Kobold Thread

I miss your CYOA
I didn't know it yas a CYOA I just thought you were doing some series thing.

I mean it was going to be a kind of prequel style guided adventure. But honestly I just can't draw fast enough or well enough to really do it. I gave up 2d art for 3d art.

I haven't forgotten Kitik though. I love him too much to ever stop putting him in stuff one way or another.

damn that's sexy

Of course it is, it's a kobold.

We ended up with a party of Kobolds when the group was exploring the concept of Level Adjustment in 3rd edition D&D (if you're not familiar - you pay one or more character levels for playing an over-powered race). One player was flipping idly through the Monster Manual hoping for inspiration when he stopped and asked if Kobolds get *bonus* levels. I ruled "no", but everyone was so tickled by the idea of Kobolds with class levels that suddenly we had a party of four kobolds.

Kobolds with class levels are dangerous things.

We ended up with a Rogue trap smith, a Ranger specializing in anti-elf warfare, a Sorcerer with a charisma high enough he had the whole party thinking he was half-dragon, and the Barbarian, Humanslayer. He had the kobold equivalent of an 18 strength and had stolen a dwarven war-ax from somewhere; the ax weighed twenty pounds, Humanslayer barely reached forty. He fought by getting *very* angry, and then struggling to get the ax spinning around in circles. After that he just focused on keeping it moving (in circles) and let everyone else worry about where he was going.

I was stuck as the DM for this band of lunatics.

cont...

The kobolds are acting as troubleshooters for a very very very big black dragon, and are informed that a unicorn has moved into the Boss' territory; it's killing honest goblins, reclaiming blightland for woods, and curing the rampant malaria and swamp-fever the dragon was using to drive out the pesky humans. This Just Won't Do, and the PCs are dispatched to put a stop to it.

From here we have the famous brainstorming session, in which they determine the following:
unicorns are hard to find, because they run fast.
unicorns are attracted to virgins for some unexplainable reason.
virgins are hard to find, possibly because unicorns run fast and are attracted to virgins.
princesses are supposed to be virgins (at least, princesses locked in towers should be).
princesses are easy to find, because they are locked in towers, and therefore can't run very far.

The obvious solution is not to find the unicorn, but to find the nearest princess. This has the added benefit that princesses rarely weigh 1500+ pounds and even more rarely have six foot spears grafted to their foreheads.

cont...

The Kobolds go overland, leaving a swathe of kobold-scaled destruction in their wake, until they find a castle. They're not very clear on who lives in the castle, other than a lot of humans, but there's a tower on it, and towers are the natural habitat of princesses. Of course, towers and castles and the like are challenging to get into, so we ended up with another brainstorming session.

This time they think in a relatively straight line, and come up with a plan that castle invaders have used for generations. It works a little better when the invaders are small and overpowered for their size, however.

The sorcerer enchants the trap smith, giving him a supernatural boost to climbing skill. The trap smith then swims across the moat in the dead of night and clings to the castle wall like a particularly damp spider. He climbs up the wall and through the opening of the nearest guarde-a-robe. For the viewers at home, guarde-a-robes are the 13th century equivalent of luxury indoor plumbing: it's an outhouse in a castle, using a chute in the wall to take the waste away and dump it outside where the nobles don't have to worry about it.

Guarde-a-robe shafts are narrow, stinky, slippery, steep, and usually equipped with downward-projecting spikes to prevent just this kind of thing. Kobolds, on the other hand, are narrow, stinky, slippery, and good climbers (especially when enchanted). The trap smith makes it up the shaft no problem, "back stabs" the poor guy who was using it at the time, and then sends a rope back down for the others.

The invasion of Castle Princess had begun!

cont...

The Kobold Kommandos made straight for the tower, filling every human encountered with a volley of quarrels and "hiding" the bodies behind tapestries and under chairs. This was essentially a dungeon-crawl with the serial numbers filed off and all the orks replaced with poorly trained humans. There was a beautiful assault on the tower, in which Humanslayer had Spider-Climb cast on him and did his blender-of-doom routine at human-head-height along the wall and (eventually) ceiling.

The last thing Fred the Guard ever saw was an upside-down kobold with a battle-ax.

At the top of the tower they find a 10x10 room with a human female in a dress and a pointy hat. Finally presented with something that could be a princess, an immediate debate broke out over whether she was, in fact, a princess, and how could they be sure?

Kobold 1: Princesses are pretty, right?
Kobolds 2, 3, and 4 nod.
Kobold 1: So if she's pretty, she's a princess, right?
Kobolds 2, 3, and 4 nod.
Kobold 1: anyone know what a pretty human looks like?
Kobolds 2, 3, and 4 shrug.

The consensus was that she was probably pretty enough, and besides she was locked in a tower so there was no way a unicorn could have gotten at her. They promptly charmed her until she thought blood-spattered kobolds were nice, trustworthy people.

cont...

Another brainstorming session was called to figure out how to get her out of the castle. Various plans were raised and rejected (including stuffing her down the guarde-a-robe, sectioning her for easy transport in bags, and just tossing her over the ramparts into the moat and fishing her out later). They eventually settled on the charmed girl sneaking out dressed as a servant and the kobolds going out by way of the guarde-a-robe. The GM let the plan work, desperate to get the kobolds out of the castle and back on track with the unicorn.

What do a gang of kobolds do with "irresistible" bait and a known target? Bait a trap, of course! They managed to press-gang a bunch of regular, class-level-less kobolds into digging a big, ring-shaped pit, filling it with pungi spikes, and covering it over. They then tied the girl to a stake on the island in the pit, and ordered her to sing "real pretty like" to get the unicorn to show up sooner.

This led to an impromptu Kobold sing-along that is best left to the imagination.

The unicorn eventually showed up to rescue the princess, and this is where the flaw in their information was revealed: some unicorns have wings. It flew in and landed next to the princess, bypassing the pit entirely. The kobolds - forced to fight it directly - pounce. Or rather, Humanslayer pounces, and everyone else fires their crossbows. The unicorn retreats to the air with Humanslayer hanging off one of its legs, trying to swing an ax that really is far too big for him to use in one hand.

And rolls a critical hit, fatally wounding the unicorn.

I need more, for science.

cont...

Try and picture the scene: the players are jumping up and down and congratulating Humanslayer's player on his good fortune and ridiculously overpowered combat character, when I point out that Humanslayer was hanging off the unicorns leg (ergo was underneath the unicorn).

About 40' above ground level.

Over a 10' deep, spiky pit of doom.

And he just scored an instant kill.

Humanslayer crashed through the covered pit with a unicorn on top of him, right onto the envenomed stakes.

I got to use the falling damage rules, the falling object rules, the spiked pit rules, the massive damage rules, and the disease rules, all because a PC successfully killed the "end-boss" for the session.

Humanslayer survived the experience, although he needed urgent medical attention, and was a bit shy about spiked pits for a while afterward. The party delivered a dead unicorn to the Boss, and for extra effort marks, delivered a Princess as well. The PCs got a token payment and the right not to be eaten. And I quit :D

It's solid bronze and heavy as fuck.

How do kobolds deal with the cold?

I was going to post the "Warm Nights" story but I can't find it anywhere.

Well in some settings they are warm blooded, like raptors, in others I can imagine they light fires, brumate in extreme cases, or just grab some heat clay or heat stones

>They then panicked because they didn't think it would be that easy and didn't know what to do with me.
That's some consummate roleplaying.

Cuddles and Snuggles.

Pardon me, but what exactly is the "Warm Nights" story? It sounds adorable and I want to know.

>They then tied the girl to a stake on the island in the pit, and ordered her to sing "real pretty like" to get the unicorn to show up sooner.
>This led to an impromptu Kobold sing-along that is best left to the imagination.

tl;dr is that an adventurer lets a kobold snuggle with him on a cold day as they're cold-blooded. When he meets her a long period of time later, she's opened an inn called Warm Nights

This sounds absolutely adorable and now I feel like I need this in my life.

Once played a gnome wizard alongside a dragonwrought kobold of Bahamut. She managed to gain her tribe a copper dragon as a patron after saving the dragon's egg, eventually moving her entire tribe into the dragon's lair as her servants.

She later died by charging forward into some mook orc berserkers who killed her very quickly.

Does anyone have that one story with the crusader having to keep the kobold warm?

The one where he's freaking the fuck out the whole time?

There is uncensored version of that picture if you can find it.

Does his hand slip?

yes

just fucking post it already

Technically a lizardfolk, but like you imagined a kobold instead

Hey guys

guys

what do you call a kobold with hypothermia?

A KOLD BOD

Eh, the only real difference is one's taller than the other, at least in D&D.

Also thank you, was looking for this.

...

Anons? Somewhere across the internet, I stumbled across a comedic table of kobolds reacting to the adventurer's depredations through a variety of methods, from physically switching their level of the dungeon with another level to doing the old "sacrificial maiden" routine, with their most beautiful female chained to a stake outside of the dungeon as a peace offering.

Anyone else know where to find this?

Also, in the case of case of the "sacrificial kobold maiden", has any user played a character who'd accept the "offering" by taking her as a henchling?

gotta love 'em

I would also like to know where it is

KOBOLDS RULE !

...

The invention of guns would definitely make kobolds and other weak, small races a lot bigger player in history of world.

forgot pic

What if Kobolds were the ones who invented guns in the first place? They have the necessary components.

>Saltpeter from an aboveground offal pit
>Charcoal from a dragon burning down a forest
>Sulfur from their mountain caves

Who's the artist? Google is not being helpful.

...

you want that uncensored version don't you?
sweet, tight, kobold pussy

...

>Pussy

sure, let's go with that

she's a cutie
even if she has hair and tits

...

No, no, I want to see how this suggestive yet implausible scene gets resolved in the story. Please?

There's also a follow-up picture with the other three kobolds hiding behind the bed, ready to mug anyone that shows up.

Sefeiren. Google it. As a note: they're also the primary artist of the furry art collection Frisky Ferals, which includes a large amount dragons and other fantasy monsters

If you love Kobolds so much, why don't you just marry them?

I don't know, user. If you love gays so much, why don't you marry THEM??

here's the low q ;)

I do love gays so the jokes on you user.

Just search seiferen & kobold on that particular site that begins with e621 and ends with .net

me again. full thing

>porn on a blue board
Aaand ban incoming in 3... 2...

aw shit I didn't realize... I'm not even into these fucking lizards xD I was just trying to be nice

eh fuck it, I never post anyway

Whenever your ban comes down, remember:

Spoilers and htmls, friend

Please elaborate how do those help

First time on Veeky Forums's usually a warning ban, 2-5 minutes, 30 at most, so, you'll be okay soon enough.

Personal experience. Posted a picture of the gorgon from God of War once.

thanks, at least its not permanent
anyway ciao for now, dont masturbate to reptiles

share dnd stories

Generally if it's on another site/the image is spoilered and you give warning, it's slightly more okay

Rolling further with this.

>Kobolds discover secret of Gunpowder but hide it, their dragon doesn't want it
>One Kobold starts wondering why life is such shit for Kobolds
>Collects literature, tries to educate himself
>Prays to a bunch of gods, no response
>Almost gets killed by the dragon, has to flee maimed. Library is burned by dragonfire
>Swears revenge
>Finds Gunpowder in the Kobold vaults, uses it to make guns
>Starts revolution
>Kobolds kill dragon with guns
>Begin thinking that if they can kill a dragon, they can kill anything
>Start gearing up for an invasion of the surface

Smoked goggles to protect against sunlight, light armor so they can move quickly and use guerilla tactics same as below ground. Also I'll probably give the leader a russian accent because it feels fitting somehow

Because they aren't real?
implying that they will hold back their lust and won't just serve the rest of adventurers from the party.

I was wrong, there were five. But out of them they were all armed, and three of them were focused on the mugging.

The other two were a pair of twincest lesbian artificers.

I mean, that doesn't stop otaku.

Which animals make the best mounts for Kobold knights?

Generally, a big, strong barbarian

I would let kobold knight ride on me.

Raptors

My Kobolds have banks: entrusted with protecting their dragon lord's wealth, they lend a certain part of it for interest and thus feed the local economy and the dragon's treasury both.
The dragons weren't too keen on this at first but then they noticed the Kobolds's methods worked and caused a lot less adventurers trying to loot their hoard (since it was then a crime by humanoid law too) so now they're fine with It and their political influence on the setting only grew. Lately Kobolds have been using the surplus money to invest heavily on merchantile and manufactory operations and have become contributors to the local Adventurer's Guild, so It's a lot more common to see adventurers working for Kobolds than raiding their keeps.

Your players are the best and you should have encouraged them.

Canonically, dire weasels.

For those of you playing kobolds in 5e, do you have a set design for both male and female states?

YOU NAPPA
YOU GET SLAPPA

Goddamnit, I keep forgetting that this is a thing.

As if Kobold bait wasn't bad enough without them literally becoming your girlfriend for tonight.

I've yet to run into kobolds like that, but I'd assume their sexual characteristics would only be apparent to other kobolds- To their non-kobold friends, they'd still look the same.

Which probably weirds them out when that guy's drinking buddy walks into the bar in a skirt one day calling himself a her.

Vegeta? The fuck is this thing?

>Weeping Orc slave trade

fucking kek

I depict my kobolds as wide hipped and gamin one regardless of sex. Males have a splash of colored scales or plumage, but if they have breasts or pseudo breasts of some sort then both sexed have them, the only thing that changes aside from coloration is the equipment

>gamin one
I hate my phone, that was supposed to be Feminine

Why not big dogs?

A St Bernard trained for war would be frightenin'

...

Before Volo's Guide, my setting featured kobolds as simultaneous hermaphrodites; all kobolds have a cloaca and a seperate penile slit, and are wide-hipped (for the eggs), round-butted, flat-chested, feminine-looking shortstacks. Also, well-fed kobolds can grow breast-like deposits of fat on their chests, which are status symbols in some tribes. After Volo's Guide, I just didn't bother changing the idea.

I mean good art, but why is the barbarian Plague of Gripes

You mention this every time it comes up in a kobold thread, that's cool and all but damn it gets old to hear you compulsively bring it up

Because of all those anons talking about human/kobold couples... if such a couple could have biological children (because, seriously, D&D is messed up enough that mammal + reptilian/draconic shouldn't really be that hard to pull off), what would be your preference for the resultant species?

A full-fledged hybrid, ala the half-orc, half-elf, half-dwarf/mul, half-ogre, half-goblin and half-gnome?

A specific substrain/sub-race of kobold, like how Stout Halflings are said to be halfling/dwarf hybrids?

Or functionally a pure member of one parent species, whether gender equals breed or mother's species dominates or whatever?

It was from a draw thread. Simply a kobold riding on the shoulders of a fighter/barbarian

I feel like Kurtulmak would get pretty goddamn pissed off at Half-kobolds, considering he's still pretty salty about winged kobolds even after all this time

You do not want to know about my setting's kobolds, or about how they are integrated into the science fiction theme.