Dirty Veeky Forums Secrets

Amen.

I enjoy playing PF while being aware of its flaws.

You absolute madman!

I can live with awkward dick touching if guy is feminen enough. Plus anal at this point is pretty much same. Maybe the random precun dripping can be off putting.

But of course.

This of course comes with the caviate that I wish boys in general had fatter asses. Its a crying shame pear isn't more common on men. Hips and ass. its a great male bodyshape.

I want a woman like a qt trap. All the sexual lust and femininity + more holes.

Till that day I'll just pay

Whenever I start a session with a new group of people, I name some of my NPCs after characters on fapfics I find on 1d4chan, just to see if anyone catches on

so far I've had one player who's recognized it

That's hilarious.

You eat luke shit and will die from being fat, I love you two but jesus how about a salad, how about a cup of water........

But you cant say that

I love all the Old World of Darkness games. I'm well aware that mechanically they're not great, and that the players tend to be living, cringy goth cliches, but they started my love for tabletop gaming, and for that i'll always love them.

I wonder how well fag-user from the last two thread's 'drinks' went the other night.

...

I don't know about that. I prefer bashful traps the best: in my opinion, they are the cutest things and I could die for them.

They can be adorable, 'specally when you know one another well enough that you can tease good naturally without it being taken badly about their more womanly figure. You know, how their ass is fatter then your ex's and how hard it must be for them to find clothing in men's sizes, while blushing they hurl back some barb about your dick

I used to unironically enjoy playing any deck in Magic. Now I just play for the thrill of mastery and to test the optimization of my resources. I also sort of miss Pokémon, but not enough to go dumping money back into it.

I had to chose between useless character and effective optimized character, and ended with useless one just because I liked him better. Nobody of group knows yet, and I don't think they will be happy about it.

I love crunch. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about the story and characters, but give me a crunchy sim system over rules-lite narrative stuff any day of the week. They just don't satisfy in the same way, and I can have both satisfying rules and a quickly moving "real"-feeling game without sacrificing depth of the characters or the story. In fact, I firmly believe that a solid rules foundation enhances both effective characterization and the resulting story emerging from individual decisions and actions, and their repercussions.

If the world I'm playing in and the actions of people within it are hung on the barest narrative skeleton of rules resolution or handwavery, everything just feels 'cheaper' and less engrossing.

My memorable female NPCs are usually a fap fantasy.

I'm perma-DM because I don't know anyone who would be as generous with rewards as I am.

I gave up on a group of random people from a card shop because I got tired of watching and hearing them get fatter at the table.

I don't even play any tabletops, cardgames or roleplaygames.

Is this just a fantasy or do you normally verbally taunt girly boys?

Little bit of both. As long as its a friend I have a good rapport with, that's the important part. I wouldn't just walk up to anyone and do this.

I've never played a true 40k game

I hate roleplay because I quickly generate an inmediate sense of dread and angst and existential crisis (thinking I'm wasting my time)

I buy miniatures but never paint them, as I always think investing in paints is always a stupid thing to do, considering I could buy more models with that money.

I hate the profile of people that usually play boardgames and miniature games. I fucking hate being around those people, as they're geeky but generally stupid and retarded.

I think videogames do it much better for pretty much any comparable board game.

>I hate roleplay because I quickly generate an inmediate sense of dread and angst and existential crisis (thinking I'm wasting my time)
What the fuck are you doing here then?

I'm afraid of mongoloids.

Veeky Forums isnt roleplay.

I can get my 40k and miniature kick here without having to spend actual time socializing with retards and pretend to like shitty campaigns.

Btw I also hate high fantasy. I love realism in games, even if it's in the form of feasability.

But you avoid roleplaying because you feel it wastes your time, and yet here you are, wasting your time.

But I dont feel angst here, there are tons of things to do on the chans.

>feels angst from roleplaying
>doesn't feel disgust-inspired angst from browsing the chans
You might want to put a bullet in your head before you're too far gone, user.

I have ERPed with a player in the interval between sessions.
Really messed up stuff.
It's all canon to the campaign and nobody besides us will ever know.

I'm so far gone I feel like I'll eventually go full circle

I've had the opportunity to do this too but didn't because I couldn't push the image of how ugly the player was out of my head.

Imagination is a powerful thing. Just get good at it!

When I said "light-hearted and comedic" might be fun, I didn't mean "exaggerated tropes or meme characters". I just want my Earthbound-ian high-fantasy setting, nothing too grimdark or too anime, but not this. Not this.

What happened? What was...this?

My group's a bunch of edgey college kids. I was tired of running Dark Souls-ish or Assasin's Creed-ish campaigns, like they asked for. So when the second grimdark campaign finally ended, I told them the next setting was going to be "high-fantasy, light-hearted, mildly comedic, with an Earthbound-y feel", and told them to keep that in mind when they make their new characters, and adjust them if necessary.

I got the big guy from the "Potion-Seller" meme as a Paladin except gay and boastful, one tiefling pyromancer who everyone loves and finds beautiful despite her fucking demonic heritage, a constantly screeching gnome barbarian with an overly large hammer whose player keeps making "manlet" jokes, and a flamboyant frog paladin with "Ree" in his name.

I fucking hate my group.

Your players went full meme.
I am so sorry to hear that.

I'm very fat, bordering on obese. The DM and the rest of the players easily outweigh me by 100 pounds each.
I hate it.

My next D&D character is almost completely fan service / wish fulfillment, and fetish filled.

I no longer have an active gaming group, I'm just here to live vicariously through others.

I love wh40k threads but I've never played the game. I've just read all the fluff.

I play 5e with a buddy of mine, monthly, only because he's my friend. I find the system detestable, and constantly try to force roleplaying into the mix of retarded skill checks and feat restricted actions.

I try my best to enjoy myself, but the game can only do so much and has this entourage of complete mongoloid DND minmaxers(which is like being expert basketweavers)

If he wasn't at my wedding I wouldn't even game with those schmucks.

Man, words can't describe how sorry I am. Just know random dude online feels for you.

I'm on a similar boat.

I'm in a joyless group full of passive-aggressive cunts that were once high school friends. The only one I have time for is the GM who runs the entire thing as an attempt to bring us all back together. It's not working. Everyone is a selfish shitter who accuses everybody else of being crap in some way. The only unifying thing we have is murderhoboing and the GM himself.

Poor bastard.

Completely agree user.

There's something about an elegant ruleset or a well realized mechanic that's just downright satisfying.

The fuck are you here for?

But she's so ugly you'd black out before you could get drunk enough to notice how ugly she is. Her mother doesn't even love that mug.

Shut up Matt Ward

>this thread again
Like I said in the last one I could give a fuck about 40k's little resin men and want GW to take the setting all vidya. GIMMIE MY ADMECH/TITANFALL MASHUP YA GAMES WORKSHOP SMACKTARDS.

>ib4 lol go bakk 2 /v/

I just want more DoW1 style RTS's. I just like the basic stuff. I'm not hard to please. I like my base building.

I liked all the races having their own very unique buildings.

I'm as scaly and want to fuck the kobold/dragon. Also I dont have a group.
I sleep with a gun.
Not much else.

Just put a bag over it, make it hot somehow. Ugly pussy is still pussy in the dark.

I hate old world with a passion after one too many forum games, and I actively troll the general thread. The posters named me after their god

I've got a huge love of daddy doms and affectionate domination and I often try to subtly nudge threads towards satisfying that love.

Most people who know me know I write. My most productive writing projects are, pretty consistently, fetish smut.

I'm not nearly as smart as people think I am.

Teasing is fun, user. For the teaser and the teasee.

I've called good friends of mine "hipster sasquatch", "a scathing indictment of the UC system", "one of the mysterious fey folk", and "human sad-trombone". They call me grandma, brat, "like a fart except with ego instead of smell" (paraphrased), and "utter failure".

It shows you care about someone.

I'm so lonely. I wish to love and be love in return.

But like I already said here. Till then I'll just help college girls pay part of their education and get some satisfaction out their humiliation and or embarrassment

I barely ever played any tabletop games. I want to desperately but I don't want to do it purely online. Problem is I'm shy and have limited transportation do to illness.

I'll play any game you want to run, I'll show up on time, I'll contribute to the best of my ability, I'll honestly attempt to get into character and roleplay.

I will never, ever play a human.

What was the reaction?

So link this fetish smut, so I can fap to it, kitten, or will daddy have to "punish" you?
Again?

Banter is how you tell who your friends really are. You talk shit about your mates, your mates talk shit about you, and everybody laughs.

Oddly this is one of the more reasonable confessions on here

I've been DMing for 2 years but I have never learned how to actually play. I just talk shit and roll dice behind the screen. When someone questions me I just hand them the rule book and tell them to look it up.

My current character was made entirely to spite the DM and his decision to run what is essentially "SJW: the campaign"

>constantly try to force roleplaying
>force
>roleplay
Why isn't the rp happening naturally, user? Why do you need to "force" it, it is an expected part of the game.

I made a setting that has prostitutes in it, and I didn't think much of it.

Since then they featured as plot points in a couple of sessions and were involved in some sub-plots, nothing major, but the PCs wanted to visit brothels, so I just went with it.

And since that has happened, I've found myself visiting the prostitution tag on sadpanda, and really enjoying it.

I'm afraid of something that started as an offhanded remark in my setting notes has developing into a full on magical realm.

Also I'm kinda weirded out that I developed/discovered a new fetish based on something that happened in a campaign I run.

That's because rules give you, the player, power, and it's that power and sense of control you like.
>"SJW: the campaign"
I'm gonna not immediately disregard the lurking frogposter and simply ask you to explain this.
I've had players give me shit because I ran a game in the Al Qadim setting, accusing me of ethnic bias (I'm native Turk/Persian, dunno how THAT happened) and pursuing an "agenda", when I just happened to like the setting and ran a game in it because NO ONE does.

I visit a lot of boards here.

tv, k, fit, diy, tg, and pol, in that order.

Tg is by far the worst board and I hate that I own an FLGS.

I do very well and part of that is I come here to keep my ear to the ground, but deep down I know all of my customers, all of you, are manchild softhands.

You will never amount to anything. Ever. Period.

My customers look to me like a father figure sometimes, despite us being the same age. They have no sense of money or future or self.

I earned this store hustling pizzas at 2 different stores at the same time, living in a single room apartment. These guys come in with their part time WalMart job and dump their whole paycheck on cardboard waifu pictures.

You are mostly all pathetic but I need you and your empty lives and bottomless wallets.

DELETE THIS

I once joined a My Little Pony RPG with a bunch of bronies to learn Savage Worlds and enjoy the cringe.

It turned out that they liked Life on Mars / Ashes to Ashes more than MLP and we played a mystery game with the most un-pony GMPC pony possible, solving crimes involving parodies of British celebrities.

It was a great mystery game and I was genuinely sad when it finished.

I would like to hear more

I'm not talking about racial shit, honestly, I don't give a fuck, but this shit was too far. i'll explain.
>DM on tumblr a lot, has a new girlfriend and friends through tumblr
>He has been a bro before, asks me to help with the campaign as a player to introduce them to DnD
>I thought "Awesome, i'll get to introduce new players to roleplaying games, see the looks on their faces as they discover how much fun this could be for the first time"
>My broken soul finds hope in this idea, and immediately agrees
>I realise that him and all of his new friends met through tumblr, desu, I didn't think that was relevant, I didn't think that it was like that at the time.
>A few weeks later, I have a character idea for the setting the DM gave me, wizard noble, who built his fortune through aiding the king, now wishes to improve himself on an adventure
>Setting is a classic city of two worlds, Rich nobility and poor slums living on a slope pretty much right next to each other, lots of problems out in the world
>Think that this would make for good backstory, but the main adventuring would be done out in the world, where lots more problems exist
>Decide to ask the players for their backstories before deciding on my character properly
>Figure it's not a big deal, first campaign, would be alright to have a little influence to get everything to run smoothly
>I was wrong, so wrong
>8 elves
>8 elves, living in a human city, where elves were mostly unheard of
>8 LGBTBBQ elves, some of which had identities I had to look up to understand
>Did I ever need to know what a Gendervoid Demiboy was? No, But I know now
>In dismay, I consult the DM as to how exactly I would roleplay with these specific and previously unheard-of character traits
>He tells me just do it like I would any other character
>Relieved, I go back to improving my story so I can enjoy the campaign
1

user, MOST new players either go with humans or elves, and especially in 2e and 5e D&D, elves are genderfluid by dint of their god being so.
These "previously unheard of character traits" are entirely in line for elves to understand, and for your wizard to not, as you clearly were not an elf, probably a human, if my suspicions are on point.
You literally could have played it straight, if you even noticed, asking questions about their society and using it as rp fodder.
As for elves in the city, since when are pcs beholden to shit like that? This is very much seeming like you didn't like the DM approaching the other players on their level, one you didn't understand or appreciate.

Here is a some highlights of any given week that I judge and view as problem behavior (for their well-being) but good for business.

>Eating prole feed like fast food or from my snack rack almost exclusively
>Spending 20+ hours per week at the store
>Buying singles in large quantities for "investments" and then selling them back to me for 40-60% what they paid when their deck gets rolled
>Pulling up in their McJob uniform to tournaments at 35 and bragging about beating kids
>Getting rides to the store only spend enough for a downpayment on their own car
>Splitting payments between cards to buy a $75 card
>Waiting for paychecks to buy stuff
This bugs me a lot, saving for the store taught me a lot about money, if you have to wait for money to buy something that is a non-necessity you have fucked up priorities.
You should make it so next time you do not have to wait. Probably by investing that money or getting a better job. Spending as you get it means you suck at life.

This actually made me think that the reason I hate this business so much is I feel like a crack dealer. I know what I am doing is hurting these people but I can't NOT sell it to them as it is all I know to do that can pay me this well.

These manchildren come in and get their debit cards denied and complain about being poor while literally spending THOUSANDS of dollars a month at my store, then they have the gall to demand $15/hr or espouse some socialist bullshit. Their problem isn't that they don't have enough money, it's just that they are very bad at spending it. They are creatures of id and drift through their lives like plastic bags in the ocean, spilling money everywhere they go.

They do not value themselves so nobody will value them.

Should word better: if you have run down your account to 0 but the next batch of money coming is going towards entertainment, you will never get ahead in life.

When I had extra money I would buy something investment worthy. Like MtG collections for the store or a moonshine still so I could make EVEN MORE MONEY.

I try to help these guys:
"You should drive for Uber so you don't have to sell me your cards for rent"
>Nah, I don't want to clean my car and do this whole thing.

"Hey I can put aside the next anthologies for you and you can pick it up next month if money's tight"
>Nah
Then his pet dies because of the condition he was complaining about not being able to afford treatments for the following week (btw poor people should not own pets).

I haven't played a game of 40k since 4th edition and I have yet to finish the army I played back then.

I love building and converting minis and have hundreds of dollars worth of stuff built and hundreds more still on sprues for above mentioned army but I have little to no interest in painting them. I loathe painting basically the same guy over and over again, but I could never commission someone else to do it for me because then they wouldn't feel like my dudes.

I also DM a Pathfinder campaign for a group of my best friends that will enter its fifth year soon and because we play about once every two months they're barely level 10.
I love those guys to death but the only way I hate them for their general indecisiveness, the fact that half of them either forget the plot or hardly care about it and that some of them still barely understand the most basic of fucking rules.
In fact the only ways I can stand their bullshit in the second half of a session and have fun myself is to either be drunk or high on speed (normal amphetamines, not meth).

I'm not proud of any of this and don't get me wrong, I'm still having loads of fun with my Veeky Forums hobbies. It's just that sometimes part of this hobby feels like a fucking chore.

So many women gamers, great roleplayers, terrible knowledge of mechanics.

Every time I have been at the table with women, they have been the worst at knowing any rules. And not like 'oh she mixed up this similar thing with this' I'm talking we have been playing for months, their character has had to level five or seven times, and their turn comes around and they ask 'uhhhhhhh how does my attack roll work? Is there a way for me to do 25 actions in combat in a single round even though I know I can only do the one thing for the entire game? What are my options for what I can do? Anything? How do I do anything?'

If only there was some book they could read so this stopped happening.

I ended a game because it was clearly just the players going on a power fantasy wank
I think my friend ditching the group because we're playing a system he doesn't like to be a slap in the face; I haven't told him this
Sometimes I fudge my dice rolls
I resent my friends for power gaming instead of roleplaying
Sometimes I use vidya games as campaigns
I've purposefully joined and derailed campaigns with an old DM because I dislike him for his social views and he's gaming/cheating the welfare system which means he's taking my tax dollars
I'm on Veeky Forums at work

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills sometimes, because all my players--male and female--are like this.

What has (weirdly) helped is not answering shit for them and being a tremendous asshole about it.
>"What does [X feature] do again?"
>"Whatever the book says it does."
And then I move to someone else's turn if they don't do something in a reasonable amount of time. Their annoyance eventually gave way to them wanting to get abilities and features right just to spite me.

But these days I only have one or two quiet autistic meltdowns, rather than a single one which spans the entire session. Progress.

I would kill to be a player again, i'm dming with friends who are great rpers now, which is great, but being the only dm will be the death of me.

I can't stand it when people play dnd as a lootfest kill-shit-get-exp kind of game. it feels as if it's an insult to the settings created but I won't hold it against my players as long as they are willing to interact more than just "Get the jist of what to do, then leave"

I enjoy spurring on paranoia in my players and I roll almost constantly during times of tension.

I totally rip ideas and concepts from other series and tweak and alter them for fun.

I don't remember making this post.

>I totally rip ideas and concepts from other series and tweak and alter them for fun.
user, any GM worth their salt does this.

one of the first actual groups I dm'd for had a player who also dmed and heckled me sometimes because of it, so to be honest i just got the impression that it's bad to do.

You don't wanna get CAUGHT.
Change it up enough. I ripped off the D&D comic wholesale for a group of rookies, and even the ringer didn't pick up on it.

I've posted it in the past. I'll repost one I really like.

2
I ain't finished yet, went to the cinema
>Campaign starts, me and the DM do some one on one roleplay, because my character is the only one starting in the upper city, I start in the court of the king as one of his advisors, tells us of a new grave threat, a group of assassins from the lower city called the Silent Mothers, they're nearly untraceable, and use guerilla warfare to blend into the population.
>I tell the king I shall summon two of my advisors and solve the mystery of the Silent Mothers and their treason by month's end, thinking this would be a good opportunity to go Adventuring like my character had always wanted to do after being tied down by politics and bureaucracy for so long
>Take two low level NPC's with me, a Cleric and a Warlock, because of the disadvantage that i'm starting with no party members and need to find them, seems fair, we set off.
>Then leave, as the DM needs to do the same with the lower city group
>Next day, the campaign begins in proper, all of us in the same room, exciting feels are in the air, I can sense they're looking forward to doing more since yesterday.
>Start with me, descend into the lower city, all wrapped in commoners robes and keeping a low profile, asking around about the silent mothers
>After a while, realise they're essentially assassins for hire, but you can only hire them if you are a woman.
>The Warlock, by virtue of being a woman, decides to try and approach them and verify the rumours by having them assassinate a small target, a dick of a potion seller who cuts his stock using poison and never pays his debts, two birds one stone sort of deal
>Summoning the Silent Mothers we get:
>8 elves. All 8 of the new players in a single session, with background stories from around the globe, decided without hesitation to join them, not actually questioning if it was in line with their backstory. One of them was a paladin, meant to protect the innocent and uphold justice and honor.
2

3
>Our warlock comes back to us after having conversed with the 8 emissaries, sent to prove their loyalty to the cult.
>We then wait outside the Mark's store for the assassins to arrive.
>All 8 of them are sent, once again, to assassinate the target this time. Without hesitation and actually trying to roleplay this time, the Paladin, along with, and i'll list their classes this time as far as I remember:
>Rogue
>2 Rangers
>Warlock
>3 Druids
>They all burst into the door in a crusading fury
>They find the seller and with swift and incandescent fury, kill him and defile the corpse
>I'm not saying they left a calling card or took his eye, the players each took turns describing how they mutilated his corpse
>They took his balls first
>Suddenly I am uncomfortable
>These events having transpired, me and the warlock followed the party back to wherever their betters were hiding, while the cleric gave the man's corpse a proper burial, kindhearted man he is.
>Tracking them back to a disused bakery, we discover the Silent mothers to be the assorted townswomen of the lower city, the impromptu government of the ramshackle society, mothers, teachers, thieves, slavers, all women, all creepy as shit.
>Having realised about 10 minutes ago that the majority of the upper city is male and the majority of the lower city is female, I came to the conclusion that this campaign was essentially a power-fantasy for the DM and these girls/boys/assorted others.
>Knowing the names of all of the perpetrators and this infiltration having been seemingly too easy, we snuck out again
>Warlock fucks up a roll and we're noticed
>Hightail it out of there using Longstrider to keep ahead of them
>Safely back in the Upper city Keep, tell the king everything and all of their names
>King decides on inaction
>I ask why
>"We can't make too big a scene or the people will get scared"
>THE PEOPLE IN LOWER CITY ARE ALREADY SCARED, GO KILL THE EVIL PEOPLE.
3

4
To sum up, the entire campaign was a power fantasy for 8 people and appeasement for 1, or it might have been his fantasy too, I don't know how far along that crazy train he was. The only other things that happened before I left were
>Decide to take action and kill them myself, against the King's wishes, in a shadow campaign to remove the threat without scaring the people
>Having killed the Slavers and all of their oddly masochistic leatherclad gladiators, we run into the party again, I can no longer see any way I could actually join them in adventuring without abandoning the common sense my character has or changing his backstory, We fight and Inevitably I need to retreat, having levelled up twice at this point due to getting all the XP from fights myself, I was level 3, use Web and Spiderclimb (I like the spider wizard aesthetic) to leave, waiting for me outside is the entire rest of the midnight mother's forces, They tie me up and take me back to the bakery again.
>After ritually torturing several of the townsfolk who dared speak out against their righteous crusade, I decide that there's no way I can get a satisfying ending for myself while the DM is doing this, and leave the group.
It didn't start off spiteful, but the resentment grew. There's only so many times a group of 8 bumbling idiots can thwart your mission due to deus ex machina before a certain cold hatred appears. Sometimes I wonder if I was the bad guy in that campaign. Sometimes I wonder if it mattered, they clearly were of an "Us against the world" mentality. Never came back, the temptation to beat them at their own game was there, but eventually you realise how pointless it is.

>midnight mother
*Silent mothers, rather, DM was essentially using the Dark Brotherhood as a generic assassin group template.

If you don't like the campaign, just don't play. Dragging the campaign down because you don't like it is a faggot thing to do.

If you read the story, I did.