The DM whispers into your ear

>The DM whispers into your ear

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youtube.com/watch?v=rPC6328ulVM
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>the player slips her hand between your thighs

>everyone is fucking their neighbour on the floor

>"Diddily doo-dong tick-tock"

...

Good news, you might have the autism

>he leans in and places on your shoulder a fat, unwashed hand covered in grease, sweat, chips dust and god knows what else
>smell of body odor and shit engulfs you and overwhelms your senses, almost inducing vomitng immediately
>his obese acne-ridden face, deformed and disgusting even by itself, is so close to your ear it's sickening
>when he opens his mouth, even wider than for breathing, you have to hold your breath to not faint. small drops of saliva fly from his maw, lined with uneven piss-yellow teeth, almost landing on your clothes and head
>he whispers horrible descriptions of depravity, his stuttering making it almost comical, if the situation wasn't so absolutely revolting
>finally, he leans back and tells you words that signify that the end of this nightmarish experience is near
>"roll f-fortitude"
>trying not to drop your dice on the floor of his monstrous den, you roll your tiny red icosahedron
>"you f-failed, roll for anal circumference"
>this is too much. panicked, you grab your things and run like hell, desperately trying to keep your tattered mind together
>the door is locked. you hear loud footsteps behind you and feel the floor tremble with each of them
>a massive yet short figure partially eclipses the light behind you, casting a shadow on the door
>afraid to turn around, you stand there, paralyzed, gripping the handle so hard your knuckles turn white
>"we'll f-finish this g-game"
>and just like this, the last shreds of your sanity are blown away, and only the laughter of madness is left inside your mind before you collapse on the dusty, creaking floor of the basement. the basement of autism

>hail hydra

Okay, this seems like an oportunity to tell you how i got together with my boyfriend.

>have male best friend who's totally into Veeky Forums stuff.
>hang out much, have never played DnD before though.
>so he introduces me to his group
>we have a really long marathon that went over 2 days
>ingame, my character split up with the group
>at one point my character meets an npc, but the other players were not supposed to know what the npc has to tell me
>GM leans over to me to whisper into my ear
>i'm not allowed to tell anybody, the information he's about to tell me - also, i have to keep my pokerface, i'm just allowed to reply with yes or no.
>He asks me for a date.

We're dating for almost a year now.

>The DM whispers into your ear
hail hydra

This would make a great Lovecraft story.

>The Thing With The Dice

Way to friendzone the first guy, you ungrateful bitch.

> I'd give you a re-roll on that throw, but oh geeez, I seem to have a reeaally dry penis.

nice trips

The First guy and the GM are the same guy, I think.

i indeed friendzoned him way before that event, though, he's fine with it.

they're not

Spot-on impression of a /r9k/ poster!

No one's ever fine with it. He's either lying to you or to himself.

Oh. Oh well.

Sounds like his problem then.

...

well he's still my best friend to this day, and one of my boyfriends best friends as well. i don't think he'd still be friends with us if he wasn't okay with it.

Oh my sweet summer child...

youtube.com/watch?v=rPC6328ulVM

yes, and?

>The DM licks your toes

>everybody fucks the dinosaur

I lol'd

I also lol'd here

This is why we got rid of quests right?

>Taste the rainbow

Or

>You have to eat all the eggs

>This is why we got rid of quests right?
No, it was because some people got really upset when there were fewer than ten threads on the front page after applying filters.

But the user, the generals are still here.

I think you might be projecting

Oh goodness I wish he would. My DM is uncomfortably attractive and super nice. I've started inventing reasons to be there before the game begins and he still hasn't taken the hint. Like, no I really dont need to show up 45 minutes before to make nachos for everyone and yes i'm going to do it because you like them. I bought veggie platters before you said that, guess why I switched!? Damn it.

You know what you must do, right?

Maybe you're just ugly. Or fat. Or ugly and fat. Or a faggot. Or he's a faggot. Or he's occupied.

>be fat
>fail seduction rolls

You brought this on yourself. Maybe if you made something healthier than fucking nachos you wouldn't be in this predicament.

I'm sorry, you've been friendzoned.

Then fucking ask him out.
Jesus.
man the fuck up

People will never ever ever take the hint, you have to be direct.

But then if things don't work out it will be awkward and it will never be the same and you'll drift apart, no matter what people say to the contrary.

Only you can decide if you want to roll those dice.

"I'm doing nothing, and still nothing has changed!!! Grrrr why isn't it working?!?!?!" t. you, dummy.

No, thats never an option. OK, its an option, but like, not unless I want to go to jail. What i'm saying is maybe.

Yeah, I'm hella ugly. Like, "two sides of a barn door" ugly. But i'm not fat, I've made sure of that. I got to know this group through work because we all use the gym next door.

Oh shucks, you're so right. Maybe if I just ate better all my dreams would come true and the man of my dreams would realize how wonderful my personality is.

Thats it, next week its back to veggie platters and rice-thins.

yeeepppp, the work christmas party is coming up soon, with an open bar. And my outfit is on point. All the cards are now in my favor.

No sarcasm, I just might. Thanks for the encouragement even if it was a little backhanded (looking at you )

pshhhhhhh, you be quiet. I'm seducing. Very poorly but still better then your mom (oooooooohhhhhhh!!! Burn!)

I say roll them. Holding a torch for someone that doesn't reciprocate your feelings is for redditors and /r9k/ faggolas.

Just remember user, if your eyecolor is brown, and his is blue, please stop yourself there.

I can't abide you pulling a man away from Papa Hitler's vision.

>Like, "two sides of a barn door" ugly
I'm curious, but this isn't /soc/ so I can't ask for a pic, for a variety of reasons.

Could you describe why you're ugly? Is this "Boo Hoo I'm so uggo ;c", or legitimately ugly?

I can tell by your writing alone that you have a shit personality.

Maybe he's afraid to make a move because he has no self confidence and is slowly dying inside daily because he thinks he's a waste of oxygen and wishes he'd pass in his sleep.

Also what does projection mean anyways? I don't think I'm too clear on that

Jesus christ I think I know why this guy's been ignoring your hints

>check my digits

No, he's right, nobody is ever fine with it. If you can shrug it off, you weren't seriously interested, you were just putting out feelers. Which is the smart thing to do, it spares a lot of upset. People who were really seeking a romantic relationship with a specific person, and are rejected (however gently, for whatever good reasons) are going to have some getting over it to do.

It's a matter of emotional investment. If you've made one, you take a loss.

Stop hinting and be overt. Unless you're enjoying the chasing more than you think you'll enjoy the catching.

You don't get to call your own burns. If it's actually good, a third party will make that exclamation for you.

>Save or die.

Jokes on you! My eyes are green. And once again, the mudbloods unnerve the pure.

ehhhh, I'm like a solid 5ish, maybe a 6 when I work it and dont mess up the eyeliner. The main issue is i'm just shy of 6 ft tall which is great in theory until you start dating. I'm under no illusions that I will ever be a model.

I'm basically here to make your life better. You know that dont you?

Babe, you just need to roll the dice and take a chance. Reach out to him/her. you can do this.

ohhhhh, you think? I wasn't afraid of that but wow that fear just crept up on me.

I think I can do that.

You dont get to call me on me calling my burns. If you were good you'd flip it into a double burn and a third party would gasp.

>i'm just shy of 6 ft tall
And how tall is the guy you're after?

A beautiful 6.5ish. Maybe 6.4.

You sound obnoxious. No surprise he's ignoring your "hints".

>I whisper in my own ear

>It's free real estate

>Jokes on you! My eyes are green. And once again, the mudbloods unnerve the pure.

You know what, I was rooting for you until that point, but these user's are right. You are awful, and dude is probably just hoping you get the hint and give up.

I hope you walk come by early one day and see a much nicer girl walking out with sex hair.

>ou sound obnoxious. No surprise he's ignoring your "hints".

Oh my goodness, i wish he would be more direct! Only he can decide if he wants to roll those dice. No one else has that power.

Now, I hate women myself, so I get it, but this user isn't really striking me as obnoxious or shitty in those ways you're describing.

Not really sure where all this is coming from.

You do realize that if he doesn't want to, he will not, and your whining is absolutely pointless?

Why you got to do me like this user? I thought you had my back. You came to my sister's wedding and this is how you repay me?

But that actually sounds more like his roommate to me. He's kind of a player. But he also volunteers at a homeless shelter so like, I want to hate him but I can't.

The mudblood thing seems pretty obnoxious and shitty.

It's the location, swarming with faggots at all times of the year. I mean, I'd thought you'd have noticed, as part of the fucking swarm and all.

im not even sure if this is bait or not. how can you not just look at your own posts and realize how cringy you sound. This guy can probably recognize a potato wyvern when he's seen one and has taken the wise option of just ignoring you until you give up

That seems like a joke, user.

I've been exploring /soc/ for the first time in days, and let me tell you this user is ranking VERY low on that obnoxious scale, after I've observed that.

Pardon me I wrote that all fucky.

I mean to say I've been exploring /soc/ for the first time ever the last few days*

No, i dont think you understand. If I want it, I can have it. If I want it more then someone else the obviously its mine right? I mean isn't that how the world works?

Im not sure if this is a burn or brilliant social commentary and it makes me feel less smart by proxy.

Wait, you didn't get the whole Green eyed/ mixed race heritage joke? I'm sorry dude.

You're going to have to specify, I said alot and like, a full third of it was sarcasm.

and if potato wyvern means what I think it means i'm totally stealing that. This was not sarcasm FYI

Thanks user. I appreciate that. Whats /soc/ all about? I honestly only go on here and /ic/

Well compared to the degenerates on /soc/ we're all basically saints, but that's no reason to lower our standards all at once.

It's hard to gauge tone here some times, thanks to /pol/ and counter /pol/ posts. Also how do greeneyes denote mixed race heritage?

Either badly written bait or shitty personality. Hopefully the former, because we need less bitches.

/soc/ is for hooking up and camwhore threads where autistic boys get boners for girls and then dox them affectionately.

Also slut threads

>Whats /soc/ all about?
It's a shitty place full of vapid people and teenagers. Everyone there types like they're retarded.

I wouldn't recommend it.

That was more exaggeration on my point than anything, the /soc/ bit I mean. I see no basis for thinking user's a shit, aside from the fact that she's a girl.

(pic related is the closest thing I could find to a Veeky Forums related facepalm)

Honestly I dont know. It seemed like a good comeback at the time. I'm mostly dutch so I guess I should have blue eyes? Buttt... I dont. And he didn't talk about green eyes so I thought I could pull a racially charged fast one. Then he got angry. Such is life.

You see, now I want to go in full tourist mode then never admit to it. Let me turn on incognito mode.

Nahhh, we need like 40% more bitches.Bitches get stuff done.

Yeah. I'm not even going to make fun of them or anything. It's actually just sad.

mostly the writing style is striking me as really attention seeking. its like the poster is trying really hard to be funny in a way that makes it seem like they just got out of school. (using brackets for no reason is douchey as fuck especially to call your own burn). also writing out personal responses for anyone who replies to them isn't doing the attention seeking theory any favors. none of this means the poster is a bad person or anything, i just don't think they are as charming as they think they are; or at all really

What did you expect? This is yet another attention whore that doesn't even realize what a piece of shit they are. The best response would be ignoring it.

Is your player playing Jester Thomas?

alright, you've made your point. good night.

I'm a guy and I write responses to people who respond to my posts. This is Veeky Forums, it's not all image posting and non-conversation.

Also I disagree, I've seen much more attention-seeky posts over the course of the 5 or 6 years I've been here, and there's really nothing here to indicate what you're saying.

>"Poleece that moo-stache."
>It's an Only War campaign

Its meant to be a a teifling pirate, I hung it up on the fridge to encourage the little scamp

Look man im not the guy thats been hurling abuse at whoever the poster is, maybe its just their sense of humor clashing.