Story time?

What did ever happen to the original storythreads? I thought it was every week, now it seemed to be not around.

I'm not sure, some people seem to be particularly bitchy about so called off-topic things.

They are still posted, methinks. It's just that their content is pretty mediocre.

does anyone have the one about the asshole fighter who turned out to be a paladin?

A classic.

Just how the fuck would someone call this person that guy? Please tell me this is just a joke, because this is fucking awesome.

That Guy detected.
Doing "random" stuff every session is fun for one person, you.
Everyone else is sick of it, they're there to play and have fun, not wait for you to finish with your stupid shit.
I feel bad for your DM.

This picture honestly pisses me off. Maybe the guy was doing it obnoxiously, but from what I read it looks like the player just liked lighthearted games and incorporating his own ideas instead of being turbo-railroaded by some dickish GM that dismissed having fun as being "That Guy" and refused to adapt his game at all.

> tl;dr: 10/10 bait, I'm mad.

>incorporating his own ideas instead of being turbo-railroaded by some dickish GM
>purposely avoids any and all plot hooks
Somehow that doesn't add up.
He's actively not playing at all to do stupid shit.
He was 100% That Guy.

>not being able to roll with the fun shit players come up with
>needing to railroad them into your specific plot
>not being able to work around the characters quirks and still incorporate your story
>not being able to talk to someone like a fucking adult if their actions as a character really bother you that much
shit DM detected

Ok yeah that's not exactly ideal. As foreverGM that deals with a lot of new players, I'd probably try to talk with him about having an arc or two his way, then eventually get the main campaign in while tying in a theme or two he was trying for. Maybe have the campaign involve his delivery service or something.

Also, who the fuck put plot important info in the head of a random aggressive orc NPC that can be one shot by a character of your own design?

But anyway, not trying to derail this thread with opinions on some game no one here saw, have some content.

>fun shit
Forcing everyone to do nothing of merit the whole session is not "fun shit"
>>needing to railroad them into your specific plot
Sure, why bother spending time coming up with a plot at all.
Let's just meet up and come up with "epic, random" shit to do for 6 hours, what a great idea.
>characters quirks
Actively fucking with everything set up and ruining everyone else's time is not a character quirk, that's literally being That Guy.

>>not being able to talk to someone like a fucking adult if their actions as a character really bother you that much
You seem to be under the impression I wrote that screencap.
I'm not putting up with your stupid shit, you get a chance after being told to cut it out.
If all you want to do is fuck around and try to get cheap laughs by making TV references, then you can fuck off.
It's not even bad if it's original things you're coming up with because that would be great, I'm not sitting through 6 hours of "lmao TV".

Are you fucking kidding me? If that GM had rolled with the Farnsworth one he would have been able to hook them into literally any plot with, and here's the kicker, a fucking package. Easiest one is they're engaged to deliver one, uh oh evil guy steals it, he doesn't keep it and hands it off to his boss who does it again and again and again until BBEG, a rival of the person who bought what was in the package, that's the first thing that popped into my head when I read that. That's a case of That GM turning a player into That Guy, he fucking deserved the shit he got after he killed Farnsworth.

All of those things may be considered fun by the other people at the table. If they want to play remade tv characters and do non-plot-intensive things, they can do those things. Of course, since the GM isn't enjoying those things in the screencap, that's not truly what's happening, so he could either talk with the group or get a different player/group.

Anyway, here's some more storytime-relevent stuff

I concur. Additional option: the BBEG ends up being the person they had to deliver the package to in the first place, and all the previous stealings were two factions swiping the macguffin so much that everything got turned around.

That GM showed no initiative, no spirit and no improvisation. If I were the Farnsworth player I'd fucking punish him, just because he killed my Professor, especially if he had done so, like in the story, without discussing the issues beforehand.

>I'd fucking punish him
You already were by playing it in the first place.

Nah I saw the Professor as a legit character gimmicky perhaps, but legit, he didn't want to roll with what his players were doing so he punished the one who came up with the idea. Never mind that if you think about it package delivery is about half of what adventurers do, the GM should have been smart enough to roll with it rather than be a bully.

One of my favorites

I fucking wish my players had characters with a sense of self agency like this guy. I always have to push them to make decisions even after I get them on a plot.

...

...

...

First char sounds annoying.
Second char possibly annoying, but who could hate someone who wants to give everyone ice cream?
Third char is entirely the GM's fault.

>GM sends foe for party to fight
>Party slays foe
>End session, cuz GM underestimates a PC the GM personally created

...

...

the first character could have been used a hundred thousand ways to make a campaign he was just too autistic or retarded to fucking use the fuel his player was serving up.

...

>Because in pathfinder, just about any weapon can get sneak attack damage.
This kinda bothers me, because I know any weapon can get sneak attack in 3e and 3.5e, which PF is based off of. The only thing that PF changed about sneak attack is that you can sneak attack anything, regardless of creature type, and get your extra damage.

The rest of it is great, though. Just that one little thing bothers me. Krod sounds fucking hilarious.

wtf it's this goddam long ?

Yeah, it's a big one but a good one.

i'll read it another time, too lazy now

Okay, user.

CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED

...

Holy shit that one's fucking gold
I hope there's more, I wish to know what gunpowder-infused cokefiend sentient pigs would plan to do that caused the party to fight them

Jesus Christ, this is the first story thread I think I've seen in months, and it's so anemic.

I'm prescribing a regimen of 30ccs of greeentext, beginning immediately.

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

I suppose a lot of these aren't stories per se, but just funny posts that I brought me happiness. I'll post something a bit more substantial momentarily.

This isn't a tabletop story, but I love it all the same (and really, doesn't it kind of sound like it should be one?)

...

I've been looking for that, thanks man.

Happy to oblige.

Oops, forgot the story
This one is a bit more emotional. Really gave me some feels when I read it. I'd love to be able to pull something like this off with my group.

I laugh every fucking time I read this one. I wish my player's meme characters were anywhere close to this original and consistently funny.

The windup

And the pitch!

...

...

Anyone got the Mage game that ended up going full JoJo?

I'll go ahead and wrap up here.
I have a few other things, but I don't really feel like posting anything else.

RULE OF TWO
RULE OF TWO

>hands problem player a character he personally made as a method of containment
>underestimates the character he personally made and gets upset that an enemy attacking the group is killed as a result
suicide is an option

Thanks for the dump, will post some myself when it isn't 3 am

i missed those recollection threads.

...

oh wow
that rhyming

...

...

...

Requesting an old storytime about a Paladin who turns himself into a holy relativistic kill vehicle by dropping himself from orbit onto the BBEG's army.

tangentially related to LARPing, it counts, sort of, probably more appropriate for /cgl/ since larp generals moved over there

The Ballad of Edgardo pt:1

The Ballad of Edgardo pt:2

there really needs to be a 'Veeky Forums: the musical' at some point. If /v/ can do it surely we should be able to.

>one for the britfags out there

i feel it would work better without giving it away in the filename

I have a WFRP story I could share if anyone's interested, it's an investigation story by a bunch of murderhobos who don't really like each other it was a fun session. Anyone interested?

>asking before posting a story
>in a storytime thread

Hit me up, family

Alrighty, as I said the players are also mostly murder hobos out for themselves in the anarchy following the Storm of Chaos, but sometimes do good things.
The party was composed of five characters, they had problems finding any real reason to stick together, but as only one of them had concrete long term aspiration they haphazardly decided many murder hobos together was better than traveling alone. I’ll be typing as a go here so there may be some delays.

Fabio: a Tilean mercenary who had fought clean up actions in the Empire following Archaon’s defeat. He ended up staying in the Empire in the hope of quick riches doing dirty work with the hope of replacing some dead petty noble. Wannabe mobster, managed to nick warpstone from a chaos cult the party killed without anyone seeing. He later sold this to some Tilean other mobsters which led to it eventually causing an entire Imperial town to become horrible mutants and clog a key supply line. He completely got away with this scot free. Wears a disgustingly expensive set of purple noble’s garb with gold lace that he has yet to wash. If you asked his player, Fabio’s end goal was “Money and bitches.”
-Good all-around, no real specialty.
-Sometimes party leader.

Osprant: Clinically insane. Had an epiphany around his middle-age and became a wandering tree-hobo who lived in the woods and never bathed. Because of this he became deeply enthralled with the teachings of Taal to the point of becoming a taalite flagellant. After several near death experiences with the party, he gained enough muscle mass and lost enough sanity to be considered a scourge of Taal. Manages to survive through the impossible despite refusing to wear any kind of protection or armor. Seeks to annihilate all that is unnatural and hangs out with the party due to their tendency to run into the unnatural. Still refuses to bathe.
-Wonderful meat shield.
-Surprisingly good at sneaky things, very fast runner.
-No negotiation, no nuance, kill bad things.

Sorgrim: A soldier from Middenland who served during the storm of chaos. His player lucked out and managed to procure some plate/establish contacts early on leading to him joining a knightly order and classing into knight. He functionally become specced out for combat and nothing else, with an INT stat only one or two levels above a horse. This meant out of combat he was functionally useless, this was helped by the fact his player heavily smoked pot or tried to play pokemon during every session.
-Combat Monster.
-Useless out of combat, in and out of character.

Ulrike : 5’2, barely over 100 pounds, fairly cute. Also a furious priest of Ulric dedicated to honor and combat. Has experienced some hardship due to being a female priest but in general gives no shit about gender and has devoted her life to Ulric. Ironically due to the party’s retardation, her berserk love for Ulric somehow ends up the voice of reason. Hangs out with the party after being unable to find a permanent preaching position anywhere, thus deciding to function as a travelling preacher and gain knowledge of Ulric by crushing his enemies (primarily beastmen and chaosjerks).
-Sometimes party leader, always party moral compass.
-Low level ulrican magic is still pretty good magic.
-Surprisingly tanky.

Imhol Elfsomething: Imhol’s player made two crucial mistakes. One, he made his character an elf, which the rest of the party didn’t approve of. Two, he made his name close to “in hole” which resulted in numerous puns, more often than not he was referred to as Dimhol by the party. He was also a cartographer, and spent a considerable amount of his money on maps. In and out of combat he was entirely devoted to his survival, which in WFRP meant he usually sacrificed his teammates to save his own skin in combat, leading to even more animosity towards him. He also was a shitter in combat who couldn’t hit an arrow shot even as elf, but that’s another story.
-Attempts to be the party face but doesn’t really know what to say. Also an Elf, which goes over poorly with a lot of old-worlders.
-Strong potential, if he could class up he could gain some good social skills which the party really lacks while also becoming useful in combat.
-Hated by party.
-squishy as shit, 2 TB (reduces damage for those of you unfamiliar with the system) and 10 wounds (lowest possible).
-Really hated by party.

This was far from the original group. Initially, there were several of them who met in a small southern Middenland town and got caught up in a Beastman reenactment of the Battle of the Bulge as K.F & Co pushed Archaon back. The original group lost its “leader” of a third-born noble son to a minotaur and its Dwarf to a Burgomeister turned Wendigo. However after a couple close calls and doing some blackwatch work for some indiscriminate nobles, the party had managed to set itself up as mildly competent problem solvers. After curing the aforementioned noble Wendigo he referred the party to a friend of his who had been having trouble with grave robbers. The party was instructed to meet him in his village in the North of Middenland, roughly three or four days travel from Middenheim.

After a shitty journey through the rain and backwoods, including several encounters with Beastmen, the group arrived at a quaint little Middenland town that had avoided the worst of the war. The towns people seem mostly friendly, if suspicious of outsiders and the town inn/bar keeper hooks them up with rooms for a few days at a decent price. The town had no real services to speak of beyond the combined inn/bar so the party decided that they may as well make it quick and headed to the small noble villa on the edge of town to arrange terms.

The town’s lord, who henceforth will be referred to as Wilhelm because I don’t remember his name, was composed of roughly 50% fat and 50% overly puffy shirt. He was a very red faced and pleasant man who very quickly agreed to the party’s highest price for payment and rushed through an explanation of the town’s troubles.
The party learned that over the past several weeks the citizens had been complaining of strange noises from the graveyards and a few prominent families had bodies stolen from their above-ground tombs. He wanted the grave robbers caught, dead or alive and would pay a bonus if the bodies could be found.
As he finished up his rushed explanation a feminine voice called out from the other room.
“Oh Willieeeeeeeee.”
Before the party could ask any follow up question they were politely but firmly ordered/pushed out of the Villa. As the door close they briefly saw “Willie” run off excitedly to the other room.
By this point there aren’t very many options so the group forms a brief huddle and decides to investigate the graveyard and plan a stakeout. They learn from the innkeeper that the town’s priest of Morr was previously part of a Templar knight order, and answered the call when the Storm of Chaos broke out.
Ever since then, as the closest thing to a community representative, the Innkeeper has been trying to keep watch of the graveyard himself but isn’t able to cover the whole thing himself/sleep 2 hours a night every night. (For those who don’t know in Warhammer, Morr is the human lord of death in the setting, whose priests man graveyards to protect them from necromancers.) He hasn’t seen anything unusual in any of his patrols by himself, but he was the one who discovered the missing bodies and found the locks on several mausoleums broken. He can’t offer the party any clues.

...

Now, with all this talking, Osprant is bored. Bored and angry. He wants nature to hang out in and un-nature to kill. So, when the party moves to investigate the graveyard, he climbs up a tree roughly 20ft from the graveyard fence and meditates. Sorgrim, likewise bored, follows the party like a zombie and plays pokemon. During the actual investigation, 2/3 of the remaining party fails to notice the strange colored patches of grass in their path and are trapped in Gravegrass. Which is basically a thorny-spring-based Venus fly trap that feeds on people. Fabio and Imhol are cut out of the grass by Ulrike, but she takes her sweet time in doing so.

The actual investigation of the graveyard terms up nothing of note beyond what the Inn-keeper said. Several mausoleums have broken locks, some bodies are missing, but there are no clues.

Stumped, the party decides to take up various positions in the graveyard/forest and hold a stake out.
After a couple hours of waiting, the party sees Osprant leap out of his tree and sprint toward the graveyard while screaming about Taal. Suddenly, they also notice another shadowy figure bolt from the graveyard. Obviously, the party gives chase. A few times they nearly lose the figure but Osprant manages to tail it through a hunting path in the woods to a small, shitty looking, two story shack. As the reach the cabin, or rather as Osprant reaches the shack, there is enough moonlight to clearly see a very dirty, disheveled man slam the door behind him. Osprant, being Osprant, smashes against the door but is repulsed as large sounding locks slam into place.

He spends the next five minutes smashing down the door with his flail, giving the rest of the party time to catch up to him. As they arrive, the party can see the floor of the house is covered in small paper pamphlets, coated with varying degrees of filth.

Not wanting to be the group mook, Fabio gently prods Osprant to feel free to enter the suspicious and spooky looking house first. Happily obliging, Osprant decides to coat his flail in alcohol and light it on fire to see and then runs in screaming.

He is promptly shot in the side by a crossbow bolt.

Now, as the party’s meatshield, Osprant’s player had an amazing ability to pass nearly all save or die rolls when he moved onto the Crit table, which is what governs your fate when you go below 0 wounds in WFRP. Because of this, he happily rushed through two more rooms, and took two more crossbow bolts in the chest before screaming “Shit’s trapped yo!” And running outside.

Deciding that they should try to think, Fabio grabbed a few pamphlets from the floor of main entranceway the group had already cleared and brought them outside to try and read. Unfortunately, Fabio cannot read, in fact no one could read except Ulrike or Imhol. The DM passed Ulrike’s player several note cards detailing the pamphlets. After a minute or two Ulrike said they boiled down to two points.
1: Karl Franz is a lizard person in a cloak made of human skin seeking to control the Empire
2: His closest advisors are all “wee men” which the party took to men half things in disguise. Imhol confirmed that the pamphlets were basically worthless.
Clearly, the pamphlets wouldn’t be of any use so the party took another quick huddle and decided to attempt to shield wall their way through the house. Imhol said he would “stand guard” at the door in order to prevent the grave robber from escaping as they clear the house room by room.
Overall the plan worked fairly well, outside of a few more crossbow traps being sprung when the party checks drawers and wardrobes on the man floor no real injuries were taken.

as much as i like this story, it still triggers me that he called him LOS and not EL