First time trying d&d

Im pretty fucking disorganized. I mostly just come up with a decent plot hook and wing it from there, none of my players ever know the difference.

Literally all i need for a campaign of content is something to start things off

My friends and I recently started playing Pathfinder for the first time. We used the starter box thing with premade characters.

>I pick cleric. Read backstory, it says she worships Sarenrae. Having no idea who Sarenrae is, I turn her into a jealous, spitful, vengeful Sun god. Decide to play a radical Muslim.
>First friend picks fighter. Goes with what I guess if a Monty Python character. Makes him identify as a female orc wizard who is very insecure about his lack of magical aptitude
>Final friend picks the elf rogue. Decides to play the straight man.
>I distrust the rogue, because it's an elf and a theif.
>We're off to the dungeon because it's a dungeon and adventurers explore dungeons
>First fight is against two goblins guarding the entrance. Figher, who has painted his arrows various colors, says he casts magic missile(purple arrow) on the first goblin. He crits and kills it.
>Rogue goes next, attempts to stab the second with her rapier. First of many comically low rolls, she fails.
>I begin to pray. Not to cast a spell or anything, it's just that time of day where I absolutely must pray.
>Goblin hits the rogue for minor damage
>Fighter finishes it off next turn
>They loot the bodies, I preform funeral rites to guide their wrecked souls to Sun Hell, which is like regular Hell, only worse. When asked about Sun Hell, Satan said, "It's a bad neighborhood."
>We pass through their dormitory next, looting as we go, and enter a room with a magical fountain.
>DM asks us if we would like to investigate. I decline, pray to Sarenrae for protection, and jump in.
>Dm tells me to roll
>Nat 20
>He sighs, tells me I got a boost to armor and save throws for rest of dungeon
>Fighter follows me in and rolls high, same effect
>Elf wants in on that, jumps in, rolls a 1, the fountain turns black.
>Fucking Elves
>Time to pray

>magical fountain
>Has chance to give bonuses or
Fucking darkest dungeon

>We next enter a room with a mysterious ruby flanked by two statues
>Fighter decides to test for traps
>Finds one, the statues start to spew fire in a cone in front of the ruby.
>DM: What do you do?
>Pray for protection, declare my undying devotion to Sarenrae, and walk through the flames
>DM tells me to roll
>Low roll, my faith was lacking
>Fighter rolls high and drags me out
>Rogue manages to disable the trap
>Fighter grabs the ruby and swallows it before anyone can argue over who gets it. Well played, heathen.
>Enter next room, webs are everywhere, body shaped lumps hanging from ceiling
>Suddenly, giant spider
>Fighter claims he knows that spider
>Asks DM to try to talk to it and convince it they know each other
>I ask to try and convert it
>DM:Oh well, if you want to waste your turns
>Both get a 20
>Spider sits in stunned silence as two monkey things wave their hands about
>Elf shoots it with arrow, gets a sneak attack bonus
>Combat, spoiler, spider dies
>We begin to loot the area, find a large amount of gold and some dragon fetish thing.
>Myself and the fighter in mourning for our lost comrade, decide to donate the money and toys to its children, all 10,000 of them.
>I say we should give the kids to the church, but no one ever listens to me unless they're dying
>We find a pillar with writing on it of some kind, DM asks us if we want to investigate.
>Fighter tries and fails
>Haha, simple-minded figther, let a real mind -what the fuck, your intelligence is higher than mine
>Told you I'm a wizard
>At least I'm smarter than the elf. Stupid elf, don't touch my stuff.
>Having failed to read the "Do Not Swim" sign, we procede to a stream with an island in the middle of it. Elf tells us she sees something shiny on it.
>Fighter is the strongest swimmer, so he goes out. Says he felt something brush by.
>Jaws theme starts to play
>Frantically swims to island in time for a large crab person to burst out of the water.

>Fighter, once again, claims to recognize this beast. Tells him not to scare him like that.
>Apparently this one is a bit smarter than the spider and can understand speech.
>Manages to convince the crab person that they were best friends back in the day, crab shakes head that it remembers.
>We begin to play catch with the skulls of its victims. He's not to good because he only has killer claws instead of hands, but there's a lot of skulls.
>I manage to convert him, bless you, crab person.
>We say we need to get back to exploring the dungeon, and Harold, the fighter named him, waves goodbye as he returns to his people to tell them about the miracle of Sarenrae.
>The next room we find a gaggle of goblins arguing in front of a bigger goblin sitting on a throne.
>Elf decides to sneak off into the shadows to flank them.
>Fighter and I step out and talk to them.
>The surprisingly charismatic fighter manages to get into a conversation with the goblin king. His sister went missing near the spider's den, and his warriors are too chicken to investigate.
>Oh yeah, we killed that spider.
>Goblin king thanks us, asks us about his sister. Said she liked to carry around a dragon toy.
>Nervous laughter
>We dindu nuffin
>King sends one of us his dudes to search the area
>King starts to offer us work for being such brave heroes
>I tell him about Sarenrae
>He calls Sarenrae a false god
>Oh boy, here we go.
>I try to throw a dagger at him, but the fighter manages to stop me.
>The king didn't like that, and the other goblin returns saying he found the corpse, but no toy.
>Fighter cuts the messenger's head off
>I talk to the two goblin's guarding the king, telling them that Sarenrae is very angry at them for their king's words. I start to give a fire and brimstone sermon which starts to work before the king cuts me off.
>With no options, I draw my sword and attack the first goblin.
>It's a crit. Things get weird.

>DM apparently liked my description of Sun Hell as a lake of nuclear fire that he decides to include that in my character.
>The goblin I stabbed bursts into flames and turns to ash.
>Other goblin is now visibly terrified of Sarenrae and nuclear hell. It asks for forgiveness, I tell it that the only path to forgiveness now is if it commits suicide.
>It complies, and commits sudoku on the battlefield.
>King is now pissed off at me.
>Elf finally makes it to the fight and attemps to sneak attack the king.
>Rolls a 1, stabs the throne he's sitting on and gets a splinter
>I'm hit. Hard.
>Meanwhile, another goblin shows up to challenge the fighter to a shouting match.
>The fighter complies. This leads to them playing a game of rochambeau of the dick kicking variety until the fighter finally cows the goblin. In his mercy, he skewers the goblin as a sword ornament.
>It was as I lay dying that I discovered I had spells that allowed me to heal. I'm not sure if I was allowed to in my state, but we just decided to let things roll for now. It was an AoE heal, so we all benefited.
>Rogue once again manages to stab the throne. Good effort.
>Fighter joins up and begins to bludgeon the goblin king with his sword turned goblin club.
>We split the loot, and I remove the head of the goblin king with my scimatar.
>Behead those who insult Sarenrae.
>Our next task is to climb a wall to the next room.
>We fail miserably.
>The fighter manages to get a ways up and drops a rope for us.
>I climb up to him, then he cuts the rope on the elf. For the spider, he says.
>I climb up to the top of the ledge and drop a rope
>The elf continues to roll low to the point that it seems to be burrowing
>The fighter starts to climb up when I sotp him, and threaten to cut the rope if he doesn't profess devotion to Sarenrae. We're enough up now that a fall would kill him.
>He consents and DM fiat gets the elf up.
>We reach a spooky crypt with skeletons

And that's how far we are.

Sounds like you're having fun. Be sure to learn what your character can do before the next game. A spooky crypt with skeletons is the best place for a cleric to shine.

do you have a mental defect? why on earth do you think anyone's going to read all of this?

>nat20

stfu and leave this board.

>playing murder mystery investigation campaing
>after we finish it GM starts gloating about how he doesen't prepare any notes whatosever
How is that fair? It's not a mystery when the only solution is fat retard on the other side of the table deciding that our investigative efforts are good enough to let us progress.

>so randum XD

told this one a lot already but i've still never heard of someone having a worse dm.

>big brother is dm
>not very bright and prone to chimp outs
>spend my whole life never questioning any shit he says because just disagreeing with him could get you blind sided with a hook to the temple
>first time playing dnd
>pick half orc fighter
>his wife is playing as shifter hunter, wifes friend is playing as human dragon knight and brothers best friend is playing as a jedi
a fucking jedi
>brothers friend hates fantasy and only turns up half of the time but hates to wait to join when he does so my brother writes him back in in rushed ways
>dragon knight has baby dragon at level 1, it shares her initiative and can attack using dragon points (dragon points = twice her level)
>2 dragon points to do 4d6 dragon breath
>level 3 gets her 1 dragon point to add 2d6 fire damage to pike,she can also throw it and call it back to he as it's sentient
>jedi at level 2 gets a light saber that counts as a rapier and does 2d6 extra damage, at level 3 gets jedi mind trick which isn't a cantrip, or a spell, it's just a constant plus 20 to perssuasion I'm not lying he is this stupid. It honestly blew my mind
>meanwhile I'm trying to get the message though that these things aren't balanced.
>at level 3 shifter becomes OP too by getting a dire wolf for her pet
>my brother confronts me and tells me I have to ask for something if I want it and that these people asked for these things so he gave them to them.
>don't want to be retarded and get something that only furthers the lack of fun but I also can't stand to be mocked just for playing the game properly
>ask for a goblin squire and a warhorse
"no you can only have the squire or the horse"

I quit the next game when I tried to buy a horse in the supossed capital city and he said "there's no stables here" they all quit the game after I left.

What is NetHack?

have 1 dm that always does investigation stories.
every time it's off the wall shit that we could never in 1000years guess and the only way to figure it out is to walk around for long enough until you bump into it.

1 time he honestly made it so NO ONE in town knew what was going on and it took us 3 hours to walk around and find a fucking dragon in a barn.

least fun I've had in dnd.

I will. It's something that didn't really come up until then. There had only been a small number of enemies up to that point, and I tried to remain a pacifist.

I mostly just did what I thought my character would do and things just panned out that way. Some of it might come off as stupid decisions, but this is a world where gods are very real.

The fighter was a little cringy, but his player is a good guy, and it provided some humor when it didn't miss.

As far as a first game goes, I like that we're trying to keep things lighthearted and stupid. It makes things easier to slide into. We can do more serious stuff as we gain experience.

I wouldn't say it's a bad DM moment, but he made the mistake of letting us play a joke campaign. I became a monk with Tavern Brawler in a jester outfit who wielded a spoon. Within two games it was just chaos where half the time we were screaming obscenities at each other and trying to see what the worst thing we can do is. So far it's ripping the face off of a very sexy goblin in the middle of a crowded street as a parade with the city's king in it passing by before seducing said king with it.

>cyberpunk GURPS

I'm so sorry for your loss friend...

>Some of it might come off as stupid decisions, but this is a world where gods are very real.
Gods being real simply means that.
It doesn't mean that flagrant idiocy is okay, or that you are immune from being called out on being a lolrandumb player.

My first time DMing was basically 100% improv because I didn't know you were supposed to write out a story and world beforehand. Luckily, I was good enough at improv to keep the game going... For like three session, then it was abandoned.

Overall, I'm surprised that my awful DMing wasn't as bad as the stories I've read so far.

I enjoyed that, user, thanks for the chuckle.

At least its not some dumb "I nat 20 intimidate the wall" type of shit. Sounds like a fun game.