For some inexplicable reason...

Currently have my dog licking peanut butter off my balls so I guess I'm a space wolf now.

Eh, what are the odds that there's a few people on Veeky Forums ill enough to become dreadnoughts?
Wheelchairs can count, or at least they'll get cool cybernetics.

First thing, I'd make contact with the one guy I definitely know does Veeky Forums, then make a pilgrimage (by which I mean, get the bus, it's like 1 city over) to Warhammer World

I use the infinite reloads to create mass from nothing and fuck entropy.

I stay at home and wait for something interesting to happen.

> in exactly the place and position he was before
> dick now in bolter muzzle

>For some inexplicable reason, every male presently on Veeky Forums has turned into a fully armed and armored Space Marine
>Girls, both of them, turn into Sororitas.
Just how trans do I have to be to count as getting to become a Sorotitas?

I think I'd fall two or three stories, then scan comms.

>training to be a blacksmith
>turn into armourer whilst lounging on the sofa

>Turn into marine
>Remember that I still have to repair my garden fence because high school kids keep damaging it on their lunch break
>Become intensely bitter
>Build a 12 ft wall around my house complete with minefields, razor-wire and trenches

Iron within.

I use my newfound prowess to simply take over our nation and install a military junta that expels all non Finns from these lands, and executes the traitors among us.
Then I proceed to steer my people towards a future where our existence will no longer be threatened by globalists and muliticulturalism peddling traitors and enemies.
Maybe I'll also restore our former borders, but that's a maybe. I wouldn't want to waste the blood of my kinsmen pointlessly. The only ones who would have to die are the traitors that have already betrayed our people on the altar of globalism.

>True son of Sanguinius
>JUMP-PACK, JUMP-PACK, JUMP-
>Read on
>Tech-marine
FUCK.

Remove kebab

If I work at a butcher's, does that make me an apothecary or an assault marine?

I can't imagine the floor holds up. As for marine variant.. nothing special comes to mind. I'm not a doctor, a mechanic, an occultist or in the intensive care ward. Like reading books, but in all honesty I'd rather not have the demons of my subconsciousness try to eat my face. Guess a Tactical Marine wouldn't be too bad.
Do I have my mind as-is, or do I retroactively suddenly have decades of hypnotherapy shoved into my brain?

Not sure what else I can do with my life now, beyond joining a military. I can't exactly fit in the office. "Oh yeah that's Jerry. Don't mind the fact he sets off the weight alarm on the lift or that he can see over all the cubicles while sitting on the floor."

Though there's there whole " every male presently on Veeky Forums has turned into a fully armed and armored Space Marine, in exactly the place and position he was before" so I'm not alone in this. Maybe we can get together and form a Chapter of our own. We only need one Apothecary to harvest and implant geneseed, one Techmarine to maintain wargear and there's no reason that our Chapter couldn't endure for some time as some large, muscled and angry analogue to a hero league.

Well I run a kitchen, so I guess I'll be... fuck, don't really know of any chapters associated with cooking. Guess I'll be a Devastator though, those Grav Cannons are pretty neat. I'd make a fortune in the demolition business.

Blood for the Blood God, Kid.

Enjoy.

I sit in an office for the military.

I can't win.

Holy fuck why didn't I think of this. Now we can do all the shit we've talked about doing! Ok, to-do list:
1. Kill Matt Ward. We'll get a Sister to do this.
2. Launch crusade against Jack Kirby
3. Get those dudes at Boston University who made biolumisescent cats to make us some catgirls
4. Commandeer the factories making Mountain Dew and Cheetoos
5. Find/make an elf and enslave it. Discussions over next course of action abound.

Feel free to add to this

>become fully armored Space Marine
>immediately wreck my chair, desk and computer because I'm now an 8 feet tall superhuman weighing ~400 kg
Praise the Emperor

>Law student

I now become an extremely annoying Librarian that complains all the time how the work is hard and my job is harder than yours to learn, obtain, and keep.

But hey, at least I get photographic memory and ace my exam in 2 days.

Hi five.
Just keep those daemons inside of your skull.

>Though there's there whole " every male presently on Veeky Forums has turned into a fully armed and armored Space Marine, in exactly the place and position he was before" so I'm not alone in this. Maybe we can get together and form a Chapter of our own.
How many people even browse Veeky Forums at an average time? A few hundred? More than one thousand?

I look at my penis.

Dangerously below strength, sure. But we've got centuries to burn to help build that up.

Better question is, what do we call ourselves and what's our heraldry? I assume we work out the single unifying point being Veeky Forums, but I doubt we'd want to name our group after it. At least not overtly.

Chief Victualler is a Company Captain title. Enjoy being more badass than the rest of us.

Huh, neat, never knew that. Guess I'll go find an aircraft carrier to work on.

>Internet Security

WHICH ONE OF YOU ASSHOLES KEEPS USING THE CHAPTER COMPUTER TO DOWNLOAD XENO PORN

ALL OF US. WE'RE FROM TEEGEE, OF COURSE WE ALL DOWNLOAD XENO PORN.
DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T EITHER!

Be stoked that I just skipped several years of gymtime to get jacked, do something with my hair because I am NOT a fan of the sororitas pageboy look, then head out to test out the capabilities of my new body/armor/weaponry. I'll plan stuff after I've got a better handle on what I can do.

>become space marine
>shrug
>keep shitposting
>don't know my newfound strength
>break keyboard
>cry

Really, you reckon there's less than 1000 of us?

As a chapter I think we might be a bit pissed to find we've got no ships or vehicles

Assault Marine for dome rooftop hopping. I'll try to establish contact with my Astartes brethren and then move to destroy the world's leadership apparatus in a series of coordinated strikes.
Once fragmented we shall take hold of most strategically vital chunks and expand from there in order to subdue the planet and bring it into the Emperor's light.

>Archaeologist

Soooo, what am I a Librarian now?

Is the Warp still as it is, 'cus I'd be demon food in five minutes flat.

I think a full chapter without vehicles and ships and stuff could still take over a medium-sized country

Fall through three stories cause my room just had to be somewhere high.
>Studying psychology and such.
I guess be a Tactical marine and do what I always do, would be fun to feed ducks like that.

Sometimes i hear voices and have hallucinations. Im sorcerer or dark apostle?

I'm assuming I fall through the floor.

I'm actually recarpeting some stairs right now, as it happens, so I guess we're in the same boat.

Yeah, I don't doubt.

Wonder if the techmarines would have enough knowledge to build any of it.

Welp, guess we got a primarch too now boys. So, what country should we choose for our Not!Latveria?

Straya of course

Fuck forgot pic

Finally, an excuse to play basketball.

Aw man I wanted to be a librarian and have magic powers, I never get what I want

Do we actually want a country? A fortress-monastery sure. Gotta have somewhere for wargaming and lan parties. But a country.. don't really see any appeal.

I'm sure we can make ourselves religious icons and get some normies around to worship us

mite b fun

>turn into marine.
>find other marines. hopefully a salamander who hates air travel, a batshit crazy member of the ravenwing or other pilot and a persuasive chap from a respectable chapter.
>form crack Deathwatch team and get sent to jail for a crime we didn't commit.
>escape maximum security stockade into the the Los Angeles underground where we will survive as solders of fortune and become 1980s TV heroes.

>Software Developer in Machine Learning.
Am I heretek now?

Were gonna be a chapter full of Liberians and Tech Marines

I don't think this bathroom stall is big enough. I wish I had enough heads up because now my un-wiped ass is encased in power armor.

Yeah, I dunno about you guys but I've been a beta all my life. It'd be nice to live the Alpha life for a while, see how things look on the other side. Plus, hatefucking all the Stacy's into coma's from bloodloss might be a means of finally getting some healthy closure for us.

Either that, or we all come out of the closet and found the first United States of Unbridled Homolust, I'm good either way.

>Suddenly, Marine!
>My chair collapses under the weight of a fully armored astartes
>Get up
>Slowly
>With purpose
>Examine chair
>Realize it requires additional reinforcement
>Fix it with whatever the hell is lying around
>Notice the number of entrances to my room
>Realize my room is insufficiently fortified
>Fortify it using what used to be my bed and bookcase
>Realize the rest of the house is insufficiently fortified
>100 years later
>America is now sufficiently fortified...
>...Eurasia is insufficiently fortified

Not with that spelling you're not.

>Eurasia is now sufficiently fortified

Do you have any latent kleptomaniac tendencies?

If so, you might get a gift of your own from Magnus.

>Liberians
Looks like we've got a world eater too.

>encased in power armor.
That's actually fine, power armour wipe has facilities to recycle nutrients (for really extended duties), so presumably there's wiping in that. Probably unpleasant though.

Considering this Veeky Forums on the whole, I think we are going to have a big problem with falling to chaos

>Approves of Eurasia's fortifications
>Notices Africa is still insufficiently fortified
>Starts walking

Probs convert to Khorne and go nuts

Assuming I get nothing for studying language, I choose to be an assault marine.
After a few hours of enjoying the sky without a care, I would set off to look for other marines, hoping to eventually uplift and protect humanity as a full-blown legion.

Well I was thinking more of all the allahu akbar's in Europe, but sure that works too.
>Nurgle
Yep, definite problem, we'll need to stock up on febreeze and soap
>Khorne
Eh, we're too lazy to really be into to whole 'eternal bloodshed' thing
>Tzeentch
We fucking hate change in all its forms.
>Slaanesh
FUCK FUCK FUCK MAXIMUM RISK OH GOD I'M ALREADY GROWING A FOURTH DICK

>Girls, both of them, turn into Sororitas.

Fall to Chaos

>, hatefucking all the Stacy's into coma's from bloodloss might be a means of finally getting some healthy closure for us.
You forgot we may or may not have some.... technical issues down there?

>So, what country should we choose for our Not!Latveria?
We bring peace to the Middle East, the only way space marines can.

6. Storm GW and reformat their structure so narrative direction is forged by end-of-edition tourneys from now on.

Well, I'm choosing to believe the writers who say SM's have dicks, but just don't use them because they're so indoctrinated/never get the chance to/chemically injected/furiously masturbate/whatever.

Seeing as we keep our minds as they are (I think?), I'm gonna say we have enormous Astartes-sized dicks, balls and stamina to match.

Would we all be but in one generic new chapter, or would our personality decide which one we go to?

As in organisation obsessed go to Ultras, narcissists go to EC, virt goes to NL, etc?

>Eldar and Tau single handedly destroy every race even Mankind
>Ork simply vanishes out of nowhere after realising they're shit beyond recovery

No thanks.

>implying we couldn't release our own damn codexes as the Workshop Marines
Oh ye of little brain.

So, would Tolkien be our Primarch? What's our tactical doctrine? Do we have any geneseed flaws?

Immediately fall to chaos

i think we are too few for multiples chapters.
Better off making a shattered legion type deal.

First question: No, Tolkien is a faggot.
Second question: Ask the writefags.
Third Question: Critical autism.

Remember that time some inquisitor fuck face tried that? He died.
And >awoo
Kys

>Suddenly turn into a marine
>Chair collapses
>Carefully get up
>Gingerly pick up pieces of chair
>Take them outside
>Shit, kid woke up
>Tell him to go back to sleep
>Doesn't recognize me, starts crying
>Wife wakes up
>Try to explain
>Gets a shitfit and calls cops
>SWAT arrives to take down giant in a halloween costume
>Shrug and walk away
>Laugh at their feeble attempts at stopping me
>Walk to Canada
>Smoke weed and worship emps all day erry day
>Good life

>No, Tolkien is a faggot.
Well that's my ticket to Khorne sorted out.

>Girls, both of them, turn into Sororitas.

TWINS THEY WERE

>Certified ADHD
CHAOS!!!!!

....okay, I don't mind being a Sororitas as much now.

After the first shenanigans pass, it's very likely that I will be dragged in the military, and I don't really mind. Sorry bruvas. Also I pick Salamander Devastator for big guns and maintenance skill. Also don't pick any post-Soviet countries as your base of operations. I don't want to fight you.

>Space Marine being dragged anywhere
At least you'll be popular introducing the concept of heat and barbecues to Russia. You will be black though, so y'know, ups and downs

>mandatory 'hey guise, i'm a gurl' post

...

>Religious instruction and years of working for the church when i was younger.

Well looks like i'm a Chaplain. I think i'm gonna start up a one man crusade against Fedora tippers and useless tumblr faggots. The gay pride fuckers who protest in front of my church go first. Hopefully i can find some of my fellow Veeky Forums marines and convince them to join me, or it's gonna take a long time to kill them all myself.

Tactical Marine because Devastators and Assault Marines are literally scrubs.

Carcharodons because shark skin acne is worth not having to talk to any of you faggots ever again.

We'll all fall to Chaos because we have too few god-fearing men on Veeky Forums, but for the most part we'd probably organize as broken Chapters and find the Chaplains to help us stay within his light.

A shattered legion of companies organized based on the Chapter you'd belong to at standard, sometimes intermixing. General doctrine of Tactical Marines intermingling with Assault Marines to storm the front, lead by Chaplains and Librarians until someone obtains sufficient leadership value to become a Force Commander. Devastators rain fire from the rear, all that fun shit.

Geneseed flaw would probably be dependent upon personality and chapter. Our Primarch would probably end up being whomever is competent enough to rally every single broken Chapter of Marines under one banner in the Emperor's name.

> Become Tactical Marine of the Storm Wardens.
> Go to nearest recruiter. Demand to meet with ranking officer.
> Continue as necessary to reach Pentagon-level. Found a government-sanctioned religious militant chapter and rally Veeky Forums fags.
> Refuse to follow legislation of NATO and Geneva under the present intentions to carry out the Emperor's will as we deem it necessary.
> Emperor will come for us. He'll retrieve us.
> But for now, we will bring His Light.
> We are the Veeky Forumsmarines, Emprah's fury, etc, etc.

>Hopefully i can find some of my fellow Veeky Forums marines and convince them to join me, or it's gonna take a long time to kill them all myself.
You already found another guy to help disperse the Emperor's Mercy.
Hmm, wonder what an eastern orthodox themed squad would look like

It might've been a trap

I smash out of the drivers seat of my 99 honda accord.
>Fuck
I then begin the march towards Washington to pledge my service to the God Emperor, recruiting all other Astartes I meet along the path.

>pic related