>>51626595

Design #2314776810
>It's a postage stamp that connects to the Internet! It makes you invisible.

I will become the invisible haxxor and save the world.

>It's a handheld pager that uses human blood for fuel, makes reassuring noises and makes reassuring noises.

...i'm still not very reassured about that first part.

do you want it to make more reassuring noises

i do, but i'm kinda running out of blood here.

>Design #4243422545

>It's a key-ring that's slightly hallucinogenic!

It's too much to hope that this apocalypse is all in my head, right?

>Design #1213747249

>It's a piece of string that connects to a chainsaw and is powered by clockwork.
So I have a chainsaw and a clockwork piece of string? Or a clockwork chainsaw and some normal string.

I fare average I guess?

>Design #4023653190

>It's a hair gel that automatically updates your weblog when used! It can be taken on holiday.

At least I'll die fashionably? #ZombieChow

>It's a soft-drink can! It freezes anything it touches!
That might make a decent weapon, if I can figure out a way to hold it.

>It's a breakfast cereal that can be used as a metal detector and cures all known illnesses.

That's actually pretty useful for as long as it lasts. Might do okay for a while, use it to find stuff and cure a few others, band together for mutual aid.

>It's a sofa! It exists in five dimensions!

I guess I hop on my Sofa and go to another dimension where there isn't an apocalypse happening.

>Design #3501648572
>It's a key-ring that contains the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica and helps around the home.

Actually pretty useful, potentially.

Design #407740642

It's an alcoholic drink that lasts forever! It never needs repairing and picks up Radio Four.

>Design #3753758082
>It's a handgun! It gets +2 to kill undead
It is a zombie apocalypse, right user? Right?

>Design #376639555
>It's a pair of underpants! It doubles as a strain of bacteria!
Wat?

>It's a button-badge that doesn't need batteries! It is ten feet tall and destroys household pests.
I...what?

Design #3486106153

It's a letterbox that detects background radiation! It is invisible to the naked eye and has a built-in motion sensor.

And yet, I bet it still fills up with junk mail.

>Design #249458584

>It's a car that can be taken apart and reassembled in thirty seconds!

This actually seems useful

>It's a mousemat that has no moving parts! It cuts through stone as if it were butter.
Pretty well, I'd say

>It's a chocolate bar! It is perfectly safe to use!

Welp

>It's a strain of bacteria that's made from recycled cardboard! It is ten feet tall and removes stubborn stains.

>is ten feet tall

no pls.

>Design #4238839026
>It's a feather duster that never needs repairing!
Well, fuck me.

>Design #512436845
>It's a jetpack that chirps and whistles and keeps your teeth clean.

Rapid flying transportation and good dental hygiene? I think I could work with this.

>Design #4030696168

>It's an alcoholic drink that loves you as a person and automatically avoids obstacles

So just a normal bottle of vodka? Fuck it I'll be fine.

>Design #2910921715

>It's a fax machine that makes reassuring noises, can pick locks and knows what you want before you do.

bro thief with a dark secret

Design #1150289773

It's a baseball cap that sends and receives text messages!

I can coordinate with a group?

>Design #1166610781

>It's like a normal bathtub, but it can be programmed to perform simple tasks.

Like what, keep the water at a certain temperature?

>It's a skateboard that moulds to fit its user!

Well, I'm disappointed. I mean, it's cool and all, but I was hoping for something unusually useful. Oh well, at least I have wheels.

>It's a stapler that produces hot tea or coffee! It scans its user's fingerprints and runs on compressed air.

Air compresser, hyper cafeinated survivor. I can sell this shit for protection.

>Design #3067850929
>It's a robot that folds away when not in use and doesn't need batteries.

Genuinely useful, though naturally it depends on the robit's capabilities.

>It's like a normal deck of cards, but it can be used by several people at once
...so, it's a normal deck of cards.
Amazing.

Alternatively
>You're playing your most recent RPG
>All vendors now only stock items from this generator
>What do

>>It's a telephone that catches fire very easily and catches flies.
Samsung Galaxy Note 8?

>It's a pair of pants that purifies water, that is run by a single hamster, it also folds out into a tent.

Sitting pretty, literally. Hopefully I can find replacement hamsters.

>It's a housebrick that plays the American national anthem! It flies like a rocket and kills fleas.

It's absolutely perfect.

>It's like a normal stereo system, but it has a million household uses.
You know, I think I could do alright.

>It's a rickshaw that shoots laser beams and emits a powerful searchlight beam.

Pewpew bitches

>It's a samurai sword that mows your lawn, obeys simple instructions and plays light music.
Sound great, we shonen now.

>It's a bedside table that stays exactly where you leave it! It won't make a hole in your wallet and hovers.

I guess i could make some sort of hover car.

>It's a golf club that follows a target of your choice, costs less than a penny a day to run and cures all known illnesses.
So I can find anyone and cure illnesses. Sounds like I'll be founding a cult.

>A sheet of paper that fits in your pocket
Good. Now I can use my own blood to write my farewell letter.

>Design #1656243760
>It's a razor that folds away when not in use!
There is potential here...

>It's like a normal hat, but it keeps food fresh for up to eight weeks.

You know, thats kind of handy. It will look abit wierd, but being able to preserve food never hurts, even if its not all that much.

That's actually super handy. Without electricity food preservation will be hard. The problem is that someone will probably try to kill you for the hat.

Indeed, but thats true for anything thats usefull.

Wild animals might also be an issue, if im walking around with a hat filled with steak on my head.

>Design #64658709
>It's an armchair! It doesn't need batteries!
Futuristic item my ass.

>thesurrealist.co.uk/priorart.cgi
>It's a marker pen that's transparent and kills cockroaches.

I hope cockroaches is an umbrella term that covers Radroaches

>It's a towel! It tells you when people are lying!

With this I will raise an army to rule the apocalyptic wastes

>It's a jetpack that increases your sex appeal! It can play the trumpet and can heat a small house.

I RULE THE WASTELANDS WITH MY BARBARIAN HAREM

>Design #1339894870
>It's a sock that speaks randomly-generated sentences! It shoots laser beams.
I mean, I have a weapon.

>Design #3162105322

>It's a chainsaw that gets +2 to kill undead and can extinguish fires.

Useful.
Imagine walking the wastelands with a sock puppet that doesn't shut up, but you can't afford to lose because it spits lasers.

>Design #2181918679
>It's a walking stick! It collects litter!
Maybe I can clean the floor a little bit before I lie down and die.

>Design #65616459
>It's a newspaper! It self-replicates!

I think I just caused the apocalypse.

...

It's a towel that increases your sex appeal, is transparent and has adverts on the side.

Literally advertising my sex appeal. I'm gonna get raped

Design #3291833223

It's an answering machine that responds to temperature changes! It connects to the web and tells you when people are lying.

So...an answering machine that reacts to temperature changes. Could be a thermal camera for defense. Could be a thermometer. Maybe it just beeps when the temperature changes at all. Could be good or useless.
And depending on how the latter part is intended...if I need to connect to the web to use the lie-detector, it's useless. If it's a lie detector AND it can connect to the web, incredibly useful.
Not bad. I mean, it isn't a weapon, but not bad.

>It's a samurai sword that uses human blood for fuel! It is oak-panelled and folds away when not in use.
Does it need to be fueled by human blood specifically?

>Design #1200852086

>It's a razor that irons your shirts!

Heat and sharpness offset by small size.

...

>It's a football! It communicates via Instant Messenger!

*Communication ranges vary, based on throwing capabilities

It's a coffee cup that stretches to twice its original size! It automatically updates your weblog when used.

Second part is pretty useless, first might be mildly useful if we can make it work for other things.

>Design #1728883493

>It's a marker pen that runs on compressed air! It displays pornography.

Porn will distract people from trying to kill me, right?

>It's a candle that keeps food warm and doubles as a suppository.

I think, I've hit jackpot.

>It's like a normal artificial limb, but it keeps your breath fresh for up to twenty-four hours.

So, an artificial arm?

If it's doing that, maybe actually selling yourself for protection and shelter would be best?

>It's a suppository that will make your handgun obsolete! It explodes when dropped!

I'm not sure.

Sure, if you like warm food, anal plugs, and hot candle wax

Butt grenade

>It's a genetically-modified sheep that's not suitable for children and flies like a rocket.

I kill enemies with my rocket sheep.

>It's a speaker system! It runs on a single AA battery!

Has technology gone too far?

Design #2516038291

It's like a normal car, but it can move faster than the speed of light.

Hahaha

Hahahahahaha
HAHAHAHAHA

Design #3208703205

It's a towel that requires a sample of DNA, has a built-in motion sensor and gets +2 to kill undead.

Motion>DNA>Maybe some zombie killing? Or a nap...

Design #396321369

It's a web page! It displays a slideshow of pictures!

What truly advanced era.

>Design #2835105224
>It's a housebrick that flies like a rocket! It can be used to scrape ice off of windscreens and obeys simple instructions.

I can work with that, I guess.

>Design #3345897684
>It's a bracelet that helps around the home, can pick locks and doesn't distract you from your work.

Travel sized party member with security expertise! Nice!

>It's a shower head! It stays exactly where you leave it!

No longer will I have to hunt down my bathroom fixtures across the wild plains before each shower.

Ah, but it also functions as an immovable rod, doesn't it? It stays exactly where you leave it, after all.

Design #1188087407

It's a rocket launcher that's guaranteed to save you a hundred pounds a month!

So i get rockets and a Barter Buff, im in.

penis

penis is a razor that moulds to fit its user, floats in water and will not work outside of the UK.

>It's a diamond ring that can go from 0 to 60mph in three seconds and contains the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica.

So it's a warp punch and a handy guide all in one. Better than some of these at least

>Design #2545608525

>It's like a normal pager, but it kills weeds down to the root.

If it's triffids then I'm set.

cunt

cunt is a credit card that irons your shirts! It does away with household drudgery and can heat a small house.

wife

wife is a shopping bag that checks your spelling, is laced with vodka and glows with an eerie green light.

>Design #3367976023
>It's an oven that weighs less than a packet of cigarettes! It tracks infra-red and can bring down an elephant.

Survival gear, portable, sensing and offense. I think I may be set, brothers.

>Design #1546688881

>It's a tricycle that sticks to the skin! It folds out into a tent and is transparent. It is fuelled by human blood.
I'm afraid.

It's a chainsaw that uses human blood for fuel! It detects explosives and is fully recycleable.

INFINITE POWER

>It's a suitcase that has no moving parts! It can be used in zero-gravity and costs less than a penny a day to run.

I... I guess if I can somehow make it to space with a stasis field I can wait out the apocalypse...?

It's like a normal featureless cube, but it emits heat.
So I got an eternal warm pack....

>Its a house brick that shoots lasers and operates on a quantum level
I am a new God...

>It's a pillow that speaks randomly-generated sentences and kills weeds down to the root.
I-is it a dakimakura at least?

Depending on how hot it gets, it could be used to heat or even cook food with the worry of smoke or flame.

>It's a speaker system! It squeaks!
Maybe i'll be able to make someone deaf