Cadi-A-OK

Greetings Guardsmen,

Today’s news comes from Cadia, where everything is fine, and where you’ll be redeployed to with immediate effect.

As many of you know, Cadia is the fortress world of the Cadian Gate - a shining bastion of light that stands sentinel over the best warp route for light-years around.

It watches over the Ocularis Terribus, also known as the Eye of Terror - so named as those inside are all terrified to turn their eyes towards the Imperium and Cadia, for fear of the righteous wrath that would fall upon them were the Imperium ever to deem them worthy of destruction.

Occasionally, particularly brave or foolish fleets have been known to tentatively spill from the Eye of Terror and then, in a panic, attack Cadia. To this date, they have never succeeded in breaching the iron defences of the world, and they never will.

We have recently received word that such a fleet is inbound to Cadia, likely another fragmentary rabble of degenerates and traitors. You are being shipped to Cadia, as such an invasion represents a unique chance to witness the glorious Cadian armed forces in battle, and not in any way because they need reinforcing.*

You are being sent there to witness and learn from such visionary commanders as, Lord General Troskzer, Knight Commander Pask, and maybe even the legendary Major Lord Castellan Creed. Over 1,000 other regiments, several Space Marine Chapters and a dozen Imperial Knight households will be joining you for this learning opportunity.

So, in summary. Everything is fine on Cadia. You’re being deployed there immediately, but that is great, because everything is fine and you might get to meet a Hero of the Imperium.

Thoughts for the Day:
'Cadia Stands! It will stand until the Eye burns cold.'
- Major Lord Castellan Creed**

*Though you will be required to take part in potentially deadly combat situations
**Paraphrased for dramatic effect.

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I'd like to know more.

You'll receive further briefing on the spot, guardsman. Get in the fucking transport.

There's, like, a less-than-1% chance any of us will get hurt, right?

I mean, the situation's under control, is my understanding?

oh shit boys

The Cadians are throwing a party

>a Hero of the Imperium.

Cain too?

I mean he said over 1000 regiments who in their right mind wouldn't send Gaunt aswell? Is the commissar dream team becoming cannon?

You morons have a 25% chance to hurt yourself when cleaning your lasguns, that's why you all are going to carefully watch and learn the deal from Cadians.

their previous "you're being deployed to cadia" articles were better, I think

HIGH LORDS
Yes, My Emperor?
ABADDON IS ON THE MARCH.
BRING ME 5 COMMISSARS WITH ATTITUDE!

Wait why would they send us? Does Cadia even have a fucking jungle? Or forests for that matter

>Wait why would they send us?
Questioning authority? That's a poor attitude and grounds for discipline.

...
...
.........

You were born to shoot not question battle strategy

I recommend to learn to read more carefully, guardsman.
>You are being sent there to witness and learn from such visionary commanders as, Lord General Troskzer, Knight Commander Pask, and maybe even the legendary Major Lord Castellan Creed.

Even with that the Catachan is kinda right both of our regiments barely use heavy armor so I fail to see how a tank commander could teach us something.

Soldier. Look at the people who issued the order.
They fought in countless conflicts and wars, and apparently fought brilliantly enough to get promoted to such high posts.
Now, you. Where you were? Wait, I remember, the uprising of posessed discilavators in Polovia. And you think you know enough to argue with your generals and lords.

>*Though you will be required to take part in potentially deadly combat situations
No worries, if happen I will ensure best tactics for guardsmen!

I dunno about this, milord.
How's a fleet of ships supposed to sail in the sky anyways?

...so what are you people thinking?

Didn't you hear they found a new jungle and airdrop lemen Russ variants last week

It's funny because the Emperor as a giant disembodied holographic head makes perfect sense

I havent trusted the generals since that little accident with the Scilitan Fusiliers

I dunno, space WWI stuff i guess

Some of You Guys are Alright, Don’t go to Cadia Tomorrow.

So long, chaos spass mahreens

What...what if we defect? Do we still get to live? Does my 401k and life insurance transfer? How about the benefits?

Cadia will be Krieg II

Dumb heresyposter

you Dark Apostles don't even understand the meaning of Chaos, you just look like some fucking imperial priests

Fucking Beta

>Psst, on the DL it's actually an ongoing siege against the most abominable of traitors. Casualties are estimated to be total. Don't tell the other regiments as they are morally weak. Also get on the transport.

>tfw born in Cadia
>tfw you see thousands of ships bloting out the sun
>tfw you will die horribly, 100% chance guaranteed

Well, shit...
At least we're fighting for our home.

>tfw home is destroyed anyway

>tfw home is literally the worst place in the universe and joining guard actually extends my lifespan

>Cadianfags are scared of chaos

Rejoice, young soldiers. Your slavery to your corpse idol ends very soon.

Sir, yes sir! Just point me to the loading ramp where I can get the assault truck aboard, sir!

Catachan cant be THAT bad.

You Catafags have to blow it out of proportion

Where do Catachan/Cadian women get the desire to breed from? Why put your life at risk by incubating a little Guardsman for 9 months if the kid is almost certainly going to die before he turns 6? The risk/reward doesn't seem to be there.

Bruh. Cadia isn't a death world.

And how can man die better than facing fearful odds, for the ashes of his fathers, and the temples of his God

///This message has been intercepted and placed under investigatory process ///section7.1.1.5///The.Emperor.Protects

Because the imperium needs guardsmen.

Catachan women probably just have "glad-to-be-alive" sex.
Cadian people actually live normal lives in their fortified cities. It's just that everyone is armed and trained to use their weapons in case a deamon is entering the kitchen or the neighbor next door becomes crazy and run around bare-chested axing people with a machete.

And, don't forger that there are ministorium priests, that are probably telling people how cool it is to have children and marrying young teenagers together. Basically, imagine marrying your high school gf, having kids with her, and then going to serve together in the cadian guard.

1: Entertainment is, I imagine, scarce on Cadia, but everyone has everything they need for the oldest game. (Side effects may include parenthood)

2: Not breeding is Heresy.

>going down the street to ge a candy bar with my friend
>weird beast drop on us
>eat my friend
>burn it with the flamer
>go to the store
>the store clerck is actually a genestealer
>eat my arm
>burn him alive with the flamer
>come home
>local cop is being attacked by a 3 foot tall beast
>help him with the flamer
>go home
>wife is on the carpet being eaten
>flamer is out of fuel
>take out my knife and kill the beast
>have sexy with my wife
>it is only 1pm

Catachan breeds the finest jungle fighters around if those kids manage to make it 18 they are pretty skilled.

We dont know alot about Catachan civilian life though its mostly just "it sucks here anything can kill you"

...

I'm sure a lot of Catachan actually have sex in ships that transport them across the galaxy

>No wild beasts to kill your children
>Actually have pure Catachan kids
>When grown they can fight in the regiment

Hi big boy.

>what's wrong? never had your cock sucked on a death world before?.jpg

I prefer those tan babes

Do we have to stop for someone?

>I already know that, sir. At least, we'll die with the Emperor smiling upon us. By the way, did you actually talk to that Valhallan girl?

No one really though the Black Templars are bringing a special lady friend so be on your best behavior

The average survival time of non-Catachans on Catachan, from the time their ship enters the atmosphere to the time they almost make it to the landing pad, is about seven seconds. I think they're allowed to blow it out of proportion a little.

Tallarn Reporting Emprahu Akbar! Are their even any deserts on Cadia? I'm not gonna resist going just wondering if we will be in our natural terrain?

We can imagine the dust is sand brother

May I have a plasma gun that is deemed more costly than 30 of my lives that will most likely over heat and melt me to death?

That depends on your, um, history and your squad's under-equipment with heavy weaponry. You wouldn't hand out expensive arms to soldiers that haven't proven their mettle, would you?

its the concrete jungle, fool

As a former 240 gunner that AG's about to get that belt bound up and jam that Bolter.

>fucking triggered

>arrive at Cadia
>all the fortifications have already been built perfectly by the locals
>no trenches, only walls
This is a fitting punishment for our sins.
At least the regiments from Maginot XXXIX are happy.

I'm more triggered by the fact that those heavy bolter shells are really tiny compared to the bore's diameter.