THAT GUY thread

It's time for another THAT GUY/THAT GIRL/THAT GM thread!

One of my players successfully tricked me and has, for several months now, been playing as Texas Senator Ted Cruz. I only caught on recently and am still debating on how to punish him before he ruins Faerun with continent-wide Constitutional Sword Carry.

Sounds like a good player to me, maybe lighten the fuck up

Listen, I've had a hard year, the last thing I want is more of those "people" memeing at me. Why don't you just go away for a while mkay?

If you didn't want to talk to me you shouldn't have made this thread

>didn't want to be bothered by memers
>come to Veeky Forums

Why would he be that guy. He's done nothing wrong from what you've provided. Rather you are that gm by punishing a player for no reason other than your political views.

In case you aren't baiting, I recommend investing in some play-doh or maybe a therapy dog.

>playing the Zodiac Killer so well you're convinced he's a Texas senator

A+ roleplaying, gold star

>continent wide sword carry
Why would that be a bad thing? Faerun is a dangerous place, it would be sensible to carry a weapon.

>Constitutional sword carry
>constitutional
Umm... user... if you can't find a way to stop this in a fantasy game,
Is Faerun A Monarchy?

Did you's think I'd forgotten, Dahnald? For 1,000 years I've waited, watched in dejection and you made your pitiful country great again. I really hope you enjoyed yourself, I do. Because in the time that you've been president I've amassed a great and terrible army of skeleton delegates. Skelegates if you will, Dahnald. Without you to ward off the forces of chaos I can finally escape from my prison.You just made your first mistake, Dahnald, now I can return to that fateful night in 2016, and claim what is rightfully mine.
Together with my army of skelegates I will finally have the majority needed to become the republican nominee and fight for a principled conservative campaign for President. Nothing will stand in our way. Goodbye, Dahnald, your New York ways will taint the party no longer. This is the Priesthood rising. With my new powers I will plunge this country into 10,000 of darkness and the skelegates, they will be at my side every step of the way. Thank you, Dahnald, thank you.

Assuming this isn't a thinly veiled political thread, it sounds like you owe us the story of how this occured

Did he turn out to be the Zodiac Killer of your setting?

Donald... The delegates Donald... please give them to me...

Have his character get arrested by the city guard for being a serial killer. Mistaken identity? Perhaps. Either way it can be a good way to let him know you know and might develop into a fun plot hook.

Dahnald, this convention ain't big enough for two nominees. You'll hand over your delegates at high noon, leave this town and never come back.

Wait, how? Like, how does one play Cruz? I mean, I get you could mimic the mannerisms, but like, what makes the player distinctly Cruz?

A principled conservative position, an unsatisfiable hunger for delegates, a habit to commit murders and send taunting ciphers to the city watch.

Also a descendent of the man who killed the former beloved president/king (JFK)

Chicago is a dangerous place, libruls won't let you carry a katana there.

>Faerun
>One country

Lurk more faggot.

He had a redemption arc, though, remember?

Nobody likes Ted Cruz. Nobody has ever liked Ted Cruz. Nobody will ever like Ted Cruz. I'm almost positive Heidi is not married to him voluntarily. As soon as her contract runs out, he will die alone in Howard Hughes-esque squalor in a spacious but lonely apartment, surrounded by pocket Constitutions and Simpsons DVDs.

Poor teddy, he could have been a contender.

Why punish him? If its a good inpression than who cares? I personally dont like Ted Cruz but comeon, thats creative

Underrated

Damn, dude, that is a vicious and yet poetic destruction of another human being.

Also the support of the clergy.

Idk what my favorite crazy factoid has been this year. Its a toss up between hearing about Ted Cruz's honeymoon cabinet full of soup or Pence calling his wife 'mother'

Wait, seriously? I thought there were a shitload of murders and strict gun control, I always figured it was like the UK where we have a lot of stabbings and people beating each other with bats and shit. How?

>Pence calling his wife 'mother'

Is he, I dare to say, /our guy/?

Watch the video clips he made so his SuperPAC could produce ads. It's pretty clear his family is just begrudgingly putting up with him.

Slow and steady wins the race, kids!

I should write a note to myself to post a thread on /pol in like, 8 years that either he, bernie, or hillary still have a chance

Bernie may be dead, but he can still win this!

calm down sanders

I'll need to write a paragraphs long post about how he can still win too. This might be fun

you're really wasting your time lad

Do it you won't

160 million dollars. That's what it cost his supporters to see him to lose the primaries to Donald Trump.

I'd vote for Lich King Cruz

Chicago is number one for illegal gun deaths in the US. It's been proven that laxer gun laws means less gun violence.

Triggered tumblrina detected.

Go back to your safespace lad.

One word
Niggers

>He actually thinks gun control makes people unable to find a way to obtain their guns
Protip: If you tell people that they can't do something they will try to do it twice as hard just out of spite.

That's Lion King.

These, t b h

*I* like Ted Cruz. He took Alan Dershowitz's class at Harvard law and Dershowitz said that he liked him (and also that he's the smartest student he ever had). Mike Lee has repeatedly said that Cruz is his best friend in the Senate. Rand Paul disagrees with Cruz on lots of stuff, but says he likes Ted.

The "cruz is unlikeable" meme came from the fact that he was willing to take on his party establishment. It was convenient for Trump to haul out in the primary, but that doesn't make it true.

He's a smart guy, not a neckbeard but pretty autistic about the stuff he's into.

Don't be That GM. You're being a dick over politics. You won't win anyone over this way, and people like you are how Trump got elected in the first place. Chill the fuck out. You're clearly not grown up enough to be able to handle RL political references in your games, even oblique ones. Have you considered candy land or Eclipse Phase?

>massed bishops of delegate that summon a thousand skelegates per turn
>has cast burden of time

Can Dahnald still claim all the thrones before dying of old age?

>Ted Cruz in faerun

I don't know what you're talking about op, that's fucking hilarious

Seriously, this. I don't see the problem, especially if he did it so subtly that OP didn't even notice it til just now.

So are you not going to tell us how he did that, or are you just shitposting?

It's incredibly easy to move guns across state lines.

Not to mention that there are certain areas of Chicago that are so infested that no white man is crazy enough to go there

t. Ted Cruz.

No one man could be this buttblasted, this must be some kind of spirit host composed of angry berniebros

>unsatisfiable hunger for delegates
I feel like this should have been a tipoff

It is simply a fact.

>that comic
What's so evil about turning the lights off? You can like, turn them back on.

That's so absurdly old-world European and it adds to his characteristic cheerful comfiness. I cannot believe he's actually a man that believes in electroshock therapy for gays.

And every fucking one of them deserved it. It felt good to see those corrupt scumbags watch their influence wither and burn up.

He's more unlikable because he looks like a vampire polymorphed halfway into a rat.

Also as a Texan his attempts to be Texan are hilariously disingenuous. The only reason this guy is a Senator is because everyone here votes straight Republican and Cruz sucked enough dicks to get his name on the ballot.

What Baldur's Gate needs is principled conservative leadership. Not many conservatives come out of Myth Drannor, you know.

I like him.

How would Ted have dealt with Irenicus?
Would he have sent out compromising pictures of Ellesime in her youth?

>When I married Ted, we got back from our honeymoon, and he went off to the store and came home by himself. And I was completely shocked to see that he arrived back at our apartment with literally 100 cans of Campbell’s Chunky soup. I never bought 100 of anything.

>This was shocking to me, so we had a tough conversation about it. I said, “You don’t buy 100 of anything, much less canned soup. We can’t do this. I’ll be making things.” He said, “No, I know you. you won’t be making things.”

>So the next morning, it was a weekend morning, I loaded up our car before he woke up and returned every single can. And when I got home, I called my mother just to make sure I’d done the right thing as a newlywed. And she emphatically disagreed with me, because neither I nor Ted knew how to cook. And so when Ted opened the pantry, I had to quickly tell him that I would go back and buy those cans again. Ted only ate soup.

-Heidi Cruz, Ted's wife

...

Also consider that banning things creates a black market which encourages existing gangs to begin peddling guns alongside crack. It just gives them more opportunities to make money under the table.

I like Ted Cruz, he was my guy in the primaries. A patriot and an honorable man.

>souperman

>>I said, “You don’t buy 100 of anything, much less canned soup. We can’t do this. I’ll be making things.” He said, “No, I know you. you won’t be making things.”
>So the next morning, it was a weekend morning, I loaded up our car before he woke up and returned every single can. And when I got home, I called my mother just to make sure I’d done the right thing as a newlywed. And she emphatically disagreed with me, because neither I nor Ted knew how to cook
Holy FUCK women are dumb.

That's because the meme about him shocking the gay away was a liberal smear that /pol/ thought was hilarious so they memed it harder

>since the 1960s it hasn't been considered mandatory for a woman in her 20s to at least know how to fry an egg

It's funny hearing about all the 30 year olds whining about how they've only eaten ramen since highschool because cooking is hard

Meant to reply to I don't know how I keep fucking the reply up

In the original comic, the lights go off for all of America.

So the spin is that Cruz saves America from the evil Obama who's trying to shut down America as he leaves office.

t. reformed blackguard of kek.

>Hard Year
>Literally a single month has passed.
k

Where are you hearing this? Cooking at an ok level is easy as fuck.

I'm aware it's easy, hence why it's stupid that there are people as old as 30 who rely on takeout to survive.

His life is only going to get harder from here if a month is that unbearable for him

having cooked since i was 6, i still haven't managed to fry a sunny side up or fried egg without breaking the yolk. granted i really only like my eggs scrambled and i only fry eggs for other people so i never really had the need to git gud at frying eggs

Good news! A ton of players showed up for your new campaign! Too many, in fact, so you're splitting up your game. You'll run a campaign for half the people, and your friend will run a campaign for the rest. Your friend is letting you pick who you want in your game, but doesn't want leave him with all the dregs, so he puts a stipulation on your choices. You don't get to freely pick any five people, but rather one person from each column. Who do you pick, and what are your chances of keeping your friendship alive after your friend fully realizes how badly you've screwed him?

Have fun with the 1st column. Either way your game is screwed.

Trump, Jeb, Rand, Krispie Kream, and Sleepy Doc would be hilarous in a planescape or spelljammer campaign.

It really is. To the point where I get a little weirded out when people my age say they can't cook. I cook every day when I have time. It's therapeutic, honestly. Made a meatloaf today for fun and/or for not having to worry about lunches at college for a few days. It was a good time

wut
Just crack the egg and gently let it slip out of the shell into the frying pan, that's it, if you haven't fucked it up so far you don't need to do anything more until it's ready. I manage to fuck up while cracking the egg but that's just because I'm clumsy, it has nothing to do with cooking skill (not that I have or need any.)

You should listen to him, those fucking hippie elves can go on about how Mithril is a human right all they want, but redistributing it won't do anything except ensure that the next time a Dark Lord invades there won't be enough of it to arm the free peoples.

funny enough, i have a player who wont stop making characters based on past presidents.

It was almost okay the first time, but this is the fourth time he's made one and their only personality is LOLREFERENCExD

I wish he'd stop coming, or just die, or something.

Chicago is like the wild west except only the outlaws have guns, but oh boy do they have a fuckton of guns.

You know a year can mean up to twelve months.

>There are people ITT RIGHT NOW that don't know how to cook eggs.
I'm glad this thread has been derailed.

For my part, I think I take Cruz over Trump. Cruz is soulless and ruthless and would probably fuck over the other players and sink the group in the process, but it would take time. With Trump it'd be damn near impossible to keep anything on track, and he'd interrupt the GM and argue with him all the time.

I guess I'd take Jeb over Rubio, but both are honestly among the better choices here. I'll take Paul over Walker just on the basis of likability (or lack thereof). Plus, it'd be fun to see Paul get fired up about shit. I'm not sure I'd want to deal with Christie's bluster, so I'd take Huckabee. While I disagree vehemently with Huckabee's political positions, he seems like a personable enough guy, so he'd probably be okay to game with (assuming he wasn't opposed to role-playing due to it being anti-Christian or something, but that's not really consistent with the scenario). And I'd take Kasich over Carson, because I prefer my players not to be semi-comatose and not to induce catatonia in others. Plus, Kasich is arguable the most reasonable of the lot, and that's gotta count for something.

That means my friend gets stuck with Trump, Rubio, Walker, Christie and Carson. His campaign will grind to a halt as Trump uses every one of his turns to insult the other players, until finally the infighting destroys his game altogether.