Dungeons and Dragons

>doing some dumbass DnD campaign with my friends
>Im the healer cus I like being gay
>At some point I'm disguised as one of the enemy wizards, something about a cult I don't remember too well
>My friends are my "prisoners"
>Incounter other cult wizards
>They aren't buying the whole "i'm one of you" shit
>Talking doesn't seem to be working
>I decide to rough up one of the "prisoners" to show I'm one of them
>Roll to punch one of my friends
>Natural fucking twenty
>He was left with 1 HP
>MFW

But did the evil wizards believe you?

they thought I was retarded but yes

it was totally worth it

It's fine then, you could totally heal him after. Forever will he be known to have received the holy healer's bitchslap.

>NATURAL
>FUCKING
>TWENTY

too bad he loves screaming at me c:

Another story from the same campaign for fun

>We're all fighting this heavily armored motherfucker
>We are getting our asses whipped
>Im keeping everyone fine HP wise
>It's my turn and everyone is at full health because I'm a great fucking healer when I'm not knocking teeth out of my friends
>I don't have any attack spells that are working so, like the fucking genius I am, to throw a rock at it
>Roll to pick up and then throw nearby boulder
>GM is loving this shit
>Low and behold I roll a
>NATURAL
>FUCKING
>TWENTY
>I NAIL THAT MOTHERFUCKER IN THE FACE
>BITS OF ARMOR FLYING OFF THIS BITCHBOY
>HE FALLS AND LAYS DOWN IN SHOCK WHILE ME AND MY FRIENDS LAUGH OUR FUCKING ASSES OFF
>I am the best healer

Acolyte Grendel: Fantasy Edition

>"roughing up" someone is a regular attack
>A rulebook peasant dies whenever a rulebook fighter-type tries to "rough him up"
Super shit DM detected. Kill him and assume his place immediately.

This was actually the second game he ever DMed, the first one (which was my first DnD game ever) is a story on it's own. Friendships ruined. Unrivaled harassment. So much screaming. It was the best.

it was almost certainly just for a giggle mate. Probably fit the tone of the game. If the player wasn't okay with it he could kick up a fuss and if the GM kept pushing for an attack roll then it would be a shit GM. but since the player is posting the story i think it's safe to assume it was just a funny call by the GM.

But the character he roughed up was not a peasant, it was A PC. "Roughing up" in this context was also just a punch.

Super shit reader detected.

ITT: Shit that never happened.

Alright this will take awhile to type out but here is the story of my first DM game, this is part 1

>I'm a super excited little fucking faggot
>DM is usually a player and this was his first time DMing
>We also had a tank, who did a lot of DnD along with playing games such as WoW and other gay shit like that
>Also we had a mage, this was his first game as well
>Mage is a major dick
>Like the kind of dick that goes on roblox to bully little children
>(fun fact friend that I punched in the first story is this mage)
>I made myself a super serious and angsty rogue because I wanted this to be a super serious roleplaying experience because I was a faggot
>Tank was surprisingly, a dick as well
>I can't remember what he was in particular so I'm just calling him "Tank"
>Our Mage wants to be called Sven
>Whatever you think of when you think of a guy who hates swedish people doing a swedish accent is what Sven sounded like the entire time
>Not that he was racist I'm just trying to give you an idea of what this motherfucker sounded like
>In this version of the game which wasn't as complicated because we had two newbies playing you could make your own spells
>Mage loses his fucking mind when creating his spells
>One was the power to, I shit you not, summon lightbrights
>He could also summon couches and would lay on them while me and our tank "fought"
>and by "fought" I mean instead of using his weapons or even his fists, he used me
>this motherfucker would grab me and either throw me at enemies or just straight up use me as a blunt object
>I screamed a lot
>At both of them
>Needless to say the game was going terribly
>Thoughout this motherfucker you could just see the life and hope drain from our DM's eyes
>he was so excited for this
>I was so excited for this
>I think our DM lost a decade of his life to stress during this game

Part 2

>Our Dm was trying so hard to keep us on track of the story but
>I didn't know what I was doing
>Our Tank was out for blood, both the blood of every npc he could find along with our blood irl
>Our mage wanted to be Sven
>so many hopes and dreams were lost in this campaign
>and by so many I mean the hopes and dreams of me and our DM
> we met like once a week for a few hours
>I don't think we ever accomplished anything though
>the DM screamed at us when my two companions refused to continue with the storyline after a half hour of doing nothing
>and by doing nothing I mean harassing each other
>I cannot begin to describe the rift this game causes in the friendship of our DM and our tank
>it was nothing but mindless bullshit, Sven talking in 3rd person(he did that the whole game btw forgot to mention that), and my rogue being used like a blunt object
>Our tank was like an alcoholic abusive father, npcs were his wife and children, and I was his bloodied baseball bat
>This game didn't go on long though
>At some point the DM snaps
>he starts screaming at all of us for a long ass time
>our tank is heckling him as much as possible
>our Dm gets up and leaves
>after this our tank just kinda breaks contact with our friend group
>I haven't seen the guy in a year and a half now
>He doesn't even get on WoW anymore
>Which I should mention is a big fucking deal cus this guy was your typical obsessive WoW player that spent a third of his life raiding
>so like I'm 70% sure the guy is legit dead if he hasn't played WoW in that long
>our DM had like borderline PTSD over this shit
>I still don't know how we got him to do another game
>our first campaign was never finished
>neither was our second
>sounds horrible but it's funny to laugh about after all these years

anyway those are all of my DnD stories

OH SHIT I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT BOth OF THESE CAMPAIGNS WERE FUCKING MLP CAMPAIGNS

...

I'm glad I looked at this image before reading any of the greentext, thank you brojojo.

OP comes off as edgy and gay. Didn't read, kys

Oh gosh boys do I have a story for you

>Playing a wizard, fighting some goblins and dragons and shit
>Fighter tries to cast fist, but he's out of spells for the day
>Notice the figher is in trouble. I throw my fireball at his enemy
>NATURAL
>FUCKIGN
>TWENTY
>MFW my fireball crits all the dragons and kills their asses
>Blood and shit got cut off the dragon's punk ass
>Thus began the legend of fireball wizard
>MFW I went back to town and bought 20 more fireballs

You know, it could just be some other user just using the name. If this was about talking horses, then he wouldn't have used 'mage' or the name 'sven'