The princess has been kidnapped

Kazuma's casual interjections in bullshit speeches just kill me.

>We keep losing the royal guard to assassination attempts
>Here watch
>He picks up an apple, chucks it at princess
>One guard dramatically dives in front of it
>It harmlessly bounces off his plate armor
>He continues his dive, straight out a window
>I have no idea what's causing that, but frankly if we lose any more guards to this bullshit we're screwed.

One shot, 40 pages. Read it now

Threads like this make me wonder how the kidnapping of the elven and human aristocracies in my game is going to go.....

>The princess has been kidnapped
>place she was kidnapped is littered with enemy corpses

>The princess has been kidnapped
>By an enemy princess!

Because when I tried to go full martial I ended up accidentally eating poison chocolate, which I honestly was slightly annoyed by, as being a Creed-level tactician with specialization in maintaining supply lines apparently doesn't give you the same basic awareness of nearby resources as a 1 day class in economic theory.

Probably got slaughtered trying to protect the king

TB is that you?

What a tomboy!

No but he's the one that made me want to use this strategy. It actually worked great after the chocolate thing until I got blown up by a smug wizard of dubious gender.

Great, now we need one of those knight rescuing princess pannels where the Knights finds the two princesses making out

They can, they just prefer to get rescued. If something important comes up before a hero does she can just escape on her own.

They have plenty of guards to defend them, that's why they never get kidnapped by common slavers or deranged weirdos. Its always dragons or dark lords or other "evil" blue bloods.
Yes it is an outrage to let your princess be kidnapped but allowing your guards to fight a member of the aristocracy is obscene.
Its better to just let her be kidnapped, knowing her captor is of good breeding rather than ruffle the feathers of rival families and risk a war.

Of course if her kidnapper is less than polite or mistreats her in some way then you hire some murder hobo's to get her back.

>princess is rescued by another princess

....Right, I'll be in her bunk.

Is that Eromame?

>Implying everyone isn't already in on it.
youtube.com/watch?v=e_xbSMK390s&index=7&list=PLOl4b517qn8hpW6NWLXfMGwuHQ5RsV-Yt

Is this a Monty Python reference or something?

No.

Plot twist: the king knows that he's not the princess' real father, and the kidnapping is a nice little ploy to ditch her in a socially acceptable way.

And you and your merry band of adventurers are hired to find her because you're expendable and expected to fail anyway.

Making princes fight dragons is an important part of ensuring that only the strongest can marry princesses and continue the royal line.

Does the party include a bard? Because that sounds like a sure way to get her pregnant, if a bard is present.

Bullshit, we always get our man. We also habitually blackmail the people we work for, so his highness just fucked up.

>princess is the BBEG's crazy ex-girlfriend
>constantly goes to his place & demands things, pretending to be a kidnapped victim to get murder hobos to beat the BBEG when she doesn't get them

>In America, a man automatically spends a night in jail if his wife accuses him of beating her

"Sire, the commoner bandits we hired to 'rescue' your not-daughter are somehow survived, somehow succeeded, and are now trying to blackmail you."

"Most excellent"

"Sire?"

"It would have been a problem if these vagrants who just brought back my 'daughter' would have been honourable sorts. But lowlife mercenaries who have already proven themselves to be prone to taking advantage of the situation? They are practically presenting me an excuse not to pay them! And who in good standing is going to take the word of 'those treacherous mercenaries who abused the generosity of good King Sebastian IV'?"

So you're saying we should now use the princess to start a rebellion based on our own greed? Perfect adventure hook. Should kill a few sessions.

>band of not even a dozen mercenaries
>a single pampered princess who's oblivious to how the real world works & whom you just told that she's the result of her mother, the queen, being a cheating whore
>the king's barons and knights are being notified that your merry band has insulted the queen's honour by way of malicious rumours about the princess' paternity
>you know how peasant rebellions in feudal societies usually end, right?

Seriously, though: you're right. It really is a great setup for an adventure. And a sociopathic king like Sebastian here would make for a pretty good villain, too. Should be great for higher level parties.

>why don't princesses learn to defend themselves?

men are about 50% stronger than a woman.

The only thing that makes a woman sorta equal to a man is a gun and 89% of women in america don't own guns.

Found my next campaign plot, thanks

>this meme again

War princess that kidnapped another princess...

That's Monopoly, user.

i mean, i guess you can call science a meme.

but don't you have a speech to write, donald?

>Can't handle a staple of the genre

Though to be honest, that one introductory module from, I think the Basic series of old d&d, done a terible job with this.

Premise was:
>Royal familly attends somew festival in bumfucksville
>Princess is kidnaped to some manor/castle
>Everything gets cordoned by royal guard
>Hostage situation ensues
>No breaching in because "muh princess will die"
So what does the king do?
>Of course he offers 50k gp "to anyone who can save the princess"
>ie. our newly generated party of 1st lvl murderhobos
>And the plan is to make them storm the castle anyways

That was the single worst, official introductory adventure I've ever read. But then again it had 3d paper models and shit! so it might not have been that bad.

Anyways any other examples of terrible use of classic cliches?

She's probably the most competent combatant in the cast so far

I'm surprised more settings don't have the royalty that Eugenic the shit out of their bloodline by marrying every hero that does something great generation over generation to the point their scions are fucking born ubermench

>Eldest Princess is kidnapped
>The Prince and some of the younger sisters are killed in the process
>Heroes kill the kidnappers and rescue the princess
>Turns out the Eldest Princess was really one of the younger ones in disguise
>She arranged for both her own faked death, the deaths of the real eldest princess, and the heroes to come along and slaughter all the kidnappers
>She's now destined to rule the kingdom and none are the wiser.

>14
>temporarily in charge of the kingdom
>assassination attempts

Is her mom dead, too?

>Crusader Kings 2: the anime
Though to be fair, to what degree that eugenics would work is dubious. The incompetent Louis XV and passive Louis XVI were direct descendants of the warrior-king Francis I, the impeccable Saint Louis and the legendary Charlemagne

And can she die by failing to study migration patterns of falcons?

It doesn't work that well in real life obviously, because while many traits have some genetic bias, there is a lot of nurture vs. nature there

In a stat based RPG setting with systems that let you inherit high stats or high growth rates/potential though? Yeah if the people in power can find a way to produce babies with max points in everything and enough secret hereditary skills that their character sheet looks like that of a horribly balanced gimmick boss, why wouldn't they?

Man Vs woman
youtu.be/16UhryVa0O4?t=1m14s

3 Men Vs woman w/ a gun
youtube.com/watch?v=A804A3WAbB0

>The Princess is part of an Ottoman Empire Expy with equal gender rights to the throne
>As soon as the heroes return her home, she's strangled to death by her younger sister.

Why were the Ottomans so much more inclined to fratricide than European monarchs? Not saying it never happened in Europe (especially the Byzantines made an artform of it) but the Ottomans took it to a whole 'nother level. Practically every Sultan either killed his brothers or was killed by one.

Actually, this is the implicit idea in a lot of older D&D - kings and rulers tend to be settled adventurers boasting a whole chunk of character levels - this is partly because this was the expected "end-game" for PCs as well - by 9th level usually characters would start investing dungeon-found treasure into castles, cathedrals, and armies.

Settings like Forgotten Realms featured hosts of very powerful ex-adventurer NPCs who had settled down and now meddle in politics, like Elminister, Khelben Blackstaff, the Cormyrean kings, etc.

There was a big backlash against this in the 3.x era - the idea that "why do all these powerful kings need adventurers if they've got character levels?", and there was the shift again towards making PCs special and the NPCs cannon fodder again.

So this sort of thing really just comes and goes in cycles - and now we see threads like OP's complaining about it all over.

Wasn't that a law against disunity and civil war multiple heirs could cause?

Well, by nature, unless inbreeding is involved, genes have a half-life of one generation (gross oversimplification, but close enough for our purposes), so it would be more like ensuring each generation had good genes regardless of source, rather than preserving good genes from previous generations.

>isometric stance and thumbs-forward grip

Because while most European monarchies with multiple heirs tended to be at risk of civil war and sometimes territory was even split to land younger princes.

The Ottoman system was set up to make that (or any other) kind of feudal instability nigh impossible. Why do you think the Janissary corps existed? If your armies elite as well as all your viziers, scribes, and military generals are technically slaves owned by the monarch and not landed nobility with their own vested interests there is little chance for them to establish a power base and fuck with their liege the way powerful vassals of western kings sometimes did. A Battle Royal between your kids was also a part of this to make sure only one would be left to inherit and thus the empire would remain whole

>ancient dragon bust through defences, kidnapps princess
>flies off to cave
>turns out to be a true american patriot
>fills her mind with ideas of a free nation and how it would work
>adventurers come in
>kills him
>allaccordingtokeikaku.jpg
>as soon as the princess is set free she leads a peoples rebellion while the dragon watchs from dragon heaven
>the noble blue drake is the countries national animal
>the flag is a blue dragon on a black background

If I ever start playing tabletop RPG's I'm gonna kidnap the princess myself, and maybe even get her to experience a little stockholm syndrome,

It was put in place by the Sultan Mehmet II after his grandfather had to fight a civil war to reunite The Empire.

Ironically it also helped make them a brutal social darwinist meritocracy; those who weren't able to act brutally, swiftly, and with cunning would basically be executed whilst the strongest Sultan would ascend to the Throne. It was later replaced with a system of imprisoning heirs, which unfortunately meant that when they had to get a new Sultan from what was essentially a gilded cage, they had horrible mental illnesses and were unfit to rule.

It also possibly lead to the Ottomans inventing extremely sociopathic terror tactics, which were later passed onto Vlad "The Impaler" when he and his brother spent time as a hostage in their land.

It ALSO makes them great fantasy villains. A brutal, murderous Empire at the borders of "The World" that fights using an elite army of slaves and practices sociopathic policies on a mass scale.

>The king gave a heavy sigh as a handful of nobles squabbling incoherently in the middle of his study. He gave the sword hanging over his fireplace a longing look, he'd probably be out there right now saving his daughter from the people who kidnapped her if it wasn't for the fact that his body had slowed with age and one of his eyes had started going bad. Then, just when he thought the constant squabbling was about to drive him to anger, his butler stepped into the study and cleared his throat. "Sire, there seem to be a band of.... adventurers wish to have an audience with you." The butler clearly had some disdain for the adventurers, but the king was glad for the distraction. As the king stepped into the throne room, he scanned the group and initially wasn't that impressed but when he got to the fourth member he stopped. A flash of memory, long forgotten until just then, of a clearly younger version of him eager to begin his career as an aventurer. As the memory faded, his one good settled on the fourth member of the group, a young man no older than nineteen in barely fitting armor and a second hand blade at his side, almost a mirror of the king himself in his younger days. A small glint in his eye could be seen just for a second before he spoke. "Adventurers, it will please you to know that I have need of your services. For you see my daughter was kidnapped, and I think I can trust her rescue in your hands."

Skip few years
>princess executed, lasting only slightly longer than the rest of the royal family she herself ordered dead
>PCs assuming they supported her are either executed, holding to the seats they acquired in the power struggle, or hidding for life while both ploting against each other and new rulers
>new rulers, that is random ambitious npcs who, like pcs, filled the power vaccum
>acuall situation in tha ex-kingdom, now the Glorious Freedom Republic of Draconia, is indeed very Draconic - no democracy, or freedom whatsoever, and posssibly less than before. Only the death and famine spreads.
>Neighbouring countries invade
>General situation is someyhing beetween the Boplshevik Red Terror, and Robesspieres Republic.

>Dragon in Dragoy Heaven is actualy wondering, if this is what he wanted. And how and why did that whole 'Murrika thing statred again? And Why he was
>A happy looking merchant-angel, makes him another "special" drink from viorgin-blood and soon he forgets all about al this

The End

8/8 was gr8 m8 I'd play someone from that nation

Not a harem, they said.

>The Ottoman system was set up to make that (or any other) kind of feudal instability nigh impossible.

They revolted all the time, murdered a few sultans and were the reason why Ottoman Empire started lagging behind european powers.

It's actually a complicated courtship ritual.

How about this. Princess is conditioned to be ready for the posibility of being taken hostage.

At all times

Let's take a looksie:
Aqua - bro tier
Megumin - "I wish it could stay like this forever"
Darkness - the only relationship that could theoretically work
Chris/Eris - doesn't like Kazuma romantically
Wiz - doesn't like Kazuma
Iris - Kazuma doesn't like her romantically
Wolbach - is a cat

>If two men with to court the hand of a noble then they must engage in what is know as the "Kidnapped Princess" courtship ritual.
>During the "Kidnapped Princess" courtship ritual, one suitor gathers up a group of people and stages the kidnapping of the noble. The other suitor must then gather up a group of people to "rescue" the kidnapped person.
>The two groups of people then engage in combat until one of the suitors is slain or admits defeat. The winning suitor then has the sole right to marry the "kidnapped Princess".
>Despite the name of the ritual, the kidnapped person does not necessarily revolve solely around a female noble. In fact, there have been cases of jealous women engaging in the "Kidnapped Princess" ritual to prove who would be the better wife.

I always see this kind of art being posted on Veeky Forums but I could never find any place with all of it.

>how dare Lady of Malz give my husband a look!
>I'm gonna kidnap he shit out of her

>Darkness - the only relationship that could theoretically work

That's just wrong, He only likes her lewd body but dislikes her shitty personality.

It's by Jason Thompson, and was done for Wizards

it's scatered through their page. Try googling D&D Walkthrough maps.

>Instability night impossible
>Having slaves who hate your guts for treating them and their family like dogshit and then putting them in charge of managing your country due to their superior skill and intelligence.

Ottomans indulge in drugs too much despite the alcohol ban and it really shows. Either that or the effects of inbreeding.

>What to live in comfort and with very little effort.
>Doesn't romantically like the one girl that would happily give him that.
He really is one of us. xD

Because if she could fight for herself, it would be harder for her parents to boss her around and use her as a political pawn (i.e., "it's not ladylike").

Mineva is also the person who jumped out of a space plane without a parachute. I very much doubt that Haman included that in her training.
On a side note: Being Riddhe is suffering.

>Not being a king who pays for his own daughters kidnapping as an excuse to go to war with a neighbor city state
>Not having a daughter who was in on it the whole time

>Iris and Darkness
Do they like him, though? That's what a harem is: a bunch (three or more) girls lusting after the male character.

>Do they like him, though?
Near the end of episode 9 Darkness admits she didn't really mind Scumzuma ordering her around in the bath. Let's not forget that Kazuma ordered an older, inexperienced woman with a hot body and was downright delighted to see Darkness turn up. Also she chose to reveal her real name to him but not the others. Not really enough to call them a couple, but I'd say that out of all the girls she has the best chemistry with Kazuma.

Though in reality, Kazuma probably feels nothing for any of the girls around them because they're all horrible people one way or another. It reminds me of that one manga where the MC is the protagonist of a harem but he's gay so he hates every second of it.

>The Royal family hires dragons to "kidnap" their daughters.
>There hasn't been a adventurer going over in a long time.
>So long that the princess refers to the dragon like a member of her family.
>Dragon annoyed, king worried.

Iris does, or at least tolerates him more than the other prospective heroes.
Darkness wants a dom.
Megumin actually kinda does.
I don't know about Eris, I'm not at the part where her personality shows up.

>the princess is the spunky, adventurous sort
>the princess's new husband ran off into the south and its swamps filled with giant man-eating spiders in pursuit of some godsdamned stew recipe
>king hires the PCs to chase after the man, then discreetly has the dock workers bribed to ignore stowaways
>spunky, adventurous princess sneaks aboard, blissfully unaware that she's acting exactly as her father expected
>PCs don't notice her presence until it's too late to turn back

That was a fun adventure.

Because she has peasants to do things for her.

Why should she learn to defend herself? She's too valuable to be killed. It's better than she learns how to be a model captive, so she can prepare to be returned home and be married off as a political pawn. Eventually Daddy will send adventurers to save her anyway - If she tried by herself, she'd get killed.

>the princess's new husband ran off into the south and its swamps filled with giant man-eating spiders in pursuit of some godsdamned stew recipe
Of course, a "stew recipe". And if he comes home smelling like women's perfume, it's just the musk of the swamp's ooze.

People who want to be 'subversive' are the worse.

Enough with the monstergirl shit, he's talking about actual spiders like the ones in the Hobbit. Stop thinking with your penis.

>He wouldn't fuck Shelob

>slaves who hate your guts for treating them and their family like dogshit

Except for the fact that most most people taken into the Janissary corps were treated better than most free Ottoman citizens and were incredibly loyal to the Sultunate. Hell most of them who ended up being made military governors of their home province raised their families from dirt poor mud farmers to minor local nobility and funded expensive public works in their hometowns like bridges, public baths, and caravanseris

The major revolts all happened when the Janissary Corps was made hereditary and allowed to marry and hold land, turning them into de facto European style landed nobility. And they immediately started acting like feudal style vassals once they were given the rights. Weird, huh?

Iris flat out wants to marry him, ergo why she lets him keep the ring he stole that was essentially what she should have given to the person she was to marry. And wants him to beat the Demon Lord since the person who does that traditionally gets married into the Royal Family ASAP

Kazuma keeps telling himself shes just his surrogate little sister and he's not a lolicon so never notices

Kidnappings are to princessess what Michelin stars are to restaurants. For example, being kidnapped by a Dragon means that the Princess is highly valuable 3 starred heiress. Being kidnapped by a highwayman means she is the equivalent of a McD in Chernobyl. Kings have been known to bribe dragons and Evil Warlords to kidnap their daughter with the 'ransom' as tax deductible payment.

Something got lost there, the ransom is tax-deductable? For the king, or the dragon/overlord? The dragons and warlords pay taxes?

>Shelob
>not Ungoliant
>not fucking Ungoliant with both hands

>In the case of conflict of interest
>Not a necessary requirement of landed marriage
It's like you want your gentry to be fat prigs or something

Nah, actual spiders. The arachne sisters were two adventures previous.

It's all part of the courtship process. How else is a princess to properly evaluate the valor of a potential husband than by having him rescue her?

You're right. We should just wait here for the princess to rescue herself and come on back to the castle.

I always feel jelly when I see apartments like these. Somehow, they feel a lot more comfy than regular houses (unless it's a château or something, and even then a luxury apartment has something unique to it).

Maisonettes are even better.