Veeky Forums, I would like to play a game with you based on cryptic/poor dungeon mastering back in the day. I will describe a scenario and would like to see if anyone can figure out the DM's logic:
>A band of adventurers are traversing a dungeon >the Thief detects a trap in the floor set to release poison gas >he makes his roll to disarm it. >The party moves forward >DM: 'you guys are taking poison damage.'
Eventually the party wrangled an answer out of the DM as to why they were taking said damage. He said it was obvious. What was his reasoning?
I will reveal his answer if no one gets it after a few good guesses.
The disarm traps check failed and the mean DM did not indicate.
Hudson Reyes
The DM forgot to say "as far as you know" or "you can't be sure" when describing the thieves failure.
Parker White
Oh, duh. The trap mechanism was itself trapped and the rogue didn't think to check that. Disarming the first trap triggered the second and filled the hall with an invisible poison gas to give all the show of a successful disarmament.
Ayden Cruz
Also forgot to say the trap triggered, which is a dick move.
Asher Morgan
The trap had been set off previously, and being in a dungeon, no fresh air had gone in to replace it.
Oliver Carter
The trigger released poison gas FROM the room they were in.
Tyler Howard
The trap was also set in the walls or ceiling.
Jackson Thompson
That's kind of a good trap.
Nay, though. The answer is that the DM's idea of 'disarm' is 'set off safely'. So according to the DM the thief set the trap off, went back to the party out of range of the gas, then they all immediately walked into the cloud of poison.
New round:
>An adventurer leaves his friends in the tavern to visit the smithy >on his way there he travels down a quiet street >DM: 'you take five points of damage' (damage pronounced with a 'ch') >Player: 'What why? What happened?' >DM: 'You don't know. You take another five points of damage.'
What on earth is happening to this player?
Elijah Gonzalez
Note: the pronunciation doesn't factor into the solution, that's just how he talks.
Jonathan Murphy
If it's 5e, someone is doing that stupid undetectable psychic damage spell.
Brayden Peterson
No. That does sound bullshit though. These examples are tales from the AD&D days of terrible descriptive skills and ridiculous assumptions.
Wyatt Nguyen
Thought spear.
Austin Jones
Gas ventilating from the blacksmith?
Ayden Mitchell
He didn't bother drinking and is taking damage from overexertion/dehydration?
Jacob Lee
ooh not quite. But that is the sort of thing that he would come out with.
Colton Hughes
Street was freshly paved and he's taking poison damage from breathing it in?
Elijah Cooper
The dagger in his backpack/bag is slapping him in the back?
Jonathan Lee
Sonic damage from the "quiet street" He is walking on it so it doesn't require an attack roll or a saving throw.
Nolan Bell
This is the closest so far. Few more and I will reveal the true essence of DMing.
Jaxson Foster
Raped by a ghost.
Nicholas Brown
It turns out the player turned into a vampire or something and the sunlight is killing him.
Michael Jenkins
Why does your group play with him? He sounds unbearably stupid.
Cameron James
Rock in his shoe or stepped on something sharp?
Noah White
shush, this is fun
Oliver Parker
I love hearing about stupid players and DMs
Cooper Flores
spoiler: the guy is OP
Jason Perry
Me too!
Aaron Campbell
Something sharp is indeed involved. He was taking damage because he was being shot with a bow from behind. He didn't know about it because he didn't turn around to check.
New round:
>The game takes a spooky turn and the DM decides to turn up the atmosphere. >DM: 'You guys are in a graveyard {pronounced with a J}, 1d4 skeletons appear before you.' >The DM thinks the players have all they need to clearly picture what he is showing them and is resentful when they ask for more information.
What is the DM trying to convey?
Josiah Campbell
That his mother and father were brother and sister?
Kayden Kelly
>What is the DM trying to convey? Spookiness?
Jose Harris
did he not tell them if it was 1, 2, 3 or 4 skeletons?
Jason Murphy
I'm more curious.
Jraveyard or Gravejard?
Also, the skeletons are just normal, but some of the graves have been dug up.
Jack Green
He's attempting to convey that the players are in a graveyard and there are some skeletons?
Or open graves.
Austin Stewart
FUCKING STOP PLEASE! Wait, was it jraveyard or graveyarj? I NEED TO KNOW.
Oliver Martinez
So this DM just says stats and doesn't describe anything, the thing that ought to make up 99% of what a DM is saying?
Leo Diaz
He's running a module and forgot what 1d4 means?
Why do you play with him? I am convinced that your group just likes to fuck with the local autist.
Julian Wright
Illusion!
Adam Brooks
I got it!
The DM is a special needs kid who wants to be in charge and the players are the schmucks that got stuck fulfilling his dreams.
The answer is: There was a fog in the graveyard. The players could see one skeleton coming through it and there were other shadows or hints of movement that might have been skeletons but not enough for there to be five. No, it did not occur to him to say 'you're in a misty graveyard'.
New round:
This is the best one imo.
>The party is fleeing from an evil fortress with hellhounds in hot pursuit. >They come to a chasm too wide to leap. There is a tall tree growing at the edge of the chasm. >The burly fighter tests to push the tree over. >He does! It works perfectly and it topples over forming a bridge. >DM to the figher: 'You take damage and die. Your friends can't recover the body!' >No one has any idea what just happened.
He somehow managed to pull it into the chasm and fell down it while getting the tree across instead of pushing from the other end like someone not an idiot.
Jose Edwards
He rolled high on the strength check and the tree already would have broken easily, tree falls, he keeps going, stumbles, and faceplants at the bottom of a cliff.
David Fisher
He jumped onto the side of the tree facing the chasm, it fell down, so the force of the tree hitting the ground caused him to lose his grip and die.
Matthew Jones
These are all excellent guesses but not what happened.
Dominic Evans
The tree was a Treant and got an attack of opportunity/critical on the fighter?
Evan Ward
How the fuck would you not notice that you're being shot?
Samuel King
Unironic question OP, was the DM special-ed and you had to play with him or else your parents would take your TV-privileges away or why did you keep up with such shit?
Nathaniel Reed
Was it something to do with the tree? Or the chasm?
Matthew Peterson
The tree falling over caused its roots to rip out of the ground, the force of which somehow catapulted the fighter into the chasm...
is what I want to say, but somehow I get the feeling that's not nearly retarded enough.
Jose Sanchez
That's feindish, but no. This was in the AD&D era and before attacks of opportunity. The fighter had to make a Bend Bars, Lift Gates roll, actually iirc.
Lucas Scott
He pushed it so hard that he uprooted the tree from the base, the top flipped back around and hit him in the ass, and he fell into the chasm before the tree, now fully flipped, settles into place.
Ethan Myers
First one to attempt to cross and he fell for some asinine reason.
Please tell us why you bothered with this chuckle-fuck? You should have tried to GM instead.
Andrew Bailey
BINGO!!!! Winner winner! That's what happened!
The roots came up out of the ground as the tree went over. They tore into the fighter, killing him, and their momentum flung his body into the chasm.
I thought someone would guess that one. I am pretty sure it was actually part of a module but the DM was so inept at description and drama that all effect was lost.
Congrats user, you have guessed the DM's logic! Now his curse has passed unto you.
Xavier Green
Nah, my lack of autism grants a measure of immunity
Brandon Barnes
this shit is gold
Owen Rodriguez
Gonna go through all of these
He only made the roll, but he didn't actually succeed the roll?
Well that's fucking dumb. For new round: I'm guessing that he's being attacked by an assassin but can't see in the darkness.
Almost got it, oh well. For new round: Maybe he wanted the players to roll to see how many skeletons appeared?
Got that wrong too. Next round: The fighter was on the wrong side of the tree and got squashed
Holy shit. Well thanks for the laugh OP.
Leo Evans
Are there more
I want more
Tell some fucking stories about this group, how'd you end up with this maniac
Caleb Torres
please tell me there is more
Carson Roberts
Here ya go
David Gray
He suceeded the roll, and the trap was disarmed according to the DM's definition.
Yes its dumb. But he couldn't see his attacker nor could he be certain that the damage was from arrows, bolts, knives, whatever so the DM halted all explanation at the point of uncertainty.
John Rivera
I'm just so confused why the DM wasn't able to give any sort of description, as if he thought that the players were inside his mind or something.
Jeremiah Fisher
One of the definitions of autism is a lack of a theory of mind. Meaning you can't understand something from any perspective other than your own so if a description is good enough for you its good enough for everyone.
Joshua Nelson
Fucking perfect
Colton Wilson
Basically, yeah. His logic was that if he imagines a misty graveyard with 1d4 skeletons in it, then saying that there is 1d4 skeletons implies a misty graveyard. And no more need be said.
David Gonzalez
Why would anyone who thinks like that even want to play RPGs in the first place?
Samuel Carter
It's kind of like the Dunning-Krueger effect. When you lack a theory of mind you don't realize it.
Matthew King
Because they want other people to live in their strange little world.
Eli Howard
You take 1d12 damage
Carson Cruz
What!? Why?
Cameron Hughes
From me stealing your theory of mind.
Wyatt Morgan
This is on page 10 but I thought it was a good joke user
