelganger were intentional.

This is a frame-up.

See? Situation is obvious, but you invent some retarded drow that didn't get herself sacrificed to Kek for Lulz and goes to babysit kids of some surface paladin that can't even pray to god alone.

Disgusting.

"...Julia, that was a girl you left with your kids, right?"

"What? That was obviously a boy, Lina!"

"Femmiest boy I've ever seen, then!"

"Flattest girl I've ever seen, then!"

"...Are we going to go back and ask?"

"Yes, yes we are. Kids are probably tearing the poor...thing apart anyway."

They are like this

I'm gonna play a Half-Drow like this one day, just need the right setting and class

Not prayer, just other rituals. Like blessing the sacrament, or the president-first counselor-second counselor triumvirate.

I was never the best Mormon, though, so I never paid super close attention to the rules.

Perfect.
Nothing is better for containing the rampant destruction children bring than someone evil and disposable.

Holy shit I cannot stop laughing at this.

Oh, I was a little concerned the first time Llauren came over to watch my kids too, but she really is a sweetheart. The kids adore her and she's just so darn grateful for the work that I've made her my regular babysitter.

>Detect evil
>Not pinging

Quite sure she's legit.

That's really cute.

I propose we call our babysitting drow refugee Mar'iam

>Cousin Niko'lai the surface world is full of terrible monsters!
>Was hired to watch children while parents were away, thought would be easy to deal with small surface females
>Soon as mother walked out door small children began running around house like little spiders
>Could not watch children if not all in same room, mother would flay me alive and feed innards to spiders!
>Tried to chase small surface females, but small surface females laughed and ran faster!
>Chased and chased, finally caught one! Small surface female laughed and squealed, and the others fell upon me like spiders!
>One female pulled on my hair, other hid under my coat! All small females laughed squealed and and ran! They never stopped!
>At end of day, parents came back and found me collapsed on floor with small ones sleeping around!
>Thought they would flay me for sure, instead paid highly and said good job was done!
>If that job was good, then what is bad job?!
>Small surface females are terrible monsters!

On one hand, that's a surprisingly detailed view of the situation from a proper drow's perspective.
On the other, you posted a dunmer.

>Dunmer not Drow

Pfft user Pfft

>PC's children

You're going to need a lot more than a fucking drow.

Hey, gladiators fought in crazier shit. I mean, sure, those fights were mostly for showmanship, but they were still in danger.

Ever since the first time I read this, I've either wanted to add an NPC, play a character, or make a recurring duo of Slavdrow refugees.

I've wanted a recurring theme to be that the female drow, after helping repel some attack/plot against a village, proceeded to complimentary declare 'everybody in the room, you fight like women!' during the celebratory drinking and carousing afterward, proceeding to give her one of the best bar brawls she'd ever experienced.

She's since repeatedly done this in about every tavern that doesn't know her yet.

"Hey Xan. Moonlighting as a nanny again?"
>"I shall remember these small injustices, woman."
"Sure. Din-dins is in the pantry, the skirt is on my bed."
>"Can we PLEASE skip the skirt?"
"No."

I am not exactly sure I get this bit of text, is the drow wearing the skirt and does not want to? Is the drow a boy? Not exactly sure.

>pedophile's death cult
also known as a religion

And never come back.

>Thinking eldershits darknesses are superior

user you could have just told us you had shit tastes.

Dunmer are the best elves of that setting to be honest. Well I guess the orcs are also there as well

Orcs are literal shit elves.

And that tells you something about the other elves when they're the best version doesn't it?

Nah, it's gotta be a full Drow. Only a full drow who's only heard of the sun in rumors could be this ignorant.

>>/pol/
pls go bk.

this ain't r/atheism.

Prove him wrong

>paladin
What sort of Paladin lives in 'Straya?

You forgot
C. She can't escape her upbringing, and lacking for the constant discipline in the Underdark, feeds her masochism by babysitting rotten little asshole shit machines who dedicate their entire waking lives to fucking up everything within their reach, which exceeds their grasp.

This.
This type of situation should never be an issue because Paladins are given tools specifically to deal with this exact sort or uncertainty.

find me an organized religion that hasn't had, at one time or another, pedos and death cults

Wicca

I actually played a half-drow once. It was a LN(later went full LG) Monk who started the campaign as the butt monkey for the DM. DM hated my monk with a passion for the first month of adventuring. Then he pulled a "Vampire crits the monk for 80 points of damage out of fucking nowhere" at level 2. He realized he fucked up when the entire party pitches in their dungeon loot to get the monk rezzed, because his whole "thick-russian accent, wise sage that gives amazing advice in broken common" thing was pretty endearing to the party.

He ended up becoming the party's mascot and most memorable character after surviving 2 real-life years of adventuring(8 years of IC time).

>which exceeds their grasp
You mean like how those "sour" berries elude yours user?

You mean Grapes user. It were grapes in that story.

>while she goes out praying with the girls
kek

I had a player who was constantly doing just this.
They would detect evil and base their every reaction on this single spell.
So I had it ping a corrupt guard who they proceeded to slaughter in broad daylight in the middle of the town square.
Half the town was burning and the party were standing atop a pile of corpses before they were finally brought down and the session ended on a tpk.
Cue Murderhobo Bitching that I was being unfair.

/pol/ isn't an argument

Individuals Muslims might be alright but Islam is a pedo's death cult.

Grapes are berries.

>the religion of childless cat ladies isn't inherently about dying without continuing life

memberberries

The only member of the party with children is a traitorous Drider who adopted two girls.
She's going to be on guard and hesitant about letting a Drow look after her children, knowing full well what they are capable of.
But if this is a trick, well, she hasn't tasted Drow flesh in quiet some time.

And if it isn't a trick, well she hasn't tasted Drow flesh in quite some time either.

When you think about it, a drow would actually make a damned good babysitter if you could somehow earn their trust/loyalty and drive home the point that kids generally like being fed at least once a day and tend to react rather poorly to vicious beatings and/or spider baths over small transgressions. In the end you'd have a strict nanny that will not only ensure everything goes smoothly and teach your kids manners, but will happily mutilate the absolute shit out of any would be kidnappers.

>but a doppelganger who is losing control over it's shape in a life-and-death struggle with the kids, whose murder-instincts had just kicked in.

You keep making these threads. I'm not trying to say "hurr gb2rebbit" but Reddit has all sorts of places where you can write prompts like this. This isn't traditional game discussion so it doesn't really belong here. You'd have an easier time with these kinds of posts elsewhere if you'd take the time to search.

t. Buzzkill

Dunmer actually has some pretty great lore for that setting. They certainly feel less silly than the Drow, despite having a god that weaponised the penis of another god.

This sort of shit has been here since Warhammer Wednesdays on /b/ . Saint Moot declared it Not Relevant To His Interests and ignored it. Get over it.

I live in Belarus and I'm kinda triggered

You ARE the father!

Ends exactly like your pic, OP.

My fucking sides... Jesus Christ, this is killing me

Dwemer and Dunmer are literally the best elves in all kind of fiction and there is no contesting that. They manage to hit a perfect middle between being mysterious and exotic but at the same time feeling like an actual civilization.

Can wicca qualify as organized religion? Not trolling, sincere question.

...

It's a shame that official TES lore has all been downhill ever since TES3.

They also got BtfO by Argonians.
And lets not forget that the Argonians counter-invaded Oblivion and set up towns because Black Marsh is a fucking hole.

Yeah, but no one cares about them.

You assume it's just one user

I am Russian and I'm kinda amused.

find me a country that hasn't had pedos and murder

Andorra.

>Fun read
>Sudden, a wild Charlotte posting appears

>Your next campaign is now a fantasy version of the "Baby-Sitters Club" YA book series.

>It mostly consists of baby-sitting the sometimes literally monstrous children of the local heroes when they go off on shopping trips, date-nights and globe-trotting adventures.

>When not baby-sitting, the PCs are dealing with their own pre-teen drama and, perhaps unsurprisingly, the strange occurrences and minor threats that tend to pop up around town.

There's plenty of murder in andorran history.

>Islam is a pedo's death cult.
Going to re-iterate what the other user said. That is every organized religion.

Show me in buddhist texts where child fucking is ok.

I'm sure there are some. Unlike the whole monotheistic Moses-derived shite, Buddhist texts have no real canon, so you can just pick and chose whatever the fuck you want.

>Taking care of the Terrible Tiefling Triplets and trying to fend off the awakened rats flooding out of the basement all while trying to study for your big midterm exam the next day.

I'd play it.

Where's the father?

>drow babysitter
>Paladin comes back, finds her son tied up and being beaten by the daughter as the drow laughs and chants praises to their spidergoddess.
>the daughter stops listening to the father screaming that the baby sitter told her that males are inferior
>even a year after they keep finding dangerous spiders throughout the house because the husband turned down her advances.
Weird shit user, weird shit
>buddhist texts
that's an oxymoron user
the dharma has explicit statements of Siddhartha saying at some point fuck off this religion won't teach you everything you got to do it yourself.
and people only deciding to write things down much later.

Also
i should say that despite the "every religion is a pedo death cult"
most of them don't have a legitimate pedo as their example of perfect humanity, nor as much of an adoration of warrior-maytrs as Islam does.

Away on Clerical business.

>islam apologists
Literally worse than mudslimes themselves

then that wouldn't really be the dharma would it?
I mean Buddhism is a pretty permissive religion, just that all "sinning (for lack of a better word)" just slows your progress down and if you want to reach enlightenment you'd need to give that shit up.
But no one, successful to the level of islam atleast has ever written enlightenment can only be achieved through sex without consent let alone children

He's in paris

> implying there's any actual difference between a religion and a cult

inb4euphoriafedoria

>That is every organized religion.
Bit of a difference between one ring of priests and what's going on in Britain, Germany, etc right now.

Not to mention child marriage and so in in the countries they rule. I don't think Vatican City has done that yet.

>in buddhist texts
Who cares what the text says? The issue is what the actual members of the religion do.

I mean, the leaders of Drow societies are all super moms. It makes sense that they'd be able to raise successors. Worst case scenario: the kids are trying to secretly kill each other to make sure they get the eventual inheritance.