How to fix elves

No, only shitty PLAYERS think they should be allowed to play anything and everything. Good DMs use limitations as a way to build an immersive world that makes sense. DnD in and of itself isn't a "setting", it's a kitchen-sink approach that gives you the tools you need to build your own setting.

More like +6 to all stats. But that's not an option to WotC because people would cry OP.

>I don't want to limit their options, only shitty DMs do that.
I am surprised you can be so wrong and still breathe. Also Elves are renowned bowmen, which requires a lot of strength. Perhaps their muscles are closer to those of apes than of men.

Then stop being a passive-aggressive shithead and either grow up or kill yourself.

>Yeah, but i don't want to limit their options, only shitty DMs do that.

OK GM, here's my Kitsune Eldritch Knight Swordgirl. You said you didn't want to limit my options, right?

Also see my attached sheet on the modifiers and abilities she gets from her special ninja ninja bloodline.

Trash the portrait, this is how beastmen look. None of this half-assed bullshit.

Also, eldritch knight does not exist in 5e, but you can refluff four elements monk and her bloodline will give her roleplaying complications in form of entire ninja clan with virtually unlimited resources wanting to kill her.

Good luck, motherfucker.

>ninja-ninja bloodline
now i kinda want to play sassy afro kitsune.

But eldritch knights are a fighter subclass in 5e....

>Also, eldritch knight does not exist in 5e
I see you've never even read the PHB.

>Eldritch Knight does not exist in 5e.

Except that it does...

Even though Paladin fills the role of "magic-augmented fighter" and does it lightyears better.

oh, was sure they were called something else. Never actually read into fighter subclasses too much.

My bad, sorry.

>Even though Paladin fills the role of "magic-augmented fighter" and does it lightyears better.

Fucking This.

Wana blend magic damage with your melee strikes? Use Smite. It's way more simple and effective that that weird "cast a cantrip when you melee attack but lose the rest of your melee attacks" thing EKs do.

Want cool passive class abilities? Every Paladin Oat comes with an Aura that gives you that. Ancients for half damage from all magic? Yes please.

Want cool support abilities and stuff. Well, the Paladin Spell list includes more than just the Abjuration School (lets not even talk about Evocation on the EK, since you'll be dumping Intelligence anyway).

Why does Eldritch Knight even exist?
At least it's not Pact of the Blade Warlock though.

it sounds like your problem is a lack of reference:

you're using the D&D race profile but not the literary sources it's based on which would clear up a lot of your beefs with how they're set up (which is a toned down version of pretty much every type of elf from mythology and literature - at least up to and including Tolkien)

Here's what elves are like from the Silmarillion:
Galadriel
vsbattles.wikia.com/wiki/Galadriel
Fingolfin
vsbattles.wikia.com/wiki/Fingolfin
Feanor
vsbattles.wikia.com/wiki/Feanor
>as for the beauty thing specificially I would again recommend the Silmarillion which gives the best accounts I think of this trait by not only giving them comparisons with other familiar fantasy races (including humans) and regards by higher beings (who the elves I think might even out-pretty as Tolkien writes it) but also through examples/feats where their beauty really does go far and above everyone and everything else in the story for which they set the aesthetic standard (because magic?)

Elves are fine.

>I don't want to be the "That guy"
>I want to make a choice for the players a living hell

Dude if my GM would tell me that I can't play a race because of reason's I'd say that's okay.

If my GM would say that I can play a race but with a shitload of penalties because he doesen't like them then I'd not be okay.

Limiting options at character creation is not bad. Not when you're altering the setting. There are no elves in this setting? Fine, no dwarves? Fine. Just stop being a dick and remove elves completely.

Because it does not fit the thematics and characterizations of all characters?

Wat is fluffing?

This thread is about making fun of anti-elffags, maybe in response to the other elf-bait thread, right? Nobody can be this asshurt about a fictional race, right?

Marcille is pretty 10/10, but Veeky Forums needs some new elf memes to spam.

I think 'elves are pussies' is frequently code for 'I haven't read the Silmarillion'. Top tier Elves in that, while I don't normally do 40K power level comparisons, basically outclass primarchs in every way.

I would go
-2 con (due to slender forms built for speed)
+1 speed
+2 dex (Because they are ambush and tool using predators)
+2 wis (for superior predatory senses)
and -2 Cha (Because most people get really creeped out by their blank, souless eyes staring with eternal hunger.)

Start of with training in stealth, dark vision and the 'elven rest trait' whereby an elf Ideally sleeps for sixteen hours a day, and if they have the opportunity too takes no penalty for awareness checks for being asleep due to a light sleep they quickly rouse from, and are able to fall asleep even in noisy, bright and otherwise hindering conditions. They can operate with as little as eight hours of sleep but will lose the light sleep bonus and suffer an aditional -1 charisma due to grouchiness

...

Then just say elves are an op npc race only.

>>Elves should get -2 to INT and WIS because they're dumbass forest hippiers
Shitposting aside, I actually liked that in earlier editions of DnD Wild Elves had +2 DEX and -2 INT, which made them dumb but physically imposing barbarians.

>Dwarves are cool. Orcs are cool.
>Elves are not cool.
this is a really shitty opinion

>don't want to limit their options
>want to stop them doing something I don't like, by taking away an option

You're a special kind of stupid, you know that?

Elves are cool. Orcs are cool.
Dwarves are not cool.

>Dwarves are not cool.
I agree.
Dwarves are hot.

Damn right.

I will admit to that

>beauty is manly men
Go jerk it to your beardy bears, faggot

>tfw most of my 4e game's party is a variety of elf, alongside the dwarf cleric/half orc barb broteam and the stodgy human
>tfw the city they are approaching is Hammerfast, a city split between dwarves and orcs
>tfw the half-orc is unknowingly an up and coming champion of Gruumsh, and carries one of his artifacts
>tfw the dwarf is respected in the dwarven community for his courage, piety and faith, albeit not to Moradin
>tfw their arrival in this city will have it go ballistic, turning a cold war hot

>I think that's fair and accurately represents elves. Your thoughts?

I think you're retarded for
>mentioning "accurate representation" in context of completely fictional entity that can be basically whatever author wants it to be
>moreover even in context of most of fictous worlds where elves appear being completely wrong and basing them of 12yo's tier tantrums against fictional race instead
>using word "fair" in context of purported heavy nerf in game terms and unbalancing on a race

I think it's a bait but I hope it isn't.
Cause if it isn't, you're the most pathetic person I encontered anywhere, either online or irl since at least a month. And that kind of made my day, because it's always funny to see how retarded people can be

Patrician taste.
>implying it's somehow bad

>that gif

>orcs are niggers

I fucking hate this shitty meme. Ther should be no niggers in normal european fantasy, stupid americans, if you see them it's fault of your 60% white society.

>implying it's somehow bad
>that very pic explains why it's bad
>balding ugly dwarf and perfect drow

That elf hate, you need counseling mate.

Elfs are by far the best fantasy race, you just hate it for the sake of hating it. Did an elf rape your shitty character?

>Implying that's not a handsome dwarf
>Implying the best part of the pic is not the love they share for each other, love that transcends species and cultures

sauce

Orks were based of English working class, but they do resemble african blacks in many, many ways.

Look at africa and tell me its not like orks.

That said, its not a racial thing, its more of a cultural thing. Poverty, hate, constant wars, no education, low IQ due to it, mixed with an odd sense of entitlement and ambition with a focus on strength instead of smarts. And you have orks.

>handsome
Not when I can use his fucking forehead instead of a hand mirror

>drow
>ever perfect

>Not when I can use his fucking forehead instead of a hand mirror
Handsome AND handy!

>mixed with an odd sense of entitlement
In FR and Greyhawk, orcs WON more often than not. Hell, in FR, they took over the world they were on, and explicitly work on the idea that the strong take from the weak until the weak become strong enough to take it themselves.
It's a common theme for most barbarous groups.

illust_id=37923897

>that smooth perfect obsidian flesh
>not wanting your very own confused, sad drow boy to take home and save from his cruel existence, providing him a long, happy life with you

Maybe my head's full of cotton because I just woke up, but that's Pixiv, right?

yup.
He mostly does /ss/ and monstergirls hough.

>Look at africa and tell me its not like orks.

Orcs are cool, niggers are shit, your argument is invalid. Not to mention that Tolkien orcs represented industrial progress, something directly opposed to Africa.

Orcs are NOT niggers. Period. If you want niggers, go search for african or american folklore, places were being black is normal.

Also,

>Poverty, hate, constant wars, no education, low IQ due to it, mixed with an odd sense of entitlement and ambition with a focus on strength instead of smarts. And you have orks.

Stop assuming all orcs are wow orcs or related to them in any way. Not to mentiom that warcraft orcs are more native american than black, witj the theme of being noble savages and put into reservation camps. Trolls are the blacks, with all the voodoo shit.

Sounds like you got cucked

What are the stat or physical differences between High, Wood and Dark elves?

>Paladin Oat
Part of a balanced smiting.

>lanklets
>dumbass forest hipsters
>androgynous-looking

Maybe your elves. My elves are Reconquista/Age of Exploration Spain, or at least that's a useful shorthand for explaining them.

Pic related looks much more like the "typical" orc than any African does.

The way to fix elves is entirely fluff based. Just do what Dragon Age and TES did, let elves be grubby peasants like everyone else, and suddenly they can't be a race of douchebags anymore.

Why not first change what you actually can change, ie yourself.
Before you try to change others.

As an age of exploration spaniard, I'm 100% offended by this and I demand you to stop.

No, seriously, why elves for Spain? None of the stereotypes, modern or old, seem to fit.

So half elves could be common place

This, user. In my setting elves went extinct thousands of years ago, so nobody gets to play them. My setting is humans and goblins only, though, and the goblins are little more than cavemen-tier.

That looks like Bill Engvall standing and Jeff Foxworthy on the ground.

Hah. Okay that works.

Might also work if the Big Head Elf Guy was basically Genghis Khan.

And now I can't unsee it.

Here's your sign.

Why orcs don't have a lower intelligence in 5e is beyond me, given that they are meant to be a real-world analogue to blacks which have a provably lower IQ (averaging around 85). Blacks are also usually stronger due to their more bestial origins so orcs having +4 to Strength but -2 to Int, Wisdom, and Charisma makes sense. But since 5e is shilling for pro-diversity and now has trannies as part of the RAW, I guess they decided any racial penalties were "oppressive" so they removed them because that would be offensive to some people.

Well, a common stereotype about Spaniards is that they're pretty arrogant. They also strike that weird balance between being borderline gay flamboyant and no-fun-allowed religious.

Fair enough

Since when are elves famously no-fun-allowed religious, or more religious than other races in any way?

See

>lanklets
>-con
Why?

WoW orcs struck me as close of European barbarians as any other culture, migrating violently because home sucks, obsessed with strength ans honor and use Aces and have horns in their helmets.

niggers dont have a focus on physical strength irl though. in real life they are lanklets or fatasses (niggers are literally the fattest race in the us ahead of maheekans and whites)

whites absolutely dominate strength sports. partly because whites are naturally stronger and taller on average but also because there is a culture of strength in white society.

niggers idolize "acting hard", disobeying authority, and speed

the silvan elves in lotr are the actual niggers. orcs are mongols

>implying you can fix perfection

>Since when are elves famously no-fun-allowed religious
>tolkien elves
>if catholic nuns got to decide how a race's sex drive worked

I don't think humans were so different. Tolkiens worldview affected all his races.

But that wasn't motivated by religion or anything, they were just beta fags like the japanese.

sure, sure.

but elves deserve it anyway.