Guess the DM's Logic

Veeky Forums, I would like to play a game with you based on cryptic/poor dungeon mastering back in the day. I will describe a scenario and would like to see if anyone can figure out the DM's logic:

>A band of adventurers are traversing a dungeon
>the Thief detects a trap in the floor set to release poison gas
>he makes his roll to disarm it.
>The party moves forward
>DM: 'you guys are taking poison damage.'

Eventually the party wrangled an answer out of the DM as to why they were taking said damage. He said it was obvious. What was his reasoning?

I will reveal his answer if no one gets it after a few good guesses.

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The disarm traps check failed and the mean DM did not indicate.

The DM forgot to say "as far as you know" or "you can't be sure" when describing the thieves failure.

Oh, duh. The trap mechanism was itself trapped and the rogue didn't think to check that. Disarming the first trap triggered the second and filled the hall with an invisible poison gas to give all the show of a successful disarmament.

Also forgot to say the trap triggered, which is a dick move.

The trap had been set off previously, and being in a dungeon, no fresh air had gone in to replace it.

The trigger released poison gas FROM the room they were in.

The trap was also set in the walls or ceiling.

That's kind of a good trap.

Nay, though. The answer is that the DM's idea of 'disarm' is 'set off safely'. So according to the DM the thief set the trap off, went back to the party out of range of the gas, then they all immediately walked into the cloud of poison.

New round:

>An adventurer leaves his friends in the tavern to visit the smithy
>on his way there he travels down a quiet street
>DM: 'you take five points of damage' (damage pronounced with a 'ch')
>Player: 'What why? What happened?'
>DM: 'You don't know. You take another five points of damage.'

What on earth is happening to this player?

Note: the pronunciation doesn't factor into the solution, that's just how he talks.

If it's 5e, someone is doing that stupid undetectable psychic damage spell.

No. That does sound bullshit though. These examples are tales from the AD&D days of terrible descriptive skills and ridiculous assumptions.

Thought spear.

Gas ventilating from the blacksmith?

He didn't bother drinking and is taking damage from overexertion/dehydration?

ooh not quite. But that is the sort of thing that he would come out with.

Street was freshly paved and he's taking poison damage from breathing it in?

The dagger in his backpack/bag is slapping him in the back?

Sonic damage from the "quiet street" He is walking on it so it doesn't require an attack roll or a saving throw.

This is the closest so far. Few more and I will reveal the true essence of DMing.

Raped by a ghost.

It turns out the player turned into a vampire or something and the sunlight is killing him.

Why does your group play with him?
He sounds unbearably stupid.

Rock in his shoe or stepped on something sharp?

shush, this is fun

I love hearing about stupid players and DMs

spoiler: the guy is OP

Me too!

Something sharp is indeed involved. He was taking damage because he was being shot with a bow from behind. He didn't know about it because he didn't turn around to check.

New round:

>The game takes a spooky turn and the DM decides to turn up the atmosphere.
>DM: 'You guys are in a graveyard {pronounced with a J}, 1d4 skeletons appear before you.'
>The DM thinks the players have all they need to clearly picture what he is showing them and is resentful when they ask for more information.

What is the DM trying to convey?

That his mother and father were brother and sister?

>What is the DM trying to convey?
Spookiness?

did he not tell them if it was 1, 2, 3 or 4 skeletons?

I'm more curious.

Jraveyard or Gravejard?

Also, the skeletons are just normal, but some of the graves have been dug up.

He's attempting to convey that the players are in a graveyard and there are some skeletons?

Or open graves.

FUCKING STOP PLEASE!
Wait, was it jraveyard or graveyarj?
I NEED TO KNOW.

So this DM just says stats and doesn't describe anything, the thing that ought to make up 99% of what a DM is saying?

He's running a module and forgot what 1d4 means?

Why do you play with him?
I am convinced that your group just likes to fuck with the local autist.

Illusion!

I got it!

The DM is a special needs kid who wants to be in charge and the players are the schmucks that got stuck fulfilling his dreams.

that he missed the short bus?

Audio version:

vocaroo.com/i/s0bwMvRI0HB6

Some kind of poison that's flared up in town?

Perfect

Ok, glad you could clear that up.

answer already faggot

dying

no idea what this could mean, this guy is a mess

...

The answer is: There was a fog in the graveyard. The players could see one skeleton coming through it and there were other shadows or hints of movement that might have been skeletons but not enough for there to be five. No, it did not occur to him to say 'you're in a misty graveyard'.

New round:

This is the best one imo.

>The party is fleeing from an evil fortress with hellhounds in hot pursuit.
>They come to a chasm too wide to leap. There is a tall tree growing at the edge of the chasm.
>The burly fighter tests to push the tree over.
>He does! It works perfectly and it topples over forming a bridge.
>DM to the figher: 'You take damage and die. Your friends can't recover the body!'
>No one has any idea what just happened.

What happened to the fighter?

Audio version:

vocaroo.com/i/s0OfHobfb0Sx

The tree fell on top of him?

He fell off when he pushed it didn't he?

He somehow managed to pull it into the chasm and fell down it while getting the tree across instead of pushing from the other end like someone not an idiot.

He rolled high on the strength check and the tree already would have broken easily, tree falls, he keeps going, stumbles, and faceplants at the bottom of a cliff.

He jumped onto the side of the tree facing the chasm, it fell down, so the force of the tree hitting the ground caused him to lose his grip and die.

These are all excellent guesses but not what happened.

The tree was a Treant and got an attack of opportunity/critical on the fighter?

How the fuck would you not notice that you're being shot?

Unironic question OP, was the DM special-ed and you had to play with him or else your parents would take your TV-privileges away or why did you keep up with such shit?

Was it something to do with the tree? Or the chasm?

The tree falling over caused its roots to rip out of the ground, the force of which somehow catapulted the fighter into the chasm...

is what I want to say, but somehow I get the feeling that's not nearly retarded enough.

That's feindish, but no. This was in the AD&D era and before attacks of opportunity. The fighter had to make a Bend Bars, Lift Gates roll, actually iirc.

He pushed it so hard that he uprooted the tree from the base, the top flipped back around and hit him in the ass, and he fell into the chasm before the tree, now fully flipped, settles into place.

First one to attempt to cross and he fell for some asinine reason.

Please tell us why you bothered with this chuckle-fuck? You should have tried to GM instead.

BINGO!!!! Winner winner!
That's what happened!

The roots came up out of the ground as the tree went over. They tore into the fighter, killing him, and their momentum flung his body into the chasm.

I thought someone would guess that one. I am pretty sure it was actually part of a module but the DM was so inept at description and drama that all effect was lost.

Congrats user, you have guessed the DM's logic! Now his curse has passed unto you.

Nah, my lack of autism grants a measure of immunity

this shit is gold

Gonna go through all of these

He only made the roll, but he didn't actually succeed the roll?

Well that's fucking dumb.
For new round: I'm guessing that he's being attacked by an assassin but can't see in the darkness.

Almost got it, oh well.
For new round: Maybe he wanted the players to roll to see how many skeletons appeared?

Got that wrong too.
Next round: The fighter was on the wrong side of the tree and got squashed

Holy shit. Well thanks for the laugh OP.

Are there more

I want more

Tell some fucking stories about this group, how'd you end up with this maniac

please tell me there is more

Here ya go

He suceeded the roll, and the trap was disarmed according to the DM's definition.

Yes its dumb. But he couldn't see his attacker nor could he be certain that the damage was from arrows, bolts, knives, whatever so the DM halted all explanation at the point of uncertainty.

I'm just so confused why the DM wasn't able to give any sort of description, as if he thought that the players were inside his mind or something.

One of the definitions of autism is a lack of a theory of mind. Meaning you can't understand something from any perspective other than your own so if a description is good enough for you its good enough for everyone.

Fucking perfect

Basically, yeah. His logic was that if he imagines a misty graveyard with 1d4 skeletons in it, then saying that there is 1d4 skeletons implies a misty graveyard.
And no more need be said.

Why would anyone who thinks like that even want to play RPGs in the first place?

It's kind of like the Dunning-Krueger effect. When you lack a theory of mind you don't realize it.

Because they want other people to live in their strange little world.

You take 1d12 damage

What!? Why?

From me stealing your theory of mind.

This is on page 10 but I thought it was a good joke user