Choose any item in the room you're currently in. You must now write a campaign where this item is the magic McGuffin...

The K-Cup machine of eternal youth(full energy).

Is this Tiny and Big: Grandpa's Leftovers?

>A bowl of Pilaf

The Mighty God Of Assarmore once more hungers for sacrifice. The monks of Hazmore predicted such evens millennials ago.
Thus , exactly 999 years ago , The Monks of Hazmore assembled the best food wizard known to man. The food forges were build using and in em' THE ULTIMATE PILAF that can satisfy even the gods was created.

How ever, the pilaf proved to be too powerful for the likes of mortal man. For those who tasted The Pilaf and survived, were granted powers beyond imagination. With the power of the Pilaf the council of 4 was created. The 4 saw that the Pilaf was an artifact too dangerous to keep around. For, if the Pilaf fell in to the hands of the wicked, it could certainly lead to terrible events that could end the world as we know it.

The pilaf was destroyed. But not before the recipe was written down in The Cock Book of Eatmore. The book was hidden in the ancient catacombs of Dwarwazmore. The bowl that hosted the pilaf was not destroyed along with it. For it is the only thing that can withstand the powers of The Pilaf.

Now it is up to your party to find the original bowl. Venture in to the wastelands of once a powerful dwarven empire. find and retrieve The Cock Book of Eatmore and create THE ULTIMATE PILAF once more.

>Old military(maybe) gurkha knife from the 1940s.
I could do quite a bit with this. Could turn out to be cursed, and the party would have to travel to the mystical land of India to find the make/one responsible and put an end to their evil deeds

>Mosin Nagant
Welcome to Stalingrad. Survive.

Old Spice Deodorant. Terry Crews is now a genie.

The spaetzle maker lying unused in the corner of my apartment is in actuality an instrument of great and terrible evil. When used with the proper rituals, pure molten malevolence is pressed through it to form droplets of highly concentrated evil, which fall into a bath of ice-cold liquid hate, finally solidifying into fragile crystals of malevolence.
Upon shattering such a crystal, everything within a certain range becomes tainted by evil. Tempers shorten, hatred and division breed, and even inanimate objects become more likely to cause accidents. With more powerful rituals and more concentrated malevolence, the effects grow, until portals open to hell dimensions and murder orgies becomes a way of life.
Normally, the creation of even a single droplet is a time-consuming task, but this infernal device can endure the trying conditions of forging to mass-produce them, sowing hatred throughout the world.
Anyway, it gets stolen, and they have to get it back without ever knowing what it does until the end. They're just charged with retrieving a lost spaetzle maker, and are just constantly wondering what a evil cult wants with a pasta device.

>bagpipe
Something something Pied Piper of Hamelin, magical music that enforce a will upon you, and lots of weird stuff happening in the town where a new bard moved in.

That sounds like a great scenario. Thanks.

wallace and gromit
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HOW DO I MAKE THIS INTO A D&D Campaign?!?!??!?

>laptop

strange occurences are happening all over [some high fantasy world], people are vanishing, entire halves of mountains are found upside down kilometers away, the entire ocean froze for one day, and so on and there are rumours of a strange device that could grant unimaginable power

it is said that whoever controls the device controls the world... or that used to be the case, as it as fallen into a state of disrepair

Terry Crews is a genie free from his bottle. He's so powerful he can block out the sun, turn sand into diamonds, and summon creatures from nothingness. The bottle is enchanted with such a powerful and enchanting odor that most are enthralled by it and fall to its power, becoming zombie-like protectors. The greatest hero of the world, Warrior King Fabio, has fallen and has been turned into the genie-crews personal guardian. It is up to the PC's to push past the odor-blocking power and reseal the ancient Terry once and for all.

>A bottle of orange juice
In the wasteland, there is a leader. He is a just man, who uses a magical bottle that dispenses infinite amounts of a cold, sweet beverage to his people to keep them from dying in the arid heat. He is even-handed and fair, and doesn't meddle in daily affairs.

The PCs are nomadic raiders who want the bottle for themselves.

>laptop
Fucking easy. It has a file on it of extreme importance.

>Mobile phone

A boy falls in love with a girl.
Unable to confess, he is gifted with by a deus ex machina with the girl’s phone number. Never minding the strange area code, he immediately calls her, and is overjoyed to find out that she has a crush on him as well.
But, the next day, when he recounts the previous day’s confessions to the girl, she only looks at him with a perplexed expression. After some investigation, he finds out that the girl he called is not the same girl he fell in love with. In fact, she doesn’t exist in this universe at all. She is the girl’s alternate universe counterpart, who has fallen in love with the MC’s own AU self, who too is blissfully unaware of her crush.
Hijinks ensue as the two strike up a deal to give each other their darkest, most private secrets in order to equip the other with the weapons they need to conquer the heart of their other selves. While the two chase their respective loved ones, DRAMA ensues as they begin to fall in love with each other instead and question the NATURE of LOVE.

A magical tome written by one of the god's firstborn during the days of creation. It's pages have been scattered to the winds but even holding just a single page allows you to discern all known and unknown knowledge of the monster appearing on the page, including the true name of the monster which can be used to command any such monster. Provided you can read the writing on the page of course.

According to legend, reuniting the pages and making the book complete again not only gives you power over a vast army of creatures, but allows you to discern the true name of the author, giving you power over a long forgotten slumbering demigod of immense power.

The story begins when the party stumbles upon a funny looking page with a picture of a beholder and strange runes scribed onto it. The faction of coastal wizards quickly starts coming after them in an attempt to steal the page.

You found a way.

An incomplete set of coasters (one is missing) which not only prevent counter tops from being sullied, but also (when arranged into the shape of a pentagram) unlock any latent ley lines in the vicinity, letting through both untold (but unpredictable) power and "things" from beyond the veil. You may not even know something has crept through until it's too late.

Now, to find that last damn coaster...

>Shield with the yellow sign on it.

The King in Yellow gains more and more influence in this world as the casual madness of it's population rises. The party must find a way to carcossa to find the source of this strange cult. The first clue a strange shield with a stranger sign.

Modify the flavor of Maid RPG where the Master is Gromit and one person is drafted to play Wallace

An elemental from the plane of fire has been imprisoned in a lamp.

It is up to you to return it home.

The elemental sounds like Shaggy from Scooby Doo

ruh roh

You are supposed to spoiler what you do with the item or at least put it in another paragraph

>a sword
Well, this is easy.

>You are supposed to spoiler what you do with the item
I shove it up my butt
Yes, every single item mentioned in this thread so far

Anyway pic related is what i chose
A villan has been laying waste to the countryside with the powerful batmech however to give it the power to breach the city walls he must locate the batmobile that goes with it the pcs have to find it first.

>toilet brush

I'm just browsing/tg/ in the bathroom, man.

Oops forgot pic

>bowling ball

A mystic orb that harnesses 3 elements of fire water and frost

>Vibrating Butt Plug

The Elven Queen's most priceless artifact has been stolen by a vile sorceress, who seeks to master its power and subjugate the realm

>a gold and black coin souvenir with a white horse and black bull on it

This ancient artifact was stolen from the east and you must return it, it controls the balances of good and evil, yin and yang. But beware travellers, many others may also want to possess it's great power for devious purposes

>Fucking Hueg Mattress
There's a lot that can be done with that, off the top of my head
>Place where a lot of demigods were conceived, still has human and deific energy saturating it, can basically be used as an instant "next world changing person can be born here" every cult in the world wants it
>Godess was slain while sleeping, her brother watches over the spot and makes an illusory copy of her that never wakes tied to the mattress, people keep trying to wake her up
>mattress is literally just a mattress, are you a bad enough dude to save the princess and have sex in the missionary position with the lights of for the purpose of procreation with her?
Yeah they're shit, but I don't have a lot of imagination at the moment.

>stoneware mug from a far away land with a map on one side and a ship on the other

Too easy.

Turns out that that a working unit is the only thing that can with convince the Martians that Humanity is worth saving, but Venusian operatives have been buying up and destroying almost all of them. Now the race is on to find the last functional Snes.

>The DMG for 5E.

Behold , the book which shapes entire worlds and realities is within my grasp. With it, I can murder entire races in the blink of an eye, raise cities of Gold and Mithril at the turn of my hand.

Foolish adventurers, I give you but three days to storm my impenetrable fortress of doom, to take it back, lest I grow bored and destroy your world.

I should mention the batmobile shoots out his chest

>Cat

An ancient evil has been trapped into the body of a feline. Posing as the party wizard's familiar, it orchestrates the events leading to its release, forcing the party to undo what terror they have unwittingly wrought.

>a watch

This magical device, once attuned, gives the user capabilities of manipulating time. It has been lost in some dungeon somewhere, but you don't know where. You have heard various leads, but you've narrowed it down to 5 possible locations. A local figure of royalty has offered a high bounty for it, so you tasked yourself to find it. But be wary, others are out to secure the money for themselves. the royal figure is actually the bbeg and wants to use the device to conquer nearby cities

>Amber-colored d20
It's said to possess a minor amount of dominion over the universe as a whole.
It's the die I always use to DM.

Op is meant to spoiler you chucklefuck so people cannot see what to do with the object before they choose it.

>Orange Creamsicle Scented Candle.
This shit is so cash, Hipsters can craft shit pretty well, man. Just make it so that if you light it and follow where the smell brings you you'll find the garden of eden made by some agricultural home and family god.

>Flashlight
In a world being encroached by darkness, it is the one item able to piece through it and reach the core of the invading mass.

"Thousands of years from now after what the ancients referred to as an everlasting winter, a slight few of us were able to survive and thrive. We humans were the lesser race to these ancients, so they tell us. But that's what happened, humans survived whatever the apocalypse was. Of course, many of them couldn't exactly be called 'human' anymore. The lucky ones grew pointy ears and beards, the unlucky ones ended up growing extra fingers, ashy skin, fangs, those sorts of things. We don't really like to talk about it, but subcommunities of the irradiated tended to form amongst those with similar mutations. Greyskins, knife-ears, kommandos, if it weren't for the rads we'd call it 'racial diversity.' But enough about that bullshit. Even though most of the ancient's magic has gone dormant, I've heard the same legends as you. There are these things the ancients buried, Gods know why. I was there when the first one opened up was filled with history and these machines, filled with flashing lights and sounds. You wouldn't believe it. I ain't an expert on the old one's language, but I saw a picture on one of their ancient tomes of a bottle, a bottle that made mortal men into champions: smarter, stronger, faster, probably even immortal. Soon as everyone else heard about it, they went searching for these vaults. I bet if you start digging, you'll find it. The last bottle of whatever the hell those ancients drank. You get ahold of that and there's no person in the world who won't kill you, but what does it matter? You'll be a god of war, just like in them ancient archives."

The item's just a bottle of Gatorade some bastard planted in a time capsule. Not magic, normal Gatorade.

>bottle of Febreze Fabric Effects
The world needs cleansing.

If someone drank all my Gatorade I'd be mad as fuck too.
But I really love the idea of people misinterpreting the past to the point of hilarity.

heh

>this fucking thing, given to me by aunt

Glasses kept on it for the night are granted magical power the following day, allowing the wearer to count the fibers in a tapestry at the far end of the room, and the leaves on a tree at the far end of the road, but more importantly, they will allow the reader to read a book the length of a Bible in a minute, with full comprehension. An evil wizard seeks it to speed up his nefarious magical research!

>Tablet
This isn't just any tablet. Nope. It's the most heretical tablet known to man, Eldar, Orks, Tau, Necrons, and certain demographics of Tyranids.

It contains, quite literally, every tome ever written on any subject even peripherally pertaining to the warp. Everything from how to manifest Slaanesh to how to kill Chaos Gods is on here, and it's now in the hands of a Mechanicus sect that believes all knowledge is sacred and worthy of preservation. Its so comprehensive that literally EVERY power in the universe wants to get their hands on it.

Yes, that includes the Hive Mind.

No, we don't know why.

Did I mention that these Techpriests are surprisingly generous with their knowledge? And that anyone they deem worthy of their archives are allowed access?

Because they're preparing to make copies as you read this. Lots, and lots, and LOTS of copies.

You have until they finish deciphering the tablet's contents to prevent the sum of the Universe's knowledge on Chaos from spreading across the Imperium.

Even if you manage to stop that, then there's the tiny dilemma of every major power in the Universe wanting this thing for a terrifyingly wide array of reasons. Bad as the priests are, you certainly don't want anyone else to have the tablet.

Good luck, Inquisitor....and hurry up.

>Grandfather's Rapier from WW2
Hitler is reborn with the Spear Of Destiny only he has transformed into an elder dragon. Only the sword can kill him. Done, ez.

Good work, Satan.
Good work.

>Eldar Fire Prism model
Maybe a Jumanji-type game, but with 40k? Players are Eldar, have to find and board the Prism in order to get back home? Maybe fighting Nids/Crons? Sounds pretty comfy to me. One player from each aspect, have to work together n shit to get through it. Warp Spider is killed off first because fuck Warp Spiders. Shadow Spectre player is the leader.

>Not just a cat in a wizards body, doing normal cat things but with PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER!!
One job, user. One job.

>K98 Mauser
Welcome to Stalingrad. Your nemesis awaits you somewhere within the city. Find him. Kill him.

>Kongou figma

An idol of unknown origins, formed from an odd substance somewhat like a quite hard wax, with extraordinarily intricate craftsmanship. It is believed that this idol is a powerful artifact, capable of summoning the goddess it represents -- a war goddess who walks upon the waters, destroying her foes with fire and thunder. Naturally, there are many who would like to get their hands on such a weapon.

A helmet that while offering little in the way of physical protection, protects the wearer from sudden flashes of light. Almost useless unless you happen to be visiting a place where sudden flashes of blinding light happen very often. Such as the realm of the divines, who's shining glory will burn the eyes from any mortal.

>A wooden box filled with ship-shaped game pieces

Someone made off with the naval kit from the castle's strategy room and now the nation's coastal operations are in complete disarray! Can you get the general's playthi- err, tactical aids back from whoever stole them before our enemies notice our weakness and crush us by sea?

Pic related, it was the merfolk, and our shit is about to get kicked in something fierce

Champagne flute where the stem is a pile of skulls with a dragon atop it coiled around the base of the glass
Do I really have to try?

>my computer
You must search the ruins of the old world for the PC so that you can log on and delete System 32 to destroy the Window so that the wicked Trolls can no longer escape from the Net.

>figma

The Holy image of Virgin Mary.
It writes it self.

Deus Vult, campaign to remove the muzzies.

Huh, well I have a knife on me, and already ran a campaign where the main McGuffin was a cursed knife. It ended prematurely due to work schedule conflicts, which is a shame. :(

Knife was cursed and intelligent. Anyone who touched it had to make a will save or be mentally controlled, and anyone cut by it was also controlled to a lesser degree.(at least 1 point of damage). Had to be sentient life, i.e., ineffective on undead/constructs, races with magical immunity to mind control would get bonus to will save, but not full immunity. Thieve's guild tried to steal it, party tried to recover it, and the dagger got loose and in the hands of someone with a grudge against the thieves guild. It would manipulate it's wielder by promising them something they want, in this case, revenge.

Last left off with the capital city slowly devolving into chaos from Thieve's guild shenanigans building up to something with massive thefts of magic items, scrolls, and military equipment (golems etc.), the numbers of possessed steadily growing larger, resulting in some bloodbaths between the two, and the party trying to work with the authorities to contain it all before shit hits the fan.

It was such a fun campaign, too. The players were into their roles, and I finally got a good setup going with the different NPCs going after their own goals and reacting appropriately to how the party handled things after a few failed starts at DMing. :/

Sounds like the plot to an anime. One I would like to watch, actually. If it is, give the name, please. If not, get your ass to writing that story. I'll buy it.

>Monster Manual
Any creature written within it comes into being. Anything erased is gone. It is a codex of all that lives, and what it is capable of.
Can you write yourself into godhood?

>cactus

You're in the middle of the fucking desert and dying of dehydration you must kill the cactus and drink his blood

Please don't kill the cactus it's my only friend

>Commit nicotine lozenges
An alchemist far away created these long ago to destroy the pipeweed industry in the name of healthy living. Now the nation's markets are in disrepair, and the PCs must act as spies to seize the recipe of the lozenges from the exotic nation across the ocean for the king in order to restore the economy.

A patterned silicon 8" wafer with a 100nm-thick pure gold plating.

A megacorp want to steal it, are you a bad enough dude to grab it and fence it for a better price ?

One half empty can of spam, with a plastic fork sticking out of it.

(Read in the voice of Ron Perlman)

War. War never changes.

But men do.

In the year 2077 the great war came to a head, and the world was bathed in nuclear fire.

Those who were lucky escaped to the relative safety of the enormous underground bunkers, called "Vaults."

But these Vaults were sick experiments by the United States Government and Vault-Tec to see the effects of stimuli and scenario on the human mind.

Your vault, Vault 73, was designed as an experiment into human durability. Your vault was packed with nothing but vitamin rich Cram(tm) and a faulty water extruder.

The experiment was to see the long term effects of multiple generations of bare minimum survival. But now the last cans in the vault are being rationed off.

You, Vault Dweller, must leave the vault and find a renewable source of food for your vault. Otherwise they, and you, will starve.

>The Holy Bible
Gives the most recent reader the means to communicate with this catholic god himself.

The King on a distant planet wants this old earth relic in order to save his people, and recruits a lightsaber wielding dollar store batman in purple spandex to retrieve it.
The PCs are a bunch of fedora tipping muderhobos who want to burn the book because their atheists cucks, and when things don't go their way because their a bunch of moronic chads, they knock all my fucking dice under my fridge and we call it a night.
Then we don't talk about it for a few weeks, and decide to put down exalted because it takes too much time and decide to play some fucking FATE game where we essentially play out a poor mans Macbeth-in-Space only to also get sick of that and get into miniatures.

This airconditioning unit doesn't control the temperature of your house but of the whole planet. A bbeg has gotten his hands on it and plans to use it to take over the planet. Oh you oppose me? How do you like to suddenly live in an icy wasteland? The party needs to get it back.

you are being sarcastic right?

>A baseball bat

This is a holy relic, but very few people actually know of it. Those who wield it are powerful individuals who have an important mission to cleanse the world of these monsters who haunt the world, specters.

One of the party either finds the bat and becomes its new wielder, or if none of the players want that then they find an NPC who is such wielder.

The man is easy to recognize from his monochrome coloration. When he is greeted, he responds with a direct "I’m the Batter. I’ve been assigned to a sacred mission."

Boy, am I glad that the elemental is out there and we are out here and we are the elemental and we are out here and he is out here... the only thing I want to know is WHERE IS THE ELEMENTAL?

>an USB fan

the magical fan can control the winds of the world but only if it's near the Udying Song of Blasphemy

>Deodorant

Armpit fetishist makes a cursed deodorant that makes armpits smellier when you use it, party is chasing the deodorant before it falls on an even hornier armpit fetishist

>Mouse

Tom and Jerry

I was actually serious, but then tried to look it up... God dammit, I fucking hate /a/.

>an old silver surfer kite
Ancient engraved image of a god is unearthed and defaced, causing a god-like being to come down to the world and enact vengeance. Party must undo the vandalism and ascend the image to the highest mountain to appease the shiny world wrecker.

>Chop sticks

The god emperer's young son misplaced his chop sticks in your famiry's restaraunt. You and the rest of the staff must figure out how to return them before their disappearance is traced back to your restaraunt and you are all punished for stealing them.

Well shit, it sounded like a cool animango idea to me. Why is it not?

>a bass guitar
We have to funk-off the Dark Lord, obviously.

Giant Goatse Coffee Mug. Campaign pretty much writes itself, don'tcha think?

>Tarus G2
You've got twelve shots, will you take them or just let it slip away.

>Six bottles of nuka-cola
You're so thirsty, and down to your last two bottles of nuka. You've been rationing it as best you can, but the vending machines in the area have long been looted. Any sweet, tangy elixir they may have once held, gone. You tag along in a caravan headed for San Diego down past Frisco, in the hopes that a pack of the legendary Nuka-Cola Cool-Down still exists. It's said to be the only thing that could quench this ungodly thirst. As the wagon shifts and begins the journey, you twist the top off your second to last bottle. The crack and hiss as it opens sends shivers down your spine, and a few sips are enough to keep your hands from shaking. You've got a long way to go, amigo.

>"I'm the Batter. I've been assigned to a sacred mission."
>Not "Heroes get remembered. Legends never die."

>deck of collectible cards

It used to be just a children's game. Before long, it was found that these beings actually existed long ago, but were driven away and exiled to another realm. Life was peaceful. The children continued to play with the cards. Until one day, a child with the gift of summoning had a go. The games went sour as horrifying monstrosities burst forth through a gate formed in the card, unbound from their eternal exile.

Are you a bad enough dude to collect the 108 Cards of the Other Side, and imprison the monsters rampaging around the countryside?

The Plant-Prod Ultimate flowering mix is the last remnant of what was once the component pouch of an Arch Druid. In this world of dust and dread - so great is this mixtures healing powers that a single sprinkling turns even the most barren of landscapes into a miraculous oasis. An evil cult seeks to pervert this powerful artifact and spell component for their nefarious purposes.

>Smartphone with dead battery
Dimensional transference works like dialup- you have to have an address to dial into. supposedly, the ancient master who founded the Monastery of Dimensional Egress Mastery created a device holding a record of Arithmantic patterns needed to reach hundreds of lost dimensions, but he took the knowledge of them to his grave. All that remains is a podium in his crypt with a strange piece of lightning-enchanted black cord on it, and a tablet of black glass, a few inches long and wide, passed down by his descendants.
Until it passed to you. A man ranting about the dimension of Love attacks you and you work the information out of him- and then its a race to the MODEM.
Who will win? You, or the various assassins, factions, and madmen who seek the power for themselves?

An ancient villain has been resurrected, the country needs the magical book that lists every villain the country has had, in order to find out who it is and how to defeat him.

>Giant Goatse Coffee Mug
Pics.

>my dick
Standard hentai/monstergirl campaign I guess?
yeah yeah I'm going, no need to kick me out

The wooden turtle totem of the barbarian gods wich contain the almighty rage of every barbarian. A group of mad cultists have taken the turtle totem and are summoning a demon powerful enough to break the totem wich would unleash rage and anger such that it would make the entirity of the earth enter into a berserk rage. Every creature from butterflys to dragons would go into an unstoppable rampage until nothing was left.

>I've never played OFF.