"Sector Governor, my offer is clear. You must send me a million nubile young virgin woman...

++NAY! THOU SHALT NOT TAKE NARY A SINGLE INNOCENT SAVE BY BESTING ME, FOUL XENOS! HAVE AT THEE!

>create a million clone virgins

Good luck, mr. Archon.

>:V

>Give a million babies, male and female
You didn't specify gender or age in the fine print you fuck.

He did specify gender m8.

"My dear Archon, the fact that you are appearing in person and making demands rather than simply taking what you wish indicates that you don't have the resources nor support to actually be a threat, much less one to the entire sector. I will commend you for your bravado, it's quite charming really, but must decline your offer. However, let it never be said that I am a man who doesn't recognize opportunity; some of the settlements in the Ababad system are getting uppity, put the fear of the Emperor back into them. Spare the infrastructure and no reprisal will come to you."

>Pull a bolt in his head and jump above the decorated desk with surprise lightning claw

Didn't crawl out of the hice-city and trough assignement on a Death World, and all the shit that have this sector in my life to here to be threaten by some pussy wansy pain addicted fucher slowly soulsucked by a hermaphrodite masochist god who think the galaxy his is magical realm.

Bring your filthy kind, Archon, bring your Kabal, bring it all, and show me what can pass for fury for you, because the fury of mankind and the emperor will bring your end.

Yo mother fucker challenge the wrong pimp.

Wow, actually a good answer. Feel dumb when looking at mine now.

Raise them as traps. If they identify as female the gender rule doesn't change.

Execute Request Order
Adeptus Astartes Ultra

Response Incoming
...

Deploying Ultramarines.

And when that doesn't work, get the deathwatch.

>Nubile
>Young
>Virgin
>Women
What are you some kind of homosexual?

What country are you from? lewl
Sucks to be you cucks..

>"Sector Governor, my offer is clear. You must send me a million nubile young virgin woman, or I will destroy this entire sector! And I'll have you know, do not try to cheat me, for I will inspect. every. last. one."
As the Sector Governor my answer would have to be: 'eh - nah, don't think so mate'.

I mean, I'm sure you'll probably kill a lot of us. A fuckton of us, even, But we're not unarmed, and we'll certainly kill a few of you back.

See, the thing is: we're not immortal like you are. We live a century if we're lucky - and mostly we're not - so any of us you kill, well, who gives a shit? On a galactic scale you've deprived them of next to nothing. Whereas I bet it took you a century just to learn how to hold that over-designed sword properly. Think of an illiterate factory worker barely out of his teens, with an average life expectancy of less than forty years, gunning down a being that has stalked the galaxy since the time of the Emperor and has seen things that that factory kid couldn't even comprehend. That has to make you a little queasy, doesn't it? Well that's what's going to happen. If we put enough cheaply made lasrifles in the hands of enough cheaply grown factory workers, simple statistics make it inevitable.

We're also not a dying species - go ahead, ravage the sector if you feel like it. In a hundred years, two hundred tops, there will be countless billions of humans here living their brief lives as if you were never here. We belong to a species that has countless TRILLIONS of lives to spend. Whereas if you decide to come back and do this all over again in two hundred years, those holes in your ranks left by your dead friends - the ones's we got the first time around - are mostly still going to be there.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: if you want to destroy this entire subsector, fine, because there will always be more of us. Always. So for me this isn't a choice between the lives of a million nubile virgins versus the lives of everyone in this subsector. This is a choice between all those lives, and the pleasure I'll get from telling you to go fuck yourself and then watching as you spend the irreplaceable lives of your compatriots to teach us a lesson we won't even remember in a century or two.

I mean that literally. In a century or two some aged man of sixty will tell everyone how he remembers his grandfather telling him about the 'Great Virgin Wars', and people will say: 'Was that that time the Sororitas purged the government of Grendel III?' and other people will say 'No, you're thinking of the Virgins' Laws', and another person will say 'Was it the one with the greenskins? I'm sure I remember my grandfather telling me about a big greenskin raid' and the aged man will say 'no, that's not it... wait? Is it? I was sure the greenskin one was a different story, but my memory isn't what it used to be. Whatever, I'm pretty sure it was some sort of foul xenos. So anyway, the way it starts is the xenos leader - the ork warboss I guess - goes to the Sector Governor and demands a million nubile virgins...'

Anyway, I'm rambling a bit at this point, but I think I've made myself clear: not only is it my duty as a loyal servant of the Emperor to put the opportunity to fuck you over above the lives of every human being in my Sector, but it is also my personal pleasure.

So, xenos scum, in the name of the Emperor: go fuck yourself.

Epic

That feel when you steal an entire sector from under the nose of the Sector Governor by stirring up some bullshit about wanting 'virgins' or whatever to distract him

>-meaning you prey only on the defenseless
dark eldar, m8

They raid and hide because they don't want to get turbofucked by the various powers swinging their dicks around,

Coming to our planet and stealing our chicks, somebody's gonna pay for that!

Also, "nubile" means "of appropriate age to be married". Which, back when people actually used the word "nubile", typically meant 14-17.

This, this is a good Post. No Heresy here.

haha epic dude humanity fudge yeah amirite?

What was that I heard?

Ignore him, Sector Governor. Instead, send those nubile virgin Mon'keigh women to me, they make excellent workers, and I'll be sure to split the "profits", and perhaps chase off this knave, free of charge. Can't get a deal like that from any Reaver Lord I assure you.

you sure you can handle 1 million of our girls?

My dear Governor, allow me to apologize for the rudeness of my wretched kin.
Allow me to see these ruffians off for you, and then you and I can work out a proper...payment later, in private.

I'll give you those girls, and some boys to boot, and some lasguns and Russ's for good measure you chalky knife eared eyeliner wearing limp wristed xeno clone self harming poison shooting tank floating 10AC having bike riding hellraiserknockoffing soul stealing daemon kowtowing pole proportioned MOTHER FRAKKER!

This is pure autism on my part, but there's no way a non-augmented human could pull a gun and kill an Archon in close quarters.

Sure he could.
I mean, if his followers slit the Archon's throat, disemboweled him and broke all his limbs before leaving him for dead.

The proper Dark Eldar scenario here is to make the demand, knowing that the System Governor would flatly refuse in a public way.

Then you abduct the governor and torture him in the most inhuman and nightmarish way possible so that he immediately demands the surrender of the women to the very same lieutenants he was encoruaging to be defiant days before.

That's how the Dark Eldar roll. They're concern trolls on a grand scale. System-wide embarassmemt.

Oh wow, I'm soooo scared. Whatever will I do, the scary Xenia is threatening me!

SEND IN THE GUARD! GET THE NEAREST MARINE CHAPTER ON THE LINE TOO, WE GOT SOME DUMBASS XENOS TO PURGE!

>Bitching about HFY in a 40k thread of all places.

Do you work to be this retarded, or were you just born this way?

"Sector Governor! Enough of these games. I'm going into battle, and I need only your strongest virgins."

>A million Sisters of Battle are sent to destroy the Eldar fleet

>My virgins are too strong for you, traveller.

Hey, secretary. How many 30 yo virgins do we have in death camps for illegal psycers? Send 1 million of them to that xeno faggot and watch the fireworks,

Psykers are never virgins sir. However we DO have many many Blanks who are virgins,

Guards! Execute this foul xenos!

>Archons
>Fast as fuck
>Equipped with a power weapon if not better.
>Deals with sudden assassination attempts every day.

A few non-augmented humans can certainly defeat and Archon.

>Implying the archon is gonna use actual eldar to attack you
>Implying he isn't gonna get dave the Haemonculus and his army of former humans orks and what have you to do it for him
>implying they're gonna kill your people
>implying they can't just clone new eldar

The holes in my ranks will be fillled within a month with vat-grown Dark Eldar. Try again.

The bar closed over an hour ago you weirdo! Please go home!

Why not give him a million grots or tyranid spores?

>a million grots
Why not a million Squigs?

Destroy this entire sector? You can certainly try.

>Of course my lord! We'll have them gathered immediately, and I'll send them to your fleet myself. Now tell me, where can we find you? In what area of space might we find your ships, so that we may deliver this prize to your most worthy and esteemed self?

Ok, the fucker is parked a few systems over. Send in the fleet and bring me his arrogant head mounted on a chain sword.

Archon, go home, you're drunk, and you've been arguing with your glass for the last half hour now.

You guys realize they could just go around folding the stars necessary for life to endure throughout the area into the Webway, right?

Deldar only fight people for fun or for profit.

Stupid elf, you can just walk around the table! You're only getting your clothes wet like this.

She gets more tips when she does it this way.

oooh, how exotic!

The average Imperial Governor wouldn't baulk at a deal like that if the threat was real, at least not from a humanitarian or moral point of view.

They'd probably refuse out of a typical "Fuck the xenos" attitude though. Extreme Xenophobia will do that.

but the bar closed an hour ago

Why of course, Archon. They are right inside this box...

something that is pure and has known no suffering will suffer more from the same torture than some grizzled gaurdsman.

To conclude: Dark Eldar would value a young unspoiled virgin as they could use it as a better soul food battery than something that instantly has to go for the hard torture to get any soul juice from

>why don't you have a seat over there?

>Being a pro-xeno cuck
Literally kill yourselves.

Also, i like how none of you factor in the fucking Space Marines. An entire sector threatened? One of the big boy chapters is rolling in, and if there's one thing i LOVE about 40k, it's that you don't even have to torture Dark Eldar, killing them is the worst thing that can happen to a being in the setting.

You might be suprised.
After all most bideded slaves in Commorragh are pure Sisters of Battle. Wars were waged for them.

webm related

But user she gets more tips

Its a critical ingredient to Dark Eldar liquor.

Or, you could not do that Govenor and accept The Plague Father into your heart. We'll protect you and your subjects.

>Amateurs

>1 Million
>Sector

Wait is that all? A sector would have hive worlds with populations in the hundreds of bilions. I mean we send like a million away for "this months stupid bloody crusade" as is. Seems like small change as far as dark eldar demand go.

Must be up to somthing worse, someone call the inqusition!

>Vintage Uskavar, milord?

"Sorry sissy, but no one steals babes on my watch and gets away with it. Just ask those last fuckers who tried."

>implying Commorite eldar aren't fucking thriving thanks to vat-born eldar and Haemonculi able to just rez any of the guys of yours you kill

do you really think the fucking Astra Militarum could withstand the onslaught of a pissed off enough Archon?

Was counting on the guard to kill him BEFORE I get to him. But can't act all pussy in front of the lad'z. And who know, if I get lucky one of my guard is a infiltrated Inquisition agent and I will dodge the next inquisitorial inspection for bravery in front of the ennemy or some bullshit like that.

>Implying I'm not pimp enough as sector governor to have the best personnal guard possible in this sector

>thinking that would stop the dark eldar
I mean shit, Archon Xerathis gives planets days of warning before his raids before he charges in and kidnaps and fucks up their shit.

You underestimate a former Rogue Trader ?

You'd be mutilated into a wrack in minutes if you tried to step foot on Commorragh, faggot.

Depending on the governor's walk of life before becoming governor, it's entirely possible he's not exactly an un-augmented human being.

Remember these are the guys who can put on spryer suits and go predator on the populace when they get bored.

You aint nothin compare to my ex-wife.

Well, seems I have no choice.
> Sends 1mil in virgin female dogs.

>dogs
>nubile
uwot? what fucking ass backwards fringe world do you live in where dogs are nubile?

lright, alright

>send sheep

Why the fuck should he know what's considered nubile for disgusting xenos vermin?

If you're presenting dogs as nubile, that implies that YOU think they're nubile, not that they think so.

sauce?

one that praises the emperor

Why are you acting like DE are anything more then cowardly raiders?

I'm pretty sure a sector governor would have a sizable military force to deal with some dark eldar pirates.

The faggot can go fuck himself.

>fallofcadia.png

What about it?

Commorite Eldar step up when they have to and they get shit done. They stay in the webway because they have no need to go to realspace except to get more victims.

Depends on who the governor's dealing with I suppose, if it's one random pirate lord or random Kabal Archon then I don't think they would worry. If Vect or Malys or Rakarth are asking then you best start rounding up your virgins.

I would start with R940k

When the Dark Eldar want you to die, your armies will be consumed by the glass-plague, your titans blown apart by blasterborn, and your sun is going to be swallowed into the webway.

But they never do, because where is the fun in any of that. It's boring and risky and dull in the extreme.

That's why you don't want to anger the Dark Eldar or force them to take things seriously.

>literally the entire fucking remains of their race can get shit done against fractions of other races
Ok.
>They stay in the webway because literally the second any other race decided to give them a fraction of the attention they give others they'd all be Slaanesh's playthings
ftfy

Reminder that the Dark Eldar are more powerful and numerous than the Craftworlders, and stay in the webway only because they CHOOSE to, rather than call more attention upon themselves than needed.

Lol, this is adorable. You're acting like other races don't have the means to wipe them out EASILY if only they actually bothered to look for them. Necrons wield things that make them look like cavemen. The Imperium and Orks would fuck them based on sheer numbers alone. And don't even get me started on the 'Nids.

Yes. They CHOOSE to not get fucked by literally anyone else in the setting.

>space marines
>laughingvect.png