Differences between male and female wizards

one is male the other female

One produces more wizards via genetic donation and recombination from another specimen. The other produces more wizards through vegetative.

The genitals. Definitely the genitals.

none if they are good enough

>women always play yandere sorcerers
>Men usually play mad scientists

Bam

>-4 str

Where they place the wand

goes to same place regardless

>Missing the joke this hard

A male wizard puts out a fire by drawing the heat out and putting it into a rock or something that wouldn't notice it.

A female wizard puts out a fire by smothering it in a bit of water, or pulling the air away.

>Oh, damn, I can never find ANYTHING in this spellbook!

>Sweetie, just use a Find Location spell. Pull over, I'm sure that man has some material components.

>Oh, damn. Honey, could you cast Open Container for me with your big, strong arms?

One enjoys The Three Knavish Brothers, the other prefers Fornication in the Fiefdom.

The location of their beard

>No, we are NOT spending this Thanksgiving with your pact demon! Ugh, just remembering all the last year's mess.

/thread

New project: Home Improvement-esque sitcom with wizards.

>Honey, did you paint the dungeon like you said you would?
>Just a sec. I've been perfecting a spell that'll do it for me.
>For the last two weeks?
>Look, when I get this baby running, it'll paint the dungeon in seconds!
>Seems like you could've painted the dungeon in less than two weeks.
[laugh track]
>Look, next time you want me to paint the tower, you'll be thankful I've got this spell done.
>Next time I want you to paint the tower, the dungeon will still need to be painted!
[laugh track]
>Okay, step back. Just about... there! Let 'er rip!
The spell whirs and sprays the entire room with paint, covering both wizards.
>...ta-da!
The wifezard wipes the paint away from her face, revealing a bemused expression.

Scene transition: a rabbit flies out of a hat, opens mouth, hat flies out of rabbit. Second hat turns towards camera, causing it to fade to black.

The size of the wand

A male's wizard sleeve is only on his robes.

One prefers crystal balls, the other uses scrying orbs.

...

I'd watch it.

The male live for a thousand years while the female burns at the stake

writing this down somewhere
if I ever make it big in hollywood I'll credit you as Anonymous 50920684

The B-plot: Stacey wants her and Ben's relationship to go to the next level, and is trying to persuade him to summon a joint familiar together, but unbeknownst to her, he can't cast conjuration magic and is too ashamed to admit it.

>cast Open Container for me
okay, that was funny

I know this isn't what the thread is going for, but Pratchett wrote at length about just this topic:
ansible.uk/misc/tpspeech.html

kek

Female wizards can make a sandwich without expending a spell slot.

In general, the major difference between male and female humanoids lies in the shape and mechanism of the genitals. Assuming, of course, that you are talking about humanoid wizards.

One is destructive, egotistical, nearly unstoppable force of chaos, which bring only calamity and disasters.
The other one is a male.

I'd watch it.
>wifezard is in bed with another wizard
>legitimate wizard comes home
>wizard jumps naked in a closet
>there's an army of skeletons in that closet
>turns out the wizard has a plan to conquer the world

It's a good way to introduce a "negromancer" pun too

Buying a one-way trip to LA now

And of course, you've got to have the "Wilson" wizard in the tower next door.

One of them wears dresses
The other one is a girl

You're more likely to get bullied as a Femwiz ;^D

but equally like to get bullied as a Manwiz >:^(

One has -4 str, and the other is also a wizard.

one produces extra fluids of magical utility

Greatest hits of dwarven music

Whistle while they Twerk. Ft. Lil' Jon

Gold Gold Gold Gold (Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold)

youtube.com/watch?v=ZzHqXzcuWuE

>female wizards
The wizard's staff has a knob on the end.

t. Ed Greenwood

"Heigh-ho!" By the Single Word Character Descriptions

Culturally, most Wizards eventually learn illusion spells to make them look however they please.

Male Wizards generally make themselves look old, learned, and long-bearded, mostly because that's the trend or style. They may grow old naturally, but these spells will keep them looking wise and powerful but being just as spry. Comparatively, female Wizards generally make themselves look as youthful, beautiful, and shapely as possible, meaning a 145 year-old can look 21.

Though there's usually only so many Wizards/magic users in a setting before it becomes unbelievably JRPG-ish, there are still a few exceptions to this.

I wanna rock!

Tits.

What's the deal with this guy? Who is he?

dude from the threads where Veeky Forums comes up with funny responses
alternatively, dude from Whose line it is anyway

"Things you can say to your healer, but not to your wife"

you make the pain go away.

what the fuck is wrong with you you fucking faggot
it's large busty female spellcasters that do the bullying in the first place

Get on your knees already, what the hell do you think I keep you around for?

"I love you too"

I don't care that it smells, get in the hole!

It's not violence when there's love.

How much I owe you?

Thanks, that felt pretty great

Marry me

Please don't leave me.

Hey, I bought a new wand for you to use on me

Wifezard and Wuzband

"Remind me, how many people you can manage at once comfortably?"

*giggle*

Stop squirming, there's nothing wrong about being princess carried once in a while.

Welp, it's dead. Time to get a new one.

I got chlamydia... Yes again.

Lay your hands on me.

Yfw when the legitimate husband wizard is ted cruz.

A wizard that can't alter its own gentiles is not worthy of the title.

>A wizard that can't alter its own gentiles
>gentiles
So we talking about some kind of Kabbalah wizards here?

>Year of the Messiah 1065
>Not owning 2800 gentiles

I shoyim goyim.

Of course, don't you have any gentiles you shmendrik?

Just like the real Home Improvement, Thaumaturge Time is the best part of the show

>The message is clear, boys: that's what happens to you if you let the real powerful magic get into the hands of women.
Having read up on Arthurian lit myself, I thought the point of Nimue/Nivian was that Merlin was thinking with his dick and was blind to her hating him with every fiber of her being.

>Honey, where are the kids?
>The apprentices are out searching for the ingredients you asked them for!
>Oh, right, I did need dragon powder. But they should be back by now, the market isn't that far
[MEANWHILE]
>Apprentices die horribly/hilariously to a dragon
[laugh track]

Who's just a disembodied head in a jar, the bottom half of which opaque.

Yes, but petite, boyish spellcasters are among the most bullied of all party members.

The Rolling Stones.

When they talk about transmutation, jews are talking about that inflation

"1d6"

You don't mind if I drink right from the potion bottle, right?

I glad you're around

This is one dank meme I actually enjoy seeing. Keep posting user.

We call one "witches", and burn it at the stake.

Yeah but only if the male wizard doesnt go mad first, or the female wizard isnt too bust pulling her braid.

Under rated post.

>too bust pulling her braid
I don't think Nynaeves tits are THAT big

>Implying a female wizard wouldn't invent spells specifically designed to make her look objectively perfect at all times

I dont know, they like to compare their figures fairly often too.

First time reading through the series and the female half of the books drives me up a damn wall when they arent learning new shit about the age of legends or the one power.